Welcome to Gaia! ::

Name: Magiore Carpenter.

Nickname: Maggie, but if you call him that he might punch you.

Age: 22 years old.

Birthday: December 19th.

Sign: Sagittarius.

Gemstone: There were several, but Topaz was the most common.

Blood Type: AB.

Fav. Food: M&M’s. His guilty, totally secret pleasure. But if you catch him eating them he’ll pretend he doesn’t like them.

Hated Food: Seafood. Are you kidding? That stuff was in the ocean. Kids pee in there.

School: None.

Hobbies:

• ”Watch out for my blowtorch.”: Most of the silver jewelry Magiore wears comes from himself through silver brazing. He doesn’t like to have to rely on other places to get what he needs, so instead of scouring around uselessly for hours only to come up empty handed, he just makes his own necklaces, rings, chains, and whatever else he feels like. He has a small workshop set up in the spare bedroom of his loft that he spends at least a few hours a day working in. Magiore mostly sells these online, but sometimes he'll set up a little stand somewhere.
  
  
• "Elementary, my dear Watson.": Sherlock Holmes is pretty much Magiore's idol. He'll spend hours reading old Sherlock Holmes books, so much that he almost has a few of the stories memorized. He'll quote it way too much, and it's one of the few things that he'll actually get ridiculously emotional and excited over. Secretly he kind of wants to be Sherlock Holmes.
  
  
• "Can I help you with that?": Along with his hobby of idolizing Sherlock Holmes, Magiore spends much of his time at his job - which is a cashier in a bookstore. Perhaps it's not the most glamorous job there ever was, but despite that, he loves it - not that he would ever say that out loud. He also volunteers at the local library sometimes, helping out with reading groups and the like. It gives him a chance to work with books, something that he finds quite relaxing.

Virtues:

• Ambitious: He has big plans, big ideas, big goals. Once Magiore sets out to do something, he wants it. He is a very confident, goal-oriented person who refuses to sit idly behind and let other people move while he is sitting still. He has the drive to do what's necessary, the strength of mind to stick to his goals once he's made them. A very task-minded person as well, he has a habit of making lists to keep himself on track. Magiore is the type that knows what he wants and will set out to get it. He is not afraid of hard work and will persevere to the best of his abilities.
  
  
• Personable: Despite the fact that he is not the greatest communicator in the world and tends to stray towards single-person activities, he does make an effort to be socially active. Meaning, that although he feels slightly awkward around large groups of people, he strives to be well-known and respected among those he does know. In his mind, if he can't be respected by the people around him now, then he won't be respected by the future leader he hopes to be. So he does his best to be as sociable as possible, and although it's still a work in progress for him, he's slowly getting there.
  
  
• Innovative: Magiore has learned, over the course of his life, that you can't just sit by and expect things to solve themselves. Considering who his idol is, and what he likes to do, he's the type of person to look for different ways to do things, solve problems, and figure out solutions to whatever comes his way. His perseverance makes it so that he will devote a good portion of his time to answer the question, solve the puzzle, or get out of the situation.

Flaws:

• "Authority Rules": Though he has a bit of a superiority complex going himself, this does not apply to those above him in power - if he believes them to be in the right, so namely the Negaverse superiors and obviously not the Senshi. Magiore respects them, reveres them, and will always treat them with dignity. Not only that, but he's eager to please them, willing to go to do what it takes for their praise and
  recognition in return - not necessarily blind devotion, but he is loyal and ambitious enough to do a lot more than he would normally. He is a determined individual who desires power himself, but he's not the type to try and usurp the throne, so to speak.
  
  
• Rash: Magiore tends to not think before he acts. He just...acts. He doesn't take into account the consequences, nor the results of what might happen. And he does it just because he wants to. So if he wants to cut across three lanes of traffic to get to the Krispy Kreme Donut because the Hot n' Fresh sign is lit, he'll do it without a second thought. Obviously this presents a problem when he wants to do something and can't, which makes him very, very irritated. When it gets to this point, he usually sits and fumes silently to himself like a four year old throwing a tantrum. There are times when he'll just say "screw it" and "doggedly pursue" whatever it is that he wants, but he also realizes that there are times when he needs to just zip it. It doesn't mean he won't sulk about it, though.
  
  
• "Green monster, anyone?": Basic gist? He gets jealous way too easily. Someone has something he doesn't? Instant irritation. Magiore has yet to grow out of this very childish tendency of wanting to be the one revered, the special one, the one everybody likes. And when he's not, he'll silently fume (superiority complex, anyone?). He also tends to bottle up this irritation and envy, letting it out at the most inconvenient moments.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Bright blue.

Hair: Black with a single strand of peacock blue and green twisted in. Shoulder length and curly.

Face: Oval shaped, slender.

Clothes: He usually dresses to look impressive and presentable. Clean cut, dark, muted colors, nothing extravagant, but with an edge of class and elegance. Always wears a silver cross necklace.

Talked with someone who helped me tweak a few things~ <3

Hey Kuropon! <33 I saw your quests were bumped up and thought I'd give you some crit, since I love you and I love your characters. * n* I'm really long-winded with crit and I tend to ask a lot of questions, so please don't kill me for the length of this. orz My suggestions are all just that -- suggestions -- things that I think would help to bring Magiore together into a more well-rounded, cohesive character. I hope I can help out a little bit, or at least give you some things to think on!

His hobbies look good to me, but the only thing is... they're all very solitary. Making jewelry in a spare room in his loft, reading Sherlock Holmes novels, and trying tea. He could go out and about and see people in tea shops, yeah, but if his main goal is to try to the tea, it seems like he doesn't have a lot of hobbies that will put him in the path of others with the intent to socialize with them. I'm just worried that his hobbies will have him holed up without a lot of built-in ways to get him to interact with others. So maybe throwing something in that will put him in a good position to meet people and socialize would be a good idea. He could volunteer or even work at a library, maybe, so that he could spend time assisting people/doing readings to groups (probably most likely children, but still) or something like that. Just a hobby that gets him really out there. Maybe he could sell his jewelry at the Saturday market or something! That'd get him out and about and seeing people a lot, since a lot of characters love to accessorize.

"Dense and Densibility" isn't really reading much as a virtue or a flaw at the moment. You say that he can be reckless and make poor decisions, but then immediately add that he can be capable of being calm when it matters most. That would lend it more toward being a virtue, but maybe flesh it out a bit and tell us how he remains calm in desperate situations. Is he just a cool cucumber in general? What seems more likely given what you've written, is that his calm and composure is the result of a conscious decision to regulate his personality. If he tends to be reckless out of boredom and/or the lack of anything else to do, it stands to reason that this is probably his predominant personality trait for this section -- he's impulsive and action-oriented, which doesn't really lend itself to thinking things through or being calm, especially in a stressful situation. If he is generally impulsive and reckless, his ability to be calm during crisis doesn't make much sense unless he has worked very hard on it, and if he has, that would reflect in his daily life as well. What I'm getting at here is that this arrangement seems to be a little too perfect -- he's impulsive and reckless when it doesn't really matter, but during crunch time, he's calm and cool and collected. Character-design wise, you aren't taking any risks because when it really matters he won't be affected; he'll breeze through any situation just fine. And that's not very fun to play with or play off of.

My suggestion would be, if you want to keep him largely reckless and impulsive, nix the cool and collected aspect and have that be something that he is working toward. Through RP and development he can be making a conscious effort to curb his impulses and actually sit back and think things through, which will give you a lot of room to develop him and have his character grow through trial and error. This way, especially during his first few stages, he can mess up and have things blow up in his face, and he can be embarrassed and have to learn from them -- which I think is the most fun anyway. Watching your character grow and take shape through RP is what it's all about, and right here you have a prime opportunity to take a general character flaw (that is what it would become, anyway, if you took this direction with him) and gradually work it so that it becomes something he is A) well aware of and B) actively combating to become a better person.

He can still retain the calm aspect of his personality, and I'm not saying you should make him wild and crazy and all over the place. Just as it stands with how you've written it, it isn't really a working virtue or flaw because it balances itself out too well so that he comes out on top.

"Authority Rules" is also actually reading as more of a flaw to me the way you've written it. Respecting authority and adhering to it is one thing, and can be considered a virtue -- knowing one's place as a cog in the wheel and respecting that is fine -- but blind devotion and a**-kissing reads more as a flaw if you view it in the light that he is doing so in order for his own personal gain. If he is respectful and admiring of those in stations above him, going to extraordinary lengths for their praise (how extraordinary? will he make himself look ridiculous? is this just above and beyond the call of duty, or will he become their lap dog?) in order to make himself shine and move through the ranks, this reads more as a flaw. It is sort of underhanded, not necessarily false admiration but it is not respect for the sake of respect, it is in order for him to get something from it. So possibly changing this to a flaw that shows him to be overly ambitious to the point of behaving in extreme ways for attention and recognition from his superiors could be a good route to go here.

"You've got a little rash there..." is a good foundation for a flaw! It's playing up the impulsiveness, which I touched on above, and could be consolidated into one flaw. Think about how this affects him in social situations, work situations, and relationships. Give us a broad picture of just how his impulsiveness is a detriment to him. You say he gets irritated when he can't have his way -- well, so do most of us. Does he throw huge fits? Does he give up entirely? Does he doggedly pursue what he wants even when he is told no and it slaps him in the face because he can't do what he is wanting to do? Does he make snap decisions that he later has to turn around and remedy, giving the appearance of being flaky? Does he promise to do more than he can do in the heat of the moment and then have much more than he can handle on his plate? Does he lose others' respect? Is he regarded as not being dependable? These are all really important things to consider in order to make this a good, solid flaw.

"Green monster, anyone?" is a good trait to have for a flaw. Jealousy can be crippling and very embarrassing, especially if you are obvious about showing it. You say that he seethes and bottles up his negative feelings until they explode -- also really excellent, as it shows poor coping mechanisms and a lack of control that is implied in the rest of your profile.

Given how you've constructed his profile, I think the part that could use the most attention at the moment would be his virtues. Given the picture you've painted, some good ideas might be "ambitious," "hard-working," and "personable" -- I say these for a number of reasons. Ambitious because you state that he'll go to great lengths to be recognized and he wants to be the one recognized -- he clearly has an idea of where he wants to be and isn't afraid to dream big in that respect. It gives him drive and motivation as a character. Hard-working, because you state that he will bend over backwards to impress his superiors -- he's clearly not afraid of the hard work involved in becoming someone that everyone acknowledges and comes to revere, so highlighting the fact that he is no lazy bum would be a good idea, I think. Personable, I feel, goes hand in hand with the other two. No matter how talented and hard-working you are, if you can't shine socially, you won't move up in the world. Someone who is amibitious and hard-working will recognize that, and even if being a social butterfly is not the natural perogative, it's something that they could work toward and make a conscious effort to improve on in order to improve their chances in being the head honcho one day.

As for his scars, if you explained exactly how a dog left two vertical scars on his face, that would be helpful? In my experience with dogs (and we have like five or six of them at any given time!) if a dog wants to play with you, they'll jump up and use their paws. If they want to hurt you, they'll use their most powerful weapon -- their jaws. If the dog was attacking him with the intent to hurt, it seems more likely that it would jump up and knock him to the ground and then bite his face, which would leave scars more in the manner of rows of teeth versus long vertical scars. Dogs will very rarely rake their teeth down someone's face or body part; they'll bite, hold on, and gnash. So a little bit of explanation on how he got that scar and the process for it would help me, personally, though it's not necessarily required in the actual body of the profile!

Okay! That's all I have at the moment. I hope I've helped!

He sounds very interesting the only thing I really have are a few questions for you.

For his final weapon, do you have any reference pictures (even if vague) of what his weapon is, as far as what a tonfa is? As most people probably won't know what it is, just a quick little reference picture would help with people going "ohhhh that thing".

I like idea of the paper cranes, I actually also have a few questions for you on this... When they're folded down into the tiny, sharp darts, does that mean a major paper cut for whoever he's against? How well do they fly when thrown? Are they expected to stick into the wall/skin/clothing/etc?

(I realize some of these are or sound like silly questions, but you never know they could come up. ^^; )

I am not sure how feasible a workshop w/ a blowtorch in a loft is. SEEMS LIKE A FIRE HAZARD. IDK. Could be he rents the use of a Community College jewelry area or another person's workshop on occasion?

Personality: I'd see if you can't tack one one more virtue. He's creative with his art and does that bleed into a virtue with innovation or just plain creativeness? He seems to be a bit self sufficient, is that a trait? In his flaws you mention he's a believe in order so is that a virtue?
Just one more virtue can and a whole lot more depth to him I think.

On weapons, they seem fine, barring the first. Paper crane should just be that, a paper crane. Lt.s get the joke weapons which don't really do much damage. Like, he can give em a nasty paper cut, but he still has a crane in the end.

PS: I know his future youma |D

When I say blowtorch I mean like...a small, handheld one, not one of the big ones. Probably similar to a soldering iron, but if that's not applicable, I can switch it to just using one in a community place. C:

With regard to his daggers, someone once told me (long ago) that the first stage weapons still had to do damage, so I threw that in there but I can just take it out. C:

AND THAT IS NOT HIS YOUMA LMFAO



1. Just two - is that okay?

2. Added a virtue based on what Vamps was mentioning, since it fit. C: