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[Q] Crowley the Avarice Demon [Crits?]

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Saint Of Revenge

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 11:07 am


AMITYVILLE ACADEMY ENROLLMENT FORM

Name: Crowley Cosma
Nicknames: Crow
Gender: Male
Age: 16

Faction/Race Demon/Avarice (Wrath)

Personality: Crowley was born into the world with a big ole chip on his shoulder. He harbors a strong dislike of everyone and everything around him - friends, family, enemies... He loathes them all and when they anger him, Crowley lashes out verbally and occasionally physically which doesn't exactly make him the most popular guy around. To those that are determined to get to know Crowley, however, he can be a caring individual with a sense of honor that forces him to defend those that he thinks are weaker than him.

When he's not seething in a silent rage, he can be a somewhat funny fellow. His naivete often leads to hilarious occasions that put him in a further bad mood. He enjoys teasing others immensely and he puts on a front of being completely full of himself to hide the fact that he has a very low self esteem. When someone gains his hate, he holds a grudge against them and will not cease his onslaught of assholery until he grows bored of backs himself into a corner.

Crowley's biggest quirk is that he absolutely and completely hates women, no matter their age, race, faction or personality. This can all be traced back to his early childhood when he tried so very hard to get his mother's love and the fact that he never succeeded. He tends to place the blame for anything that goes wrong when a female is involved on said female. He blames his bad grades (if he has them) on his female professors. If he doesn't get into a club or some such, it would be because there's a female who is black balling him.

Crowley's type of bullying is more along the lines of not being friendly to girls. He wouldn't go out of his way to cause trouble (probably doesn't seem like that) but if a female someone came up to him and was kind, he'd be likely to be curt and distant to them. If they continued to attempt to "harass" him he'd be the drama llama and start causing problems. When he does run into a female that he genuinely admires, he insists that the woman in question is not really a female but a male in disguise. It takes someone who is very strong and doesn't buckle under his anger or tyrant ways to earn his respect.

Why are they enrolled in Amityville Academy? Crowley wants to show his mom just what she was missing by ignoring her son so he's determined to excel at Amityville Academy - even if he spends more than his fair share of time in the principle's office.

FEAR: By twisting his umbrella, Crowley does a sort of hypnosis in which he puts his target into a sort of trance. During this period they will see their worst nightmare (not the fun kind) which normally lasts for a short amount of time - less than a minute is not far from the norm. However, should he not be focused enough on the attack or if his temper gets the best of him, Crowley will be unable to attack and possibly put himself into a trance.

Physical Description:
Eye Colour: His sclera of his eyes is a dark red, his iris glows a warm scarlet.
Hair Colour/Style: His hair is a curly mess in a shade or two darker than his iris color.
Skin Colour: He's extremely pale - think vampire pale. Or a die-hard nerd who hasn't been outside in a few years pale.
Clothing Style/Colours: Crowley likes to dress sharp - you will never catch him wearing anything but a pinstripe vest suit sans jacket. He carries an umbrella with him at all times.
Extra: He has a barbed tail, two pronged horns and (as stated by his demon class) a pair of blood soaked wings.
References: Hair, eyes and horns ref, Clothing (without top hat)/tail ref, Hair/Eyes/Tail ref
PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 11:11 am


I think this is pretty much set up. Please go gentle on me. ><;;

Any suggestions for how his FEAR could be gimped down would be very much appreciated.

And yes, I did enter him in the Train that Couldn't Stop game with the intention of not bringing him into the shop but a friend of mine talked me into it. XD

Saint Of Revenge

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The Red Dame

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 4:37 pm


Well, you’ve got a good start, but I’d add more information, specifically to his personality. Here’s some stuff I’ve thought of:

  • If he hates all women, how does he react to them? Does he avoid them, bully them, etc? Does his reactions to his female peers differ from how he reacts to female professors? In general, how does he handle having female professors?

  • Seems like Crowley would be the sort to hold grudges. If that’s the case then you should mention it, along with how long he holds them and how intense they are.

  • You say he’s funny, but how? Is he sarcastic, deadpan, slapstick? Is he funny in the way that bullies are funny to their lackies when they’re teasing the school reject?

  • If the rest of his personality is so rotten, why would anyone find him funny? Is it because he’s charismatic or a good actor?

  • Right now Crowley has little to no features that would entice others to Rp with him, meaning he would become a bit of a dead end for you. He has to have at least some superficial traits that would attract people. An example would be someone that helps other people and thus seems very generous, when they’re really trying to learn people’s weaknesses and/or trying to get them in their debt so they can use them later.

  • FEAR: Crowley is a wrath demon, but his Fear is hypnotizing people? Personally I think you’re missing a big opportunity here, especially since demons can use magic. I know year one students are supposed to have weak fears, but you can still take a grand concept – summoning towering, tornado-like infernos – and manipulate it enough to make a suitable ability. Of course, you may just like hypnotism, in which case to each their own.

Hopefully that was vaguely helpful. If you get a chance and can think of something, would you mind giving Marie some crit?
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