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 Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 8:38 am
Feeling dissatisfied and grimy and cold but most of all, alone, America let herself into the dorm room. He was up, because only a certain sort of tragedy allowed him to sleep soundly, no matter how he may humor her more playful morning wake-ups. Not saying anything, she offered a small, awkward wave and began slipping out of her clothes on the way to the bath. She was a mess, dirt smudged and slightly bloody over skin that looked paler than usual in stark contrast with the violent flush of her cheeks and joints.
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Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 8:50 am
It wasn't unusual to see her in that state--not exactly--and it was partly this that kept him from saying anything, and partly the fact that he was aware that no matter how good the intentions it was typically a poor decision to inform your girlfriend that she looked like s**t. It was the second glance up from where he sat at his desk, brow furrowed and deeply engrossed in something, that made him hesitate and then rise, following her into the bathroom and picking her shoes and shed shirt up as he went, distractedly putting things to rights. "D'you hurt yourself?" he asked quietly, examining first a little red streak on the shirt in his hand and then looking up to search for its source on her.
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Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 9:06 am
An unhappy huff of laughter, "Not mine." She was already running the water, already settling into the tub with her knees up against her chest, one arm wrapped around them and the other sifting through the water til most of the blood was gone and it felt okay to reach her hand out for his. "Just a spar," she clarified quietly and wondered if he was afraid she'd killed someone again. Wondered if he should be.
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Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 9:16 am
Again that furrowed brow, the silent concern, as he ran cold water over her shirt in the sink, trying to salvage her clothes before apparently giving it up as a lost cause. He sank down on the edge of the tub, hesitating before he took her hand. He was afraid. The fear never went away. But she wouldn't be sitting there like that, calm and quiet. He told himself that, and the fear stayed put, and he was ashamed to realize that a part of him would have been more at ease if she hadn't told him the blood was someone else's. "Why is there blood for just a spar?" he pressed, worried. He reached to scoop up a palmful of water in his free hand, to scrub gently at the streak of blood on her face with his thumb.
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Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 9:33 am
"It was with Lawrence," she admitted and where once there might have been a certain smugness in the thorough victory, in the petty act of scarring him, now she was just pensive and visibly tired. "He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I took advantage." There was no guilt in it, at least, even if it did lack pleasure. She often felt worse for the school, knowing Taym would no doubt have to clear out some of the mess left in her wake. She leaned heavily against his hand and she could admit to herself now that for all the resentment she might hold toward the binding affection she held toward him and Konstantin and every other friend she had here, it was not that which drove her out in the night and then led her back here. It was loneliness and all the fear that came along with it. Small wonder those usual acts of destruction, of angry control, had left her even more dissatisfied and restless.
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Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 9:39 am
His hand fell still, cradling her cheek as she leaned into him, and then fell away. "And how much recklessness are you going to have to answer for?" he asked quietly, his voice dangerously toneless.
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Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 9:45 am
Her head dropped as his support did, though she was quick enough to keep from hitting her head. Turning away from him, because she wasn't going to beg and she'd cried her piece several times over that nice, America answered tersely, "None." And then, growing defensive, "I'm not idiot enough to ******** up over something like him."
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Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 9:48 am
"Sparring with him in the first place wasn't exactly being a model of stellar judgment," he snapped, heated but quiet. "And you're gonna come in here with blood all over your hands and tell me you weren't reckless? I can't--" He stopped, fell still, closed his eyes, and his sudden sigh was enormous and exhausted, the anger draining out of him with the exhale.
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Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 2:33 pm
"I was reckless when I," her voice was raised enough to startle her into lowering it abruptly as she continued, "when I fought him the first ******** time okay? I refused to summon my weapon out of anger that first time, refused to ever use it to defend myself and tried to fight him bare handed for the ******** principal of the thing, to act like had ******** control that way." An unhappy laugh and twist of her lips as she looked back at him, "I learned that ******** lesson, okay? Apparently he likes to train at night, where no one can see, wearing one of those ******** black mission coats with the hood." She rolled her eyes, "But hitting a target dummy ain't nothing on fighting a person or a monster. I tore through him like he was nothing and I left him in decent enough condition to walk himself to the infirmary for another bandage." She pushed childishly at the water with one hand, "So yeah, Taym, I wasn't being reckless."
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 12:22 pm
"It wasn't reckless," he snapped, "because you can't walk away from it. You can and I know it. That's not what I was--" And then, again, the grinding to an abrupt halt, closing his eyes again. "I don't want to fight about this," he said quietly, tired. "Can we ******** we just talk about it? Like--calmly. Without all the so there bullshit and I'm counting myself in that, before you get pissed."
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 12:34 pm
Sighing, she turned to rest her head on the side of the tub and just look at him for awhile. Eventually she gave a small nod, "Okay." America turned the faucet off with her foot and silence briefly filled the room. "Why are you mad at me?"
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 12:42 pm
He didn't answer immediately, and it was obvious that it was because he was struggling against the urge to just yell at her despite what he'd just said. For all his love of them words never came easy to him, and it was no different now. Worse, when he was upset. He just sat there, fidgeting absently with the ends of his sleeves, looking miserable and childish. "I am upset," he said finally, stilted and halting, "because he wants your attention and you give it to him. I'm frustrated because I don't know why. I'm--I don't know--scared? Worried?--because... because I don't know whether this is the--whatever it is that makes you run off in the middle of the night, and if it is why you'll run to him but not me. And I'm--I'm ******** terrified and, yeah, pissed that you gave in even if you say you didn't ******** up, and I'm scared you're going to have to answer for it, if not this time then the next time he goads you into it."
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 1:19 pm
"It's scary," she answered after a pause, "I always thought I could handle something like this easy enough because I know. I know it'll end and it'll hurt one way or another. I mean if I see it coming sooner or later I'll be ready and nothing'll hurt as bad as it might." The girl bowed her head, "He was just there and nothing was helping, he didn't help either in the end but..." She closed her eyes and drew her body up small, "Sometimes it's...not nice, but something close to nice and maybe a little ugly, having someone you can hate and hurt and never feel even a bit of guilt. No sympathy for whatsoever." Lifting her head to look at him, she repeated, "It didn't help."
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 1:51 pm
Another long pause, broken by the sound of the water as he raked his fingers back and forth through it distractedly. "When you say handle something like this, what do you mean by this and what do you mean by handle?" He hesitated. "I want to understand. I don't want to--to ********' assume everything this time."
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 2:38 pm
"Loving you like this." And she didn't drop her gaze until she continued, "Pa never stopped, even after she'd died. Never stopped hurting for it. I don't think he even wanted to stop hurting, like it was all he had left to hold onto. I always thought I'd be smarter than that."
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