Welcome to Gaia! ::

Sorry for another depressing thread. You guys are often all I have to turn too. If I tell my friends and family how utterly miserable I am they might make me see a shrink and that's not for me, I've tried that and it seriously makes me feel worse.

Anywho, so because I work a summer contract and haven't got around to getting a "real" job these past 14 weeks for fear of loosing my weekends a.k.a Cowboy time. I'm rather broke. Most people just think I'm a lazy bum but I have been doing what I can to save money. I volunteer for medical studies which would have kept gas in my car and paid for xmas gifts had I not managed to get 4 tickets in the past 3 months. I swear to you I am an excellent driver. My issue lies in reading signs. 3 parking tickets for not seeing a sign 20 feet away or not reading the second half, or assuming because other cars were parked there that I was allowed. And one for turning left between 6am and 11pm. I didn't read that sign cause I was following another car but the cop chose to stop ME and not the first car. evil

So since all my money is going to pay my tickets I no longer have gas money. I was so upset about the last one (150 dollars) I couldn't stand to go out clubbing as planned. My "friends" got very upset at the idea of finding their own way home. I offered to pick them up at 2am and drive them home. They declined. I haven't spoken to them since. In school I sit with them but they never say more than 2 words to me. I guess I need to find someone new to sit with...

Microbiology is my nemesis. On the first exam, the school server crashed the morning of. And as always I had left studying to the last possible minute, and was unable to read a good half of the material. I got a 47%. The second exam I made sure to study, I studied all weekend, I stressed so much I got a massive migraine, I couldn't even stand up. I never got to read the last 2 chapters. I got a 60% on that one. The quizes all worth only 2% each are worth 20% of my final grade and I have 31%. I need to pull off a miracle to pass this course, so I'm studying every day. But really, the chances of me passing are about the same as winning the lottery. Which means an entire extra year in this program, with no one to talk to anymore. And entire extra year of living at home with my parents. And since I only have 4 classes and won't pass the minimum of 4 I'll be on academic probation for those 2yrs.

I haven't met any men that didn't turn out to be total dirtbags. I'm miserable at school, miserable at home. Broke. Just feeling like my life is such s**t and I have to suffer through 2.5 more years like this. To be completely honest, most days I wish I would just get struck by a car or something. I'm actually quite terrified of death. I guess it's more that being in the hospital would be a nice vacation at this point.

You should just move to Oregon and go hiking with us all the time. :3 Bend is awfully pretty!

On the serious side, I really wish I could say something to make you feel better. sad But I suck at cheering people up. All I can say is try to focus on the good things you have- your family that loves you, your awesome dog, your little devils of rattie poos, and sweet kitty.

As far as friends and men go, forget about them. There's a reason I stick with my animals and really nobody else. I dated some real douchebags, and was a total depressed recluse when I met Chris. I don't know what he saw in me. I found out that if a guy isn't willing to fight for you, he sure as hell isn't worth having.

You know, I'm sure I would've been in an extremely similar situation if I'd lived with my father... minus having any animals at all. And he wondered why I didn't want to drop everything here and move back to Ohio with him to go to his old college. sweatdrop

But honestly, I've mentally been in a very similar boat as you with this past year. I've had tons of my animals pass away, had to fork over 5k from my own home savings to pay off a car that was in an accident, handled moving our horse to a new barn (which sends me on guilt trips because we moved a lot as a kid, and I hate it), have gotten sick twice in the past two weeks with any time miss coming out of my vacation days, might get chicken pox because my brother now has it, and still haven't even gotten a chance to get my cats in for their annual shots or even set an appointment to consider adopting a new bunny.

I used to come home to my two fish, two cats, and two rabbits. Now, all that's left at home of my pets are the cats, not including the kitten I lost in July. It's taken a while for me to really even care about coming home after Fawn bunny died, because letting her out to play was my major de-stresser after returning from work. And I must apologize, as I've just ranted on your rant page gonk Feels nice to have somewhere to vent, though, were no one can look at me funny or anything.

As for your situation, it sounds like you just might need an extra push or extra time with schoolwork. I know that I don't get things like that done ever at home, so you might have to plan times where you stay on-campus at the library or something away from distractions. If you're confused about topics, ask your teachers if there are office hours or anything else extra you can do to have questions answered or just get more experience in general with the topics you're struggling to get. Most full-time teachers should be willing to help so long as you're coming to class and are honest about wanting to improve your grade. I know there are always exceptions and rude teachers, but it's worth a shot.

With your family, I guess you're just going to have to keep anything you want private hidden and expect them to barge in like that, as it doesn't seem it's going to stop. Maybe just pretend you live in a hotel, as they'd be coming in and doing that stuff to you every day if you did!

On the positive side, at least you have somewhere to live. It's incredibly common here in the US for parents to boot out kids at 18 to live in college dorms. I'm sure some of them do fine, but my mom's an adjust English professor and sees at least half the dorming students become seriously sick in the first month or two from the combination of lack of sleep and viruses floating around the buildings. Most end up going to the hospital to get fairly normal stuff treated, since they're no longer on their parent's insurance to afford normal doctors. Our current foreclosure rate is gigantic, too, so there are lots of families who've lost or are losing their homes. Sounds like you guys aren't at risk of that, at least.

And, as mentioned, you have a wonderful pup to come home to each day. A perfect judgment-free listener to all your secrets and problems! =) I know exactly how you feel regarding the psychologist/shrink thing. I've debated going to one myself, but besides not having the spare money left after vet bills/the car thing this year, I know they wouldn't understand or help the situation. I know why I'm upset. I don't need to be told.

I spoke with my teacher, she said I should have told her I was sick but it's too late now. I asked if I could do a project for extra credit and she said no. I need a 85% on both finals

welz, fermentation and aerobic and anaerobic respiration made very little sense to me. Besides that I mean, I'm understanding it, but, it's just getting it to stick in my head. Our teacher is CRAZY. We had no midterm for the lab. It's EVERYTHING from the whole semester that we have to remember and I'm seriously freaked out.

The only thing she said to know was how to do a gram stain. Which I suck at, I always wash away all my bacteria with the decolorizer.

And we have to be able to describe things (i.e turbid, undulated, fancy words) and understand what those results mean. For like 25 different test, is she insane, I have to know what color means what result for each test? Kill me now.

Minimum wage in the US depends on the state. In MA it's $8.00. Here's a nifty chart: http://www.dol.gov/whd/minwage/america.htm. Is it not like that in canada? I'd think that the different provinces would have different costs of living.

I'm sorry you're having job troubles =( That is always the worst, especially when you really want to work and make money, but the only things that are available are either horrible or they take up time that could be spent doing what you love.

I know it's probably really tough going to school fulltime, and 2.5 years may seem like a lot, but I said the same thing about 4 years of high schooll, and it seems to me like it flew by. Plus, going to college is helping you become what you want so you don't have to work a job that you hate. And you get the perks of discounted vet care, and those things you were talking about in your other thread like how next year you'll be able to do you own collections and tests for rascal. Imagine if you were going to school for like business or something and you had to go and pay full price for all of that? Then you'd be even worse off. I think despite the hard classes and whatnot, it's probably worth it in just that you'll be able to monitor Rascal's kidneys as he ages without breaking the bank too much. I wish I could do that for Sugar's heart murmur.

Hey, I'm not much chop at making folks feel better. But I am really sorry you are going through a rough time, it's never a pleasant experience.

Do what you have to do to get your school results, even if it is incredibly painful to do. If you only studied for the weekend, didn't even mske it through all your course material and got 60% then I have every faith that you will succeed if you study everyday. How many days/weeks until the exam?

Forget about your 'friends'. Their actions and attitudes show their real worth. They sound like complete users. I would shelve those worries until your exams are out of the way. Focus on and worry about one thing at a time...believe me, it makes everything so much more manageable.

Once you have got the school stuff sorted, focus on friends. Probably not worth bothering with the users you mentioned, but could be worth integrating with an entirely new crowd.

As for men...shelve them for even longer.

Work hard, worry about one thing at a time [even if it is one thing a day] and use your animals for downtime. You'll be alright.

I should be studying for my major lab exam tomorrow and instead i'm just sitting here ******** bawling. Why? Simply because my mother wants to have xmas here this year. I told her to let my aunt do it. She says my brother doesn't want to drive to Ontario. She asks me why I'm so upset an I just lost it and told her how she ruined christmas for me, because every year she just bitches me out and screams at me about every little thing in preperation. That I don't want to go through that s**t, that I got enough s**t from her when she didn't expect any help from me and now that she's asking for it, I can only imagine how much she's going to b***h at me all month long. She brushed off everything I confesed to her like I was some emotional retard, said she'd just ask me to wash the dog. But she "understands how the stress of the holiday can get to people" and I'm like YA YOU! AND THEN YOU TAKE IT OUT ON ME! AND I HAVE ENOUGH s**t TO WORRY ABOUT THIS MONTH.

I just want to lock myself in my room until this horrible time of year is over. I use to actually get excited for xmas, I use to actually like it. Every year I would wrap all the gifts, and put all the decorations up and help out without even being asked, and every year my mom would scream about every little detail that wasn't perfect and I would be all cheery and listening to christmas music. One day she threw a pair of skis at me and told me to hold them and they slipped out of my hands and fell and she just blew up at me about how her floor was ruined now thanks to me. That was the last straw I think. That day I stopped listening to christmas music, I just gave up on being the only cheerful person in my family.