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 Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 9:33 pm
So... Er, well. I suppose my problem is that I'm bisexual. I lean towards women. Though this isn't the biggest issue. It seems that I attract a younger flock of admires sometimes. Though it seems this time I've been snared myself.
My partner (because I'm not sure if it would be legal to say girlfriend at this time) is 8 years my junior. This would not be a problem if I weren't only 21 and she 13. It was last spring when we met at and Anime convention in state. Since then she's been pining away for me.
This recent November she charmed her way into my heart and I asked if she would consider me a girlfriend. When she said yes we both blushed and hugged.
Now, my darling is a very sweet girl and I'm not doing anything unitl she is of leagal age. However, it seems her mother is a bit taken aback at our age differences (not that we're both female).
In three years I want to officially ask her out with her mother's permission of course. In five we can be an open couple...
So.... I'm happy and she is too. This is a semi-long distance relationship. We live in the same state but we're both students. Me for college and her, for well, school.
What I need help with is, well, how do I go about this all? I'm a bit nervous with the age difference. I understand that she's young and impressionable and all that, but both of us seem really taken with the other. And I know I'm serious. I want to ask her the same... I want a serious and loving relationship with her.
So, anything? cat_redface
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Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:22 pm
Oh, this sounds very adorable xd !
Well, I think you've already got the first step covered, which was making sure the parentals were at least aware of the situation. It actually seems like you're doing everything appropriately to me. The thing that might be really tricky for you, seeing as you do seem serious about her, is allowing her to explore a little more. She is pretty young, and I remember my middle school years ((which weren't all that long ago)) as being a time when everyone was still experimenting and just getting the hand of "going out" with people and stuff.
I think it's best to keep in mind that at times she might need space, but otherwise I really do think you're following protocol (a.k.a the law, lol). I suppose it wouldn't be illegal to have a quick kiss every once and awhile, but again, always make sure the parents like you and are aware of the relationship, whatever it may be.
I wish you luck!!
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 12:07 am
kuro-darkling Oh, this sounds very adorable xd ! Well, I think you've already got the first step covered, which was making sure the parentals were at least aware of the situation. It actually seems like you're doing everything appropriately to me. The thing that might be really tricky for you, seeing as you do seem serious about her, is allowing her to explore a little more. She is pretty young, and I remember my middle school years ((which weren't all that long ago)) as being a time when everyone was still experimenting and just getting the hand of "going out" with people and stuff. I think it's best to keep in mind that at times she might need space, but otherwise I really do think you're following protocol (a.k.a the law, lol). I suppose it wouldn't be illegal to have a quick kiss every once and awhile, but again, always make sure the parents like you and are aware of the relationship, whatever it may be. I wish you luck!! Actually, even a quick kiss would be illegal, since the law does not recognize a person under age 18, as able to consent to a relationship.
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 12:10 am
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 12:13 am
Ecchi Bodypillow kuro-darkling Oh, this sounds very adorable xd ! Well, I think you've already got the first step covered, which was making sure the parentals were at least aware of the situation. It actually seems like you're doing everything appropriately to me. The thing that might be really tricky for you, seeing as you do seem serious about her, is allowing her to explore a little more. She is pretty young, and I remember my middle school years ((which weren't all that long ago)) as being a time when everyone was still experimenting and just getting the hand of "going out" with people and stuff. I think it's best to keep in mind that at times she might need space, but otherwise I really do think you're following protocol (a.k.a the law, lol). I suppose it wouldn't be illegal to have a quick kiss every once and awhile, but again, always make sure the parents like you and are aware of the relationship, whatever it may be. I wish you luck!! Actually, even a quick kiss would be illegal, since the law does not recognize a person under age 18, as able to consent to a relationship. Oh, then nevermind about the kissing. Just see this as a test of self control, lol.
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 2:53 am
That's a huge age difference esp since you're so young making her a child. I'd actually recommend dating people closer to your own ages (yes, she date too.. or wait a few years before dating). If, after some years, you two are still smitten then try a relationship. But wait for her to turn 18. Or find out the age of consent in your state... but waiting until she's 18 would be less creepy.
And don't touch the kid. You don't want her mom putting you in prison for statutory rape. That kind of thing would ruin your life.. and hers if you did end up with her.
I wouldn't call her girlfriend or partner or anything. But then I don't think it's a good idea to date her. Be close friends, nothing more.
Hell, let her graduate high school and see how much she changes int he next five years. You guys may not even want to date then.
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 4:23 am
Lady Kayura That's a huge age difference esp since you're so young making her a child. I'd actually recommend dating people closer to your own ages (yes, she date too.. or wait a few years before dating). If, after some years, you two are still smitten then try a relationship. But wait for her to turn 18. Or find out the age of consent in your state... but waiting until she's 18 would be less creepy.
And don't touch the kid. You don't want her mom putting you in prison for statutory rape. That kind of thing would ruin your life.. and hers if you did end up with her.
I wouldn't call her girlfriend or partner or anything. But then I don't think it's a good idea to date her. Be close friends, nothing more.
Hell, let her graduate high school and see how much she changes int he next five years. You guys may not even want to date then. Yeah, I kind of second this notion. After thinking about it for awhile, adolescents/teenagers are very fickle beings. Though I don't wish for it, things might not even last long enough for her to become of the consenting age. I suggest staying close friends and waiting to see how things play out. For all anyone knows, she could be the one, but at such an impressionable age, she isn't who she's meant to be quite yet.
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 8:31 am
You really shouldn't be in a romantic relationship with a minor- because it doesn't matter what your intentions are or even if you "do anything" or not.
She Said-She Said can still ruin your life, and all it would take would be for her mom to have a bad day. My roomie had a similar situation- and it has seriously haunted him for the rest of his life. He wasn't able to get his dream job because of it- and the age difference between him and her was a hell of a lot smaller. The only thing that saved him from going to prison was her My Space posts showing that she instigated the relationship- THE ONLY THING. Otherwise, the Judge would have locked him up in prison for YEARS.
That can happen to you. Don't get involved with someone until they're above the age of Majority or at least the age of Consent- because you don't have to have sex with them for you to be convicted of a sex crime and have to register for your whole life. Something as simple as hugging can get you sentenced to things like Sexual Misconduct with a Minor in the 3rd Degree which is a FELONY in most states.
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 11:08 am
gaia_angelleft When I was 13 I was kinda in this situation. I dated someone 5 years older than me and I loved him very much. But as I grew older I started realizing several issues. First of all, dating someone older makes you grow up, to the point where you are unintentionally sacrificing your youth. Not only that but the standards for being in a relationship and the mental maturity it takes to fully understand the circumstances is different for each person from experience. I'm not saying I have any regrets- I dated him for over 3 years. But I am saying be careful because it's really stressful at times, and one day you two might just grow apart. gaia_angelright
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 5:57 pm
...
I'm usually more reserved than this, but I have to ask:
Are you out of your ******** mind? Do you want to end up on some sort of sex offender registry?
You are twenty-one years old. She is barely even a teenager. "Serious and loving relationship"... emotion_facepalm
Forgive my cynicism, but I think you should break things off before you end up branded for life, and look for a "darling" girl your own age.
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 7:54 pm
Thanks... Though some of it was hard to hear... I can understand your points of view.
We live 2hrs from each other so we only text. It's just chit-chat like 'how are you? Your day been good?' and such.
I refer to her as my 'sweetheart' not lover of girlfriend and have every intention of letting her grow up on her own pace, just being there for her.
She is seriously counting the days until we can meet up at Con again. Lol
But not I'm not out of my mind. And YES I am really waiting for her to turn 18 before becoming romantically involved with her. The age of consent is 16 as long as her mother knows. (her parents are divorced, dad has no rights other than visitation). Her mother does know.
If she changes her mind at all, so be it. I won't hold her back at all. It was her choice to start our so said 'relationship', so it will be her choice if she wants it in the end.
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 8:08 pm
RosesandBlood Thanks... Though some of it was hard to hear... I can understand your points of view. We live 2hrs from each other so we only text. It's just chit-chat like 'how are you? Your day been good?' and such. I refer to her as my 'sweetheart' not lover of girlfriend and have every intention of letting her grow up on her own pace, just being there for her. She is seriously counting the days until we can meet up at Con again. Lol You realize that all it would take for you to land in jail is for someone to take her phone to the police, right?
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 8:11 pm
Esiris RosesandBlood Thanks... Though some of it was hard to hear... I can understand your points of view. We live 2hrs from each other so we only text. It's just chit-chat like 'how are you? Your day been good?' and such. I refer to her as my 'sweetheart' not lover of girlfriend and have every intention of letting her grow up on her own pace, just being there for her. She is seriously counting the days until we can meet up at Con again. Lol You realize that all it would take for you to land in jail is for someone to take her phone to the police, right? For simply talking to me like everyone else? Only terms of endurement are used between us. But I am known to call most friends 'hun' and 'dear' as well.
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 8:12 pm
RosesandBlood For simply talking to me like everyone else? You'd be amazed at how a casual conversation can be presented as a predatory behavior before a judge.
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