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♦ Nitzan // Deerling [CRIT]

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Cynnybun

Anxious Kitten

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 4:32 pm


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QUEST FORM


Basics ::
xxxxxName: Nitzan (Hebrew, meaning "flower bud")
xxxxxNickname(s): Ni, Little Flower
xxxxxFaction: Diamond
xxxxxAge: 22
xxxxxHeight: 5' 9"
xxxxxBody Type: Slender, but not frail.
xxxxxBlood Type: AB+

Poké-basics ::
xxxxxPokemon: Spring Deerling → Spring Sawsbuck
xxxxxPokemon type: Normal/Grass
xxxxxNatural Ability: Sap Sipper (Boosts Attack when hit by a Grass-type move.)
xxxxxPerma: No
xxxxxMoveset:
Child - Deerling
xxxxxTackle
xxxxxSand Attack
xxxxxLeech Seed
xxxxxDouble Kick
Teen - Deerling
xxxxxTake Down
xxxxxEnergy Ball
xxxxxJump Kick
xxxxxAromatherapy
Adult - Sawsbuck
xxxxxAromatherapy
xxxxxSolarBeam
xxxxxNature Power
xxxxxGrass Knot

Personality ::
xxxxxPositive Traits
Warm Nitzan is, in all meanings of the word, a friendly person. He will eagerly talk to anyone who approaches him, and will always greet people with a bright (albeit slightly shy) smile. He loves to be around others, but will not necessarily love being the center of attention. He will rarely actually approach someone on his own, too afraid of sounding silly or of them not actually wanting to talk to him, but may be driven to do so if he likes them enough at first glance. He's drawn in by pretty things, especially colorful things, so that always helps. But what's really strange is, no matter if you're mean to him, Nitzan will always speak well of you. He is a strong believer in the "do unto others" policy, and so he tries his best to refrain from speaking poorly of others or being mean to them in return. As much as it conflicts him, especially after repeat offenses, he simply cannot bring himself to return the poor behavior. If he ever manages to, he will feel terrible afterward.
Faithful Once you befriend the little flower, Nitzan will be the most loyal, trusting friend that you could ever ask for. He will stay by your side no matter what, and may even remain faithful when you've done an occasional bad thing. He sees nothing but the good in people, unless of course this person has done multiple bad things. Then, he would be forced to break this faith, and would absolutely horrible afterward. But he would know it was for the best.
xxxxxNeutral Traits
Patient Nitzan does not rush. He does have this word in his vocabulary, but does not necessarily use it. He has no problem going slow and making sure things are done right, when others may be the type to go through and try to get things done quickly. While this is an asset in the matter of precision and accuracy in everything he does, it can be serious setback when he needs to be fast. He does not seem to grasp the concept of making quick decisions, and especially important ones. He would much prefer to sleep on it and make the decision later, but this is not always possible. Sometimes you need to make decisions quickly and efficiently, and this would leave Nitzan in a weepy, hysterical state. He doesn't want to mess up, but he also doesn't want to hinder things by taking too long. You could easily call him indecisive in this aspect, because he would much rather leave the decision to someone else.
xxxxxNegative Traits
Unsure As previously said, Nitzan will rarely if ever approach someone himself. This translates into many aspects of his life; he is much more shy than he would like to be. He would really love to be able to socialize freely, without worrying about sounding or looking silly, but he simply cannot get over these fears. He is never quite sure of himself, even in his work. However, he is never shy about his faith in someone, and will be loyal to them until the end, even if he does so quietly.
Stubborn Nitzan is very set in his ways. He has a way of doing everything, everything has a place, and he does not like those things to change. He often rejects or rebels against change in many ways. He's moving? Nope, he's lived in the same place all this life. The maze has changed again? Nope, not going in alone. New methods of floral arrangements have been introduced? Nope, not going to use them. He likes things as they are, and doesn't even like the idea of something changing. If something does change without his knowledge, he will often remove himself from it and try to get back to his sense of normal. Because of this trait, he is very afraid of growing older. He doesn't want his life to change; he's happy as he is. He doesn't want to have to fend for himself, or move out, or leave any of his friends. He worries about things like this all the time, and is prone to mild anxiety attacks over things that he thinks are changing, even if they are not or do not need to.
xxxxxLikes: Nitzan enjoys a lot of things, including flowers, the outdoors, beautiful things (including beautiful people), and his job.
xxxxxDislikes: Almost the opposite of his likes, the little deer has little that he doesn't like. Some things he doesn't like include thunderstorms (loud, sudden noises of any kind, really), red meat, hunters, and rain (because he can't be outside in it without catching a cold).
xxxxxFavourite Food: Nitzan will really eat anything that does not have red meat in it, including eggs and cheese. But his favorite food is sushi, since it is not red meat and you can sometimes get imitation fish like crab.
xxxxxHobbies:
Gardening While Nitzan places so much of his work into his job, it leaves little time for him to cultivate a garden of his own, but he certainly does try his best. He finds the activity relaxing, and loves to see that he has created and helped such life to bloom.
Reading Nitzan regularly cracks open a book during slow hours at his flower stand, and when he has a bit of free time. He likes to sort of escape from the real world for a while and transport himself to some other one. His favorite genres include fantasy, light mystery, and light romance.
xxxxxInterests:
Tea Nitzan attends the March Hare's tea parties as often as he can, and is quite interested in all the different types and flavors of tea. He would like to learn more about them some day, if he has the time.
Art While he would like to begin drawing some day, Nitzan's interest in this field is mostly focused on simply admiring others' work. He wonders how people can create such beautiful things in a 2D, occasionally 3D field, when all he can do is arrange flowers in an appealing manner.
xxxxxFaction Opinion: Nitzan favors this faction over all others, because it makes a point of being neutral in the Spades versus Hearts conflict. He does not usually need to worry about the conflict at all, and can simply go about his business. The simple life in the Diamonds region is a very good fit for him, as well.
xxxxxAspirations: Nitzan dreams of becoming a widely known florist, and of getting the opportunity to work on a larger scale, like the gardener that no doubt supervises the Queen of Hearts' famous gardens.
xxxxxFears: He seems to be afraid of being unassuming and unnoticed for his entire life. He wishes that he could stand out, and does not want to be glossed over by everyone. Being alone is not a good ending to a life.

Employment ::
xxxxxTitle: The Faithful Flower
xxxxxJob: Nitzan works as a florist at the mouth of the Hare's maze.


Appearance ::
xxxxxHair: In all stages, it will be a sweet, bubblegum pink, like the back of a Spring Deerling.
Child: A cute half-ponytail would be cute, and just long enough to barely dust his shoulders. His bangs should be combed back into the band as well, exposing a soft widow's peak and a smooth forehead. But the hair pulled back should be pulled from places that would leave a section on each side of his face, in front of his deer-like ears, that would be the same length as the rest of his hair.
Teen: The style will remain the same, albeit the strands will be a bit longer, reaching past his shoulders to about armpit length. It's almost exactly the same, but everything is longer.
Adult: I'd really like his hair, as an adult, to be let down free. It should probably almost reach the bottom of his ribcage now, and his ears and horns should peek out at their normal place, with a section of hair on each side of his face like always. His bangs are still pulled straight back, and are secured with a flat, simple brown barrette. Here is a very good reference for all stages (minus the barrette for child and teen stages).
xxxxxEyes: Round, expressive, and very kind, Nitzan's eyes are a bright gold color with dark lashes.
xxxxxSkin tone: Creamy and sort of pale, but not sickly or too pale. I'd love, love, LOVE it if he had a very light dusting of freckles across his nose and cheeks! His cheeks are naturally and lightly flushed, as well as his shoulders, elbows, and knees.
xxxxxPalette: Here.
xxxxxClothing:
Child: I'd love him to be dressed in a little capelet like this, but with a curved opening instead of an angled one. It should be the same pink as his hair, with a simple yellow hem and yellow spots. If you choose to include a bow, please make it a fuller one, and cream in color. Underneath the little cape, maybe he could be wearing a cream-colored shirt, with 3/4 length loose sleeves and gold hems?
Teen: At this point, Nitzan's wardrobe should be getting a little more grown-up. The capelet could maybe turn into a jacket of some sort, with a cream shirt underneath? I'd like the jacket to have a slight Eastern influence, with long sleeves that almost if not completely cover his hands with thick gold hems, and a gold clasp near the breastbone to keep it on.
Adult: I have next to nothing worked out for Nitzan's adult stage, so you have quite a bit of liberty. I do want flowers to play a huge part, particularly pink and white ones with yellow centers.
xxxxxAdditional: His ears and tail, of course, in all stages. He should grow antlers in his adult stage, as well.
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 8:46 pm


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o1: Set up quest format, filled in majority of information.

o2: Finished personality traits, rounded up references.

o3: Finished up hobbies, interests, goals, and fears. Ready for critique!


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o1: Possibly put up a few self-drawn references?

o2: Get critiques!

Cynnybun

Anxious Kitten



Face your demons

Vice Captain

Magnetic Detective

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 1:13 pm


S-sorry, there was a bit of a miscommunication OTL Lost my notes! He's looking pretty good, there are just a couple things about his negative traits in particular. We'll work this out! Just gimme a sec e ue

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 1:52 pm


Face your demons

sure thing!
take your time. c:

Cynnybun

Anxious Kitten


Vitious
Crew

Proxy Hunter

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 12:53 am


Hi~ Sorry for how delayed this was.

Right now, I'm going to offer some general advise on this, because your traits, right now, are very scattered. You're attempting to combine a lot of different things all into one trait and it leaves it feeling a little jumbled. I think, maybe for a test run in a Google Doc or something similar, maybe try just filling out the traits and quotes of the second form we have in the guild to see if it draws your character's personality into focus a little bit more. It is, however, just a suggestion, as since I switched to the new format, it had been much easier for me to get how my character is as a person into a written, form-based format. <3

Now, on with the Crit~

Warm - My first suggestion is that warm doesn't really feel like the correct word. Perhaps Kind-hearted or Optimistic was what you were aiming for? Also, the insertion of them liking 'bright, shiny things' kind of jumbles the flow as it's more something that would be suited to a miscellaneous factoid included in a journal or in the likes section. As I said above, this trait currently feels a little fractured, and I'm not quite certain what particular trait you're actually going for at this time, so maybe tighten this up a bit, find the best way to summarize the trait you picked in three sentences, and try to focus only on that segment of his personality.

Faithful - This trait is good from what I can see, I like the tie-in to the first positive trait, but maybe pull some of what you put into the first trait about his loyalties and use it to flesh this one out more?

Patient - From what I gathered of this, he's patient, has problems making decisions, thus is indecisive, and, well, a procrastinator, all of which do not, really, fit with patient. I'm not saying that they' should be excluded from his personality, but Patient, on its own, is not a neutral trait at all. I only say that because being indecisive doesn't really have anything to do with being patient, thus would not be the counter balance needed to make this a neutral trait. I see both as more sub traits of other traits.

Unsure - This touches a bit too much on his loyalty. Don't try to balance out a negative traits with positive traits. They're supposed to be negative for a reason, because nobody is 100% perfect and good. Everyone has problems, such as insecurity, so focus entirely on that.

Stubborn - This trait isn't too bad, he's very set in his ways and has anxiety because of it, but, maybe, I would focus on his anxiety as the core of this, because it seems more that he's stubborn because he's anxious. If that isn't what you were going for, then you may want to go back and change the description of the trait a bit, focus it more on the core of the trait you're going for.

Hope this helps! If you have any questions don't hesitate to PM me or IM me at corsairvitari on AIM.
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