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 Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:21 pm
bi-curious o_o
if not bi-sexual
I dunno, I've been really confused lately
It might just be that all of my friends are girls (and gay guys)
or that I hang out in this guild and am basically an internet lesbian
Whatever the case, I feel... restricted in saying that I'm hetero >>;
Like.. I'm not allowing myself to like women because of it
When really.. if I got extremely attached to a girl... I might end up liking her.. but on less of a physical level and more on an emotional level
Although.. I probably wouldn't mind getting sexual with a woman.. so long as I was the one receiving and not giving o_o
Because... even if I were to enter a relationship with a woman, I would still want to be the woman >> And I would expect my partner to be the man
I wouldn't date a woman as feminine/sexual as me
I don't know if I would date a woman at all v_v
I'm not... attracted to them, physically.. which is why I don't think I'm a full on bi-sexual
But mentally/emotionally... I'm starting to think I am
I dunno... I dunno why I'm typing this here.. it doesn't feel like a life issue... (not yet at least |: I don't plan on 'coming out' and announcing to the world that I'm bi-sexual, because I don't know if I am o_O; and I would have to deal with my mother)
I just... I'm so confused e_e
I think most of this rose of from the thought of retaliating against my mother... because she's such a homophobe and I'm tired of her picking at me and worrying that I'm a lesbian WHEN I KEEP TELLING HER THAT I BLOODY AM NOT >>;
Honestly, even if I were bi, I could never be a full on lesbian
I love manly parts too much for that |:
And no.. I don't care that you could use a 'strap-on' if you're a lesbian
That's bloody awkward and it's not the real thing
.... Anyway.. yeah.. after that thought I... really considered it
I was dead set on changing my facebook preferences to women just to get her enraged.. I mean is that what she wants? Does she want me to announce to the world that I'm a lesbian and humiliate her?
.... *sighs* v_v
And then I truly considered it.. since my hetero self is getting... no action.. whatsoever :/
Well.. unwanted action from cocky, black men who just want in my pants and that is NOT WHAT I WANT
So yeah... I've kinda given up in that department
and then I thought "Why not give women a try?"
And then I freaked myself out about it and was convinced that I had a crush on Sapph o__o (sorry Sapph *coughs* B|) Because I'm so attached to her... but mind won out over... paranoia, I guess?.. and I know how awkward that would be and I wouldn't want to jeopardize our friendship with something like that. o_o Because, really, I wouldn't date a woman and plan on keeping her forever. I would just do it for security, at the time, and casual sex! |: But in the future I plan on being a sexy housewife to a nice, working, foreign man... cause that's just how I roll. I mean, even if she were a man, I don't think I cou--- ... no.. that isn't true. B| If she were a man I would not hold back and she would feel really awkward. >:] *devious grin* ..... |: But no... I value her too much as a friend to have those sorts of feelings for her unless she started having them for me o_O; Because I'm weird like that... someone has to like me first before I consider it.. because once I know they like me I start... thinking about it and considering if I want that or not o_o I'm too... scared... of the results if I tell my feelings first. v_v I'm too afraid of rejection.
.... ANYWAYS.... enough of that... back to the topic... so yeah... o_o bi-curious/possibly bi-sexual.. I don't really know what's going on in that head of mine.
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:34 pm
Simply Berry
Although.. I probably wouldn't mind getting sexual with a woman.. so long as I was the one receiving and not giving o_o
Just so we're clear.. I would NOT give a man a b*****b.. so I'm just saying that if I'm not going to go down on a man then I SURE AS HELL am not going down on a woman stare Sorry, ladies, I just do not want anything other than food going in my mouth. B|
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:36 pm
Okay... I need to visit here more often! 0.o
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 10:33 pm
Whoa.
I say that not because it shocks me, but because I know I've entertained the same thoughts. =|
I guess my reasons are a little different, but the confusion is still there. I fell in love with a guy a few years back, but it was never about how he looked. He was cute, in my opinion, but it was in the same way I'd notice a girl walking down the street and think "wow, she's cute" but never actually be attracted physically. He was my best friend, and I started to wonder if he could be more, because he seemed to really like me. I'm convinced that had he been a girl, I would have fallen for him just as strongly. I know I've definitely had doubts about some of my other friends, especially the ones I know are bi and lesbian and wondered if maybe, had things played out differently, we would have dated.
The only thing stopping me from exploring and experimenting I think is the fear of what others will think, and the fear that maybe I'm wrong and I'll only hurt the people around me. I don't want to destroy friendships I have because it turns out I'm bi. I already have friends that call bi girls indecisive and don't want to commit to anything (I know they're wrong, but it still really bothers me.)
I don't know why I'm posting this, but I hope you don't mind. ^^;;
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 3:16 pm
Silent Windstar
The only thing stopping me from exploring and experimenting I think is the fear of what others will think, and the fear that maybe I'm wrong and I'll only hurt the people around me. I don't want to destroy friendships I have because it turns out I'm bi. I already have friends that call bi girls indecisive and don't want to commit to anything (I know they're wrong, but it still really bothers me.)
That.... is the same thing that's probably stopping me, too. Otherwise I'd just proclaim it without a care in the world. People will be so... shocked.. if I suddenly proclaim myself as bi-sexual. >_o My friends'll be like "WHAT?!?! I THOUGHT YOU LIKED BOYS WHAT" even though I still would like boys |: But the fact that I'd like girls too would probably disturb them and they wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore for fear that I might develop feelings for them. v_v And then they'd misinterpret everything I do and think I'd be putting the moves on them when I'm not. I wouldn't date my friends... because, like I said, I probably wouldn't really date a woman with the intention of keeping her forever. I'd get bored with it, probably. I dunno. I'd be... a player.. to girls.. but not to guys.
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 3:43 pm
You had me til the end when my brain started to fallasleep. (still in video game mode)
Anyway...
*Lawl Manly parts Gross.
* Yeah, heads are confusing, which is why mine is almost never used.
*Even if you do find a nice man or woman, you are still my guild wife. B| heart
* ......Aw crap I forget what I was gonna say...something supportive I think..
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 11:46 pm
It sucks because I'm super self conscious about myself and what people think of me. I've gotten better over the years of not worrying as much and being effected by it, but it's easy to make me clam up when I'm faced with disapproval.
I've thought that maybe I was bi for at least a few years now, and I haven't really been into dating or relationships because there's really just been no one to peak my interest. =| I've kissed more girls than guys at this point, and I'm not going to say it was terrible.
I get worried also because I have one friend who is really dear to me, and his opinion means a lot to me (he's practically family in a lot of ways, and a mentor), and he's already accused me of having feelings for my best friend, and I'm almost certain I don't... D= But I'm pretty sure that's just because he wanted to date her and was angry that I was so adamant that he stay away because she really, really didn't want to go out with him.
I don't know if I'd get bored of girls. I kind of want to wait to be certain until I move out of my parents' house, and after my grandparents have all passed on since they're all quite religious.
I do get what you mean about being worried that friends will feel uncomfortable. I mean, logic tells me that it's silly, since I have a good number of friends who have experimented extensively, and even more that are openly bi or lesbian. One has even decided to live as a guy, and is getting married next year.
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Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 12:02 am
BerryBerry, if you have like an emotional/mental attraction to both, then you could be pansexual. ^>_o>
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Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:32 am
Simply Berry And then I freaked myself out about it and was convinced that I had a crush on Sapph o__o (sorry Sapph *coughs* B|) Because I'm so attached to her... but mind won out over... paranoia, I guess?.. and I know how awkward that would be and I wouldn't want to jeopardize our friendship with something like that. o_o Because, really, I wouldn't date a woman and plan on keeping her forever. I would just do it for security, at the time, and casual sex! |: But in the future I plan on being a sexy housewife to a nice, working, foreign man... cause that's just how I roll. I mean, even if she were a man, I don't think I cou--- ... no.. that isn't true. B| If she were a man I would not hold back and she would feel really awkward. >:] *devious grin* ..... |: But no... I value her too much as a friend to have those sorts of feelings for her unless she started having them for me o_O; Because I'm weird like that... someone has to like me first before I consider it.. because once I know they like me I start... thinking about it and considering if I want that or not o_o I'm too... scared... of the results if I tell my feelings first. v_v I'm too afraid of rejection.
^ *smirked at that*
For a while I was confusing my strong feelings of friendship with the feeling of "like?" with you ._.; Like... at least a month. And I was like "Well, s**t, do I actually like her? neutral She's straight. Huh. I still don't know what I am. I don't know what liking someone is like, though. Maybe I just really like her as my friend, I dunno B|" So that's kinda silly that you thought you had a crush on me :] ..... I mean, even if we did both like each other for some reason.... I don't think I'd wanna go through with it because if we had a falling out, we would.... not have the same kind of friendship and that has already happened to someone I thought would be in my life forever :[ After me 'nd him dated, we literally stopped talking altogether and parted on a sour note (his fault for deceiving me, my fault for trying to patch things up that HE caused). And if I could turn back time knowing what I know now... I would have turned him down and would have just remained friends with him x_x Because then me 'nd him would probably still be really close like we used to be... Like.. Seriously, me and him were as close as you and I are now, almost o_o
Soooooo yeeahhhh... I'd be so reluctant in that because I'd be scared it'd RUIN our pretty damned good connection :[ And I really don't want that x_x I wanna be your friend forever, so... yeah...
And if I were a guy.. B| Like... actually born male and not.. mentally male.. neutral I dunno. You'd be... XD Probably the same. *snort*
Also... Silent Windstar... "One has even decided to live as a guy" <-- female-to-male transexual? *glows rays of jealousy*
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Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:45 am
@Sapphoux: She's a girl still, I believe. I'm pretty sure she couldn't have afforded something like that yet, but she's been a lesbian for at least 4 years now but was confused before that and unsure. She's going by another name now with the plan to change it legally, and wants to be a guy, and I know she's planning the surgery within the next five years. =| No matter what her choice is, she's always going to be my baby sister though.
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Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 2:02 am
Silent Windstar @Sapphoux: She's a girl still, I believe. I'm pretty sure she couldn't have afforded something like that yet, but she's been a lesbian for at least 4 years now but was confused before that and unsure. She's going by another name now with the plan to change it legally, and wants to be a guy, and I know she's planning the surgery within the next five years. =| No matter what her choice is, she's always going to be my baby sister though.
D: That's awesome. More power to him. v_v I really kind of want to change my name a lot and... Live as the gender that I currently am not. I don't think I want full gender reassignment surgery because I probably wouldn't be... happy with the results (since it'd still be... not really real). Female to male is a little... trickier... Though I wouldn't mind surgically removing what very minuscule chest I have now. But... yeah...
Berry already knows my inner turmoil of being bisexual and not being happy with my gender, though o_o;;
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Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 2:08 am
Well, my friend is going to be taking T (I assume testosterone?) and getting the 'top surgery' done soon. I don't know what she's planning about the lower half.
I still can't believe s/he's getting married though. Engaged for nearly a year, and getting married within the next few years I believe. @_@
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Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 2:34 am
Yeah, typically testosterone pills are taken. *nodnod* But that's cool for the marriage and all :] That's pretty exciting~!
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Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 3:04 am
I think she's rushing it a little. I mean, she's only 17 O_O and I couldn't even imagine being 17 and seriously considering marriage to someone, much less propose. I suppose it doesn't help that I'm bi-confused and afraid of getting close to males. Honestly, I kind of liked a guy, and we became friends, and as soon as we started getting closer, I pulled away and started distancing myself and had irrational panic attacks about being around him. It's even worse when I don't like the guy at all. Oddly enough, I have never had this issue with girls.
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Posted: Sat Aug 07, 2010 1:22 pm
Simply Berry bi-curious o_o
if not bi-sexual
I dunno, I've been really confused lately
It might just be that all of my friends are girls (and gay guys)
or that I hang out in this guild and am basically an internet lesbian
Whatever the case, I feel... restricted in saying that I'm hetero >>;
Like.. I'm not allowing myself to like women because of it
When really.. if I got extremely attached to a girl... I might end up liking her.. but on less of a physical level and more on an emotional level
Although.. I probably wouldn't mind getting sexual with a woman.. so long as I was the one receiving and not giving o_o
Because... even if I were to enter a relationship with a woman, I would still want to be the woman >> And I would expect my partner to be the man
I wouldn't date a woman as feminine/sexual as me
I don't know if I would date a woman at all v_v
I'm not... attracted to them, physically.. which is why I don't think I'm a full on bi-sexual
But mentally/emotionally... I'm starting to think I am
I dunno... I dunno why I'm typing this here.. it doesn't feel like a life issue... (not yet at least |: I don't plan on 'coming out' and announcing to the world that I'm bi-sexual, because I don't know if I am o_O; and I would have to deal with my mother)
I just... I'm so confused e_e
I think most of this rose of from the thought of retaliating against my mother... because she's such a homophobe and I'm tired of her picking at me and worrying that I'm a lesbian WHEN I KEEP TELLING HER THAT I BLOODY AM NOT >>;
Honestly, even if I were bi, I could never be a full on lesbian
I love manly parts too much for that |:
And no.. I don't care that you could use a 'strap-on' if you're a lesbian
That's bloody awkward and it's not the real thing
.... Anyway.. yeah.. after that thought I... really considered it
I was dead set on changing my facebook preferences to women just to get her enraged.. I mean is that what she wants? Does she want me to announce to the world that I'm a lesbian and humiliate her?
.... *sighs* v_v
And then I truly considered it.. since my hetero self is getting... no action.. whatsoever :/
Well.. unwanted action from cocky, black men who just want in my pants and that is NOT WHAT I WANT
So yeah... I've kinda given up in that department
and then I thought "Why not give women a try?"
And then I freaked myself out about it and was convinced that I had a crush on Sapph o__o (sorry Sapph *coughs* B|) Because I'm so attached to her... but mind won out over... paranoia, I guess?.. and I know how awkward that would be and I wouldn't want to jeopardize our friendship with something like that. o_o Because, really, I wouldn't date a woman and plan on keeping her forever. I would just do it for security, at the time, and casual sex! |: But in the future I plan on being a sexy housewife to a nice, working, foreign man... cause that's just how I roll. I mean, even if she were a man, I don't think I cou--- ... no.. that isn't true. B| If she were a man I would not hold back and she would feel really awkward. >:] *devious grin* ..... |: But no... I value her too much as a friend to have those sorts of feelings for her unless she started having them for me o_O; Because I'm weird like that... someone has to like me first before I consider it.. because once I know they like me I start... thinking about it and considering if I want that or not o_o I'm too... scared... of the results if I tell my feelings first. v_v I'm too afraid of rejection.
.... ANYWAYS.... enough of that... back to the topic... so yeah... o_o bi-curious/possibly bi-sexual.. I don't really know what's going on in that head of mine.
that. D; THAT. Not that you don't already know. v_v; It has been like that for a very...very long time.
But I accepted being bisexual. It eases so much tension. If yourself is lesbian or bisexual, you should probably just let yourself...be yourself...instead of holding back...or if you're being 'oppressed' by something, let them know that you're gonna be the way you want to be no matter what they say. It's just better for your mental health.
xD and about being in a lesbian relationship...oh dear...I would PROBABLY be the one wearing the pants. The dominant one. Which ...is ...I don't know if that's normal or not. It's how I personally feel.
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