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 Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 2:35 pm
Alright, so did a bit of an overhaul with her profile and attacks, really want some more critique on them now that I've tried to fix them up a bit based on previous crits x'D;; <3
So posting order: Civilian
Information
Sailor Scout
Plot
Other Quests ::
[ x ] Lt. Coffinite / Kei Koreco - On hold
[ x ] Sailor Charon / Nicodemus Quinn
[ x ] Guardian Cat
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 2:45 pm
Name :: Avye Mishal
Nicknames :: None, currently.
Age :: 10
Birthday ::
Sign ::
Blood Type ::
Fav. Food ::
Hated Food ::
School :: Knightside Elementary
Hobbies ::
Singing ~ She's never had formal lessons but she enjoys singing just to amuse herself. While a few people have suggested she may be good enough to warrant investing in lessons, it won't be done any time soon. She's rarely found without humming some sort of tune, be it a random original or sing-along time with ear-buds jammed in her ears. Bring her out for karaoke and she'll love you for life.
Keys ~
Horror Flicks ~ One should probably blame her older brothers for this one. Not one to rough-house, and never one
Gemstone ::
Virtues ::
Flaws ::
Physical Description ::
Hair ~
Eyes ~
Face ~
Body ~
Fashion ~
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 3:08 pm
To give 100% credit where credit is due, all of this was found by the freaking amazing Paynes Gray TT________TT <3333333Paynes Gray Found this awesome goddess who just so happens to be an asteroid name, by the name of Hecate. She is a walking contradiction. An anomaly, a puzzle. One minuet she's this great, well regarded deity, the guardian at the city gates, watchdogs by her side protecting the people she chooses from harm. Then, by the flip of a coin, she can make your life a living hell. Instead of using her powers to protect, if she doesn't like you she will use her powers to bring you down. One minuet she's your fairy godmother always there in the nick of time to save you from peril, the next she's poking Hansel with a stick to test his tenderness before popping him her boiling stew. You can never guess which way the chips are going to fall with this goddess. And that's why she is sometimes portrayed as having three faces. Guardian of gateways (Hello keeper of the key~) and three way crossroads. Here are some blurbs from wikipedia I thought were interesting:
Helloooo info dump~ Anything bolded is what I drew directly from to form this sailor concept. There is way more that has to do with this goddess, but I chopped down the info Paynes set to me to just focus on that which has any play in this sphere. She found a sheeeeeetload, so yeah. Figured it'd be better for those who aren't me to cut it down a bit XD;;; <3
Asteroid 100 Hecate: [ x ]
About Hecate: [ x ]
The name "Kailey" means "keeper of the keys," which Paynes even directly drew from for this - has nothing to do with this Wiki, it's just an awesome tidbit of info ;< <3
Hecate - three faces
Some classical portrayals show her as a triplicate goddess holding a torch, a key, and a serpent
Keeper of gates, 3 way crossroads, witchcraft and the harvest moon.
Hecate also came to be associated with ghosts, infernal spirits, the dead and sorcery. Like the totems of Hermes—herms placed at borders as a ward against danger—images of Hecate (like Artemis and Diana, often referred to as a "liminal" goddess) were also placed at the gates of cities, and eventually domestic doorways. Over time, the association with keeping out evil spirits could have led to the belief that if offended, Hecate could also allow the evil spirits in.
In art and in literature Hecate is constantly represented as dog-shaped or as accompanied by a dog. Her approach was heralded by the howling of a dog.
In the magical papyri of Ptolemaic Egypt, she is called the 'she-dog' or 'b***h', and her presence is signified by the barking of dogs. In late imagery she also has two ghostly dogs as servants by her side.
The light in the sky and the barking of dogs that warned the citizens of a night time attack, saving the city, were attributed to Hecate.
Hecate was associated with borders, city walls, doorways, crossroads and, by extension, with realms outside or beyond the world of the living. She appears to have been particularly associated with being 'between' and hence is frequently characterized as a "liminal" goddess. "Hecate mediated between regimes – Olympian and Titan - but also between mortal and divine spheres."[62] This liminal role is reflected in a number of her cult titles: Apotropaia (that turns away/protects); Enodia (on the way); Propulaia/Propylaia (before the gate); Triodia/Trioditis (who frequents crossroads); Klêidouchos (holding the keys), etc.
As a goddess expected to avert demons from the house or city over which she stood guard and to protect the individual as she or he passed through dangerous liminal places, Hecate would naturally become known as a goddess who could also refuse to avert the demons, or even drive them on against unfortunate individuals
It was probably her role as guardian of entrances that led to Hecate's identification by the mid fifth century with Enodia, a Thessalian goddess. Enodia's very name ("In-the-Road") suggests that she watched over entrances, for it expresses both the possibility that she stood on the main road into a city, keeping an eye on all who entered, and in the road in front of private houses, protecting their inhabitants.
This function would appear to have some relationship with the iconographic association of Hecate with keys, and might also relate to her appearance with two torches, which when positioned on either side of a gate or door illuminated the immediate area and allowed visitors to be identified. "In Byzantium small temples in her honor were placed close to the gates of the city. Hecate's importance to Byzantium was above all as a deity of protection. When Philip of Macedon was about to attack the city, according to the legend she alerted the townspeople with her ever present torches, and with her pack of dogs, which served as her constant companions."[65] This suggests that Hecate's close association with dogs derived in part from the use of watchdogs, who, particularly at night, raised an alarm when intruders approached. Watchdogs were used extensively by Greeks and Romans.
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 4:32 pm
Senshi :: Sailor Hecate, Senshi of Gateways
Challenge :: Debating between a few, opinions? Note, bolded would be on the cert.
"My will be done, my name be heard. I am Hecate, and by my power the gate shall be unsealed upon your fate!" - or some variation. I really like this one <3
"You shall not pass!" - simple, sweet... might be more along the lines of:
"You ain't gettin' past me!" though. Donno yet xD
Attack #1 ::
Name ~ The Sealed Gate
What it does ~ At it's core: A temporary, movable, shield that enables her to block oncoming attacks and cause the attacker to receive very, very small recoil damage from hitting the wall.
Summoning a shimmering wall, she first places her hands against her broach where a shimmering substance starts to [ leak, drip, whatever ] from. Flinging her hands out in front and pulling them out to her sides, the barrier is only as wide as her arm span, stretches from top to bottom about six feet, and is projected maybe six inches in front of her. Any attacks that hit it cause the attacker to receive a small recoil, though probably not enough to cause any real damage (around 10% tops). Hecate herself also takes recoil damage from the wall getting hit, though the damage is reduced by about half. After two of her posts (counting when she first summons the barrier), the barrier would dissipate and leave her completely open for attacks. After the first barrier falls, she must wait till two more of her posts pass before she can summon another one. She can only use her attack twice per battle.
Attacks being used behind the barrier and hit the barrier will most likely also be hitting Hecate, of which she would receive full damage as she then has nothing to protect herself against it. Hitting the barrier (and her) this way does not cause a recoil to the person who hit it. Hecate is capable of walking and turning to keep the barrier between her and the opponent, but all movements are slow due to weight and energy being used to keep up the wall.
Attack #1.b ::
Name ~ The Gate Stands Strong
What it does ~ At it's core: A powered up version of the previous, the wall now takes the form of a stationary gateway that separates Hecate's opponents from her. It cannot be passed through by opponents or allies, it cannot be dug under or jumped. Attacks cannot go through it, though still damage Hecate slightly.
Again from her broach comes this shimmering material, though this time she projects it out as a large gateway between her and her opponents, an almost translucent wall that seems to have no end no matter how far the opponents walk and seems to grow higher should someone try to jump over it. Should it be struck, only Hecate will feel the effects, though only slightly. There is no recoil from striking the gate. After three of her posts, the gateway vanishes, leaving her exposed towards attacks. She must wait another two of her posts before she can summon another gateway, and can only summon it twice per battle.
Attack #2 ::
Name ~ Unseal the Gateway
What it does ~ At it's core: She summons a giant gateway behind her, which either opponents or allies can be forced or on their free will enter the gate. The gate closes, sealing those within it behind it and they are then visible as mostly translucent versions of their usual selves. They are completely intangible to those outside the gate, and cannot be attacked nor can they attack others outside the gate either. They are completely vulnerable to those within the gate with them, however. Hecate can also enter the gate if she so wishes.
Speaking the attack's name, a massive gateway appears behind Hecate, the doors swinging open. Between the post in which she summons the gate and her next post, opponents and allies alike can be either forced in or can walk into the gate of their own free will. Once her post after summoning it hits, the gate closes - Hecate is able to enter the gate either when she summons it or in her second post if she wishes. Those inside of it are sealed off from those on the outside and appear as rather translucent versions of their usual selves. Those outside the gate cannot attack or be attacked by those inside of it, however anyone within the gate is fully tangible to others inside the gate with them.
After the gate first closes, the doors will open after two more of Hecate's posts. If between the post when the doors open and her next post anyone inside the gate does not get out of their own free will the gate will force them out* by unseen forces. The doors will then close and the gate vanishes. She must wait till four of her posts pass till she can summon the gate again, and can only summon it twice per battle.
* The CRACK!theory is that a giant boot really punts them all out.
Fuku Colour ::
Main ~ Black
Secondary ~ Purple, the exact shade or tint is up to you, and silver accents
Theme :: Sorceress, keys, hoods, long capes, watchdogs.
[ x ] [ x ] [ x ] [ x ] [ x ] [ x ] [ x ]
Fuku ::
Sailor Senshi
Collar ~ Purple, it connects to a hood on the back, though in this stage the hood is down. I would like there to be a pattern on the hood/collar, though what... I'm not entirely sure.
Bow ~ Not sure if I'd like one on the bust in the first stage, but the one in back is also purple, though I'd like for the tails of the bow to be torn and shredded.
Bodice ~ Bikini top, white.
Sleeves ~ None.
Brooch ~ I'm thinking a keyhole? Or a key itself? Something connecting with keys, unlocking, gates....
Bottoms ~ Black skirt, little on the shorter side. Can have a petticoat underneath if that looks better.
Tiara ~ One based on the [ headpiece? tiara? x'D ] seen on the woman in the middle in this picture, however instead of a green gem in the center, I'd rather it be purple.
Choker ~ Classic black, it has her blue heart pendant embedded in the middle.
Shoes ~ White and high-heeled, they reach up to her knees where they form into simple arrows pointing up her legs. Actual detailing is up to you, same with styles.
Gloves ~ White tube gloves, like her boots, they fan out at the ends just above her elbows and form into arrows pointing up her arms. Again, exact appearances can be altered, details can be added if desired, etc.
Accessories ~ Earrings mainly - dangling diamond [ no idea what yet ]; two silver hoops at the top, followed by studs of onyx, amethyst, then onyx again down the side.
Super Sailor Senshi -
Collar ~ The same purple and patterned collar/hood combo as before, but this time her hood is actually up and the bottom of the collar stretches down into a cape reaching between the bottom of her shoulder blades and her rear.
Bow ~ Back at the very least is purple, longer than before, but still heavily shredded.
Bodice ~ Keeping with the sexy bikini~ However, some sort of additional detailing would be awesome. Perhaps the style is a bit different, the color can be different, whatever.
Sleeves ~ None
Brooch ~ Same as whatever it was before, but maybe having extra charms and gems dangling from it on thin silver chains?
Bottoms ~ Black skirt, the exact style and possible detailing is totally up to Natsu, though I throw in a lot more words like "sorceress, sexy, wild, torn, layers" in here 8|;; <3
Tiara ~ Something similar to the previous stage, I would think. Purple gem ftw~
Shoes ~ Oh gawd. I have no clue. High heeled.
Gloves ~ SAME AS ABOVE. Minus heel.
Accessories ~ Earrings like before... not sure what else o 3o
Eternal Sailor Senshi -
Cape is LONG. And awesome. Lots of charms on her, her top is still bikini and meant to be sexy, her skirt meant to follow that old fashion stereotype for sorceresses that they've got just that long a** loincloth to cover them... only it'd be altered a bit to fit the senshiness. Still lots of silver and charms and ripped bows. Maybe even a staff of some type that appears when she uses her summoning gate attack, unless that's deemed too much. Seriously though. SORCERESS CONCEPT 100%.
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 4:46 pm
Yay for plots~! Gonna be splitting this up into sections to kind of help organize stuff. Obviously things are up for change once other people start getting involved, but this is my general idea for what I wanna do <3
Everything's been downsized since while I wanted it here... I'm checking over stuff, thinking about what I wanna change, how Paynes' and my plots merge, etc.~C ! V ! L ! A N As we can see from above, Kae's not exactly the nicest of girls around. She doesn't trust easily, is blunt and crude, and from experience believes everyone in the world only acts nice due to alternative motives. Except her brother that is - in her eyes, he's a saint.
When she first enters Medowview, it'll be without her twin at first unless I happen to give them around the same time, or I get Kei first. Either or, she doesn't rely on him to be around all the time, though still shows a definite preference to get home and spend time with him instead of staying at school or interacting with others. Obviously though, she needs some interaction ;P
Anyone she'd meet at this point would face a girl either brash and rude, or giggling and playful. She never likes to stay in one "mask" for long, and prefers at this time to keep people guessing just what is going on in her head. The meeting would be either positive or negative, something I'd like to be decided before the Rps start, but yeah x'D;;;;
Time's gonna pass, meetings will come and go, including some repeat faces that again, negative or positive. Still is BROTHER > THE WORLD YO, but she's starting to notice how Kei is turning... kind of distant from her. Lost in his own thoughts, watching every newscast about the terrorists and pranks going around the city. If she didn't know better... she'd swear he was becoming obsessed....
With bro caught up in something, Kae would turn her attention to more time around town, at the dojo, with her band, maybe karaoke even. During this time, be it repeat faces or new people, I'd like for her to start having more positive interactions with people at places like this that are more "even ground" or "safe places" in her mind, where topics she actually enjoys can be shared, and something akin to acquaintances can be formed.
PERSONALLY, I think it'd be interesting if she formed an almost-friendship with someone from the Negaverse (is or to-be), someone who is a Sailor Scout (is or to-be), not to mention other civilians.
Since I fully plan to get Kei as Lt. Coffinite before Kae becomes Sailor Hecate, her brother's gonna go very weird and leave Kae feeling very.... abandoned. She'll be confused, frustrated, and snapping at anything and everyone. WHICH IS WHERE I HOPE SHE MAKES A FRIEND~ 8'D;;;
Shocking, eh?
Not someone who'd take the verbal abused, but rather, someone who'd kick her out of it, tell her to stfu or gtfo. She'd start realizing this person (or people, depending on who's interested in this) is legitimately a good person, or at least good enough to try and make her stop being such a stupid emo and get over her brother's MIA-ness.
Person (/people) would start noticing a very different Kailey about this point, with her being much more loyal and protective and all around a hell of a lot nicer. Holy s**t, her world has just begun to expand~!
Through more Rps and interaction with her special person (/peoples), aka omfgFRIEND(/S)-legaspth!-, she'd start finding a lot of internal conflict about wanting to spend time with them, but.... ffffff, what about her brother? The one person who stood by her through all those years? Home life would become very strained due to him being always off on projects for his job (lol, NEGA LIFE~), and she'd start looking for outside activities to keep herself occupied.
Friendship grows, she starts opening up and becoming nicer to even those she doesn't know that well, loosing some of her cynical nature. She still fights all the time though, but with each fight... I want a very certain plot to happen that leads up to her entering these fights.
Finally, when OOCly I've gained Hecate, Kae and one or more of her friends are out somewhere (Lil shall be part of this group), who attacks but Coffinite! Kae tries to fight, one of her friends gets hurt (if they're a senshi, maybe Kae only THINKS they've gotten hurt, but haven't? Same with Nega? I donno x'D Metis will be fighting Coffinite~) and she's all "FFFFFFFWHYCAN'TIBEATTHEM?! TT_____TT
Every time she fights, she thinks it's just the thrill of fighting. Nope~ each time, someone's either been outnumbered, or was getting beaten up for fail reasons. She'd always join the fight to help someone when they needed it. She would fight to even the odds, or stop bullies, etc. It was never for personal gain or fun, it was to help people. Just like she wants to help her friend now.
HELLOOOOOOOO HECATE~ <3
-well, in addiction to hello kitty to say hi to Hecate, but you get the idea ;< <3
Obviously, that's just a "IF I CONTROLLED EVERYTHING" version, so I really hope things change/become more defined, etc x'D;;;
Any ideas/opinions on this are all welcomed, since really, only how she turns to Hecate is something I want to keep set in semi-stone. I DO want character development, DO want her to make friends and such to lead to her transformation, but everything else is up for debate <3
Plots for her as a senshi will come.... once her Civilian to Senshi plots are done and I can see who the other players are <3
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:31 pm
On the plus side, I can tell that this is a character that you have a lot of history with and a lot of love for, which is great. However, I can also see why you might have had some problems in the past with getting these OCs in shops. These suggestions might seem a bit much, but at the moment she comes off as a very Sue-ish character.
Her hobbies are a little bit overdone for a 16 year old girl, especially one who has been bounced around in foster care. To be decent in keyboard, vocals, acrobatics, and taekwondo is way too much for a girl who has spent most of her life without a family to provide lessons in these things for her. I would suggest finding one or maybe two hobbies that she really specializes in and flesh them out. Gymnastics and martial arts fit together well, as do singing and playing the piano, but all four are just a bit too much.
Her flaws and virtues are okay overall, but they get a bit contradictory in places. For example, she has a knack for finding a reason to smile or laugh in almost any situation and is upbeat, and yet she's extremely cynical and thinks most people are douchebags. Those two things don't really logically come together.
I actually really like the gateway concept and her name, so kudos on those.
The first, long challenge is a bit nonsensical. “By the howl of the dog” isn't a commonly used phrase, and there's no reason that the background of the mythological Hecate would bleed over to make that phrase appropriate for a challenge. Not saying you can't use it if you want, of course, just that other people in RP might respond as though it were a joke.
Attack #1 looks alright, but most are limited to a certain number of times per battle, usually only one or two. Having her able to do it once every few posts is a bit overpowered. After all, regular senshi are not particularly powerful.
Attack #1.b is somewhat overpowered at the moment. Giving a small amount of pain is fine, but increasing pain should probably get nixed. Having it do physical damage would definitely be overpowered, so avoid that. Again, an attack like this should only be doable maybe once per battle. Also, keep in mind with these attack that Negaverse can jump like fleas, meaning they would likely just go over the wall and land on the other side.
Attack #2 should be saved for a later stage. Being able to summon assistance seems waaay too advanced for a starting senshi. Again, this needs to be doable maybe once per battle.
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:24 pm
Okay, first things first, a little disclaimer: nowhere in this critique will I say that it is wrong to adapt outside OCs into ItNotM characters. People have done this before and people will continue to do it, and there's no reason why you can't successfully do it, but for now I'm going to put the tough b***h critique gloves on and give you all I've got because you're a big girl and I think you can handle it. I'm going to try not to repeat what Stae's already said because I mostly agree with what she's said, so now let's get down to business.
Obviously, this is a character you're very attached to. (I know you're attached to her. I've RPed with you playing her before. Moving on.) However, because you're so attached to her, I think that you're reluctant to adjust her to fully fit the setting, and that's where you're hitting problems. You've been playing her for years, so you know her inside and out and her personality is very well developed, but you need to be willing to bend to the setting rather than forcing the setting to bend to fit her.
I don't know what kind of setting Kailey was originally created for, but right now she has some aspects that might not be unusual where she was originally from, but in this setting she sticks out like a sore thumb, and that's I think where some of your problems are emerging. She's a badass. We get it. But she's a little bit too special and too accomplished for the tender age of sixteen.
Looking at her hobbies, right off the bat I see her being an absolute prodigy at three different things. Acrobatics and Martial Arts are at least somewhat related, but they're both incredibly time-consuming to train in and so her being so accomplished in both of them is a bit unbelievable. Piano, even if she is naturally gifted, is also extremely time-consuming... what I'm saying is that you've given her three hobbies that, at her age, when combined with school and normal teenaged things, there simply aren't enough hours in a day for her to pursue all of them to the extent that she has, even if she's been training since infancy. You might think of scaling them back, eliminating one, or considering combining Taekwando and Acrobatics and specifying a different martial art with more gymnastic aspects.
In terms of personality, I'm not going to crit you there because Stae already hit a lot of the contradictions and, as I've previously stated, you know this character inside and out. If she's anything, it's certainly not underdeveloped.
She might, however, suffer from being overdeveloped. With any character with a long personal history, there is a tendency to accumulate traits that don't really work out of the original context. I think that it might be important for you to deconstruct Kailey down to her core traits and start building up from there. Think of taking her, instead of with her whole history out of the setting, but with the essence of what makes her her.
I really love the power sphere you picked out and think it can definitely be interesting. Same notes as Stae about it being slightly overpowered, but with a bit of tweaking it will definitely, definitely work.
Anyway, there's a long and honorable history of changing OCs into Senshi, and you can probably get Kailey to work if you're willing to make some sacrifices. So , good luck!
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:29 pm
Attack one-it can take up to five attacks. If it's a strong attack, less. If it's weak, five.
It goes by two posts of hers after it breaks.
Attack 2 is too powerful.
She can summon that gate twice a battle, and can have two hellhounds or one larger hellhound that she controls come out of it.
That's all I can see.
Crit Sailor Izar, please?
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:08 pm
First time anyone's ever said that about her hobbies... and now that not only one, but two people have... so happy you did x'D;;;
To answer the original story question, Silv, she's an immortal in her original setting, in which she has all the time in the world to work on and specialize in whatever hobby she wants to spend her various resources on. Dumbed it down a good bit to try and fit a human girl... but didn't really think about that whole... school/teenage stuff/JUMPING AROUND IN FOSTER CARE~ stuff x'D;;;
I'll go back and reduce it down to just Taekwando and acrobatics, since those two have the biggest roles in her character <3
She's kind of meant to have a rather contradicting personality. I'll try to see if I can't play around with her vices and virtues, but would it be so bad if I kept those traits? =o
She acts like a completely different person once she realizes someone is a good person to the core, not one of the jackasses she's used to dealing with, thus the contradicting natures. I tried to make that clear, should I work on making it more so or..?
At the core of the character, she's very... unsteady. She's always been that way in any setting, playing the devil's advocate one minute, then in the next she's a giggling little school girl squeeing over a cute lil' squirrel running around a tree. She's insane XD;;; Simple as it gets, she's insane, so I'm not sure if changing her vices and virtues would be good or not on that.
Or maybe it would be? Response to that would be awesome 8'D;;;
For attacks ~
#1 - Oh s**t, totally thought I included a per battle limit, my bad x.x;;;
The few posts things was the waiting time between her summons, but I'll add in that she can do it only twice per battle then.
I'm confused by your "It goes by two posts of hers after it breaks," Witchneko. Do you mean for her to summon another one, or...? o.O
#1.b - So, some pain if touched is okay, just not a lot? =o And why just once? o.O If it's a shield that can be broken, wouldn't it make sense for her to be able to bring it back at least once, maybe twice more? On the note of the Negafleas (best mental image by the way, thank you for that XD <3), should this stage's barrier be more like a bubble with a certain rage then to give more protection?
#2 - It's for her Eternal stage, so I thought the more powerful attack would be rather appropriate owo;;; I'm still not comfortable with making it a one time only attack, due to how briefly the things she summons would be around... then after that, she's just done for the battle. Verses a Nega with a much more reliable source of power... that seems rather unfair since none of the things that come out of the gate would do the amount of damage to the Nega that their weapon could do to her .__.;;;
Also, it wouldn't make any sense for her to control that which comes out of the gateway. I know someone was questing for a Senshi of Demons, so I'm gonna use that as an example for my idea:
Say Hecate opens the gateway, without anyone fighting on her side. The creatures come out, attack her opponents briefly, then leave. She can control nothing in this scenario except her gateway. She's the Senshi of Gateways, not Demons/Ghosts/etc., so her powers wouldn't extend into whatever comes out of the gate.
Now say the Senshi of Demons was around. Out comes the gate, out comes the demons - the Senshi of Demons, if her attacks already hinted to being able to control demons, could then control whatever comes out of the gate, and when the demons then vanish would depend on that senshi's powers, since they no longer are there just by Hecate's opening. They're then bound by another senshi's power to act for them.
So really, her attack then is much better to be used when teamed up with those who can have power over whatever can come out of the gate, but otherwise... things come, attack, then poof.
....did that make any sense at all? @o@;;;;
As for the challenge - I was debating at the time if any of her attacks might give the appearance of a pack of dogs fighting with her, or if whenever she attacks, to go with the lore, opponents would hear a dog (or a pack of them) howling. Silly, but one of those little quirks it might be fun to have in some Rps x'D;;
Her main challenge though would just be the bolded part, anything else around it would change most likely to fit the Rp... I would think, anyways xwx;;; -pokes what she has written for challenges-
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:47 pm
Kailey Koreco
She's kind of meant to have a rather contradicting personality. I'll try to see if I can't play around with her vices and virtues, but would it be so bad if I kept those traits? =o
She acts like a completely different person once she realizes someone is a good person to the core, not one of the jackasses she's used to dealing with, thus the contradicting natures. I tried to make that clear, should I work on making it more so or..?
At the core of the character, she's very... unsteady. She's always been that way in any setting, playing the devil's advocate one minute, then in the next she's a giggling little school girl squeeing over a cute lil' squirrel running around a tree. She's insane XD;;; Simple as it gets, she's insane, so I'm not sure if changing her vices and virtues would be good or not on that.
Or maybe it would be? Response to that would be awesome 8'D;;;
I think that if crazy/manic/unstable was the intention, then you probably need to spell that out better. If she's totally off her rocker, then make that a flaw. You've certainly got the room for one more. At present it looks inconsistent with no real reasoning for it, but if she's messed up in the head then you need to mention that. I'm also not sure if you've done a very good job of conveying her backstory for this universe very well, which is probably one of the things contributing to why the reactions you've gotten to this character have been so negative. While a history section would probably wind up being sort of TL;DR, if you could even slip small justifications for certain traits based on her history it would probably make a bit more sense. Also, the tattoos are striking me as a bit odd. Unless she's got a fake ID, which I don't see her being able to convince anyone that she's older than she is at her height, I think that most places you have to be eighteen to get one without parental permission unless she has a friend who does them, or has managed to swing permission from someone.
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:03 pm
I'm gonna have to give that a lot of thought for how I'm gonna word a flaw saying she's messed up, but I am heavily considering putting it in. She's not nearly as messed up as her brother, but Kae does have issues xox;;;
...think Bi-polar would be enough of an explanation? >>;;;
Anxieties, anti-social tendencies, bi-polar... I could probably stick a few on her if I did some research XP;;;
She's messed up... I just never gave it any thought as to an exact name for it and such x'D
I've got no problem writing up a background... though yeah, it would be rather... er.... long and not sure anyone would wanna read it x'D;;;
Should I put examples into her flaws/virtues then for how her history dealt into who she is now? =o
Unless that's what you're saying and I totally missed that XP;;;
You guessed it as being a friend - Vaine's a weirdo in himself, but didn't see a spot to address how it was she got the tattoos. Figured it wouldn't be worth it for this, that it'd just go in her journal -shrugs-
Although, honestly, with a lot of the foster folks, she could have easily just gotten their permission, signed slips, whatever. If they didn't have to pay, majority didn't give a s**t what the twins did XP;;;
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:12 pm
Kailey Koreco I've got no problem writing up a background... though yeah, it would be rather... er.... long and not sure anyone would wanna read it x'D;;;
Should I put examples into her flaws/virtues then for how her history dealt into who she is now? =o
Unless that's what you're saying and I totally missed that XP;;;
I was more thinking along the lines of "Due to such and such happening to her as a child, she is now such and such," but yeah, that's sort of it. Basically, give us the context that you're setting for the character, because right now she sort of seems like she could fit into any universe at all. I am the most nitpicky critiquer in the history of ever, okay?
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:24 pm
Right now, I'm freaking loving your nitpickiness, so no worries XD <33333
Tomorrow I'll get to work on poking away at rewriting her vices and virtues thus far to more explain what's up with her, thanks for that <3
...would you shoot me if I directed you towards Coffinite for crit aid? x'D;;;;; -ducks-
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:30 pm
...Maybe tomorrow evening. Certainly not right now.
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:36 pm
Yeah. The entire shop just kind of died in awe and ffffffffffff and yeah 8|;;;;;
Plus... it's late XD;;;
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