i hate posting so much about this but can someone please tel

[breedney]

l me what exactly I am doing wrong

rob: My hands are soooo ******** up right now...
me: Why?!
rob: Multiple cuts, bruises, scars, blood, etc. plus my thumb...
me: Meh you'll get calluses, it's just something you're going to have to put up with till you get them! manual labor man
(four minutes later)
me: p.s. can we have sex soon? i'm finally not on girly time anymore and i'm ordering my BC soon. like good sex with lots of foreplay and all that jazz.
rob: I'm not answering that
me: ...why? it's a serious question
rob: I'm sure it is, and let me guess you're expecting me to give you a nice and happy "ya sure!" in response
me: am i just not allowed to ask for sex anymore or...
rob: like I said babe I'm not arguing today but you are really pushing me to the edge today
me: All I did was ask to have sex what am I doing wrong
rob: All I did was look for a lil sympathy and I got "meh" cause as usual it's all about you and what you want
me: I'm sorry your hands hurt but I'm not that sympathetic? I mean mine hurt every day and I'm used to my dad coming home like that, like I said manual labor sucks but it'll get better...it's just cuts and scratches, I honestly do care that you're in pain but it's just nothing big, I guess I'm sorry that I didn't respond all sad and whatnot
rob: K, like I said all about you
me: idk Rob I think I'm done talking to you today I don't want to fight and you're in a mood where apparently everything I do is wrong. I'll text you in a few hours maybe I'm going with Jean to Philly to get her mom soon so i love you and bye.


tell me exactly what I'm doing wrong to warrant what just happened
please  

[Lass Kyon]

Well, I think you could have been a little more sympathetic, but I think his reaction was overly-sensitive. xd  

[Alexaandraa]

i don't see anything wrong with your response to his hands, really. but i'm also a cold hearted blunt b***h so
but no seriously he's just being a little b***h  

[paper giraffes]

Alexaandraa

i don't see anything wrong with your response to his hands, really. but i'm also a cold hearted blunt b***h so
but no seriously he's just being a little b***h

this  

[Lass Kyon]

I agree that he was being kind of a b***h, but you guys need to realize that we are all human, we get our feelings hurt, and sometimes we just want some sympathy, even if it's just an "I'm sorry, babe". When you're in a relationship with someone, and they come to you with something that's hurting them, it would be more appropriate to give them a loving response, along with a logical one. Not just "Meh, you hurt." because clearly that is not the answer he was seeking.

Again, I do think he was being overly sensitive, but I also understand where he was coming from, and it's likely that you're not the only reason he was being overly sensitive. You should consider that being in pain does normally tend to make people on edge more than they normally would be, and that's a part of being human. Being caring is a part of being in a relationship.

If I were on my period cramping and I told me husband "I hurt" and he said something like "Meh, lots of girls hurt on their period" then I would be upset too. Because that's not the response I would have been looking for, I would have been looking for a little bit of sympathy.  

[Honorary Charlatan]

In the first message he was looking very strongly for emotional support. Can't speak on your relationship but "meh" was almost certainly a bad idea to start with, even if the following words are more sentimental. It's like when someone starts a statement with "No offense, but..."

Might have been better to segue into sex as an offer of comfort, rather than asking it of him as a favor when he's in pain.  

[B-ran The Cat About Town]

Sounds like a pansy.  

[Undecidability]

I feel like he overreacted, but having dated an oversensitive guy before, he probably expected straight up sympathy and maybe even 'oh I'll kiss them and make them better next time I see you~' or something kind of corny. Your response sounded a lot like "deal with it". Not to say that that's completely wrong, you just could have phrased it better. Also if his hands are probably bothering him, he's probably grumpy from that. Wait until he's in a better mood and talk about it.  

[Vitamin Crack]

Such a double standard here. I feel like some of you girls would be just as pissed off if your SO dismissed your period pains with "meh everyone gets them just put up with it".

Yeah I really don't get these accusations that he's 'a little b***h' or whiny or a pansy or something. It seems inherently sexist to me, like he's somehow less of a man because he's complaining about pain. No one thinks saying "oh man up you little girl" when a girl complains is acceptable.

I think your secondary response of "i'm sorry but i don't care" was probably even more damaging than the first. Like the first one I could understand because maybe you didn't understand it would upset him so much or didn't understand what he was looking for. But after he clearly showed he was looking for sympathy and you give him a half-assed apology, I can understand why he'd be annoyed.

I just think in a relationship, it's not really about being right or wrong in any logical sense (at least not if you want to keep it happy). It's about knowing the needs of others and responding to them, because people are social creatures but also irrational sometimes. I don't find accusations of one party being a 'b***h' helpful at all.  

[breedney]

Vitamin Crack

Such a double standard here. I feel like some of you girls would be just as pissed off if your SO dismissed your period pains with "meh everyone gets them just put up with it".

Yeah I really don't get these accusations that he's 'a little b***h' or whiny or a pansy or something. It seems inherently sexist to me, like he's somehow less of a man because he's complaining about pain. No one thinks saying "oh man up you little girl" when a girl complains is acceptable.

I think your secondary response of "i'm sorry but i don't care" was probably even more damaging than the first. Like the first one I could understand because maybe you didn't understand it would upset him so much or didn't understand what he was looking for. But after he clearly showed he was looking for sympathy and you give him a half-assed apology, I can understand why he'd be annoyed.

I just think in a relationship, it's not really about being right or wrong in any logical sense (at least not if you want to keep it happy). It's about knowing the needs of others and responding to them, because people are social creatures but also irrational sometimes. I don't find accusations of one party being a 'b***h' helpful at all.

I'm actually probably one of the only girls that if I was complaining about pain and Rob responded with "meh it'll go away" or something along the lines of that, I'd be perfectly fine with it.  

[Undecidability]

So because in some hypothetical situation where you're in pain you wouldn't care at all if he was unsympathetic, he's not allowed to react differently? Makes sense.  

[breedney]

please point out to me where I said that  

[Alexaandraa]

i'm not saying he's a little b***h for being in pain. he definitely over reacted.

alsooo have you spoken to him since then? is he acting normal orrrr  

[breedney]

yeah. basically he calmed down TODAY finally and admitted us fighting this time was completely his fault  

[a moon full of stars]

i don't think there's any kind of gender reversal bullshit going on. you said something that he felt was insensitive and instead of saying "hey, i wanted sympathy, snuggle with my hurting hands until they become manly and callused" he acted like a child and ignored you, then avoided the explanation again and started calling you selfish. as if you're somehow telepathically linked to him by virtue of being in a relationship.

also on the subject of omg feminine pains~ you can't really speak about it being a double standard by simply assuming that all women would be upset and respond irrationally when instead of your beloved saying "OH NOES SNUKUMS I'LL VOMIT IN YOUR FACE IT WILL BE FINE" he said "it'll get better"

because that s**t wouldn't bother me. it WILL get better, i know that as well as him, the difference is he doesn't give a s**t about my current mild discomfort. just the same as britt didn't.

besides which i don't think this is the issue at all. if a woman did the same thing he did after the initial "meh, discomfort" she'd still have been a little b***h.

you did nothing to warrant the reaction you got.