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Tags: Writing, Write, Poetry, Novels, Stories 

Reply Post Your Work: Originals/Fanfiction
"Masquerade life" (poem)

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Broken_Angel_xXx

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:03 am


“Masquerade Life”
By Sarah

My life a masquerade party
Always wearing a mask
In realty I’m wearing several
My makeup is the first one
I don’t have natural beauty
And I can’t embrace something I don’t have
If someone stares into my eyes long enough
They might see the second layer
I’m broken to pieces on the inside
But the surface is sewn together
It’s hard to see the last mask
But it’s not impossible
This one tells the story of my heart break
Even then I only tell a memory
The mask is to cover up the pain
People overlook the fact that
I don’t tell the story of what I felt
But of what I still feel
And the memory that creates a heart ache
As you can see my life
Is full of masks that I wear
In my masquerade life

comments plz?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:50 am


I don't really know much about the mechanics of poetry, so I can't really help you with that, but your words are beautiful and sad. I really like your poem. smile

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Broken_Angel_xXx

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 2:33 pm


thanks smile
PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 10:12 pm


Fear me, love me, do as I say.......

The meaning of the poem is beautiful but I think you could make it more rhythmic. All those horrible things they make us learn in class? Um... Crap I can't think!!! X/ Assonance!!! And Consonance! Using things like that would give more rhythm and music to the poem. Also I suggest taking out the second first third and what not, so that the meaning of the poem stands out more powerfully. You misspelled ache, which I assume was a typo, but if we don't notice them ourselves someone has to. :3 If you revise the poem I'd love to see it again to see what changes you make. Also, if you spruced it up a bit I bet you could send it into TeenInk magazine and get it published!~ I got one of my poems published once, (accidentally) And they sent me a couple of pens and sticky notes as well as the magazine. Twas awesome.


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Broken_Angel_xXx

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 5:23 pm


awesome! and thanks for the advise!
PostPosted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 7:05 pm


Fear me, love me, do as I say.......

Ja no problem! ^w^ It's always great to know what people really think about your pieces so that you can make them perfect!


And I will be your slave........

Evermore Your Angel

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Broken_Angel_xXx

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 5:04 am


agreed
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