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 Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 12:45 pm
This happened to me in the beginning of the summer. My friend and I were on vacation in another state, and we were staying with her aunt and uncle. They were really nice, encouraged us to feel at home, totally opened their home to us.
But on one of our last nights there the inevitable happened. We were in the car. No escape! And her aunt asked us if we were going to church with them in the morning. My friend knows that I'm an atheist, but I hadn't told my hosts because I know they're very religious.
Now I can not stress enough how much I don't like being in churches. They bring back all these old feelings of guilt and confusion from when I was still struggling with my faith as a kid. And I always feel out of place. And since I stopped going to church with my dad, 90% of the time, if I'm in a church, it's because I'm attending a funeral.
There was a moment of awkward silence. Then I politely declined. She insisted. I politely, but more firmly declined. She asked if I go to church. I said not anymore. She asked why.
And here I had two choices that were not blatant lies:
1) I just stopped going a long time ago.
2) I'm an atheist.
I am not ashamed of my atheism. I'm proud of my journey, or at least coming out the other end of it a stronger person. And I definitely don't have a persecution complex. But I would be naive not to know that certain people have very strange ideas about atheism. And they become different people when they know.
And normally, I don't care. Let people judge me, it's not my problem.
But they were such nice people. And I didn't want to strain the relationship. Especially since I was staying there for a few more nights. So I went with option 1.
I think it's the only time I went out of my way to hide the fact that I was an atheist.
Anyway, now I'm blathering.
Atheists: I'm sure it's happened to you. What do you tell people when they ask you to go to church?
Have you ever gone anyway? Out of politeness or out of fear of what that person might think of you?
Theists: When you invite a friend to church and they tell you they aren't a Christian, what do you say? Does it matter if they're of a different religion rather than not religious by choice?
Have you ever pressured somebody into going to church who was clearly uncomfortable? Do you feel it's your duty? How far would you go to bring someone to church?
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Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 12:59 pm
I have Atheist friends, i never ask them to do anything religious with me unless they specifically ask. I've learned it's just an uncomfortable situation for all involved.
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Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 1:42 pm
I was raised in a Catholic family, and was heavily involved in my church community. When my faith changed, it was a hard breakup for me, and it hurt. But my family - my father is the dominating one - has told me clearly that as long as I live in their house, I will attend church. They cannot make me speak in church, nor will I accept communion, because I feel like I am lying. But it has pushed me to depression at some points, and I am not unfamiliar with the sensation of crying in the church bathroom.
I try to imagine myself as an observer. That way I don't have to feel guilty.
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Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 3:39 pm
My dad converted to Judaism to marry my Mom.
naturally, this pissed his ... methodist? some form of Christianity... they have too many %*^(ing forms! ... family off
sooo... guess who had to awkwardly decline going to every church event with his grandfather?
meeeeee!
so, yes, I feel your pain... the awkward pause, the "why not?" the "oh, you actually believe that crap!?" look... I've been there.
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Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 7:55 pm
Echo Ligeia I was raised in a Catholic family, and was heavily involved in my church community. When my faith changed, it was a hard breakup for me, and it hurt. But my family - my father is the dominating one - has told me clearly that as long as I live in their house, I will attend church. They cannot make me speak in church, nor will I accept communion, because I feel like I am lying. But it has pushed me to depression at some points, and I am not unfamiliar with the sensation of crying in the church bathroom. I try to imagine myself as an observer. That way I don't have to feel guilty.
You should never have to feel guilty for what you believe.
You have nothing to feel guilty for.
@Emet_Paladin of Truth: The weirdest thing for me is, I'm used to pretending to be Christian with my extended family. But these people weren't my family. They didn't know me. They probably either assumed that I was a Christian or was in need of saving.
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Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 7:59 pm
I'm a Pagan, so I'll answer more as an atheist wink
I love old churches, and big old beautiful Cathedrals. If it's gothic or Norman, I am totally there. I won't pay attention to the service, but I'll enjoy the plainsong and the masses. I just like the feel of old buildings in general, and the beauty of these forms of architecture in particular.
If it's a modern church, I'll feel uncomfortable. There's no sensation of years of ritual, there's no beauty, there's no soul to the place. It feels very false for me to be there.
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Posted: Sat Sep 04, 2010 8:23 pm
Before I came out as a nonbeliever, I sometimes reluctantly agreed. I willingly attended the baptism of a (former) good friend of mine because I knew it would mean a lot to him; however, the whole ceremony, I felt horribly out of place and couldn't stand the environment.
But as far as people pressuring me to go, I feel awkward as well. I fear the hostile reactions of people I don't know well (it seems only the ones who don't know I'm an atheist will ask). I'm usually upfront but polite about it and say something along the lines of, "I appreciate the invitation, but I'm an atheist and don't feel comfortable going to churches." If they want further explanation, I'll elaborate.
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Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 7:50 am
You guys,with the exception of the girl and her father, are lucky. The moment the kids at school found out i was an Athiest,they shunned me,mailed bibles to my house and once tried to baptize me DURING a school exam! Atleast my parents dont mind. Even when i was a catholic i never attended church,the reason? The closest thing i lived too was a synagoge.
Then one day....an asian boy on my bus kept shoving his 'new' testament in my face. I was so furious with him,and i took his book,slapped him with it and threw it out the window. A fight insued and i kicked him inbetween the legs with my steal toe boots.
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Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 2:54 pm
Extuis You guys,with the exception of the girl and her father, are lucky. The moment the kids at school found out i was an Athiest,they shunned me,mailed bibles to my house and once tried to baptize me DURING a school exam! Atleast my parents dont mind. Even when i was a catholic i never attended church,the reason? The closest thing i lived too was a synagoge.
Then one day....an asian boy on my bus kept shoving his 'new' testament in my face. I was so furious with him,and i took his book,slapped him with it and threw it out the window. A fight insued and i kicked him inbetween the legs with my steal toe boots. *winces* Ouch. I think I'd just get up and go to another seat. Or try telling him politely I wasn't interested. Maybe I would put my headphones on. If he tried to take them off, I'd probably try to sue him. rofl
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Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 6:55 pm
brainnsoup
Theists: When you invite a friend to church and they tell you they aren't a Christian, what do you say? Does it matter if they're of a different religion rather than not religious by choice?
Have you ever pressured somebody into going to church who was clearly uncomfortable? Do you feel it's your duty? How far would you go to bring someone to church?
It's difficult to know how to go about when you ask someone and they tell you they aren't Christian. Generally, I let it go and wait for some other time. The idea isn't necessarily to get them into the church, but begin religious discussions. It could take years, but hey. You can't rush things. I stop if they feel uncomfortable. I prefer to talk with people bit by bit. We'll talk, they'll go away and think about it, and we can resume talking a few days later. I do feel it is my duty to talk to anyone who wants to about my religion, or join in the debates. Slapping somebody with a New Testament is definitely beyond where I feel my duty lies. I'd go as far as it takes, but carefully.
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Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 7:14 pm
Eccentric Detective Extuis You guys,with the exception of the girl and her father, are lucky. The moment the kids at school found out i was an Athiest,they shunned me,mailed bibles to my house and once tried to baptize me DURING a school exam! Atleast my parents dont mind. Even when i was a catholic i never attended church,the reason? The closest thing i lived too was a synagoge.
Then one day....an asian boy on my bus kept shoving his 'new' testament in my face. I was so furious with him,and i took his book,slapped him with it and threw it out the window. A fight insued and i kicked him inbetween the legs with my steel toe boots. *winces* Ouch. I think I'd just get up and go to another seat. Or try telling him politely I wasn't interested. Maybe I would put my headphones on. If he tried to take them off, I'd probably try to sue him. rofl
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Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 10:04 pm
sweatdrop I'm actually really too shy to pressure people in real life (I wouldn't pressure someone unless we were good friends, and there's not a lot of people I'm good friends with). I'd like people to come because there's a chance of them getting Saved, but people can and do get Saved on the street. The church should go to the people, not the other way around. And if people didn't scare me, then I'd definitely be helping my church with witnessing. (I fail at it...I've never led anyone to the Lord... gonk )
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Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 11:27 pm
Unfortunately this is a situation I know all too well. Living in Conservation southern United States, almost 90% of the population are of some kind of Christian based religion. The people who know me well respect that, but going to a public school that allows church groups to make their presence known and distribute copies of the New Testament to the student body puts me a little on edge.
And I've dealt with a lot of modern persecution from peers, especially with the word "Satanist" in my religion. This has cause plenty of drama in my own family. Several people want nothing to do with me because I won't conform to the Word of their lord, and my entire father's side have all but legally disowned me as kin because of my lack of faith in the same god. It's natural instinct to reject that which is out of the norm, but for the Holier Than Thou bigots out there, just brush up on your Bible. I'm quite knowledgeable in the Christian faith to the point where I leave said bigots furious at me (Warning, violence can and possibly will occur).
But in situations as the above (one I've been in myself) I personally would be honest with them and tell the person of my atheism. Sure you'll be bombarded with all the How can you's and Why do you's, but such is the way of life for the ones who take the road less traveled.
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Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 7:44 pm
I'd promptly ask them only if they'd also come with me to the Buddhist Temple in Irving. Let's see how that one works out.
In the past I'd either go to be polite just because of some family function or just plain politely decline. I wonder if suggesting they attend another temple for a different religion will stop the offers or just make them more insistent.
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 1:30 am
I go, mainly because I am religious soul searching. Maybe they'll say something right. Though I have my doubts about Christianity. Went to an FCA meeting the other day because I was pressured. The guy spent half the time talking about how Christian Boys Do Not Look At Porn. LOLZ.
But my dad is agnostic, and his excuse is: "Whenever I set foot on holy ground, a little piece of my soul dies." Anything is better to say than that.
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