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 Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 4:23 pm
 Shai sat on the border of Lunarie lands, his eyes downcast. He didn't know what to think anymore, or what to even do with himself. He had thought things would work, hell, Shinya was his lifemate now. He had proposed, and even agreed to them having kits together one day. Still, these thoughts in his head was to much.
It was Thea, a female he had once been in love with. Yes, in love. His first love. However, he was pulled from her after his parents death, leaving to go and make sure his family was safe. Yuki had grown a hatred for him and he had been trying to mend this hatred. No, not just Yuki's hatred for him, but everyone's hatred for each other. His family had been broken, he had gone to try and mend what he could salvage.... Not only had he failed, but he had caused Sin to become aware of their whereabouts and attack Nuishan when she was returning home. He had caused great stress on Yuki. And, in the end, when he returned he thought Thea was gone from him. She had kits, her own kits. She had moved on, or so he thought.
During that time of confusion and hurt he had met Shinya. In the beginning it was mere greeting. She was hungry and so was he, and so he fed them. He had no idea she would catch his heart, that she would steal what he thought he'd never offer to anyone ever again. And yet, when he brought her to Lunarie and asked Ari if she could join his eyes fell upon Thea. It was not love, no, it wasn't even that he wanted her again. It was hurt, pain, and the memories of what he thought they had. Apparently, she had moved on. Apparently he had been nothing. He felt foolish, idiotic, and most of all, hurt.
Now he had Shinya though, and though the past hurt he knew it was for the best. For now he had the most beautiful, sweetest, and funniest mate ever. She would be the mother of his future children. She would be the comfort he needed. She would be one of the reasons he lived. If Ari did not accept her he would have to choose between her and Lunarie.... Between two things he loved more than anything, and she probably would win.
Though, he needed a talk with Thea, he needed to shove these thoughts aside so they could move on. No, she had already moved on! Hadn't she? It was him that hurt... right? Then why did Ari say those things? Why did Ari say she hurt too?
Why was everything so confusing?
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Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 4:51 pm
Thea took a deep breath as she padded away from Ari--one of her two best friends--and shook her head. He had suggested, probably wisely, that she and Shai needed to have a talk, especially if his...if his new mate would be joining Lunarie...
Well, that was a good sign. She had stopped wanting to start crying every time she thought of it, at least...
Thea sighed again and pulled herself to a stop beneath a familiar tree. There was nothing special about it, save that it was one she had slept under many times. It comforted her. There, she sat and thought and thought. Shai had left her, left her completely alone, and given her no word as to why or for how long or anything. Over those weeks, maybe even days...she had missed him. Waited for him. And waited and waited and waited. After a certain point, Thea had realized that her continued solitude--and antisocial behavior, and generally downtrodden mood--was not doing her tribe any good. The tribe was supposed to come before anything.
And so she had plotted Ari's 'birthday' party, because he had lost a mate too. Since she knew that he loved his family--the parts that were still there--she had gone on a quest of sorts to find them: Sigal and her mate and her children, Twilight and her family, and Aysu and his other children with Kazuki.
Somehow, she had come back pregnant. As the memories--very slowly, and mostly after the children were born--came back to her, she realized it was by a vixen--somehow. She didn't remember a name, nothing besides she was red, and apparently had an 'S' shaped marking, judging by her daughter's marking of the same sort.
And then Shai had come back, over the moon delighted with a new mate. That had hurt worse than labor.
But he was back. And he was not leaving. So Thea had to be the bigger fox and talk to him about it.
As luck would have it, she spotted his familiar--too familiar--white coat in the distance and made her way to him, silent as ever but contrasting with the dark trees around them.
"Shai?" Thea murmured, her voice a shadow of it's normal volume--and that wasn't much to start with. However, she made it sound a little more forceful, a little more brave than she felt. "I...I think we should talk..."
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Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 5:25 pm
Shai knew he had left Thea, knew and understood he should have told her. However, he hadn't thought he'd be gone for so long. The days just melded together. One day his brother was going for his throat, the next he was curled up beside a crying sister. The days seemed like one, and in the end it was Nuishan that reminded him it had been months since he had even spoken to his tribe. He had been blind, and when he realized this it was to late. Thea was gone, and he was alone, if only for a little bit.
He was ripped from his thoughts as a familiar voice spoke his name, his eyes flicking over and head turning slightly. His eyes didn't betray the shock he felt, instead he nodded towards her, towards Thea, pushing back the lump in his throat and the sick feeling of regret in his stomach. She was right, they should talk, and yet he didn't want to at the same time. What would happen? Would it start over again? Would he.... fall for her again? Or would they both reject one another, forever to be at this tense state that was mostly Shai's fault. Or...could they be friends?
"Thea." He responded with, turning his body to face her. His ears flicked, eyes lowering once more. "It's been....awhile."
Was that all he had to say? Of course she knew it was awhile! She wasn't an idiot! No, that was one of the reasons he had fallen for her. She was smart, and gentle. She wasn't naive. Time had changed Shai, he had matured, but what had time done to her? He still thought about the what if's, what if he had stayed? What if he come back to her? Was she angry at him now? Did she hate him? Perhaps, and even as painful as this thought was he knew he deserved her hatred. He had left her, maybe unintentionally, but he had. He could do nothing but ask forgiveness, but why was this so hard? Was it so hard to face the vixen you had once promised yourself too? Yes.
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Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 6:35 pm
Thea nodded absently, trying her best not to add 'some other time' to her previous sentence--why was this so hard? She was supposed to be the wise, gentle, smart, relaxed one of her friends and family, the rock that they used for stabilization, the calm in the storm. Yet here she was, her tail flicking behind her anxiously (no matter how she tried to stop it) and the bottoms of her paws sweaty in nervousness and she could already feel the blush creeping to her cheeks.
This was a bad idea. If Shai wanted to talk, he would've come to her, and now she had forced herself on him and it would all end horribly because he was with another vixen that he obviously loved and why oh why was she here again?
Sighing quietly, she reminded herself--because if they didn't talk (no matter how much neither of them wanted to), they would be miserable. Actually, she would be miserable; she had no idea if Shai even felt a little bad about what he had--no, what had happened. She had to be careful about not blaming him...at least out loud. From the somewhat garbled information she had overheard slash been told, he had some sort of family emergency...
...One that caused him to run away from her. For months. With no notice or warning. Why was there a nagging part of her that just didn't believe him?
"I-is now a good time, or should I come at another time...?" Thea asked softly, keeping her eyes trained on the ground, her paws, the trees; basically anywhere but his form, because she knew that if she looked at him the blush on her cheeks would grow to the color of a ripe tomato and she would be forced to flee Lunarie from sheer embarrassment.
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Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 6:58 pm
Shai watched her, his red eyes raising to look at the moon. It wasn't like he didn't want to speak to her, it was just... he was scared. His life was changing, and he didn't know if this talk would change it again. He wanted to repair things, and yet his stomach lurched as she spoke. What he really wanted was to say no. He didn't want this talk, then again, did he really want to keep this tension between them? No. To lift it he would have to talk about his failure and face the maiden he had hurt in the process.
He let out a sigh, lowering his gaze to her. She looked small now, afraid and small. He couldn't keep doing this anymore. They needed this, both of them, if they ever hoped to move on.
"Now is fine." He quietly responded with, curling his tail under him. He didn't have a right to decide, he never did. He had hurt her, and so she decided. It was her that would decide when she was ready, and if it was now, then so be it. He would face what he had done. "Unless....you rather...not?" His voice lowered, shaking with guilt. He wanted to move closer and say he was sorry, but he couldn't. He had left her all by herself, left her to wait and wait and wait... She must have been lonely. If only for a little.
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Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 7:06 pm
More than anything, Thea wanted to say 'I would rather not ever have this talk', but he had already said that now was fine, and she couldn't back out without seeming a coward.
Which she was, but she didn't want to seem like one. It was two completely different things.
"Then now it is," Thea said softly, wrapping her tail around her, absently mirroring his movement. Okay. Now what?
Sighing softly, Thea chanced a look up at him--and instantly wished she hadn't. Her heard wrenched and all the memories of them--happy them--came flooding back to her again. It made her want to start crying. Again.
Clenching her jaw slightly, she forced those memories away. They didn't matter--not anymore. "Where...where should we...start?" Thea asked, making herself look back at him once again. She had started this, and now they were going to finish it, even if 'finished' meant they never spoke to each other again and Thea ended up leaving Lunarie so he could be happy...
...Well, maybe not leaving Lunarie. She didn't think Ari could quite handle himself without her, after all. Maybe when he was more himself, she would quietly leave and let everyone continue with their happy lives. Maybe Schizzo and Ripeti would come with her; maybe not. Schizzo had found a mate and was ridiculously happy (Thea was ridiculously happy for him), and he probably wouldn't want to leave his home. Ripeti had always and would continue to do what he wanted; maybe Sienna would come with her.
But nothing had been decided yet, she reminded herself. No need to think of running when there was nothing to run from (even if there was).
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Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 7:34 pm
He didn't know where to start. Where did she want him to start? Did she want to hear he was sorry? When her eyes lifted to look at him his heart wrenched as he saw the face of the vixen he had been so infatuated with. His eyes didn't meet hers, to ashamed to, instead flicking to her feet. Now he was the one that couldn't look at her. He just wanted to beg for her forgiveness. He couldn't stand this anymore, remembering what he had done and how it could of hurt her. But, this was his punishment for being a fool when he was younger. Being a idiot, a young, clueless idiot. Not that he was older he had to face the consequences.
He knew where to start, from the beginning.
"We both know what I did." He began with, eyes narrowing as he grit his teeth. Why? Why did he do it? Why didn't he just tell her? Why couldn't he take the extra two seconds to say he would be back? He was such an idiot.... "I left you. I left everyone. I left Lunarie, you, my friends...everyone." His eyes closed, sucking in a deep breath before exhaling, his voice lowering slightly.
"My parents were killed. I didn't think before leaving, and when I did it was to late. I didn't think I'd be gone that long, and when I realized how long I was gone...you get the point." He sounded pathetic, like was making excuses. His voice cut off, not continuing anymore. She had to say something, she had to, or else he'd be gone.
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 7:26 pm
"You already said that," Thea teased gently, though her soft chuckle died in her throat as he continued. His parents were killed? Thea felt a pang of sympathy in her chest as her black eyes looked at the male before her. She had never known her own parents, or indeed whether they were alive or dead, but she could imagine the pain and grief and confusion he must have felt.
She could almost forgive him. Almost.
Then again, Thea was Thea, and she could forgive anyone of almost anything. That was one thing that made her a good Carer.
"I'm sorry," she told him softly, genuinely meaning it. "It's good you left, then. You should have been with your family."
Except, I thought I was your family... a little voice in the back of her mind argued. Why hadn't he taken the extra five seconds to explain to her? Maybe it was her fault...maybe, though, if he'd come back alone to her, if he had explained everything, maybe they could've stayed together. It would've been rough, but they could've done it.
He didn't, though. He came back with Shinya, another vixen, like what they'd had together was nothing.
Thea looked down again, blinking rapidly to keep her eyes from tearing up all over again. They were supposed to be talking.
"Well...I'm sure you've seen my children around," Thea began after a silent few moments, figuring it was her turn to explain. "I do not have a mate." She had to make that clear. "I ventured away from Lunarie to try to find Ari's missing children, as part of the surprise for his birthday." A wry chuckle escaped her lips, but she pressed on. "I met another vixen, Chiara, and we must've hit it off quite well. I do not remember that night very well."
Sure, she remembered certain parts of it, but her white fur blushed pink at the very thought of her few scattered memories.
"By the time I had returned, unsuccessful, I had learned I was pregnant." Thea shrugged one shoulder indifferently, leaving out the part where she had felt so ashamed of getting knocked up by a stranger, the part where she had been terrified of becoming a mother, that she had leaned on Ari so heavily, and the part where the BCRs had appeared on the night they were supposed to be celebrating Ari's birthday--that part was extremely embarrassing to her, even that much later.
"They are the best things that have ever happened to me." Of this, she was absolutely certain, and a smile played on her lips as she spoke of them. "Ripeti, Schizzo, and Sienna." She said, telling him their names, and as she did her smile only widened. "Schizzo and Sienna have mates now." The pride was evident in her voice, and her eyes held their old sparkle again, which since first Shai himself and then Aara had left, hadn't been seen for a long time.
But discussing what they'd been up to since they last spoke didn't satisfy the reason she had asked to speak to him.
"What do we do now, Shai?" she asked him softly, blinking owlishly at him. "Where do we go from here?"
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Posted: Tue May 31, 2011 9:56 am
The tease didn't bond well with Shai. Was she merely sputtering jokes to make the tension less....tense? No, he didn't want that. He wanted her to yell, wanted her to demand answer. He wanted to feel the pain he knew he had inflicted. He wanted to help her.
Help...
He had no right. No right to even hope to help her, to even pretend that he was worthy. He had done this to her, this unforgivable act. He had merely abandoned her. Yes, he believed she had a mate. Yes, he had thought she didn't need him, but why had he found Shinya soon after? As if he didn't care? No, he had!
Was this regret piling up? Did he...regret Shinya? Or did he regret Thea? If he hadn't done these things then he'd never have Shinya. But, would he have been happier with Thea? All these thoughts, regrets, they were becoming to much for the male. Did he make a mistake? Yes, he had! But then that was admitting Shinya was a mistake!
"My family.... didn't need me after all. I went there to..." He stopped, realizing she knew nothing of his family. Nothing. He looked at her, eyes hardening, having to hide the tremble in his throat. "My father cheated. He had a second family, my step-siblings. I believe you knew that. I have two full-blood siblings and three half-siblings. My brother, who is from the same mother as I am, was abused and treated poorly, and, in the end killed both my parents and my step-mother."
This was not an excuse, and he didn't mean to sound like he was trying to make a excuse. "I am not making excuses. When I arrived there my brother had already left. My sister was calm, but, one of my half-sisters were distraught, my half-brother was missing, and, my other half-sister could care less. I ended up..." He stopped, head lowering, chest heaving slightly.
He had left her for no reason. He wish he had known that there was nothing to console, wish he had stayed beside Thea. No, if he had there wouldn't be Shinya! Oh god, what did he want?
Her children.
He listened carefully to every word she spoke. She kept saying words that were assuming, 'must've', 'I do not remember', all words that seemed to hint that she truly did not remember the night she spent with that vixen. He wished, oh he wished he had known!
Her question caught him off guard, causing the male to want to rip the words from his heart. He knew what he wanted. He wanted forgiveness, but, he wanted her to be happy. If she had to hurt him to do it so be it. She mattered. He still cared for her. He still wanted to make up for what he had done. Then there was Shinya, his mate. He loved her, he truly did. So, was it wrong to wonder what could have happened? Just to wonder?
"What do you want to happen, Thea? I have no right to decide where we go, I am the reason we are here today." He said softly, hesitantly.
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