Welcome to Gaia! ::

Just taking a breather from the big DUN DUN DUNage of FE4 to bring you:



Yes, yes, I play girly anime games; sue me. Anyway, we all love dem' Sailor Moon (or at least if you grew up in the 90s like I did), so I wish to show you a game you probably never heard about because it never left Japan, but received a magnificent, top tier translation.

Now this game, some people say it's awesome, some people call it crap, I'm in between that. On one hand, it's a Sailor Moon RPG, why the hell not? On the other hand, the battle system is designed poorly and you're left with two choices: break the game immensely and destroy everything in your path by taking advantage of the system, or play it like a generic RPG and die horribly. With that said, let's take advantage of some simple coded battle systems and enjoy our precious Sailor Moon in RPG form!

PS: If I were to be a *****, Minako would totally be my choice for my heinous crimes.

Also, please note that because this is a new LP, the new rules are in effect; please PM me if you want to comment!

Chapter 0: The Inevitable Prologue to Any SNES Game



Awright, so let's go to the future NOT destroyed by Hollywood and the Mayans.



Good God, you'd think by now they'd have discovered everything and had highways up in that b***h by now.



Oh, oh my, hopefully it's not-



...well this IS an SNES game, and we gotta have a plot somewhere in there.



V-v-v-voice acting in an SNES game?! Why do you leave all the good s**t in your own country, Japan? emo



It's called: learn to future technology Crystal Tokyo. mad



rolleyes Sure we'll need more of those running around pretending they are important.



The Gin-what? Like a Ginsu knife or something?



Didn't we kill him like... eight hundred seasons ago?



Yet again.



Like is it a cell phone or something?



Or an earthquake; better run!



Meanwhile, in some other, less idiotic (?) era:



Oh for- we just started this b***h up and Usagi is already being stocked! mad



Kind of like how you're doing right now? confused



...sort of how it was my destiny to stomach this prologue.



Should've known there was a bigger, more creepier p***k behind this stocking.



Me too: it said something's gonna happen, and sure enough: something did! (my coat fell off the hanger, OH GOD).



And Usagi is lovin' this s**t.



If you're not familiar with the series, Chibi Usa's boyfriend is a ******** horse.



Okay, no Chibi Usa goes on this generic monster rant, but I didn't feel like screenshotting the big tower of text that I could sum up in three words.



Center stage, center stage..



B-but what did I do?! gonk



Which brings us to the title screen, possible confused or bored, pick one.

Chapter 2: Damn, Respawns



I think the entire cast of Sailor Moon should be used to being randomly whisked away to wherever by now..



B-but we blew you up in an alternate dimensional tower in a gay rainbow crystal scene!



I guess if you skipped the prologue this whole rehash scene is valuable, but it's not for us, now is it?



-headdesk- No Mamaru, ghosts are real and you enjoy pillar'd rooms.



Is that like an expensive shiitake mushroom or something? D;



Meanwhile in a less "WAT" place in Tokyo:.



You don't see the damage scissor mark of the whole -1 HP we got from that fight?



Her sort of, not really boyfriend who was like in two episodes before disappearing into the shadow of plot, he can also tell fortunes.



That's... a sexy date.



They obviously don't know how to have fun on dates. mad



I just don't know, this part they get all snoopy on their love lifes. It could have something to do with me being a male, but this s**t is boring, let's hurry and go bag us some youma and lesbian Sailor Soldiers. mad



FINALLY, something worth mentioning! <3



She does that when someone recites the quadratic formula to her, Minako.



...for ********, like honestly, at this point of the game, they just try to shove love interests in the whole non corny five seconds of cutscene, other than that, he serves NO PURPOSE OR RELEVANCE in this part.



You try saying that. mad



Okay You E Chi Row, see you never again!



Kay, so long story short: after a good hour or so of boyfriend talk, Ami gets tired of this s**t and goes to the "train station" and we are pervs and want to spy on her getting down whatever the ******** her boyfriend's name is's pants.



At least Makoto has the right idea to the storyline of this game.



So the Hikawa Shrine is in the ghetto of Tokyo apparently with a respectively ghetto bus that probably could only fit like 1/10th of the typical Tokyoese bus station rush IRL.



Uhh, we kind of missed that chance.



Literally like .1 of a second later:.



Sure, why the hell not? I don't know much about the world, so I can't judge the fact that there's trees growing in the middle of a street fairly.



Rei: "Dat a**."



gonk They're like 15ish.



Yay, typical RPG panic!



Just because she carries a calculator everywhere, doesn't make Ami a monster. mad



With any luck, it's probably Ami's boyfriend, but hey, I could be wrong!



Sure Am's, we sensed your distress, and weren't stocking you all this time!



And to battle we go to save Ami's boyfriend from monsters!



Which makes me think: are we on a bullet train or an airplane? confused



Sailor Karate Rockstar!



And that's the last of the cool Sailor generic attacks, the rest scratch like pansies.



Right, so I'mma get technical for a moment: numbers mean everything in this game. I don't know what the calculations for attack are, but +7 Atk makes all the difference. So if you have troubles (not like you'll ever if you play this game), just gain a level, you'll win next time, guaranteed.



She is the strongest of the inner senshi by the way. cool



She's just... an item bot I guess..



I'd imagine if you were playing this the non-breaking way, she'd be a valuable member (dat Def), but since you want to kill everything first turn, first attack in this game before you move on (which isn't that hard), Def means jack s**t in this game.



I like Venus, and that's enough reason for me to use her all the way through this game, stat wise, she's not as haxx as Mars, but as you can see, she's decently balanced.



B-but you're not supposed to know her when she's in Sailor form though because the tiara and short, non school skirt makes that much of a difference apparently!



Apart from just talking to us .2 seconds ago, sure.

Chapter 4: Tokyo Is Now Only Three Or So Blocks



I guess even in the midst of demonic activity, a girl's gotta go shoppin', eh?



Pfft, it's never fun going shopping with lesbians -madface-, or the Mystery Gang for that manner. D<



Or, alternatively, we can just make up our goddamn minds! ...Usagi's house it is!



says Hotaru, and I thought she was ready to disappear in the hospital and reappear on top of an Egyptian pyramid for a second there, making the Sailor Squad have to go find her!



To replace your sub-par fighting skills/another target for the enemies to hit instead of just you? Welcome aboard Hotaru!



Right, so allow me to demonstrate how to kill EVERY enemy in this game in one hit: combo attacks. So, everyone can do what Usagi and Setsuna (yes, she joins eventually to break the game to the point that the final boss doesn't even get to move, not to mention, anything for that matter once she joins. Feel free to consult a couple of episodes if you didn't see that one coming) are doing, and 5/10 times, it creates an attack so broken that it can kill every single random encounter in the game to the point that you can literally put frameskip on (memory cursor, FTW!), tape down whatever your A is on your keyboard and call it a day. Today, we go with the strongest attack so far/maybe in the game, Usagi and Haruka- Usagi for her speed activation rate, and Haruka for her omgwtf (strongest in the game, naturally) Str.

TL;DR- Setsuna is broken when we get her, and MakeUpLinks are also broken.



Yay, random encounters for all the WORLD SHAKINGGGGG! x 1,000 more !'s and DEEP SUBMERGEs that one can handle!



Michiru... I imagine she would have pretty cool MakeUpLinks that might be strong, but Haruka and Usagi is honestly all you need for this game to break it. Other than that, all her attacks are hit all, which is cool I guess.



Now Haruka, dear God... her Str growth is somewhat random, but most of the time it grows a stellar 9. To try and balance the game, the designers gave her one of the worst Spd growths in the game, but Usagi MakeUpLink with her~.



For the Goddess of Destruction who the Senshi once fought for three episodes straight, Hotaru doesn't really have impressive stats (hell, her scythe isn't as strong as Haruka's generic punches- both you should NEVER do anyway is somehow stronger), but her decent Spd, coupled with the cheapest, non MakeUpLink that goes on to be the strongest almost free attack in the game earns her a spot in my party permanently.



A couple of battles later, we now boast full magic and everyone caught up.



If you haven't noticed, I've been collecting puzzles to ******** with the enemy's apparent fetish for hoarding pieces to themselves. Why? Find out later, of course it breaks the game like 99% of things in this game when it's finished.



*Spends all my money already = 3= * Better things come along, so we can blow all the yen we have (oh damn, $257 in yen from killing things?)



Out of everyone- Hotaru is the only one with a new attack set from the anime, mainly because she doesn't really do anything in the anime except for die and be reborn over and over again. :/ So they gave her an attack that does 999 later on for two SP, why the hell not?



Oh... how... stereotypical, 1,000 yen says I can find a hentai reference!



What's worse is it heals the senshi! gonk



In some other store, we find a shocking revelation that all the Senshi have their own Gameboys and all like Pokemon to the point that it makes them forget the fact that they got an energy ball to the head a few seconds ago, thus somehow healing them to max HP.



And now to break the game more: Accessories. Now, somehow- it's beyond me, but people in this game can equip two tiaras at the same time if they wanted, but why do that? It only boosts your Def, for now, we buy a shittonne of Bracelets to make Usagi do something for once/make her MakeUpLinks more haxx, and to make Michiru actually do more than single digit damage and Anklets for Haruka so she can World Shaking spam from turn one. I could really care less about Hotaru at this point, as she's sub-par until she gets her super accessories that then make her OHKO everything.



Damn it Shingo, find a different way to fap! mad



And for poor Sailor Squad, gets plot'd by an inconveniently placed Youma.



Whee~ Youma prancing around my house.



But why did they even dis-transform when they went to Usagi's house anyway? confused



Welp.



But I guess recovering his carcass is the LEAST we can do.



Holy Christ, the kid can run laps in his room if he wanted. =o



But much like any earlygame foe, it goes down in one MakeUpLink, woo.



We also mug $25 in its video game/ramen fund, which isn't a bad thing at all if I say so. :3



Fun fact: If you turn back into normal Usagi, he'll be a p***k to you again, because red things in her hair apparently make all the difference.



Smooth, Usagi, very smooth...

Next Chapter- Annoying text messages from a cat, inevitable raids, energy balls and Mamoru is a wuss.

Chapter 6: Good God, Japanese Architecture is Redundant



Ya' know, like every other Sunday when the Senshi decide to take a break and wander about their illusions.



But enemy plans to drug the Senshi for the rest of their lives is boring stuff, let's climb this obelisk of a Junior High School and beat the crap out of them!



Upon raiding the first classroom we see earns us Ami- who is sort of being Shingo'd at the moment.



That's what bedtime is for- or at least before one goes to bed. ninja



Ami's wet dream sort of speak: taking care of children inside of a hospital. gonk I thought she was supposed to be the most normal of the Senshi. D;



But even so, she still apparently wears her school uniform. They could have edited the whole few pixels of it to be a hospital scrub, but effort, effort...



Says Ami during vital organ surgery.



Fun fact: the phone is still very well not picked up.
-Long story short, she now has plans to eat out with her Dad- who is some very big doctor irl thus never seeing him and her "husband" and Mom and live happily ever after, why the hell not?



But Usagi not liking anyone but her being happy decides to end this fantasy.



Ooh, I should show you this part! It still makes her useless and can't link, making it even more useless, but yay third tier transformations! The second one is for Chibiusa's inevitable join.



The boss decides to drug us for showing off such a useless item.



And it doesn't go as planned.



I suppose that's a nice thing about the Mooncup, free healing and unlimited use, but no one really dies in this game if you try at least a little bit not to.



So with a couple of laser swords and psychedelic scythe techniques, she goes down without the Senshi losing a single point of HP.



It's Sailor Moon- they're going to get it in the future anyway, so why live it now when you can kick some demon a** to get it later? confused



Well that's good, the inner Senshi would all be brainless without you. = 3=



So naturally being a good friend, we leave her on the floor in a monster infested school when the monster free infirmary is just next door.



Told you. stare Free healing that we don't really ever use, FTW!



Look familiar? surprised Lazy programmers. mad



Cause God forbid, high schoolers need that. When I was in high school, we had cooler signs like "no smoking on school property".



Ooh, look Rei, but in a classroom that looks exactly like the other one, but she's in a different position than Ami! I wonder what she's fantasizing about.



Hell no, she's kind of a d**k.



But, but, she is! D;



Well yeah, I AM the heroine after all, but I'd much rather find a new Sailor Mars first. D<
-See: "But thou must" Boss edition.



Awright: 1- You were just begging me to kick your a** two seconds ago and
2: If the last chick couldn't even touch me, yet alone last a round of SPACE SWORD BLASTA! What do you think you can honestly do? Even seeing as I'm not going to waste a turn transforming Usagi into Super Sailor Moon thus two MakeUpLink attacks. Jus' sayin'.



Oh cute, pallet edits!



Okay, I lied, I did transform her into Super Sailor Moon, gotta show you her "ultimate attack" that totally gets outclassed by her MakeUpLinks anyway.



Just like the anime- it's a bunch of hearts and lasers, no rainbows. >: (



And a big explosion in the end. heart



With a pixelated background, that of course means we'll be diving into the depths of Rei's dream.



Her greatest fantasy is Mamoru rejecting her? =o



I KNEW IT! Mamoru is a ***** for more than just Usagi! Rei that whore. mad



Lolchiba, I almost saw that as Chibi.



I think Haruka would like to say something:
SPACE SWORD BLASTA!



Wake her up for the love of God Usagi! gonk



She is the best friend ever, and the most obeying heroine ever. cool



No, that is Rei, Chibi Mamoru only wears mini skirts in secret with Fiore.



You don't even want to know what she was dreaming about. -cries-



So naturally Rei just conveniently passes out and leaves us to find Minako and Mako-chan on our own. This I don't mind leaving her alone.

-Tune in next time for more silly signs, childish love and normal- but weird still love compared to the rest of the Senshi!

Chapter 8: Karma for Mamoru Being a ***** cut last chapter short cause this is a pix heavy part of plot and pseudo saving and dark lasers from Hell.



Did you honestly need to tell us that after going through the same rescue-save scene four times in a row?



Apparently "as usual".



Sorry brah, it's in Crystal Tokyo as said in the Prologue. cool



She does every other episode, so why the hell not?



Or we can just beat the s**t out of you clowns and shake her until she wakes, much like what we've been doing for God knows how long.



DUN DUN DUN.. and b***h, I sleep for twelve hours a day sometimes when I'm really tired, and never died once. X 3 is still under my name as nor have I've fallen into a pit of lava or a big gaping hole in the ground she'll be fine D< .



Damn it Haruka, you lead us here, so get us out of this mess! mad



Says the girl who didn't want to even be here.



And she just wants to conform, so they throw in a line for her here.



Oh for- if you listened to people more, Usagi, you wouldn't be in so many sticky situations! mad mad mad mad mad



She said:



And now we're going to pay dearly for it, that is unless..



Tuxedo Kamen'd!



In theory a time staller so Usagi can gain the balls to blast you all in the face with a razor sharp tiara, but in reality, just Usagi's nine year older than her boyfriend.



He also always makes a gay state the obvious comment when he makes his gay-like appearance via rose throwing every episode.



For the last time Usagi. mad



Cause it's magic and fixes every problem without destroying your face and life.



Something someone should have said to every enemy in Sailor Moon up to now.



And that's all you need to know, because as stated, the Gin-something-su is magic. Oh magic, you are the best plot filler ever!



Must... break... up... with ... Mamoru... and... find... a... less... creepy... lover...



Why didn't do that from the start, or manipulate Haruka to kill everyone? confused



Dream time!
Pictured: Perpetual housewife-ness.
Not pictured: A sense of dignity.



...to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of Oz!



HEADDESK heart



Now back to making food and driving Chibi-Usa to soccer and gossiping with the local priest's wife.



What now? D;



OH SHI-.



Dark lasers are never good. Unless if it's Haruka shooting them, then they're fabulous. = 3=



Or you could have just pushed everyone out the way you included instead of jumping in front of it. :/ Or better yet, thrown a rose at one of their necks when they were casting the spell of bad plot. :/



If his starts are anything like are's, it was probably like -1 or miss.



Damn it Hotaru! mad



And that is how we end this chapter, minor flesh wound for Hotaru who took the damage like a man and major damage for Mamoru who exploded and is passed out like a Princess in a storybook.

Next chapter- plane tickets, your favourite censored gay couple, having to travel across the world and IRL country namedrops!

Chapter 10: What the Swiss are Hiding From Us



Might as well get the hard stuff out of the way first the game says, so we start with Miss Mizuno.



Right, so she isn't that bad, having the right to boast highest Def/Evd rate in the game meaning she'll only get hit (if ever) with 1s and 2s if set up correctly, but the game is more along the lines of "BEAT THE s**t OUT OF THE ENEMY BEFORE IT CAN EVER MOVE!" so naturally, who needs those two stats if you don't even use it 90% of the time? To aid this, we pile Atk + accessories on her, so she can OHKO every enemy she encounters (hopefully).



Your worst nightmare: a Sailor Mercury solo. D;



Ya' don't say, and the Pacific Ocean is pretty deep, the more you know.



Well, let's meet some of the locals.



Ami! No need to be so racist!



So she does what all geniuses to and...



Jumps off the mountain, why the hell not?



Not even shitting you, but she's a Senshi of magical powers!



Just a little, now hold on while I jump off this tower.



Lord knows how long later, we end up here, in a man's house under the blankets, oh dear.



Not even a "How are you feeling from jumping off the biggest mountain in all of Europe?" Why I never! mad



As pictured, Ami doesn't like creepy men who can speak Japanese apparently (or Ami can speak Swiss, or whatever they speak there), so alias it is!



Then why is there light coming in through the window? Huh? confused



Oh dear, apparently, we're not the only girl he's keeping in his beds. gonk



Zoicite's a boy though! D; and since when were we looking for a cave? I thought we were looking for a stone. -blank stare-



Umm, last time we checked, her face was blue.



Zoicite's stone or not, a spelunking we will go then if it has treasure!



This IS an RPG. mad



Even in the remote ice glaciers do the Japanese still dominate the shops.



That's a good thing then, piled with Bracelets (+ Atk) she's an unstoppable tank/deathstar!



She's kind of... not.. there I think. sweatdrop



OH GOD, IT'S A ZOMBIE! gonk



Pictured: Two seconds ago him telling me NOT to leave the village.



Upon offering some medicine Ami was just conveniently carrying around with her, he then goes on to say that this is plot illness that some guy named Dr. Schwartz can only heal.



No world map needed or anything, just three or so steps chocked full of enemies.



Right, so in battle, Ami has the ability to... shoot bubbles, shoot bubbles, and...



Summon a big ******** tsunami, so naturally, we do that while she wears bracelets on every bit of arm she has.



Good God, someone must've gotten mad at that puzzle we've been collecting for pieces to end up in Switzerland. =o



-Doesn't make a masturbation joke here.-



If you study Ami's wrists, yes, yes they can.



Inconvenient'd!



Seeing as your and the neighbouring town sold Japanese food, I don't see why she'd look funny. mad

Tune in next chapter for *****, accessory breaking to break even Ami, and back to why we're even in Switzerland in the first place!

Chapter 12: Oh Shi- Antagonist Outta Nowhere!



Why can't you just jump down then? You did it before. =o



Hmm, I wonder where these stairs located like three steps left go?...



Well, this is a pretty exciting dungeon...



After traversing many loops and "U" shaped mania, we end up at a savepoint. Boss tiem!



After a couple of more exciting "U"'s, that is where one gets into a random encounter every five steps or so, which Ami has pimped out Spd, and Atk so she demolishes everything in first move without ever being hit.



Glitter + Zoicite, do I even need to go into details?



I thought her arch enemy was going to be Murduk! D<



If by dead, you mean a whole - 2 HP, two hits being lucky shots, then sure.



HA! WE KNOW YOUR NAME ANYWAY! Jesus Jose, she's a giant.



She has around 250 HP by the way.



Lol.



Never underestimate the power of Physics kids!



Yes, you shall call her Ami-sama now, and put strong emphasis on the sama. cool



Second form boss? Oh you b***h! mad



But before we bother with that, we have to pull a Xenogears and pull a big plot bomb that takes forever to fold out just so if you die, you have to watch it all over again. trollface.jpg



Yes, but why? confused



And some blue haired nobody on the streets will? =o



OH GOD, TALKING DEMONIC BUSH! gonk



But but, internet!



That sounds as legit, "hey kids, I know the answer of the Imperium Silver Crystal, it's in the trunk of my van; get in!"



And with that, Nabu takes the bait of the ***** and gets tractor beam'd into the back of this hooded figure's van.



Fun fact: The Ginzuishou is in Japan safely tucked in Usagi's breasts/locket, all Ami has is Zoicite's Hi Stone.



Nonetheless: Round 2: FIGHT!



Oh, your defence is sassy this time around. 4laugh



@ Makers of this game: If you want a second form boss to be tougher than first, do more than just give her a higher Def rank. :/



And drowned you twice may I add, and clawed you to death when she ran out of EP.



Yeah, yeah, excuses excuses, just finish her, Ami.



-Doesn't make reference something that he doesn't want to even bring up-



Third form?! b***h please, unless you do something about that Atk, I'll bust out the EP healing items in battle to drown you more. mad



And with that, she runs away like a pansy, gives Ami the Kage Stone and did nothing but waste her time.



But that's good, the whole population here are either *****, blue faced or racist. D;



But you just said three seconds ago that- fuuuuuu...



And spectacularly may I add without a single healing item use. 3nodding

Bonus Content:



This is Ami in the live action Sailor Moon (and about the approximate same face she made when she learned that Nabu had a second form), isn't she a qt? On the show, Ami is portrayed as a quiet type who is only overcoming her fear of people. Also, her Mother is a doctor always on business trips to Europe, and she doesn't live with her Father, so she's always alone. She also demonstrates skill with a sword which is sort of hot. redface

Next Chapter: Rei's chapter, with monks n' s**t, and yet another creepy man.

PS: If the -1 dmg wasn't enough to make you love Ami as well as her cute rage face, Here you go~, running s**t over with cars and badassery included.