Well, I've gotta comment on the name first. The Japanese don't have capital letters the way we do. Katakana is sometimes used for emphasis, but it's not the same as how we'd capitalize the first letter in our names. You should write his name either entirely in hiragana (はなまく・らいでん) or entirely in katakana (ハナマク・ライデン). Well, you could get away with using kanji for "raiden" (雷電) since that actually is a word in Japanese (meaning "thunder and lightning"). Made up names typically use katakana, though.
Anyhow, the picture... You say it's a character meant to fit into the Naruto world, but he doesn't look like Naruto characters. His eyes look more like the kind you'd see in Pokemon or Dragonball Z and he's so muscular that you can see his muscles through his shorts (more of a DBZ thing to do).
His head looks like it would fit into his body around 4-5 times... Using those proportions makes the character look like a child. An adult would be more like 6-8 heads tall. You should find some Naruto pictures to use for reference to make your character look more like a Naruto character.
As for the actual picture itself...
-His feet lack distinct shape
-I think his shoulders stick out too far from his body or his body isn't thick enough
-The thing wrapped around the leg to our left lacks depth; it looks very flat, which doesn't match him at all
-His crotch should be like... more in line with the tips of the hands
-His legs aren't long enough
It's harder to make out the details in the second picture due to the lighting... The pose and stuff looks a lot better overall, but there still seems to be a number of mistakes.
