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[READY] Sap the TREE- wWill trade crits! Goto Page: 1 2 [>] [»|]

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DraconicFeline

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 8:46 am


Things I need help with are in BLUE

I'd appreciate critiques or input on those

AMITYVILLE ACADEMY ENROLMENT FORM

Name: Acerium (Its taken from the latin and she thinks it sounds nice)
Nicknames: Sapling, Sap (She prefers this name though)
Gender: Female
Age:

Faction/RaceMonster- Sentient Tree/Dryad

Personality:

Whatever she is classified as, she doesnt have the... usual preconcieved notions towards other types of halloween residents. She isnt concerned as much with that, although she considers rotting undead to be very tasty.
She is more concerned with year and ability.
Since she grew around the school, she is familiar with what higher year students do to lower years. So, she is wary of anyone of a higher grade than her. If she is approached, she will talk, but she'll be extremely polite and distant.
People of her year, however, she is willing to be friends with. Class solidarity is something she completely ascribes to. She'll be happy to stand by you if you are bullied, and will USUSALLY give help when asked.
If its reasonable of course. And not deadly or harmful to herself or you. Well, Mostly herself, but she considered that to be just sensible.
Other than that, she keeps to her work- you wouldn't see her at a party. Except maybe for halloween, or course. Then, she isnt exactly the life of the party, but she seems to fit into it nicely.

She has a few Power and element related prejudices.
She HATES fire, and is deathly afraid of it. Not non-burning types of fire, though. Those she is just somewhat nervous about.

Claws and scratching abilities also make her nervous. She hates being used as a scratching post, in either form. She will either try to immobilize clawed attackers or get out of the way.

She Likes plant-related people and powers. Unless they attempt to control her. Then she gets rather upset... unless she has given EXPLICIT CONSENT. And even then she probably wont like them much.
But other than that, she'd love to meet more planty sorts of people.


She doesnt mind her tree-self- which she leaves behind when shes in school- being used as a home or a perch or a study area, so long as they respect it and don't move in without her permission. Or wreck it.
Or she WILL show them just how scary a sentient tree can be!

Shes actually a friendly sort, and generally isnt looking for a fight.
But if you try to start one with her, she probably wont turn it down for the most part.

Then again, she hasn't actually interacted much. This is all what she WANTS to be. She considers herself a bit of a blank slate, socialwise, and hopes that this will change.
Because she wants to talk to people. She really does. They all seem so interesting!

Unfortunately, she will make the mistake of knowing too many people to actually be friends with them all. But maybe She'll realize this and start actively pursuing real friendship with some people. Its a long-term plan.

hows the personality? Balanced? Good?
-------

Why are they enrolled in Amityville Academy?

Sapling is an odd one- there aren't many maple trees in Halloween, mostly oak.
In fact, you could say she is an import. A previous student of the academy visiting the human world accidentally brought a seed on their clothing, and it fell off their clothes just on the border of the school campus.
She grew tall and strong, even with the pale unsatisfying sunlight available in Halloween. She soaked up FEAR and morphed and mutated... Until she was no longer an ordinary tree.
She has no idea when she first became "Aware." It was very gradual.
All she knows is that one day she realized that she existed and that there was a world out there.
FEAR mutated her further. She found that she could move without wind, could form a face for herself, and could see and speak through it.
She learned things from the students that wandered around her, using her for shade and perch.
A few books 'lost' and snatched by sneaky roots awakened new curiosity. What was this about other worlds?
It somehow was incredibly facinating- she had to know more. But it seemed that the students had become aware of her book-snatching, or just that things seemed to go missing around the funny tree.
she soon grew frustrated and wondered how to sate her curiosity. She pondered it for a long time. She thought so hard that the strain caused a boll to form on her side, a big one. Suddenly, the Boll fell off, and she was suddenly not in the tree, but in a strange woody humanoid body, like she had seen the student's in. She could move without uprooting herself, could grab without branches, could peer into the school's windows.
It was exhilerating, but she was worried that she wouldn't be able to return to her tree. She was hungry and felt exposed, but she needn't have worried. When she touched the tree and tried to find a way back in, she was simply back there, as the tree. She soon perfected the skill of going in and out of the tree, and realized that she might be able to go to class and learn about all those things that had made her curious for so long. And more, of course.
She swiped a gnome and a registration form, and decided to send it in.
------------
She became sentient, and then insatiably curious. She'd like to properly learn all those things that that she only caught a glimpse of before.
Her particular interests lie in Other Worlds (Like The human world and Christmas and such), Botany, and she is happy to dabble in some magic, even if she can only do a little bit.

She is aware, by the way, that someone might take offense to her not living in the dorms, so she is willing to move herself in tree form to where they want her to go.



FEAR: Ever have a dream where you run and run but your legs feel like lead?
Well, Her power is like that... but not quite.

As a maple tree... dryad... thing, she has sap. Syruppy, sticky, flowing sweet sap.
Her fear power is to be able to make her sap very thick and sticky and resiny. Vice versa is a bit harder, since she needs water around, but it can be done.

She can ooze this sap from her skin or splash it from a wound.
She can manage its consistency with her FEAR powers, and/or can influence how long it takes for it to dry. Makeing less sticky is much harder and requires a handy souce of water nearby to draw the necessary water from.
Currently, as a first-year, she can make it as sticky as a particularly annoying piece of gum. its a pretty weak adhesion, all told, but when your whole body is covered in it and she's tripped you, it can be a pain trying to get up when your suddenly stuck to the ground.

Its effectiveness decreases in range if it is no longer connected to her in any way, with the power being totally ineffective more than 10 feet away, and with it basically at post-it note adhesiveness at around 9 or so feet.

It can also be used as a temporary wound-healing or adhesive, though its really not an effective cure- just a quick first-aid thing.
It is also sweet and edible, like candy.

Its disadvantage is that it is essentially her blood and if she uses her power alot she is going to have to recharge. This can mean that she just pops back into her tree and rests, or it can mean that she has to do more than rest to replentish her supply.
Usually, she is very tired afterward, and if she uses it so much that she doesnt have any and is running on just FEAR, she might have to miss class because she will feel sick.
Also, it tends to attract nasty wood-chewing things. Booo.

HOW SHE HOPES TO USE IT:

She sort of hopes to use this FEAR in the human world as sort of a Tar-Baby scenario, where some kid tries to climb her but gets stuck to the sap and gets more and more stuck the more he tries to get out.

FUTURE PLANS FOR THE POWER:

I think that eventually Her power will be able to turn her sap into amber... it will be hard to escape from unless she can let you go and she could 'fossilize' people she can engulf with sap.

Natural Ability: Her tree is located on campus. She can animate it by slipping into it. Its sort of like she is the soul of the tree- when she isnt in there, it is like an ordinary maple tree and can be inhabited by other things, though she'll be rather pissed of about it. It only becomes strange when she is inhabiting it.
While she is in it, she can move, like a treant or something, but she really prefers to stay rooted. Its a comfort thing.
She can leave the tree in dryad form at any point on the trunk or on a large branch.
She cannot enter other trees, or she at least hasn't tried. It seems rude to her.

Physical Description:
As a maple tree she is, well, a maple tree. With a face. When she isn't in her tree, however, she is a dryadlike person who appears to be made of smooth wood. Her hands and feet are slender and made of the same smooth wood.
Her face is narrow, with a smiling jack-o-lantern mouth and jack-o-lantern-style eyes that are dark, black, and hollow.
Her hair is made of branches.
There are a few random little sprouts, like auxilary tree limbs
Although she is lithe and feminine looking, but she is rather flat-chested, if anything.
Eye Colour: Dark black sockets. Maybe a slight glow, maybe not. Up to the artist.
Hair Colour/Style: Her hair is made up of branches. On her head itself the branches are short and thin, giving it some "body." but on the sides of her head she has long practically knee-length pigtails made of long, flexible branches. At their bases, they have hanging ropes wrapped around them. The noose hangs down only slightly shorter than the pigtails themselves.
There are leaves growing in her hair- all maple leaves in fall colors.
Skin Colour: her skin is woody and very natural looking... Although when I think of her I think of her skin as being a sort of warm brown color
Clothing Style/Colours: her only article of clothing is a schoolgirl-esque skirt made from larger maple leaves stuck on with sap. In fall colors of course. She doesn't need a top, really, as there is nothing to hide there XD, but if the artist feels like it, well, more stuck-on leaves.
Extra:
Is there anything you guys think I should add?

References:
I'll soon have a shitty sketch I did of her up here.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 11:36 pm


Bumping to keep it on this page...

DraconicFeline

Hilarious Genius

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DraconicFeline

Hilarious Genius

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:14 pm


Bumping to the front page!

Crits please?
PostPosted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:27 pm


I love the idea of a hanging tree monster. Very nice work on the fear and the visual representation. I liked to see her history included as well.

My only crit is that you really don't see how she interacts with people and how she handles their reactions in the personality section. She sounds like a sweet little girl and I think it would help to explain that more.

Otherwise, very original and interesting quest! Best of luck to you on getting her.

Moving Pictures

Dapper Prophet


Kaiba

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 1:51 am


I wonder if naming her sap, and having her ability have to do with sap will get confusing over time?
PostPosted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 9:13 am


Kaiba
I wonder if naming her sap, and having her ability have to do with sap will get confusing over time?


Yes, i noticed that...
i cant think of any other name for her but sapling though...


Ok, updated. How is it now?

DraconicFeline

Hilarious Genius

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Ririka

High-functioning Hellraiser

PostPosted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 9:33 am


While I find her idea adorable, and the whole imported tree thing interesting, I must ask, what is her humanoid form like?
The rules say students should keep a humanoid form while in school, but can be their true form outside of school, so I would like to know how she appears and if there are any difference in her actions and personality when she adopts said form.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 1:39 pm


Ririka
While I find her idea adorable, and the whole imported tree thing interesting, I must ask, what is her humanoid form like?
The rules say students should keep a humanoid form while in school, but can be their true form outside of school, so I would like to know how she appears and if there are any difference in her actions and personality when she adopts said form.

Ah, I hadnt seen that rule.
I modified the quest.

SHOULD she have any different opinions when in the other form?
Is it ok?

DraconicFeline

Hilarious Genius

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Valandal

PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 2:19 pm


I would suggest that for her humanoid form the more dryad like, the better.

An other idea I have is that her normal form be as treelike as possible, more Ent than human. when she has to deal with humanoid lifeforms, she can cut off a branch, plants in in the ground, and it soon grows quickly into a humanoid mannequin. She can control this mannequin as it is part of her. The mannequin would look very human like, but her skin would be bark, her insides wood, her hair leaves, and her fingers branches.

Edit: I think it would have this cool duality, where others would associate her mannequin as her "true-self", but she would view her mannequin as no more than a clipped fingernail.
PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 9:29 pm


That'd be an interesting duality, but think about this.
Cutting off a branch is a pretty big deal for a tree, and its October, so She cant really photosynthesize very well.
So, It'd be more than a clipped fingernail...
But I agree about the more-dryad like the better thing.

DraconicFeline

Hilarious Genius

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DraconicFeline

Hilarious Genius

9,175 Points
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:05 pm


Bumping to the top!
I'm about to work on the appearance, but I'd like some crits on the rest of her please!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 11:10 am


Fishing for Crits, and getting better at critiquing myself ^.^


Appearance finished, would dearly like crits on the stuff in blue.

Man I really want to play her now :/

DraconicFeline

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Arrien

PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 11:07 pm


A couple thoughts to help you out!

You seem to be on the fence about whether to go demon or monster for her, correct? Here's the way I see it. Demons are a lot more capable with magic than monsters are, in this universe - so, if having her learn magic is a priority for you, then you should lean in that direction. Her backstory, though, makes me think she'd be a monster. That being the case, I have a suggestion. Consider cases like Ariel from the Tempest, where a spirit was bound into a tree. Say that some time back, a demon was bound into the tree somehow, right? Over time, the demon lost track of its identity, and began to fuse with the tree. End result: The tree itself becomes demonic, and spits out a demonic dryad. That might be the best way to explain things so that you have the end result you're going for.

For organization's sake, though, I'd consider moving the whole backstory under the enrollment section, since it largely seems to explain (in addition to how she came to be) why she would want to/be qualified to go to the Academy, rather than contributing to her personality.

The rest of the pieces I looked over look pretty good - they make sense for the character, all that. ^^ Hope my crit helps!
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 2:32 am


Thanks for the crit!

There's only a couple things I'd like to know...

-what is her natural ability? Being able to slip in and out of her tree form, or something else?
-does the sap harden over time, or does it stay sticky and slimy?
-I have a good idea of what Acerium (which, by the way, is a nice name IMHO) likes and dislikes, as well as her motives, but I don't feel like I've learnt much about her personality other than she's curious and generally friendly. Is she arrogant? Humble? Ambitious? Serene? Realistic? Optimistic? Or did you intend her not to have much of a deep personality because she was a tree and she's new at this "thinking" thing?

Dark_Musashi


Hes a Trap

PostPosted: Tue Oct 05, 2010 2:27 pm


Name: If your not happy with the name you can go here. I go here all the time for names. I tend to pick names based on the personality or something I just really like.

Back story:
It is very original and I don't see anything that needs to be changed. I don't really have in questions about it.

Personality: I do have a few questions:
-Why isn't she curious about her fellow students more?
- I noticed you said that she has no problem sticking up for people. But it seems that she doesn't really want to get attached to people. I could be misinterpreting it but it reads like she only wants to have acquaintances and not friends?
- Will she allow people to nest in her home tree? (This is really a joke bad one but a joke)
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