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 Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 5:22 pm
The ending to the story I'm writing in real life. I'd like to know what people think. I want to publish it and all. This is the fourth book in a series of eight or ten. Please tell me what you think ^^ The wind ran through my hair, the dark strands of it flying out, following the wind to my left. There was no noise as the army came at me, getting ready to kill me, what held the world together.
I glanced from my right shoulder to my left.
Everyone who had sacrificed themselves for me were laying there on the floor, bleeding a bloody mess of death. The dragons all sprawled out, their flame extinguished. My friends, my family, my love. And then the vampire's and Witches and airborn Annuya's lay there, dead.
They'd give up their life for me.
I knew that this would happen, of course. It was foretold in the Legacy. This war was the end of time. The darkness around the sheild was pressing around it, having engulfed the world in it's dark end. It pressed closer, wanting access.
"See, I told you that the dragons would only bring us misfortune." Lillian, the leader of the earthbound Annuya side, sneered as they drew near. The powder colors of the elements seeped slowly towards me, slinking through the burnt grass blades.
They gave you their life-
"It's useless, Fayne. Don't you see that?"
Time to give them-
"Choose. Live, or let live.."
Life and to stop being a big baby about it.
I chuckled, looking to the grass.
"You know, if you would have asked me that about four years ago, my obvious answer would have been Live." I shook my head.
"But now, things have changed. Now,"
I snapped my head up to look at her with red eyes, the powder of the elements reaching my feet. A burst of nonstop wind came from the ground and ran up to the top of the sheild with me in the middle.
"I say, battle on." There was a strange light in the sky, but I ignored it.
Instead, my hands were now coated in white magic. I ran up to the first one and took out my Scythe sword. I swiped at the neck, and then took out my fire blade.
I hit one after the other, their life floating in the air, waiting for my command. I went through what some would say a single warrior could not go through alone.
But I am not a warrior.
I am a Goddess.
I ran right up to Lillian and striked her throat. She died, her darkened life force hovering. I sent that one on it's way.
And then I sheathed my swords. I clamped my hands together, sighed, and willed for the life forces to merge with the dead bodies of my friends and family.
And I was glad to see that Eva had never been hurt. All along my daughter had been hiding up that tree we had asked her to be in. Now she watched me as I worked.
Too bad she would see my death.
After all were alive, except for Jasper, my love, I walked and stood in front of him. I put my hands out in front of me, like I was cupping water in them.
And a bright star was now in my hands. It shone a white light, shining like the moon. My markings on my body started glowing that same color.
"Take care of me." I whispered into the wind. The darkness kept pushing at the sheild, slowly winning.
And I knelt by his head and gently placed my life force in his body. He took in a breath, and sighed.
As did I, before kissing his cheek and standing up. I looked to the sky.
"Are you happy Death? I am dead, dead as you can be!" I yelled, and a pulse of light flew from my body and ran all around me, hitting the edge of the sheild and breaking it. It collided with the darkness.
And pushed it back. In it's wake it left the scene as it was, all dead now lived.
The dragons stirred slowly.
And I fell to my knee's, suddenly tired. I smiled softly.
"And as night beseech onto thee,
May life not hear or see,
Within he am I free,
And then shall smile, full of glee,
On this night the Goddess Of Power shall rest.
The Legacy Of Fayne is at it's close."
And as I lay down and closed my eyes, my body growing still, my breathing stopped, the last thing I thought was the simplest of all before my heart heaved it's last sigh in the moonlit sky.
It was he I loved, as well as the others. And must I say,
It was the perfect day.
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 5:43 pm
its really good! It's a lot like a story I'm writing at the moment. I was a little confused, as it is the end of the story. The only thing I would change is the line
And I was glad to see that Eva had never been hurt. All along my daughter had been hiding up that tree we had asked her to be in. Now she watched me as I worked.
Too bad she would see my death.
It came in there at a really random moment, and it didn't sound very polished. I would maybe try to put it in a way where she looked to a tree for some reason, and had relief fill her at the sight of her unharmed daughter, or something like that. Otherwise very good!
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