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 Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 7:21 pm
I mention this because I have one particular grudge. I've had it for about 10 years. I just hate her and I can't let go. All the things that her and others have done to manipulate me and use me as a puppet or entertainment or an ego boost. If I got drunk enough in a room with her I would want to beat her face in until it shows. I'm not one to get in fights I've been in like 1 before.
I want to confront her and be like I forgive you or at least feel that way. I kind of feel if I'm giving in then she wins and I should just forget all that happened in my childhood with them.
How do I get over this 10 year or so grudge?
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 7:43 pm
Oh no. Not a good one for me to give advice. I have held a grudge for like... 13 years and I have found more reasons to keep that grudge XD But I do not see this person much so it's okay. I can at least be civil when I see her in public.
But I have been able to get over a recent one. My ex decided to make my life a living hell. Whatever, he's gone. He's not part of my life anymore so I'm over it. He was pathetic and manipulative and abusive and I am better off without that in my life. I have bigger things to worry about.
Hm... My best advice... To me it would truely depend on what happened and how they influenced you. If they damaged you and you were not able to recover then hold the grudge. But if they helped you grow stronger then say "Thanks for making me the person I am today. Thanks to all that abuse I finally rose up above people like you. And it's shining up here."
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 7:59 pm
I'm the WRONG person to talk to about that. My step-father raped my sister and I when we were kids and I refuse to let that grudge go. Fortunately for him he lives half way across the country because otherwise he'd be in for a long hospital stay if I ever happen to cross paths with him again.
Heh I'm very hard to piss off but when you do...I never let go. Good old Scorpio grudge holding.
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 7:59 pm
Aakosir Oh no. Not a good one for me to give advice. I have held a grudge for like... 13 years and I have found more reasons to keep that grudge XD But I do not see this person much so it's okay. I can at least be civil when I see her in public.
But I have been able to get over a recent one. My ex decided to make my life a living hell. Whatever, he's gone. He's not part of my life anymore so I'm over it. He was pathetic and manipulative and abusive and I am better off without that in my life. I have bigger things to worry about.
Hm... My best advice... To me it would truely depend on what happened and how they influenced you. If they damaged you and you were not able to recover then hold the grudge. But if they helped you grow stronger then say "Thanks for making me the person I am today. Thanks to all that abuse I finally rose up above people like you. And it's shining up here." I think at one point I got thought of suicide but then I looked at my church and thought it was the p***y way out. It did deeply hurt me. But I do look back and compare myself now to then and I'm so much more a stronger and more confident person then I ever was. Yes I dealt with a lot somehow. I just wonder if she knows how she hurt me. She supposedly has pictures of me and her and others in a picture together as if nothing happened.
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 8:04 pm
Lateralus es Helica I'm the WRONG person to talk to about that. My step-father raped my sister and I when we were kids and I refuse to let that grudge go. Fortunately for him he lives half way across the country because otherwise he'd be in for a long hospital stay if I ever happen to cross paths with him again. Heh I'm very hard to piss off but when you do...I never let go. Good old Scorpio grudge holding. I'm also a Scorpio -_-. Not sure how true the zodiac sign thing is though '_'
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 8:15 pm
hachi_ ateyou Lateralus es Helica I'm the WRONG person to talk to about that. My step-father raped my sister and I when we were kids and I refuse to let that grudge go. Fortunately for him he lives half way across the country because otherwise he'd be in for a long hospital stay if I ever happen to cross paths with him again. Heh I'm very hard to piss off but when you do...I never let go. Good old Scorpio grudge holding. I'm also a Scorpio -_-. Not sure how true the zodiac sign thing is though '_' They're never exact of course but the ones that aren't afraid to tell the negative aspects of your sign as well tend to be pretty accurate with me.
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 8:34 pm
Pretty much what Aakosir said. 3nodding
I would say that you are probably much more world-wise because of the experiences you had. I hope not too world-wise though...
Anyway, most people have a bully or nemesis at one point in their life. I know I did. It took me 15 years to get over it. I can finally look at the girl without imagining stabbing her in the eye with a pencil.
After awhile, it just didn't matter anymore. As adults, everyone who knows her and me and what transpired between us, don't define our adult lives by what happened between us as teens.
In fact, allot of people came to ma after school to tell me that they never agreed with the way she treated me. That in itself woke me up to the fact that even the people who have everything going for them can be so wishy-washy, and to choose your friends well.
In fact, I have several unpleasant but necessary lessons that I owe to her, and since she bears the responsibility for so many of those, there aren't many people who I dislike now. LOL
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 8:34 pm
With a grudge, you just tell yourself that you aren't hurting the other person by holding it, and in a way you're letting them still have a negative impact on you. You forgive them, not because they deserve it, but because they don't deserve to have any sort of hold over you. And if you get angry again, you just forgive one more time.
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 8:54 pm
hachi_ ateyou Aakosir Oh no. Not a good one for me to give advice. I have held a grudge for like... 13 years and I have found more reasons to keep that grudge XD But I do not see this person much so it's okay. I can at least be civil when I see her in public.
But I have been able to get over a recent one. My ex decided to make my life a living hell. Whatever, he's gone. He's not part of my life anymore so I'm over it. He was pathetic and manipulative and abusive and I am better off without that in my life. I have bigger things to worry about.
Hm... My best advice... To me it would truely depend on what happened and how they influenced you. If they damaged you and you were not able to recover then hold the grudge. But if they helped you grow stronger then say "Thanks for making me the person I am today. Thanks to all that abuse I finally rose up above people like you. And it's shining up here." I think at one point I got thought of suicide but then I looked at my church and thought it was the p***y way out. It did deeply hurt me. But I do look back and compare myself now to then and I'm so much more a stronger and more confident person then I ever was. Yes I dealt with a lot somehow. I just wonder if she knows how she hurt me. She supposedly has pictures of me and her and others in a picture together as if nothing happened.
Walking around with your head held high just makes them even more mad. If you confront them then they will most likely think you are still stuck in the past. Ignoring them and acting as if it never happened will make them realize your are over them.
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 8:58 pm
Eltanin Sadachbia Pretty much what Aakosir said. 3nodding I would say that you are probably much more world-wise because of the experiences you had. I hope not too world-wise though... Anyway, most people have a bully or nemesis at one point in their life. I know I did. It took me 15 years to get over it. I can finally look at the girl without imagining stabbing her in the eye with a pencil. After awhile, it just didn't matter anymore. As adults, everyone who knows her and me and what transpired between us, don't define our adult lives by what happened between us as teens. In fact, allot of people came to ma after school to tell me that they never agreed with the way she treated me. That in itself woke me up to the fact that even the people who have everything going for them can be so wishy-washy, and to choose your friends well. In fact, I have several unpleasant but necessary lessons that I owe to her, and since she bears the responsibility for so many of those, there aren't many people who I dislike now. LOL
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:02 pm
Lateralus es Helica hachi_ ateyou Lateralus es Helica I'm the WRONG person to talk to about that. My step-father raped my sister and I when we were kids and I refuse to let that grudge go. Fortunately for him he lives half way across the country because otherwise he'd be in for a long hospital stay if I ever happen to cross paths with him again. Heh I'm very hard to piss off but when you do...I never let go. Good old Scorpio grudge holding. I'm also a Scorpio -_-. Not sure how true the zodiac sign thing is though '_' They're never exact of course but the ones that aren't afraid to tell the negative aspects of your sign as well tend to be pretty accurate with me.
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:31 pm
xxEternallyBluexx With a grudge, you just tell yourself that you aren't hurting the other person by holding it, and in a way you're letting them still have a negative impact on you. You forgive them, not because they deserve it, but because they don't deserve to have any sort of hold over you. And if you get angry again, you just forgive one more time. Beautifully put!!! xd Aakosir You're lucky for having those people admit they did not agree. I only had one person contact me after it all went down. She didn't really say she disagreed. They all liked to stay neutral even though I was in the office everyday for hours, was failing my classes and came to school maybe once every two weeks before I didn't come back at all. Nope, they still remained neutral. I still have not gotten over that obviously. So needless to say those "friends" are gone. The problem with it was that they stood back and watched her treat me like crap, and didn't say or do anything to stop it. So, it meant absolutely nothing. I did learn that popular people can be disliked, which, until I was 18, I thought that she was loved by all. Turns out that they just wanted a taste of her popularity, so they would go along with whatever she said. It made me realize what true fakes looked like.
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:34 pm
Lateralus es Helica I'm the WRONG person to talk to about that. My step-father raped my sister and I when we were kids and I refuse to let that grudge go. Fortunately for him he lives half way across the country because otherwise he'd be in for a long hospital stay if I ever happen to cross paths with him again. Heh I'm very hard to piss off but when you do...I never let go. Good old Scorpio grudge holding. You don't have to hold a grudge. I'll go beat the lowlife down... scream I would make more serious threats, but I would rather not be implicated when they find him dead...
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:42 pm
Eltanin Sadachbia Lateralus es Helica I'm the WRONG person to talk to about that. My step-father raped my sister and I when we were kids and I refuse to let that grudge go. Fortunately for him he lives half way across the country because otherwise he'd be in for a long hospital stay if I ever happen to cross paths with him again. Heh I'm very hard to piss off but when you do...I never let go. Good old Scorpio grudge holding. You don't have to hold a grudge. I'll go beat the lowlife down... scream I would make more serious threats, but I would rather not be implicated when they find him dead...Eltanin, you rock. biggrin
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:49 pm
Eltanin Sadachbia Aakosir You're lucky for having those people admit they did not agree. I only had one person contact me after it all went down. She didn't really say she disagreed. They all liked to stay neutral even though I was in the office everyday for hours, was failing my classes and came to school maybe once every two weeks before I didn't come back at all. Nope, they still remained neutral. I still have not gotten over that obviously. So needless to say those "friends" are gone. The problem with it was that they stood back and watched her treat me like crap, and didn't say or do anything to stop it. So, it meant absolutely nothing. I did learn that popular people can be disliked, which, until I was 18, I thought that she was loved by all. Turns out that they just wanted a taste of her popularity, so they would go along with whatever she said. It made me realize what true fakes looked like.
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