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The next night you have a nightmare. You can write a small solo in the Deus guild about remembering loss and fear OF Death. You remember in your DREAM SOLO the fear and loss of Death and what dying actually means. You remember death. Feel free to write it out however you wish, from your character's experiences with the concept of death.
(It started HERE)
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Crack.
It was a sound of something breaking she heard.
Shu was covered herself with a blanket, she was in a mess. Unlike the last mission in Sahara, she didn't have heavy injuries except a broken arm as she free fell. The Asian felt she was gonna to die, but she didn't, it just hurt from outside to inside. What the Death Lead said repeated in her mind like a never ending cassette tape. "You are powerless." He said, like an arrow penetrated her heart, he was right, she was so useless. What was she doing when others were fighting and trying to stop the failure? She was-she was taking care of herself, indulged in her own miseries. They said the result was inevitable, but at least some of them tried, and most of the time she was spaced out.
"If you cannot single-handedly produce beneficial results, then endure the consequences." She didn't know about the horseman well, but she can infer that the failure of the mission would lead to greater danger in the future to everyone. She already learnt what the Famine Clan would do and she didn't want to imagine what others could do. The, unseen consequences were too distant for her to feel, all she got were the pain from the broken arm and the confusion of her identity.
The Asian girl curled up in her room, she had no one to be with her, hugged her or stopped her from blaming herself and told her that it was the reality, she was a cheerful Death Trainee that people called Shu but not some sort of Ancient. Z was worried but he didn't say a thing, sometimes it's the best to let someone has a time of their own. Remembered that she needed to submit a report tomorrow, she picked up the form and grabbed a pen, had her head stuck out from the blanket but she couldn't write a word after she filled in the name, division and rank. There were words and sounds crashed together once she thought of the mission. The girl yelped, screamed and covered her ears from the non-existing noises. Her throat was burning from the screams she used all her energy but she didn't know what she wanted, she just let herself do it until she was unable to make a noise but coughing. Z wanted to say anything but ended up saying nothing.
She crumpled up the paper and threw it away with a jerk, buried her face into the pillow. She was helpless, she didn't know what she could do to make herself calm down and restored the peace in her soul. Her hands clenched onto the pillow until her knuckles turn white, she was lost. The process of grabbing to the tightest she could and then released repeated and repeated and her breathe was deep, her body undulated. Shu was tired and exhausted, her emotions kept changing when she recalled the lovable dreams, the thing happened behind the door and the battlefield. She might be crying, but there was no sound, only her shoulders were shaking. Eventually, she fell asleep.
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"Hmm! This is great~!" A young girl voice uttered in a light and relaxed tone, "Don't you think so?"
"Hey! I am asking you!" She said, sounded a little displeased.
"Me?" Shu asked, finding herself at a table of two with someone, a girl, from her voice. "Yes, you." The girl pointed at Shu and then a long glass in front of her, she changed to position of her legs and leaned on the table with her elbow, scooping up a blueberry with some cream from her glass. "What are you waiting for? It's melting." She frowned. Shu slowly looked at the parfait on the table, it looked tasty and lovely, with all the assortment of berries, the reds and blues were comfortable to look at.
Ah, it's time for the dessert.
The Asian girl finished the first, second and third courses so the dessert was the following, it was a parfait. "Hey you!" The girl hit opposite to her hit the table. "What are you waiting? Pick up your spoon and try, do you know it's rude for such a lovable thing to wait you so long? It's like a boy late for his first date and didn't care at all~!" She stirred her spoon in the mid-air, still supporting her head with her idle hand. "Pick it up now!" She ordered with an angry voice.
Shu loved desserts, so when the good smell of the fresh berries reached her nose, she slowly took her spoon up. Even though she didn't seem to remember the courses that she had before, even though she felt a bit odd to find herself there, it seemed - wrong. She scooped up a spoonful of cream and berries and the berries were sparkling with freshness, the Asian girl put it into her mouth but didn't notice the smile appeared on the girl's face, a meaningful one.
It should be sweet and it did, but just for the first few seconds before the bitterness immersed every single part of her mouth. When a clear snap of fingers, everything was blacked out.
In the darkness, it showed a finished glass with gentle cracks glittering on it with the background music that like coming out from a music box, but getting smaller and smaller.
A light giggle could be heard.
-
"███~" Someone was calling. "███~! Come, we are waiting for you." A female smiled at her and waved to her, she skipped towards the female happily. Ah. They were taking purikara or the sticker photo together. "Ready~?" She pressed the button and the machine started counting down. "What's 1+1?" They said "二!" and smiled in union. The four sat down on a bench, it was a sunny day. "Are you tired?" One of the females asked, Shu shook her head and beamed. "Haha, look how cute our little kitty boy is~" Another female said with a teasing tone and showed them the sticker photos they took. "It's enough, let's go to our next spot." Shu saved the blushing boy similar to her age out of embarrassment. "It's your big day, you decide." Someone caressed her long hair. "Ok~ Let's try that one then!" The happy Asian girl pointed to the roller coaster.
"Ahem. I suddenly feel a bit dizzy. Kitty boy, you go with the princess and have fun." One of the ladies said, touching her temple. "I will stay and take care of her." Another said with the gentlest motherly smile, hands elegantly put on he knees. Shu pouted, grabbing the sheepish boy by wrist and told them to get better soon. They screamed and yelled on the roller coaster, feeling the wind blowing onto their faces, it was so easeful and free up there. Her hands swung high up when the ride went down the slope in high speed. She suggested to play it once more time and the boy just nodded with a "I don't know what to do with you" smile. Finally, they played it five times before they returned to join the ladies. "Are you okay?" The boy waved his hand and said he just to take a short rest, Shu asked why he didn't tell her he was not good at rides, the boy smiled weakly, "It's your birthday, I want you to be happy." Shu gave the boy a big hug, one of the ladies got him an iced black coffee, "Good job, that's your reward, Mr. knight." The coolness of the drink helped a lot and soon the boy felt much better and asked them to continue their plan.
Their next stop was the shooting dark rides with a haunted house theme. The ladies sat together and Shu and the boys sat together, his hands carrying the light gun were shaking. Shu comforted him, telling him that they were all fake and she would take all of them down if he didn't. The ladies suggested a competition and Shu agreed with a confident smile. "Let's race!" The Asian girl's shooting skill wasn't bad but the boy with her was too afraid to shoot and missed the targets on his side. When they came across a set of three headless armors lit from the bottom, one of them suddenly moved, revealing a hidden target which granted more points, Shu calmly shot it while the boy made a surprise yelp. "You are really bad in this kind of stuff." She said. What followed was as expected, the boy only screamed and hided up during the short ride, and Shu had to compensate the misses by shooting more. The spider dropped down from the top startled her a little but it was a big target. When they got out, she got a good sweat but smiling. "Your team lose~" One of the ladies waggled their fingers, "And your punishment is - TADA~!" They took out two tiaras and asked them to wear and get on the carousel for them to take some photos. Shu was willing and happy to do so, but the boy flush like a red apple and mumbled if they already plotted that for a long time.
They lined up in the queue, with occasional giggles behind and in front of them. The boy wanted to dig a hole and hided up when a little boy asked his mother why that big brother was wearing a tiara like a girl. The boy whispered to Shu with clenched teeth that it was because it was her birthday. Shu returned with a kiss on his cheek. The two got onto the horses following the order from the ladies of "the pretty one with batting eyelashes". The boy riding one of the horses had a sulky face while the girl beamed and waved brightly. "Hey smile, boy. smile!" One of the ladies yelled. The boy got off the carousel with his face buried in his hands, couldn't believe what he had done.
When they look at the sky, it was of the most beautiful colors of dusk. The girl holding the giant candy floss felt sad, "Time to go home?" She wished she didn't need to. "Not so fast." The lady bent down and winked. "We are gonna try again, for the big al-alpaca plushie you like, is that what it is called?" She raised an eyebrow. "You don't need to, I have enough fun today." Shu said. "No objection lady, let's split up into three, I am going to raid those corners, and she will going for those and - the kitty boy will try here. Let's meet at here after one hour, dismiss!" The girl decided to follow the boy and watched, he didn't get the big plushies but a cute seal, a bunny in cup and a maneki-neko plushies. He apologized with a flush for his inability. "Hey how are you doing boy?" The lady grabbed him by an arm. "Oh my, just the tiny one, look at me!" She took out the big alpaca plushie and an small owl cake. "Thank you!" Shu glomped the lady and gave her a kiss on her cheek. Another lady smiled as she showed her work - a black bunny, and a grinning shark. "Ow. That's ugly!" The lady yelled. "Oh is it? I find it cute, if ███ doesn't want it, I will take it then." She smiled.
The sky had turned completely dark, and with several shopping bags and other sorts of containers, they took a taxi -
Crack-Crack.
It followed by some noises like TV interference, the scene paused and turned into black and white. It rewound like a video tape, something was wrong. There was only Shu standing in darkness.
Crack.
She knew something wasn't right, but where?
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"Ah. They went to a vacation."
Nope. They didn't. They were - with her. They took leaves in advance because it was her birthday, and they took her to the amusement park, somewhere she never go to in her life.
"Yes. What happened next?"
There was a girl behind her smiling, as if she didn't exist. Images flipped across her brain, someone on the middle of the road - the crashing sound - the tight warm hug - the dripping blood-the smiles on their faces-the breathiness-the rescue.
Snap.
The sound of someone clicked their fingers as the puzzle was finished. Shu opened her mouth to answer the question. "We got into the taxi, and my sisters suggested to look at the photos we took since there will be a long way back. And -"
"And what?"
The girl disappeared from her original position and reappeared at another point with a skip, she asked lightheartedly. "And someone or something appeared in the middle of the road but no one seemed to see it even when we got closer, so I warned the driver with a shout. He - He was startled and turned the steering wheel, the car crashed and turned over....."
"Then?"
This time, the girl whispered near her ears and chuckled happily with an eagerness. Shu started to shake and her teeth bit into her lips. "I was knocked out and everything was blurred due to the dizziness. Blood dripped from my head and I found myself trapped in darkness......and my sisters who were with me - were in stupor. They woke up once to tell me everything will be okay before they never - they never-n-never wake up again." The girl standing had her fists knuckled.
"They were dying?"
Shu gulped, her words were shaky and broken. "I feel their warmth were slowly drifted away, I couldn't wake them up no matter how hard I call, their bodies got colder and colder....there were bloods dripping from them - onto me." She raised up her hands slowly and shivering, and looked at them as if they were soaked in blood, "A lot of blood, their blood, I took their warmth, I killed them how could I forgot? How could I!" She remembered everything, she realized that for a moment, she forgot the people that were most important in her life, it was unforgivable.
She recalled she didn't want to be hurt so she lied to herself, she denied to accept the death of her sisters. The one that loved her so much......How could she? They should be always in her heart, like two deeply planted flowers forever shining and blooming. However, once, she dug them up and destroyed them with her hands, aloof and cruel just because their roots penetrated her heart, grasping her breathe and affecting her emotions. Now, she replanted them, the nearly withered flowers back to the original position, it hurt so much to deliberately stab all the roots back onto her heart. The ground started to crack from where she was standing, like a sheer piece of ice, below was the abyss, dark and cool. It reflected her soul, mended so many times and still closer and closer to the verge of breakage.
"Does it hurt? But - that's your punishment, you deserved to be hurt."
The innocent young girl voice turned from a puzzled tone to a malice and blaming one, her fingernails clawed into Shu's shoulder, she said she deserved the pains. The words from the girl were received and endured, like pointed arrows shot to destroy her soul, but she knew she was right. They died because they chose to protect her, yet, her choice was to forget them so that she didn't need to be sad. Her parents said she killed them and she was an evil murderer, maybe they were right? She was selfish and cared about her own feelings, what if her unconscious actions contributed to the deaths? Maybe the driver was right, she really shouldn't shout at that moment and the accident won't happen. She was the one to blame, not the driver, she was the only one to blame. The cracks on the ground extended outward.
"Let's continue the game, Shu." Another young girl suggested with a tinkling laughter. So lighthearted that it hurt. The girl snapped her finger and dim light was on, surrounding lit by candles floating in midair, but the ground with cracks didn't change. In front of her was a table, one side stood two exquisite dolls, mini version of her beloved one, another stood a detailed doll with a boy's face, eyes tightly closed. "Last time, you lost these two to me." She picked up the ceramic dolls and played with her fingers, face pointing to Shu so that she could see them clearly. Her sisters! You only have one left, would you lose him to me too? The girl asked in a gloating giggle, pleased by the expression of Shu.
"Give them back to me! I can't lose them! Give them back to me!" The Asian girl reached out and attempted to take the dolls. "No. They are mine. Forever." She rejected, "Follow the rules of the game, Shu." The warning was clear and serious. "I can't lose him!" Shu's hands held the doll she had tightly close to her chest, she was afraid, scared to lose him like her sisters. She didn't want to experience the pain again, the sadness and frustration, the helplessness that dragged her down. The Asian girl's force was too much that another girl warned her that she may break him. "Fine. I can not taking that one, how about the other dolls you have?" She shrugged with a pout. "I don't have others-"
Before she could finish, more dolls appeared on her side. "See. I say you have more." She turned the dolls that she could only see their backs, they were of different heights and shapes. "Mimsy!" She yelled in shock, the doll had a pretty face but deadly killer eyes, but she was barely smiling. Shu quickly turned another and cried out a familiar name again, each turn made she fear more until each of the dolls were looking at her, they were the people she knew on the island, some faces were more clearly drawn, while some were shallower and vague. "Hey, have you decided? I hate waiting. I am showing my mercy, these two worth a lot-to you, but - you can use either one on your side for your bet this time, be quick!" The impatient girl made some noises with her fingernails on the table.
Shu wanted the two smiling dolls back, they were important to them. She looked at the dolls standing on her side, picked one up and put it down. "Be careful, you might lose them forever." The girl reminded, turning the dolls on her hands without care, they were the same to her, they meant nothing but just toys when she was bored. The warning scared her, she was greedy, she didn't want to lose any one of them, she couldn't bear the pain to lose someone she already knew. "It hurt...." With the doll she was still holding, she bent down and refused to make any decision. "I like them....I don't want them to be hurt." Another girl stood up, hitting loud against the table. "I hate you. You are so selfish and greedy." She walked closer with her hands clenching the beautiful ceramic dolls and stopped right in front of her. "That's why you deserve the pains." She raised her hands and broke the dolls, destroying the warm smiles on their faces, red liquor overflew and flushed out from the inside of the dolls and the sound of broken pieces landed on the ground engraved and echoed inside Shu.
"NooooooOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOooOOOoooooooooo!" Shu screeched, knelt on the broken pieces and trying to put them back, her hands dyed with a vivid red. Another girl never had her face showed looked down on the helpless and despair girl with an aloof and annoyed expression. "It just happened again, you should already get used to the pains and the feeling of losing?" Her ironic voice penetrated the girl like thousands of icicles but they didn't dilute the red pool surrounding the Asian girl. "And you have yet to experience more." She giggled in delight and pleasure. "Why.....?" Once she asked, her hair was tugged rudely, "Because that's your fate. Hate it, but you still have to accept it until you don't have more to lose." Shu's face creased together like a paper crumbled up, her fear was pushed to the extreme, the hands curled up while still holding the fragments, causing her to bleed, the new blood joined the red pool of liquor without disharmony, the whole of her body quivered and her temperature dropped intensely, like someone put her into a freezer. "No.....I don't wanna lose anyone....please....don't hurt me." The crying tone pleaded in despair. "Please....don't take them away." The cut on the palm hurt and the pieces dug further into her flesh as she said, it hurt but she didn't want to let go. The girl without a face released the grab through a wrench. "Why bother?" She asked coldly, her foot drilled into the cracks on the ground heartlessly.
Crack.
The fissures dug deeper downward by her action, she returned to the table and randomly picked a doll up, Shu couldn't see her face, but the fear came with the bad feeling was devastating. She slowly shook her head like a robot, "No.....Please.....don't." Her screams came with the breakage of the unknown doll like the only thing she knew was screaming. "So pathetic and disgusting you are." As if she saw something hatable and weak. "I'm waiting for our next meet up, Shu, I had a lot of fun tonight." Her voice turned into a cheerful and eager tone.
The girl appeared right in front of Shu with a sweet smile, and pointed out one finger touching the middle of Shu's forehead. She was so pleased and delighted. "Good night, Shu. Sweet dream." She didn't say anything but the shape of her mouth told Shu what her words were as she blacked out again.
Soon. Soon we will meet again.
She is her Death, her version of Death.
As she walked and slowly faded into the darkness, the cracks under her boots deepended.
Crack.
Crack.
Crack.
Crack.
Crack.