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[Q]Sailor Dike--Senshi of Discipline [Crits/Suggestions<3?]

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T-Kai

Timid Lunatic

16,150 Points
  • Timid 100
  • Peoplewatcher 100
  • Invisibility 100
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:46 pm


H-hi. >A>
I've been working on this guy for a while, but I finally plucked up the courage to post, partially inspired by the current event - so I can get some critiques and suggestions before I enter.
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:51 pm


What Category is This For? Semi-custom!

How Many Powered Characters Do You Own? Zero~

Link to Quest Thread:

Name: Elizabeth Kahn

Nickname: Lee (Lee’s an FTM Transgender)

Age: 16

Birthday: 12th of December

Sign: Sagittarius

Gemstone: Turquoise

Blood Type: O-

Fav. Food: Lee’s a fan of most foods, happy to comfort eat whenever he can, but his absolute favourite? Tea. Whether it’s because he’s proud of his British heritage, or whether it’s just because he likes the semi-bitter flavour of the drink, he loves to experiment with all sorts of tea’s, and his current favourite is often carried round in a flask in his school bag.

Hated Food: Like I said, he’s a fan of most foods, but there’s one he really can’t stand. Mushrooms. They’re slimy, they’re gross, and they taste rank. He hates them, and it’s perhaps one of the things that ruins a dish for him.

School: Meadowview High School

Hobbies:

Martial Arts

Tang-so-doo is not a hobby. Tang-so-doo is a path. A path to discipline, to self-control. The art of fighting means a lot to Lee, he’s done it since he was very small, and it’s become almost an obsession. He practices daily, determined to strengthen his body and mind, trying so hard to become the person he wants to be. Strong, reliable, male. He goes to a class on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. Mondays and Fridays he trains for two hours, and on Thursday he trains for three. He is currently Second-Dan, and aiming for his third in a year or two. His Sah Bum Nim, or Instructor who is 4th Dan, is proud of the boy, and knows about his ‘condition’, dealing with all the people in the association so when he grades his name is not read out as Elizabeth.

Drawing

Unlike his Martial Arts, which he’s happy to blab about, and show to anyone who wants to hear (which isn’t many, he talks about it so much), his drawings are much more personal. He wouldn’t classify himself as good, and certainly his art isn’t stunning, but they’re full of emotion. Whilst he’s usually restrained and sullen, take a look at his sketchbook, and you’ll find all the things he doesn’t speak out loud written down in the most intricate ways. Anger, resentment, sorrow – he generally takes out the more negative emotions in his sketchbook, with slightly abstract, angry drawings, but there are a couple of pages where happier things or memories reside – a child with a kitten, an angel, but look at the next pages and the angel has fallen, the kitten is tearing apart the child – things don’t tend to stay positive for long. Why? Because drawing is his outlet. He started drawing age seven, when he was sent for counselling and his counsellor suggested it.

Cooking

Remember I said he liked food? Means he likes cooking it too. This is another one of his hobbies he doesn’t talk about much, feels it’s girly, but he’s a good cook, being able to produce even difficult dishes on demand. He might not be the most inventive cook though, preferring to stick to the rules when at all possible, but his dishes taste good even if they are to the letter. This was encouraged by his Dad, who takes the initiative when it comes to anything that he feels might make his daughter more girly. Lee doesn’t know this of course – whilst he resents his father anyway, if he knew of that feeling, he would likely abstain contact from the divorced parent totally. He goes to his Dad’s every other weekend, and he usually spends most of the time cooking, or learning to cook – it’s a bonding activity, as the counsellor calls it. For Lee and his Dad, it’s an excuse to skirt around the true issues.


Virtues:

Persistent

Got his mind stuck on something? Got his interest piqued? Good luck getting him out of it again. Lee is persistent to the end – unless he thinks it’s going to endanger someone he cares about, or let out his secret, Lee will do everything humanly possible to find out what he wants to know. At the same time, this works for hobbies – take his martial arts for example. He got hooked, and now he’s determined to make it to the end, to achieve grand-master status. This goes with most things – school, work, hobbies – it’s very difficult to get Lee to give up on anything, which means he’s always going to keep trying.

Hard-Working

But persistence alone is not enough. You have to be ready to work, to apply yourself. Lee likes to work. Whilst other teenagers go off and have parties, Lee is much happier to go and do a part-time job, or one of the many errands he runs. He believes strongly in the value of work, and despises laziness, which doesn’t always put him on the best footing with others of his own age. However, because of this, he gets on very well with most adults and older students because more often they know how hard work helps.


Strong Morals

Lee knows what right and wrong is, and there’s no shades inbetween. He believes in what he believes to be right, and will fight for it – usually successfully. If he sees someone being hurt, or someone thieving, he will grass them up. He won’t stand for injustice, and no matter what the personal consequences, will not tolerate any prejuidice or discrimination of any kind.



Flaws:

Obsessive

What? Me, obsessive? No, it’s just a hobby! Mhm. A hobby that eats away at your entire life. If Lee wants to do something, he goes the whole hog. He knows he may not be the best – yet. He can fix that if he tries hard enough, he knows he can. Lee is easy to get addicted to something, and once he’s in, he’s very hard to get out. However, his moral standards prevent him from doing anything like smoking, drinking and drugs, so there’s little danger of that. However, in terms of social reclusion? Try recluse to the extreme. Whilst he socialises perfectly pleasantly, it’s never held a great interest to him.

Uptight

The downside of strong morals? Lee’s a b*****d about keeping them. He lives his life to a set way of rules and codes – and he doesn’t like people who break them. This leads to him having very few friends, which perpetuates his solitude even further. He tends to be called ‘stuck-up’, ‘snobby’. Which, to be fair, is probably true. He also sees everything in black and white – this is right, and that is wrong, no matter what.

People-Pleaser

Lee tends to say: “Yeah, I can help with that.” “Sure. I can do that.” “Yeah, whatever.” The problem is? He says that to every Sue and John who come knocking, which means he tends to end up with a lot of things on his plate – not to say he won’t do them. No, he will make every effort to do them. The issue is? He often spends so much time doing favours and his own work and hobbies, he has no time for a social life – not that it bothers him much. Lee is a very secluded person, the type of guy who would prefer to be perfecting skills and hobbies than socialising. I mean jeez, girls are icky.

Insecure

Lee is insecure, which leads to his slightly strange demeanor. His biggest, strongest paranoia is obviously being mistaken for a girl, but further worries include anything and everything else relating to femininity and weakness in any form. This is both why he is antisocial and why he is somewhat of a yes-man - he comes off gruff to prevent 'weakness', but when asked he must be a 'gentleman' and comply.



PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Dusky gold

Hair: Dark red, in a masculine style. Think punk-ish.

Face: Tanned skin, with a small barcode tattoo over his left eye.


Senshi Alias: Dike

Senshi Element: Discipline

Challenge: To control other, you must control yourself!

Attacks:


Sailor Scout Attack: Dike's Discipline!
- This attack lends a small sphere around Lee's fists and feet, which if it hits the enemy will incur additional physical damage - based on how hard he hit to begin with. For example, if he only brushed his target, it would just feel like a stinging slap - but if he hit you full-on, it would wind and possibly break a few bones. The downsides to this attack is that the spheres are very taxing - he can only use them about twice in a fight for bursts of about two-three minutes, and after the second time he'd be likely to collapse. In terms of the size of the sphere, imagine is hand outstretched - the sphere extends from where his middle finger would be, to his wrist.


Super Sailor Scout Attack: Dike's Demanding Discipline!
- Similair to the original attack, the benefits to the upgrade are he can now use it for longer - five to six minutes rather than the original two to three, and the sphere is notably bigger - reaching to mid forearm instead of wrist. However, he can only use this attack ONCE, though he can use it in combination with the original attack once also without collapsing.

Eternal Sailor Attack: Dike's Dragon Discipline!
- Completely different to his two original attacks, which center round powering himself up, this one deals damage to the enemy and scatters their mind, possibly causing them to break ranks - a loss of discipline as it were. It causes a whispering mist to curl round the enemy - the mist is acidic so it will irritate and burn the enemy, and from the mist come voices whispering to the enemy of their fears.

Inspiration Images: Have any images that you want our artist to consider when making your character? Post them here!

Not really~ He is a dude in all but biology though, so male lines please.

T-Kai

Timid Lunatic

16,150 Points
  • Timid 100
  • Peoplewatcher 100
  • Invisibility 100

T-Kai

Timid Lunatic

16,150 Points
  • Timid 100
  • Peoplewatcher 100
  • Invisibility 100
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:59 pm


Open for posts. Y-yup. >A>;
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 3:58 pm


Over-achiever sounds more like a people-pleaser trait. When I think about over-achievers, I think about people who try (and usually) succeed at everything they work at. People who win science fairs with insanely difficult projects for their age, are in or run several after school activities (like soccer team and editor of a school newspaper). Generally someone who is always on the go and hard working.While I can see that in Lee, the way the trait is written is sounds more like Lee is a doormat for people, looking for people to like him by constantly doing things for them and seeking their approval (i.e. a people-please/ 'yes-man'). There also seems to be an antisocial vibe there, which I'm not sure works well if Lee is always saying yes to people and trying to help them out.

Also, I feel like you could address the FMT transgender issue more in your personality, if it's something you're adamant about doing? How does Lee feels about his identity? Whether it's feeling lost or insecure or even have issues with depression. Depression, or even anger, can be pretty common in people who struggle with their gender, identity. They also, typically, are more intune with their goals, emotions and are often very sensitive and empathetic individuals. Maybe this is something you'd like to explore in an additional flaw/virtue?

zippedsiren

Dapper Spirit


Queen Ismaire

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 4:30 pm


Just a small bit, as I pretty much agree with what zippedsiren already posted; has Lee ever considered getting sexual reassignment surgery? Sexual identity issues tend to influence a lot of traits in a person, so I think it'd be nice if we could see more of that reflected in his profile.

Also, does Lee/Elizabeth wear a male or female uniform? I seem to remember Sailor Foramen (sp?) I think being male and wearing a female uniform...

Otherwise, he's well-rounded character who sounds like he'd be very interesting to RP!
PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 1:17 am


You might consider Eumonia for a Sailor name. Eumonia is the goddess of laws, so that fits the discipline idea. Also, the Guardian Cat *********> is a very active character in the shop and Eunomia is one of "her girls," meaning your character would automatically get a team and the protection/counsel of a Guardian Cat.

Plus ********* would probably stalk Eumonia if you're active, meaning you could easily get a lot of Rps (should you so desire). xD

Edit: Bah, I just saw that there's already a quest for a
Sailor Eunomia. Technically that doesn't mean the name is taken, but that's up to you.

Another suggestion would be Dike, goddess of (moral) justice. It fits and kinda has a double meaning. There's also Varuna, a god of law (amongst othe things)

The Red Dame

Friendly Lunatic

9,550 Points
  • Hive Mind 200
  • Loiterer 100
  • Elocutionist 200

T-Kai

Timid Lunatic

16,150 Points
  • Timid 100
  • Peoplewatcher 100
  • Invisibility 100
PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:56 am


Sorry it took me so long to get back to you.
I got the flu and got EATEN. D8

@Blasphemy: I'd rather not step on any toes, so as much as I love the Eumonia idea, I think Dike would fit better. -nodnod-
Plus ages ago I think I had Dike as his asteroid, before I lost the form. xD

Thankyou.

@Queen/Siren: He will be going for assignment surgery at some point, and is currently on testosterone hormones. I've added another personality trait (Insecure) to hopefully explain a little more. -nodnod- Thankyou.
PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 9:12 am


Oooh, I'd actually advise handling this in a way other than making a singular personality trait dedicated to it? Instead of having one 'insecure' trait that's specifically about your character's gender identity, it might balance him out better if you write out characteristics that allow him to be affected by this in a way that makes sense for his personality type. I did this with Janice/Uranophane, who is trans but it's not explicitly spelled out in her profile anywhere -- partially because she's super duper in the closet about it, but her obsession with being serious and being taken seriously contribute to how she handles it as well as how she handles life in general, if that makes sense.

tl;dr you don't have to wave the FTM flag in the profile, and I'd rather see how he's a unique person outside of that. c: Everyone handles it differently -- some people are going to be more confident about it than others, some are going to have more accepting families than others, etc. Whatever the case, that's something you can address in RP based on the personality he has instead of writing his personality around his gender identity.

cibarium

Noob

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