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[Q] Eirol Ivory -- Page of Saturn

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SwordOfTheDarkOnes

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 23, 2015 8:35 pm


Name: Eirol Ivory

Nickname: Eiri, Ivy or Puppet

Age: 19

Birthday: November 22

Sign: Scorpio

Gemstone: Topaz

Blood Type: B-

Fav. Food: Sweet things, such as Strawberry Torte or Cheesecake yes all the cheesecake

Hated Food: Spicy things, like...any dish with Peppers. It doesn't matter what type. If its a dish with a Pepper then its spicy and that's a no-no.

School: Destiny City University (Ages 18-22 only)

Hobbies:
Practicing~ Eirol is from a Circus family. While studying at school one can find him balancing on a half wall as he reads over last nights homework chapter. Or hanging from a tree as he talks with a friend...he's always doing something to exercise his acrobatics and keeping his center of balance on track. He will also be found putting on puppet shows for kids in the local Day Cares.

Sewing~ Something his mother and sisters instilled in him. Don't question it as he makes all his own clothes and sometimes makes something for family or for a friend. He can make almost anything...the things which give him the most trouble are long dresses and ren faire patterns. He dislikes working with leathers, silks or even anything with netting...too much hassle for something which can be done in other means.

Doll/Puppet Making~ Totally his "Father's" passion that he took up to be closer to the male. This being said, most of his doll's are wood and cloth as are his puppets. He is learning how to make other mediums to form this craft. Using the focus precision sewing allows him to create miniatures of his friends.

Virtues:
Loyal "Your my friend...why wouldn't I have your back?"~ If you've gained his trust, you've gained a ally for life. He rarely ever lets one who he considers a friend go without aid usually pushing them to do things for themselves if he sees they need it. He will always watch his allies backs if a dangerous situation has sprung up. He doesn't always let those who trespass against his friends off easy, but if he does you can bet its cause he knows his friends don't like it. He makes most choices based on how loyal he is to a person. Also those he's loyal to are the only ones he would ever take to a dress rehearsal. There is a slight chance that he would be willing to start to teach them small tricks to perhaps one day take part of the show.

Excitable "Wait, we're going out tonight?!!!!" ~ Most people end up thinking him rather silly and childish with his nature, how excited he is about the little things. If you have something that catches his eye, fashion wise, chances are you'll be questioned about where you got it, if it comes in his size and various colors. This helps with babysitting because he can keep up with how energetic they are.

Thoughtful "That's not how it is..." ~ Another thing most don't expect due to his stern trait. He actually pays attention to events around him. Mentally taking notes before stowing them away for future ref. These notes allow him to reflect and correct mistakes he may have had made before. It also, when it shows up is the reason he voices his thoughts out-loud in the first place. In most situations regarding friends, this will be displayed in actions rather than words. He'll do something or due to his Excitable trait see something he knows they'll like. Normally winding up getting said thing out of the simple thought that his friend would like it. This also means that he usually winds up with an empty wallet.

Accepting "I don't have friends...I have family!" ~ This is something he learned from his years in the Circus, growing around all sorts of beings. Learning from them and watching some come...some go. He has many pictures with the Old Crowd that are now retired and most are gone from the Circus Tents. His first steps. His first bath [which were with tiger cubs mind you]. His first date was with the Snake Talker [male]. Due to the varied lifestyle Eirol thinks of his friends as his family, the closer you are the more he'll seek you out. Usually he'll end up calling friends, even new ones, "Brother" or "Sister". This has a slight draw back as there is a shot at him forgiving a "family member" who's crossed him in some way....maybe.

Flaws:
Strict "You know the rules, follow them."~ Oh boy...yeah. If he knows the rules or thinks he does, he'll enforce them in his own way. He tolerate people acting out or being too...over the top. Never one to let a rule be broken without proper consent or good reason, its ill advised to test this trait of his. He doesn't usually enforce rules by hands on methods, but verbally he can be pretty scary. He is also really detailed when he does get going. So, its something to note that he can get pretty wordy. If he knows your not being mature about an issue...he'll let you know. He isn't one for nonsense or tom-foolery in certain settings. Such as the classroom or the debriefing before a show. He is steadfast in his thoughts and forceful in declaring them at some points. He easily will level a blank look or stare at someone if they're acting younger than they are. At the same time, he will level this same look/stare at someone being a bully. This trait is not a discriminate one nor will it ever be.

Submissive "Mother said..." ~ Eirol is a wuss against females of any age or background. This is entirely due to being raised by a single mother with many sisters. Though the Circus as a whole is considered his family, his Mother was his pillar. He was the only son born into her broad of twelve, most of her daughters were sets of multiples born during slow periods. None of the children have the same father, most were men that were patrons of the Circus who caught their mother's eye. Some were former members of the Circus who left due to drama. Eirol's Father was the latter. Something the young male was reminded up and ended up convincing him for a time as child he shouldn't of been born. This resulted him being submissive to his Mother or sisters still with the Circus. In everyday life outside of the Circus this transitions into him being more meek around girls. He won't go weak kneed for them...just. Respectful if they speak up. Once a girl starts talking, he falls silent till he's sure she's done.

Morbid "Accidents happen...spider lily's bloom when they do."~ …something you need to always keep in mind is that Eirol has a much darker self hidden deep within. This side RARELY comes out only doing so if he's had a rough day with his Mother or failed a simple task that he's aced every other day. He starts to voice darker thoughts, usually this is your warning that he's slipping into this other side. While this trait is on display he gets...mono-toned. All energy seemingly leaves him and he seems lifeless. If you attempt to talk to him he'll attack you verbally. Usually in a soft voice pointing out your flaws or something you fear being applied to a common situation. His view on Death is something which really spikes in his causal conversations as he's seen a bit of it. He likens the view of blood to that of spider lily's...a flower one of his most beloved "Brothers" grew in his small raised garden. Before his death after a fall. Every year on that day, Eirol buys a bouquet of spider lily's normally giving them away till one is left. That single lily is placed in a box where the memorial he made to this "Brother" is kept.

Temperamental "What was that?!?" ~ Oh for the love of creation...NEVER COMMENT ON HIS HEIGHT!!!!!!!! Like no joke, yes he's short (4ft 11in to be exact) and yes its cute. But he is MALE!!!! He is not a bunny, or teddy bear or koi fish. If you call him any of these things...your about to bleed. You can call him cute, adorable or even sweet...just don't call him 'little', 'tiny' , 'short' or 'small'. Please. This is his biggest flaw if only due to how it affects his entire mood. Once triggered it usually takes several hours of classical music to calm him fully. This also can be triggered by insults to his Circus family or to his Outside family. Any further comments to his hair, or clothing will be overlooked as he's not too sensitive unless you follow the hair comment with a girl comment. Then its a sore topic.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Bright Sea Green and large...like sorta chibi.

Hair: Reaches his knees ending in ringlets, but starting out as waves. Long bangs frame his face. Hair is a rich ebony fading out into teal. Mostly held up in thick pigtails.

Face: Rounded baby face, he looks like a chibi but isn't.

Clothes: He will literally wear ANYTHING. But his most notable outfit happens to be wearing his hair in pigtails. Since its so thick you can't tell that it is up. Usually wearing a cropped long sleeved white shirt with a blue mesh tank underneath. He wears dark green trip pants with blue converse. Blue ribbons can be in his hair to show the pigtails if artist prefers. Loose double ringed choker loops around his neck. Leather buckle wrist bands overlap the sleeves giving them a puffed look.
PostPosted: Thu Apr 23, 2015 8:59 pm


Knight Title: Barzakh Page

Challenge: "Who you callin' short?"

Uniform: THINK GOTHIC ACROBATIC DOLL MASTER---> yes this is important, while I want him to stick to this planet's theme. He is a Circus inspired OC....

Top -- Poet's shirt with tattered frills on its edges and ruffled collar. Vertically striped vest cinches tight around his torso. The vest's collar stiff as it fans around his head [think like a Dracula collar], vest pockets are decorated diamond shaped.
Bottoms -- Slacks clad his legs, one leg decorated with diamonds while the other is vertical stripes.
Gloves -- Full gloves, slightly clawed with a diamond on the top of the hand.
Belt -- Tattered over-skirt of what looks like a heart pattern. Top of over-skirt is belted by a wide diamond patterned metal band.
Shoes -- Short heeled knee high boots. Laced with thread spools. His weapon, when he's not holding it is actually kept on a special strap on either boot. Doesn't matter.
Shoulders -- X-shaped Puppets guiding handle which attach to a thin veil-like sash around his shoulders.
Accessories -- Wisps of thread should flow around him, maybe a x-shaped puppets guiding handle holds his hair out of his face. This would tie his hair back in a high puffy ponytail or a half ponytail while the rest flows free.
Weapon Stages
Page: Rubber Puppet Controller -- your basic cross styled puppet controller
Squire: Wooden Puppet Controller -- a few more bars added to give more complicated moves. It seems like there are spiral markings appearing on the weapon now. Should be careful, though since it seems a bit fragile he's not gunna really hit you. Unless he has to.
Knight: Large Wooden Controller -- same design as the squire stage only large enough to act as a small shield if need be. Those spiral's are more ingrain, glowing with dark indigo energy and Saturn's symbol can be seen right where Barzakh holds it.

Note: I realize this is the most out of the box, what the heck weapon. But, his weapon legit was a puppet he controlled. Seeing as I don't think the puppet itself would be allowed. I figured we could go with this. A puppet controller can be complicated looking and I'm completely up for giving him a different weapon entirely.

Magic Stages
Page: Barzakh has no magic right now, so he mostly uses his controller to put on shows for children who might be nearby. He would also do shows to make his comrades smile after a fight.

Squire: Now tapping into his powers, Barzakh is able to pull silky threads from his weapon. These threads when touching anyone can be easily broken. When in contact he's able to deter an action with a slight irritating sensation. The victim would feel as if a spider is crawling on their skin, by reacting their distracted. If their immune to the feeling...he's in trouble as once the threads are broken its a shock to his system which stalls him for 10 seconds. Thus why he doesn't usually attach them to a person instead he'll use them on a small object. Like a chair or table to use as a shield if need be. Again this threads are easily broken so there is a 50/50 chance he'll end up breaking them and having to dodge an attack. If he wishes to throw the object, he'll need 15 seconds of concentration. It takes him 30 seconds to create more thread to use.

Knight: Nearly mastering his powers, Barzakh can pull out thicker stronger threads from his weapon. These aren't broken so easily so attaching them to a person is more up his alley. Once attached that irritating sensation is a bit more real, maybe the threads moving in a spider-like manner up the persons arm. If the sensation is easily ignored by strong wills and the threads are broken he's stalled for 20 seconds this time. Again, not something he likes so he'll use it on heavier objects. Like a small boulder, or a small car if its nearby. Using the object as a shield, it takes him 20 seconds of concentration to gather the magic needed to lift the object itself. It takes him 45 seconds to create more thread to use.

Primary Color: Soft Indigo
Secondary: Pale Gray
Accents: Lavender

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shibrogane

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 23, 2015 9:30 pm


Hi SwordOfTheDarkOnes!

I am jsut poking my head in to let you know that it doesn't look like Aether is a legitimate Wonder name! Wonder names have to be real places or mythological locations that are at least a thousand years old--Aether is a classical element, but it isn't really a place. If you want to go with something similar, how about the axis mundi (which has many fancier names) or the world egg (which, again, many fancier names)? You could also look into the names of celestial spheres.

Hope this helps and good luck getting him smile
PostPosted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 6:49 am


shibrogane
Hi SwordOfTheDarkOnes!

I am jsut poking my head in to let you know that it doesn't look like Aether is a legitimate Wonder name! Wonder names have to be real places or mythological locations that are at least a thousand years old--Aether is a classical element, but it isn't really a place. If you want to go with something similar, how about the axis mundi (which has many fancier names) or the world egg (which, again, many fancier names)? You could also look into the names of celestial spheres.

Hope this helps and good luck getting him smile


OMG thank you~!!!! I was a tad clueless on how to name him honestly @~@
Couldn't find a definite thing.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 9:40 am


I have a really dumb question. . . because I was glancing at him and noticed his nicknames include chibi and shrimp but it says in the flaw height complex that he's fairly sensitive about his height? >> Do these two nicknames bother him (aka he'd rather you not use them unless you're x,y,z) or is he okay with these two?

Just wondering~ =3
PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2015 6:04 pm


SwordOfTheDarkOnes


Hey Sword! I am here to get Eirol all critted up so he can be stamped!

On the civilian side --

In his "Doll/Puppet Making" hobby you mention "the dexterity the piano grants him", but I don't see any other mention of playing piano? Is that another hobby? If not, it might be best simply to excise mention of it because it's a bit out of nowhere and confusing!

Also, "Stern" and "Off-Track" are both not reading as virtues, to me. Virtues should be things people will like Eirol for. Even though you have a note at the end of "Off-Track" that his friends like him for it, the rest of it is written in a rather negative light,so it should be turned more positive; "Stern" just generally reads negative. I'm not sure I'd enjoy being around someone I felt was constantly judging me? Basically, I really need to see the positive sides of these traits.

"Back Downs to Certain Types", "Height Complex," and "Two-Faced" are all too situational to count fully as flaws. Flaws should show up regularly enough that people would be aware of and dislike Eirol for them, and all three of these seem restricted to very specific situations? I think they can all be expanded to be more broadly applied, except maybe "Backs Down to Certain Types" since that really is a very specific thing? "Two-Faced" could be turned into a general "Morbid Thoughts" kind of trait, that he has a tendency to say things that are creepy/inappropriate and put people off? And "Height Complex" can become "Hot-Tempered," with his height just being a very easy trigger to set him off.

On the powered side --

Unfortunately, unless there is a specific location called "Irminsul," this isn't going to work as a Wonder, because Irminsuls appear to be a general thing and not a single specific place? Wonders need to be specific; I can try and help you with some suggestions if you have something in particular you'd like his wonder to be!

I also don't feel like a puppet controller fits a Uranus knight - generally the weapons should work with the planet's general theming, and while I could see one of those for Saturn, Uranus's desert and air/speed/bravery themes don't quite connect with that, for me? Again, I can provide alternates, but I'd need to know what you like!

For his magic, there's a little too much going on with the wind and the speed boost, unless the wind is merely for dramatic visuals? Also, how much of a speed boost do they get? I'd reccomend giving a percent or multiplier increase (so like, 1.5 times as fast, or something, instead of "an extra second of speed" because that's a bit vague/confusing.)

Eight feet is a reasonable radius for Squire, but fifteen is too large - ten feet would be more fair, I think.

Also, Knight magic is channeled for a up to a certain amount of time - think of it like a mana pool in a video game, except instead of points, you have seconds. I need channeling times for both stages! I'd suggest 35 seconds at Squire, and 45 at Knight.

Quote me once you've made changes or if you have any questions and I'll be happy to help out!


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PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2015 8:58 pm


Noir Songbird




Is that better?
Also...just so i can start to think on it...
What's a Summon exactly?
And on that note, What can they be?
PostPosted: Wed May 06, 2015 12:08 pm


SwordOfTheDarkOnes


Civ-side stuff is looking great<3 Awesome job! And I think a puppet controller works much better as a Saturn weapon and Barzakh is an awesome wonder ouo~

However, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with clay as a material for a Squire weapon? It's a bit heavy, and seems sort of an unusual choice for a marionette cross. But making both Squire and Knight weapons wooden would be acceptable, if you'd like to do that!

His magic is going to need some revising, though! I'm not sure that for me it fits the Saturn themes of "watchers, binders, death"; there's a little bit of binding, but I would need something more explicitly connected to the themes!

Also, I think your usages are a bit too complex for a Knight. Knights channel, they don't cast in a single shot - so having a "buildup" and things like that would just waste his magic pool. His casting should start instantaneously when he begins channeling, and there's no need for a cooldown between instances. If you're unsure about how Knight magic works - because it is definitely potentially confusing, it took me forever to get it straight! - I can push you some examples of approved Knights so you can see how magic generally reads? Or just poke through the Accepted Quests and Diaries forums!

A summon is like, a spectral animal companion that your Knight can call on in battle, at third stage. They draw from the Knight's general magic pool to manifest, and can visually look like just about any kind of animal or mythical animal critter you can think of, they just shouldn't have any human features! So a gryphon is fine, a sphinx is not. They'll have some sort of magic of their own, and should, I think, generally tie into your planet's theme? I don't have much experience with summons; generally they have to be run directly through the GMs.


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PostPosted: Wed May 06, 2015 12:39 pm


Noir Songbird




Okay.
Thank you!
Do you mind if I asked for your AIM to make this easier with crits?
PostPosted: Wed May 06, 2015 1:20 pm


SwordOfTheDarkOnes


No problem at all; my AIM is terra.cooper and I'll be happy to help you. I'm a bit in and out atm since I'm out of the house but I am availableish on mobile~


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