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Physical Abuse

Taken from: http://www.preventchildabuse.com/physical.htm

What is physical abuse?
Physical abuse, which is 19% of all substantiated cases of child abuse, is the most visible form of abuse and may be defined as any act which results in a non-accidental trauma or physical injury. Inflicted physical injury most often represents unreasonable, severe corporal punishment or unjustifiable punishment. This usually happens when a frustrated or angry parent strikes, shakes or throws a child. Physical abuse injuries result from punching, beating, kicking, biting, burning or otherwise harming a child. While any of these injuries can occur accidentally when a child is at play, physical abuse should be suspected if the explanations do not fit the injury or if a pattern of frequency is apparent. The longer the abuse continues, the more serious the injuries to the child and the more difficult it is to eliminate the abusive behavior.


Physical Indicators of Abuse

Bruises:
- On body posterior
- Unusual patterns
- Clusters
- On infants
- Multiples in various stages of healing

Burns
- Immersion burns: doughnut shaped on the buttocks
- Cigarette burns: hands, feet
- Rope burns from confinement
- Dry burns caused by iron

Lacerations and Abrasions
- On lips, eyes, infant's face
- On gum tissue - caused by forced feeding
- On external genitals

Skeletal Injuries
- Fractures of long bones from twisting and pulling
- Seperation of bone and shaft
- Detachment of tissue of bone and shaft
- Spinal fractures
- Stiff, swollen, enlarged joints

Head Injuries
- Missing or loosened teeth
- Abscence of hair
- Hemorrhaging beneath scalp from hair pulling
- Subdural/retinal hemorrhages from hitting or shaking
- Nasal or jaw fracture

Internal Injuries
- Intestinal injuries from hitting or kicking
- Rupture of heart-related blood vessels
- Inflammation of abdominal area


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Taken from: http://www.safechild.org/childabuse2.htm

Non-accidental physical injury may include severe beatings, burns, biting, strangulation and scalding with resulting bruises, welts, broken bones, scars or serious internal injuries. (National Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse) An "abused child", under the law, means a child less than 18 years of age whose parent or other person legally responsible for the child's care inflicts or allows to be inflicted upon the child physical injury by other than accidental means which causes or creates substantial risk of death or serious disfigurement, or impairment of physical health, or loss or impairment of the function of any bodily organ. It is also considered "abuse" if such a caretaker creates or allows to be created situations whereby a child is likely to be in risk of the dangers mentioned above. (see N.Y. Social Services Law, Sec.412;Family Court Act, Sec. 1012).


Physical Indicators
- bite marks
- unusual bruises
- lacerations
- burns
- high incidence of accidents or frequent injuries
- fractures in unusual places
- injuries, swellings to face and extremities
- discoloration of skin


Behavioral Indicators in Child
- avoids physical contact with others
- apprehensive when other children cry
- wears clothing to purposely conceal injury, i.e. long sleeves
- refuses to undress for gym or for required physical exams at school
- gives inconsistent versions about occurrence of injuries, burns, etc.
- seems frightened by parents
- often late or absent from school
- comes early to school, seems reluctant to go home afterwards
- has difficulty getting along with others
- has little respect for others
- is overly compliant, withdrawn, gives in readily and allows others to do for him/her without protest
- plays aggressively, often hurting peers
- complains of pain upon movement or contact
- has a history of running away from home
- reports abuse by parents


Family or Parental Indicators
- many personal and marital problems
- economic stress
- parent(s) were abused as children themselves, were raised in homes where excessive punishment was the norm, and use harsh discipline on own children
- highly moralistic
- history of alcohol or drug abuse
- are easily upset, have a low tolerance for frustration
- are antagonistic, suspicious and fearful of other people
- social isolation, no supporting network of relatives or friends
- see child as bad or evil.
- little or no interest in child's well-being;
- do not respond appropriately to child's pain
- explanation of injuries to child are evasive and inconsistent
- blame child for injuries
- constantly criticize and have inappropriate expectations of child
- take child to different physicians or hospital for each injury

NOTE - Any one of these observations in isolation could be indicative of a number of other problems. Part of what we observe in physical abuse is a pattern or series of events. Be particularly aware of frequent occurrences which singularly seem to have a reasonable explanation, but which, as a whole, cause concern.


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Taken from: http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/teens/dating.asp

Physical Abuse
Physical abuse includes such things as: hitting, slapping, punching, shoving, kicking, biting, and hair-pulling. It also includes the use of a weapon, such as a club, knife, or gun, against a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Both teenage boys and teenage girls report being victims of physical violence in relationships. Typically, however, teenage boys and teenage girls use physical force for different reasons and with different results. While both tend to report acting violently because they were angry, teenage boys are much more likely to use force in order to control their girlfriends, while girls more often act violently in self-defense.

Teenage girls suffer more from relationship violence, emotionally and physically. They are much more likely than teenage boys to have serious injuries and to report being terrified. In contrast, male victims seldom seem to fear violence by their dates or girlfriends, often saying that the attacks did not hurt and that they found the violence amusing.


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Taken from: http://www.childhelpusa.org/forkids_whatis.htm

Physical Abuse
Spanking isn't against the law but child abuse is. You are being abused if you are.

- hit (with a belt, hand, paddle, etc.) or pinched hard enough to leave a mark that doesn't go away right away.

- burned (for example with cigarettes, a lighter, an iron or the stovetop burner).

- bitten hard enough to leave a mark or break the skin.

- pushed into walls or knocked to the floor.

- choked, kicked or punched.

Sexual Abuse
Taken from: http://www.preventchildabuse.com/sexual.htm

What is sexual abuse?
It is very difficult for most people to talk about sexual abuse and even more difficult for society as a whole to acknowledge that the sexual abuse of children of all ages -- including infants -- happens everyday in the United States. It is no an easy phenomenon to define, primarily because permissible childhood behavior varies in accordance with cultural, family and social tolerances. Sexual abuse, which is 10% of all substantiated cases of child abuse, is defined as the involvement of dependent, developmentally immature children in sexual activities that they do not fully comprehend and therefore to which they are unable to give informed consent and/or which violates the taboos of society.

Sexual abuse is any misuse of a child for sexual pleasure or gratification. It has the potential to interfere with a child's normal, healthy development, both emotionally and physically. Often, sexually victimized children experience severe emotional disturbances from their own feelings of guilt and shame, as well as the feelings which society imposes on them.

At the extreme end of the spectrum, sexual abuse includes sexual intercourse and/or its deviations. These behaviors may be the final acts in a worsening pattern of sexual abuse. For this reason and because of their devastating effects, exhibitionism, fondling and any other sexual contact with children are also considered sexually abusive.


Nontouching sexual abuse offenses include:
- Indecent exposure/exhibitionism
- Exposing children to pornographic material
- Deliberately exposing a child to the act of sexual intercourse
- Masterbation in front of a child

Touching sexual offenses include:
- Fondling
- Making a child touch an adult's sexual organs
- Any penetration of a child's v****a or a**s by an object that doesn't have a medical purpose

Sexual exploitation offenses include:
- Engaging a child for the purposes of prostitution
- Using a child to film, photograph or model pornography


What should I look for if I suspect a child is being sexually abuse?

Younger Children:
- Compulsive masturbation
- Bed-wetting, soiling
- Excessive curiousity about sex
- Altered sleep patterns
- Learning problems
- Seperation anxiety
- Overly compulsive behavior
- Developing fears and phobias
- Sexual acting out with peers
- Becoming non-verbal
- Developing tension symptoms -- stomach aches, skin disorders
- Becoming "seductive"

Pre-puberty and Teenagers:
- Stealing
- Running away
- Starting fires
- Excessive bathing
- Being withdrawn and passive
- Girls pulling up skirts
- Sexual inference in school artwork
- Teaching others how to masturbate
- Becoming aggressive toward peers
- Succumbing to periods of deep depression
- Falling grades
- Drug or alcohol abuse

Older Children:
- Suicide attempts
- Early marriage
- Running away
- Pregnancy
- Substance abuse
- Getting in trouble with legal system

Physical Indicators:
- Bruises or bleeding in external
- Complains of pain or itching in genitalia
- Torn, stained or bloody underclothing
- Difficulty in sitting or walking
- Sexually transmitted diseases
- Pregnancy, especially in early adolescence


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Taken from: http://www.apa.org/releases/sexabuse/

What is Child Sexual Abuse?
There is no universal definition of child sexual abuse. However, a central characteristic of any abuse is the dominant position of an adult that allows him or her to force or coerce a child into sexual activity. Child sexual abuse may include fondling a child's genitals, masturbation, oral-genital contact, digital penetration, and vaginal and a**l intercourse. Child sexual abuse is not solely restricted to physical contact; such abuse could include noncontact abuse, such as exposure, voyeurism, and child pornography. Abuse by peers also occurs.

Accurate statistics on the prevalence of child and adolescent sexual abuse are difficult to collect because of problems of underreporting and the lack of one definition of what constitutes such abuse. However, there is general agreement among mental health and child protection professionals that child sexual abuse is not uncommon and is a serious problem in the United States.

The impact of sexual abuse can range from no apparent effects to very severe ones. Typically, children who experience the most serious types of abuse�abuse involving family members and high degrees of physical force�exhibit behavior problems ranging from separation anxiety to posttraumatic stress disorder. However, children who are the victims of sexual abuse are also often exposed to a variety of other stressors and difficult circumstances in their lives, including parental substance abuse. The sexual abuse and its aftermath may be only part of the child's negative experiences and subsequent behaviors. Therefore, correctly diagnosing abuse is often complex. Conclusive physical evidence of sexual abuse is relatively rare in suspected cases. For all of these reasons, when abuse is suspected, an appropriately trained health professional should be consulted.


Who are the Victims of Child Sexual Abuse?
Children and adolescents, regardless of their race, culture, or economic status, appear to be at approximately equal risk for sexual victimization. Statistics show that girls are sexually abused more often than boys are. However, boys' and, later, men's, tendency not to report their victimization may affect these statistics. Some men even feel societal pressure to be proud of early sexual activity (no matter how unwanted it may have been at the time). It is telling, however, to note that men who have been abused are more commonly seen in the criminal justice system than in clinical mental health settings.


Who are the Perpetrators of Child Sexual Abuse?
Studies on who commits child sexual abuse vary in their findings, but the most common finding is that the majority of sexual offenders are family members or are otherwise known to the child. Sexual abuse by strangers is not nearly as common as sexual abuse by family members. Research further shows that men perpetrate most instances of sexual abuse, but there are cases in which women are the offenders. Despite a common myth, homosexual men are not more likely to sexually abuse children than heterosexual men are.


What are the Effects of Child Sexual Abuse?
Children and adolescents who have been sexually abused can suffer a range of psychological and behavioral problems, from mild to severe, in both the short and long term. These problems typically include depression, anxiety, guilt, fear, sexual dysfunction, withdrawal, and acting out. Depending on the severity of the incident, victims of sexual abuse may also develop fear and anxiety regarding the opposite sex or sexual issues and may display inappropriate sexual behavior. However, the strongest indication that a child has been sexually abused is inappropriate sexual knowledge, sexual interest, and sexual acting out by that child.

The initial or short-term effects of abuse usually occur within 2 years of the termination of the abuse. These effects vary depending upon the circumstances of the abuse and the child's developmental stage but may include regressive behaviors (such as a return to thumb-sucking or bed-wetting), sleep disturbances, eating problems, behavior and/or performance problems at school, and nonparticipation in school and social activities.

But the negative effects of child sexual abuse can affect the victim for many years and into adulthood. Adults who were sexually abused as children commonly experience depression. Additionally, high levels of anxiety in these adults can result in self-destructive behaviors, such as alcoholism or drug abuse, anxiety attacks, situation-specific anxiety disorders, and insomnia. Many victims also encounter problems in their adult relationships and in their adult sexual functioning.

Revictimization is also a common phenomenon among people abused as children. Research has shown that child sexual abuse victims are more likely to be the victims of rape or to be involved in physically abusive relationships as adults are.

In short, the ill effects of child sexual abuse are wide ranging. There is no one set of symptoms or outcomes that victims experience. Some children even report little or no psychological distress from the abuse, but these children may be either afraid to express their true emotions or may be denying their feelings as a coping mechanism. Other children may have what is called "sleeper effects." They may experience no harm in the short run, but suffer serious problems later in life.


Can Children Recover from Sexual Abuse?
In an attempt to better understand the ill effects of child abuse, psychologists and other researchers have studied what factors may lesson the impact of the abuse. More research needs to be done, but, to date, factors that seem to affect the amount of harm done to the victim include the age of the child; the duration, frequency, and intrusiveness of the abuse; the degree of force used; and the relationship of the abuser to the child.

Children's interpretation of the abuse, whether or not they disclose the experience, and how quickly they report it also affects the short- and long-term consequences. Children who are able to confide in a trusted adult and who are believed experience less trauma than children who do not disclose the abuse. Furthermore, children who disclose the abuse soon after its occurrence may be less traumatized than those children who live with the secret for years.

Some researchers have begun to look at the question of whether someone can recover from sexual abuse, and, if so, what factors help in that recovery. Children and adults who were sexually abused as children have indicated that family support, extra-familial support, high self-esteem, and spirituality were helpful in their recovery from the abuse.

It is important for victims of abuse to relinquish any guilt they may feel about the abuse. Victims also report that attending workshops and conferences on child sexual abuse, reading about child sexual abuse, and undergoing psychotherapy have helped them feel better and return to a more normal life. Research has also shown that often the passage of time is a key element in recovery.

Counseling and other support services are also important for the caregivers of abused children. One of the strongest predictors of the child's recovery from the abuse experience is a high level of maternal and family functioning. (This, of course, assumes that the abuser was not a member of the immediate family or, if so, is not still living within the family.)


Protecting Children From Sexual Abuse
- The typical advice "Don't Talk to Strangers" doesn't apply in this case. Most sexual perpetrators are known to their victims.

- Do not instruct children to give relatives hugs and kisses. Let them express affection on their own terms.

- Teach your children basic sexual education. Teach them that no one should touch the "private" parts of their body. A health professional can also help to communicate sex education to children if parents are uncomfortable doing so.

- Develop strong communication skills with your children. Encourage them to ask questions and talk about their experiences. Explain the importance of reporting abuse to you or another trusted adult.

- Teach your children that sexual advances from adults are wrong and against the law. Give them the confidence to assert themselves against any adult who attempts to abuse them.

- Make an effort to know children's friends and their families.

- Instruct your child to never get into a car with anyone without your permission.

- Teach your children that their bodies are their own. That it is OK to say they do not want a hug or that certain kinds of contact make them uncomfortable.

- It is important to remember that physical force is often not necessary to engage a child in sexual activity. Children are trusting and dependent and will often do what is asked of them to gain approval and love.


What To Do If You Think a Child You Know Has Been the Victim of Sexual Abuse
- Give the child a safe environment in which to talk to you or another trusted adult. Encourage the child to talk about what he or she has experienced, but be careful to not suggest events to him or her that may not have happened. Guard against displaying emotions that would influence the child's telling of the information.

- Reassure the child that he or she did nothing wrong.

- Seek mental health assistance for the child.

- Arrange for a medical examination for the child. Select a medical provider who has experience in examining children and identifying sexual and physical trauma. It may be necessary to explain to the child the difference between a medical examination and the abuse incident.

- Be aware that many states have laws requiring that persons who know or have a reason to suspect that a child has been sexually abused must report that abuse to either local law enforcement officials or child protection officials. In all 50 states, medical personnel, mental health professionals, teachers, and law enforcement personnel are required by law to report suspected abuse


Where To Go for Help
Several organizations can provide information and advice about child sexual abuse, including:

American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children
407 South Dearborn
Suite 1300
Chicago, IL 60605
(312) 554-0166
http://www.apsac.org/

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
Charles B. Wang International Children's Building
699 Prince Street
Alexandria, VA 22314-3175
24 hotline: 1-800-THE-LOST
http://www.missingkids.com/

Child Help USA
15757 North 78th Street
Scottsdale, AZ 85260
(800) 4-A-CHILD
http://www.childhelpusa.org/

National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
P.O. Box 1182
Washington, DC 20013
(800) FYI-3366
http://www.calib.com/nccanch/

Prevent Child Abuse America
332 S. Michigan Ave
Suite 1600
Chicago, IL 60604-4357


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Taken from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_sexual_abuse

The term child sexual abuse (CSA) is commonly defined in contemporary western culture as any sexual acts engaged in by minors and adults. A perpetrator of child sexual abuse is known as a child sex offender. Most known child sex offenders are male. The number of female offenders is unknown but is usually reported to be between 10% and 20%, although in some studies it was found to be as high as 70% due to concealment, double standards and social taboos about reporting female-perpetrated sex offenses. [citation needed] Most states force offenders to register with a national database, and releases the information to the public.

CSA is different from other forms of sexual abuse in that it includes forms of sexual activity between minors and adults that would not be considered abusive if performed by consenting adults.

The term has both moral and legal implications. As with the definition of sexual abuse in general, the definition of this term in legal, moral, and scientific literature varies in both criteria and specificity. The term includes also the commercial sexual exploitation of children (CSEC), defined by the International Labour Organization in the text of the Worst Forms of Child Labour Convention, 1999.


List of activities considered CSA (Child Sex Abuse)
In countries and jurisdictions where child/adult sexual behavior is illegal, it is a criminal offense, although the list (range) of activities that are prosecuted varies between countries. Activities which are often defined as abuse only when children are involved include the following:

- penetrative intercourse (oral, a**l or vaginal) between a child below a predefined age of consent (generally between 12 and 18 years) and an adult (or a much older child),
- asking a child to give consent to any kind of penetrative intercourse,
- fondling a child's genitals,
- asking, forcing, or inducing a child to fondle genitals (either his or her own, an adult's, or another child's),
- acting as a pimp for child prostitution (including a parent acting as a pimp),
- inducing a child to behave sexually in a performance, or to appear in child pornography,
- asking, forcing, or inducing a child to watch any kind of sexual behavior (including masturbation),
- asking, forcing, or inducing a child to look at adult genitals (in many countries if a child is not intentionally directed to look at adult genitals in public baths or nudistic settings, the mere presence of them is not considered CSA),
- lewd action towards children, including disseminating pornography to a minor,
- asking, forcing, or inducing a child to undress for any reason other than to help a child who is too young or otherwise unable to wash, dress exclusively to keep hygiene for himself or herself,
- observing a child's genitals for any reason other than for examining existing health problems.
- any sexual interaction of a child with an adult or other child where - coercion or a power differential is present
- purposefully undressing in front of or being seen nude around one's children after they have reached the age of awareness (often estimated as early as four or five and as late as ten years of age)
- bathing a child who is old enough and capable enough to bathe himself/herself

(800) CHILDREN
http://www.childabuse.org/


Effects of sexual abuse on minors
The majority of experts believe that CSA is innately harmful to minors. A wide range of psychological, emotional, physical, and social effects has been attributed to child sexual abuse, including anxiety, depression, obsession, compulsion, grief, post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms such as flashbacks, emotional numbing, pseudo-maturity symptoms, and other more general dysfunctions such as sexual dysfunction, social dysfunction, dysfunction of relationships, poor education and employment records, eating disorders, self-mutilation, and a range of physical symptoms common to some other forms of PTSD, such as sensual numbness, loss of appetite (see Smith et al., 1995). Additionally, young females who are victims of abuse may encounter additional trauma by pregnancy and birth complications. See Pregnancy after childhood sexual abuse.

Some studies have reached other conclusions about CSA. For example, a 1982 meta-analysis by Mary DeYoung reported that 20% of her "victims" appeared to be "virtually indifferent to their molestation" and instead tended to be traumatized by the reaction of adults to its discovery. Most notably, a controversial meta-analytic study of other various studies of CSA, Rind et al. (199 cool , found only a weak correlation between age-discrepant sexual contact as a minor and the later stability of the minor's adult psyche, noted that a significant percentage reported their reactions to age-discrepant sexual contact as positive in the short term, and found the confounding variable of poor family environment as a plausible cause for the majority of negative effects. Although the study stated in its conclusion that "the findings of the current review do not imply that moral or legal definitions of or views on behaviors currently classified as CSA should be abandoned or even altered," (Rind et al., 1998, p. 47), it on one hand drew widespread outrage from conservative activists, and on the other hand was often cited as supporting evidence by ***** advocates. The authors' defense of it can be found here.

The percentage of adults suffering from long-term effects is unknown. Smith quotes a British study that showed that 13% of adults sexually abused as minors suffered from long-term consequences.

Wakefield and Underwager (1991) note the difference between CSA experiences of males and females, where more males than females report the experience as neutral or positive, saying that "It may be that women perceive such experiences as sexual violation, while men perceive them as sexual initiation." Much of this has been challenged, the effects of sexual abuse on men being seen by some researchers as similar to the effects on women, "initiation" being considered part of the myth of male socialisation that men are the initiators of sex and cannot be abused (Draucker 1992). However, even accepting that the notion that males cannot be abused is a myth does not prove that there is no difference between early sexual initiation and sexual abuse for males (or for females for that matter.)

Forty to 71 percent of Borderline Personality Disorder patients report having been sexually abused.

More recent studies conducted in the new millennium indicate that sexual abuse in children can lead to the overexitation of an undeveloped limbic system; causing damage. This could explain the problems sexual abuse victims have with regulation of mood and other limbic functions. Other studies also indicate sexual abuse can lead to temporal lobe epilepsy, damage to the cerebellar vermis, along with reduced size of the corpus callosum.


Offenders
Most offenders are situational offenders (pseudopedophiles and pseudo-ephebophiles) rather than ***** or ephebophiles. They are rarely strangers, but relatives or acquaintances. Most offenders are male, the number of female perpetrators is usually reported to be between 10% and 20%, however in some studies it was found to be as high as 70%.


Typology
There are three categorizations of sex offenders against minors studied in the field of criminal psychology. The first two are major while the third is minor.

1) Regressed offenders
Regressed offenders are primarily attracted to their own age group but are passively aroused by minors (pseudo-***** and pseudo-ephebophiles).

- The sexual attraction in minors is not manifested until adulthood.
- Their sexual conduct until adulthood is aligned with that of their own age group.
- Their interest in minors is either not cognitively realized until well into adulthood or it was recognized early on and simply suppressed due to social taboo.

Other scenarios may include:
- Not associating their attractions as ***** or ephebosexual in nature due to cultural differences.

- Age of consent laws were raised in their jurisdiction but mainstream views toward sex with that age group remained the same, were acted upon, then they were charged with a crime.

- The person's passive interest in children is manifested temporarily upon the consumption of alcohol and acted upon while inhibitions were low.

Some view regressed offenders as people who are unable to maintain adult sexual relationships and so the offender substitutes an adult with a minor. This appears to be a flawed concept since it would suggest the offender was primarily ***** and they would thus fit into the fixated category.

2) Fixated offenders
Fixated offenders are most often adult ***** who are maladaptive to accepted social norms. They develop compatibility and self-esteem issues, stunting their social growth.

"This offender identifies with children, in other words considers him or herself to be like a child and thus seeks sexual relationships with what the offender perceives to be other children".

Such offenders often resort to collecting personal articles related to minors (clothing, children's books) as an outlet for their repressed desires. Most fixated offenders prefer members of the same sex. There is a difference of opinion as to whether this may be classified as homosexuality due to the nature of the individual's attractions. The sexual acts are typically preconceived and are not alcohol or drug related.

3) Sadistic offenders
Sadistic offenders are very rare and inherently violent criminals. They primarily use sexuality as a tool of sadistic suppression and not for sexual satisfaction. For this reason they do not fit within the classification of ***** style="text-decoration: underline">Categorization
The great majority of offenders fit into the regressed category. Only between 2-10% percent of all offenders are fixated.

These categories, (primarily the first two), are based on the assumption that the offender suffers from an irreversible mental illness. A few have noted that the primary division between "regressed" or "fixated" offenders seems to rest on two criteria: the offending person's ability to successfully live a socially acceptable lifestyle before committing the crime and the person's primary sexual preference. These categorizations also assume the act is a crime in the jurisdiction they reside in.

These terms generally do not encompass the full range of possible scenarios and merely attempt to label easily identifiable situations. A growing number of minor-attracted adults feel that the two main classifications are a direct result from the lack of understanding and/or bias in the mainstream regarding intergenerational sexual attraction in western society and thus are categorically flawed.


"Children who molest"
Some therapists noticed that many adult sex offenders already showed what they considered deviant sexual behavior during childhood. So they promoted early treatment of deviant minors as a preventive measure. However there is still little known about normal as opposed to deviant child sexuality. It is also unknown whether so called deviant minors have a higher risk of becoming an adult sex offenders than anybody else.

The US started to focus on juvenile sex offenders or even children for therapy or detention perhaps in the early 1990s. The label "juvenile sex offender" is controversial because it is not only used to describe acts of violence, but also consensual acts that violate statutory rape laws; critics of this trend view many such children as simply engaging in sexual experimentation. They also criticize the law for forcing arbitrary classification of such pairs of offenders into victim and perpetrator.

Therapies used on children have included controversial methods historically used in the "treatment" of homosexuals such as aversion therapy, where minors are, for example, forced to smell ammonia while looking at nude pictures or to listen to audio tapes describing sexual situations. In order to measure sexual response, devices like penile plethysmographs and vaginal photoplethysmographs are sometimes used on these minors.


Variation in cultural practices, norms and research findings
Between cultural relativists and cultural universalists there is no consensus whether and which among different past or present cultural practices in Western or non-Western societies can be defined as abusing either general universalistic human rights or special universalistic rights of minors due to which there is no generally accepted definition which of them can be listed as CSA.

In different cultures the practices sanctioned by cultural norms involve for example cutting and bleeding of the genitals, female circumcision, circumcision (of males), castration, infibulation, sexual relationships between adolescent boys and adult men sanctioned by the state and sanctified by religion in ancient Greece and feudal Japan, child prostitution tolerated in some societies as a way for children to support their families, groping of schoolgirls in Japanese trains, in the Western societies now abolished remedies against masturbation (once named 'self-abuse'), and nudity in public baths and nudistic settings etc.

In some South Pacific island cultures, such as the Sambia of Papua New Guinea, one of the primary rituals of initiation for boys involves having them ingest semen, which they consider to be the literal essence of manhood. The boys obtain semen by fellating older boys who have already passed through the initiation. Upon initiation into higher stages, the roles are reversed, making the fellator the fellated. Ritual fellatio is somewhat common throughout southeastern Papua New Guinea but has been studied the most in the Sambia (Herdt 1982).

Because of the lack of the universal definition the research on CSA is open both to personal biases of the researchers and of their critics.


Epidemiology
Goldman (2000) notes that "the absolute number of children being sexually abused each year has been almost impossible to ascertain" and that "there does not seem to be agreement on the rate of children being sexually abused". A meta-analytic study by Rind, Tromovitch, and Bauserman (199 cool found that reported prevalence of abuse for males ranged from 3% to 37%, and for females from 8% to 71% with mean rates of 17% and 28% respectively. A study by Fromuth and Burkhart (1987) found that depending upon the definition of CSA used, prevalence among men varied from 4% to 24%.


Definition based on moral objection; relativity
The view of the public-at-large is that any and all contact between minors and adults is immoral and automatically abuse in all cases. In more severe opinions it is considered inherently evil, and in their own words, "the perpetrators must be held liable to the utmost extent of the law."

Innocence of minors
On one hand, moral opponents also strive to maintain preservation of the perceived innocence in minors.

On the other hand, proponents claim this argument based on innocence is inherently flawed in that it is ignorance, not innocence, which is wrought by not allowing children to be exposed to sex at an earlier age.

This debate is a separate one in and of itself, and lends to ideals which both sides of the argument deem worthy enough for strong objection. Both sides routinely refer to the "preponderance" of psychological, sociological, and historical evidence to back their claims.

Both sides agree that genuine cases of force and coercion are indeed true abuse.

Objection to homosexuality
In cases of same-sex relations between adults and minors in western civilisation, there is also the stigma based on the homosexual nature of the actions.

Criticism of the definitions
Sexual relations between adults and minors in western society remain controversial.

Critics disagree with labeling all underage sexual activity involving adults as partners or observers as abuse based on the concept of informed consent, arguing that simple consent should suffice to exclude consensual acts from the definition of child sexual abuse. Those critics, including some sociologists, psychologists, educators, and some ***** advocates, also object to the use of the terms victim and perpetrator when describing consensual acts. Some doubt that there is scientific evidence that consensual sexual activity causes harm to minors and argue that some sexual activity of or with minors is considered a crime solely because of sexual morality. Some researchers contend that categorizing all sexual activity with minors as abuse makes it difficult to study the effects of abuse on children. Others claim that a distinction should be made between, on the one hand, severe sexual abuse that is often associated with severe symptoms such as suicidal tendencies, sexual aggression, and self-mutilation (Kisiel and Lyons, 2001), and on the other hand, milder types of child sexual abuse that do not necessarily cause harm. Rind et al. (199 cool argued that "Child sexual abuse does not cause intense harm on a pervasive basis," although anecdotal evidence documents harmful effects of early sexual activity (see Bass, Ellen et al, The Courage to Heal, 3rd edition, 1994)

Some further argue that denying a minor the right to give informed consent ignores his or her right to sexual self-determination.

However, these criticisms are highly controversial. The mainstream definition of child sexual abuse is predicated on whether minors are developmentally able to give informed consent, not just consent based on their feelings and expectations. Informed consent requires full cognitive understanding of one's own mind and the mind of the other person. The scientific evidence from psychological experiments, such as the Sally-Anne test, clearly show that full understanding does not develop until the end of puberty.

Critics of the mainstream definition counter that the focus on informed consent is a red herring. They believe the issue should be whether sexual relations involving simple consent are harmful. They believe they are not. They point to a long tradition of older men marrying young girls that is common across time and cultures, and also to pederasty (man/adolescent-male sexual relations), which was deemed acceptable in Ancient Greece, New Guinea, and feudal Japan. It is not clear whether the absence of informed consent is a predictor of harm. However, many of these critics fail to note the differences in societal sexual mores when arguing that other behavior is a useful guide for predicting response.

On the Isle of Alor, it was discovered that parents were masturbating their children and referring to it as a natural way of relieving their children's tensions. The Alorese exhibit a number of psychological symptoms many connect to this activity.

What To Do If You're Being Abused

Taken from: http://www.ehow.com/how_1016_help-abused.html

The following information is based on materials from the Santa Barbara Domestic Hotline, the Shelter Services for Women, and the Los Angeles Commission on Assaults Against Women.

1) Get help.

Steps:
1. Call 911 for immediate help. Tell the operator it's an emergency.

2. Give your address clearly.

3. Call a domestic abuse hotline.

4. File charges against the abuser.

5. Get a restraining order or a protection order to keep the abuser away from you.


2) Make a Safety Plan.

Steps:
1. Save money each week.

2. Keep money aside (and hidden) for an emergency.

3. Keep important documents handy and easily accessible: birth certificates, social security cards, green cards and health records.

4. Plan an escape route from your house or apartment.

5. Arrange with neighbors to call police if they hear yelling or get a signal from you.

6. Arrange for a safe place to stay overnight or longer in case of emergency: with a friend, family member, co-worker, or in a shelter.


~

Taken from: http://kimberlychapman.com/abuse/abuse.html

The most significant thing I've learned as a result of abuse is that abusers almost never realize what they're doing, let alone that it's wrong. Abusers know they are committing an act of violence, that they are hurling insults, etc., so don't think I'm excusing them of the culpability of their actions. I mean that abusers never seem to realize that their actions constitute "abuse." They have justifications for everything they do, and convince themselves that those justifications excuse behaviour that would be intolerable to them in another situation. Abusers frequently say things like the following statements:

- "This is the only way you'll learn."
- "It's not fair to me that you make me angry this way."
- "This hurts me more than it hurts you."
- "You earned this, so don't blame me."
- "What's the matter with you? Why do you make me do this?"
- "Children need discipline, and discipline equals physical punishment"

Trying to confront most abusers with the inappropriateness of their behaviour is useless, in my experience. They too often refuse to acknowledge that what they did was wrong. If the abuser is in a position of power, such as a parent, the chances of convincing them that their actions constitute abuse are even smaller, because they have the "I was just trying to teach you right from wrong" excuse to fall back on.

Abusers also often believe their actions arise from love. This, in my opinion, is a gross misconception of "love." People who love each other do not deliberately hurt each other, even to ostensibly correct behaviour. Respect is an essential component of love, and if you are capable of striking someone instead of communicating with them in an appropriate fashion, you do not respect them, and therefore do not truly love them.

I am sure there are some people out there who do genuinely love their children, but still believe in spankings as "discipline." This is a faulty premise, unless the child is allowed to spank the adult should the adult make a mistake. If a child is spanked for lying but the parent is not spanked for lying, then this is an exertion of control, not discipline. Discipline is intended to teach, and may or may not include the use of physical force. What lessons are taught when the child is disciplined in a manner inconsistent with how adults are disciplined, such as spanking? The lessons include: do as adults say, not as they do; big people are allowed to exert physical control over small people; children have no rights of the self; and mistakes are grounds for fear, not learning.

Take, for example, a scene I witnessed while on a road trip in California. While at a fast food restaurant in Barstow, a common stopping point on the long drive between Las Vegas and Los Angeles, I saw a tired-looking child of approximately two years of age get frustrated as the woman who appeared to be his mother tried to get him to sit down. He whined and smacked her hand away, using his tiny, pudgy soft little hand. She then used her much larger, much stronger, much harder hand to whack him in return, with the accompanying scold of, "Don't hit people!"

What lessons were taught there? How effective was the "don't hit people" lesson, when it was accompanied with the apparently wrongful behaviour? Was the child's reaction of crying and dropping down into his seat an indication of a lesson learned in how to sit down in a restaurant, or an indication of behaviour motivated by pain and fear?

Another example: what is the lesson when a child's mouth is washed out with soap for using words they may well have heard adults use, or heard on TV shows watched by the parents? The lesson is that the child will be deliberately, consciously poisoned for doing something that will be considered acceptable, although possibly uncouth, a few years from now. The act of washing a child's mouth out with soap is a slow, careful, deliberate act of abuse. Excuses of losing control do not apply. If you are capable of forcing a lightly toxic (or worse, depending on the soap) substance into your child's mouth, not only can you not claim to respect that child, but you are a cold, calculating abuser. And all of this over swearing? No reasonable person could conclude that that kind of torture is justified over an issue of appropriate communication skills.

Of course, not all abuse is physical. Verbal abuse can be just as scarring as physical abuse, but is harder to pinpoint, and thus harder to fight. A teacher can see a child's bruises from physical abuse and call in the authorities, but what is to be done with a child who believes that they are stupid, useless, ugly, fat, pathetic, or any other thing that they've been told by verbal abusers? If an adult has mysterious bruises and explains them away with feeble statements such as "I fell" or "The door hit me in the eye," friends and colleagues can recognize this as potential domestic abuse and find ways to help. If an adult just has a poor self-image, friends and colleagues may never know that it's because the adult in question is insulted at home on a daily basis.

Again, people who love each other do not verbally abuse each other. Disagreements are not verbal abuse, nor is it abuse just because a voice is raised. Verbal abuse is a consistent application of insults that stems from a lack of respect, and is often done for the purpose of making the victim feel poorly about themselves. And again, respect is integral to love.

Abuse is not limited to women and children. Men suffer both physical and verbal abuse as well, and to discount their experiences as them not being "manly" enough is a sexist attitude. A man should no more have to endure being hit, shoved, or insulted than a woman or child should. While children remain almost entirely powerless to stop abuse, and women are still too often condemned for their own victimhood, the abused man has almost zero recourse in western society. There are precious few shelters for abused men to flee to. An abused man has almost no support network, because admitting to being abused is an invitation to chastisement and disrespect in and of itself. While an abused woman may have a friend to turn to for help, all too often an abused man will be met with comments such as, "What, are you a wimp?" if he confides in a friend.

Furthermore, western society sees female-against-male violence as minor, or even comical (i.e. a woman slapping a man in the face), but demonizes men who use violence against women in self defense. Men are expected to take physical abuse, while women are seen as delicate beings incapable of inflicting serious damage. Lorena Bobbit was hailed as some kind of feminist hero for cutting off her husband's p***s, but how would society regard a man who cut off his wife's breast, even if he had the excuse of having been abused by her for years? This sexist double standard is all-too-often ignored by those who fight anti-female sexism and similar double standards against women.

Victims of abuse really only have one way to protect themselves, and that is to remove the abuser from their life. Even that isn't foolproof, as evidenced by the number of people hunted down and killed by former abusive spouses. Children removed from abusive homes are too frequently placed into social services that treat them poorly as well, and do little to help rebuild their lives. Victims of abuse often feel, and sometimes justifiably, that they are trapped by their abusers, so even if they know they are a victim, they feel powerless to escape. A common element of abuser control is to keep the victim from having a support network or access to help.

If you are being abused, do not wait for the abuse to end. It will not. You need to excise the abuser from your life. Very few places in the world will accept you doing this by violent means, such as killing your abuser, even if your abuser has threatened or tried to kill you. Self-defense laws often require you to be in immediate danger, and killing your abuser in their sleep does not qualify. Furthermore, answering abuse with violence drags you down to their level. If you kill someone, that is something that will haunt you morally and legally for the rest of your life.

Therefore, the best way to excise an abuser is to cut them out of your life through legal means. This is not perfect; as already mentioned, some abusers become murderous stalkers, and most laws are pathetically weak when it comes to protecting abuse victims from vengeful ex-abusers. Children have even fewer rights, and are too often returned to abusive parents only to turn up dead a short time later.

Education and empowerment are the best tools for an abuse victim. Knowing your rights, how to survive on your own, and how to rebuild your life are crucial to getting an abuser out of your life. Those things will vary from person to person and between geographical areas. However, the following key items are true for almost all victims of abuse:

- You do NOT deserve to be abused. No one does.
- It is not your fault.
- Abuse is never for your own good.
- You have not invited abuse by putting up with it in the past.
- Your body is yours, and you're the only person allowed to dictate what happens to it.
- Being a victim of abuse does not make you pathetic, wimpy, or any other negative adjective. People who say such things are not worthy of your attention.
- It will not go away. It will not get better on its own.
- Repeated promises to change are lies. While very rarely an abuser may clue in and honour a promise to stop, if the promises are being repeated, that means they're continually being broken and have no value.
- Your abuser does not respect you, so don't expect them to start.
- Major life changes such as pregnancy, moving, job changes, etc. almost never stop abuse, and in fact often escalate it.

You do NOT deserve to be abused. No one does.
It is not your fault.
Abuse is never for your own good.
You have not invited abuse by putting up with it in the past.
Your body is yours, and you're the only person allowed to dictate what happens to it.
Being a victim of abuse does not make you pathetic, wimpy, or any other negative adjective. People who say such things are not worthy of your attention.
It will not go away. It will not get better on its own.
Repeated promises to change are lies. While very rarely an abuser may clue in and honour a promise to stop, if the promises are being repeated, that means they're continually being broken and have no value.
Your abuser does not respect you, so don't expect them to start.
Major life changes such as pregnancy, moving, job changes, etc. almost never stop abuse, and in fact often escalate it.

(Further helpful links from this website can be found at the bottom of the webpage)

~

For further abuse resources and helpful links, please check the 7th post in this sticky.

Helpful Resources and Links
(Links provided by myself, Yi Min, and Yukito Yu)


- Child Help USA offers a 24-hour crisis hotline, national information and referral network for support groups and therapists, and for reporting suspected abuse.

6463 Independence Avenue
Woodland Hills, CA 91367
(800) 422 - 4453


- Child Welfare League of America, headquartered in Washington, DC, is a 75 year-old association of nearly 800 public and private, non-profit agencies that serve abused, neglected and abandoned children, youth, and their families. CWLA plays a major advocacy role on Capitol Hill, develops model guidelines for the provision of child welfare services, conducts research and training, and is the world's largest publisher of child welfare materials.

440 First Street, NW, Suite 310
Washington, DC 20001-2085
(202) 638 - 2952


- The National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse (NCPCA), headquartered in Chicago, is a not-for-profit organization with the goal of preventing child abuse in all its forms. NCPCA promotes public education through its national media campaign, a catalog of publications, and training and technical assistance. Chapters of the national organization are located throughout the United States.

P.O. Bpx 2866, Chicago, IL 60690
(800) 556 - 2722


- The National Association of Social Workers constitutes 50% of the nation's social workers. With various degrees in social work, social workers in general work directly with individuals and families, at times in dire dircumstances, resolving issues such as health problems, substance abuse, poverty, and violence. Child protection social workers tread a fine line of saving children while maintaining the fabric of society. [in the author's perspective]

For more information, please write:
750 First St. NE, Suite 700
Washington, D.C. 20002

Or call: 800 - 638 - 8799.


- The National Court Appointed Special Advocate Association (CASA) is composed of specially trained volunteers who are appointed on behalf of a judge to speak up on behalf of abused and neglected children in court. By reviewing records, collecting information from parents, teachers, family members and the child, CASA's unique services enable judges to make informed decisions regarding the best interests of the child.

For more information, please write:
100 West St., North Tower, Suite 500
Seattle, WA 98119

Or call: 800 - 628 - 3233.


- The National Foster Parent Association is the national voice for foster parents. NFPA strengthens foster families through nationally focused legislative advocacy, training and education, publicatinos, and linkages among among foster parents, state, and local foster parent associations. Help save a life by loving a child.

For more information, call the NFPA Information and Services Office at: 800 - 557 - 5238.


- Parents Anonymous, Inc. is the nation's oldest and largest child abuse prevention program dedicated to strengthening families through innovative strategies that promise mutual support and parent leadership. As the nation's premier family strengthening program, Parents Anonymous encourages parents to ask for help early --whatever the circumstances-- to effectively break the cycle of abuse to protect today's children and tomorrow's generation of parents. Annually, more than 100,000 parents and their children come together in more than 2,300 Parents Anonymous groups throughout the United States to learn new skills, transform their attitudes and behaviors, and create long-term positive changes in their lives. Parents Anonymous builds on the strength of parents to ensure their children live and grow in safe, nuturing homes by offering families help today and hope for the future.

For more information, or to locate a Parents Anonymous group in your community, please contact Parents Anonymous Inc., at: 909 - 621 - 6184.


- The Arrow Project (TAP) is a Christian, non-profit agency that serves communities by promoting and enhancing the well-being of childre and families through preventative, supportive, and theraputic services. Through various programs including theraputic foster care, diagnostic assessments and alternative education, the agency supports over 1,000 children annually in more than 300 foster homes, and other facilities in Texas and Maryland. TAP solicits the support of individuals and corporations nationally to assist them in "fighting the battle for our kids." TAP believes in Psalm 127, that "children are a gift of the Lord, like arrows in the hand of a warrior."

For more information, please write:
350 N. Sam Houston Parkway, Suite 101,
Houston, Texas 77069

Or call toll-free: 877 - 92ARROW

-------------------------------------------

Guilds on Gaia That Deal With Abuse

- The "When You Feel All Alone..." Guild, which is a guild for victims of rape, abuse, molestation, etc.
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewforum.php?f=5600


- This is the link for Nikore's guild called "SAFE - For Victims and Survivors of Abuse".


http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/index.php?guild_id=4511


- Lock_Shock_Barrel's guild Security Blanket, for support of victims of rape, domestic abuse, assault, etc:
This is Lock_Shock_Barrel's support guild, for survivors or rape, abuse, sexual offenses, etc. It's called Security Blanket, and can be found at the below link:

http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/index.php?guild_id=8129

-------------------------------------------

Abuse Help on the Internet
LEAF - Women's Legal Education and Action Fund. A national, non-profit organization that promotes the equality and rights of women and girls; the site has a section for teens with information and links relating to sexual assault, equality rights and the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Education Wife Assault/ For Teens to Think About - Information about dating violence for teens, including: signs of abuse, violence prevention and advise for abused teens and abusers.

APA: Love Doesn?t Have to Hurt Teens - Information about dating violence and abuse in teen relationships, from the American Psychological Association.

RAINN - The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization.

Child Help USA - This is the online link to the resource Nikolita put up above. Allows you to find places near you.

Books on Abuse
Treating the Adult Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse - This book draws on the trauma research of the authors to show how to work psychoanalytically with adult patients who have survived childhood sexual abuse.

The Sexual Healing Journey : A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse - Considered a classic in its field, this comprehensive guide will help survivors of sexual abuse improve their relationships and discover the joys of sexual intimacy. Wendy Maltz takes survivors step-by-step through the recovery process using groundbreaking exercises and techniques. Based on the author's clinical work, interviews, and workshops, this guide is filled with first-person accounts of women and men at every stage of sexual healing.

Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys

In Their Own Words: A Sexual Abuse Workbook for Teenage Girls

Art Therapy with Young Survivors of Sexual Abuse: Lost for Words - Art Therapy with Young Survivors of Sexual Abuse is a guide to practice with children who are victims of sexual abuse. Containing a range of illustrative case material from both individual and group therapy, the book addresses the important issues faced by professionals, including assessment using art therapy, male therapist countertransference, the therapist's relationship with the client's family and wider networks, using other art materials such as sand and water, and the value of art therapy with groups.

Sexual Abuse: Let's Talk About It - Discusses the sexual abuse of children, how they can protect themselves, where they can seek help, the kinds of help available, and how to increase public awareness of this problem.

Invisible Girls - Invisible Girls weaves together powerful first-person narratives with gentle guidance and seasoned insights to help girls through the maze of feelings that swirl around the abuse experience. This gives every young woman who has experienced sexual abuse the courage that comes from knowing that she is not alone and that she can be vibrant, healthy, and whole.

Broken Boys / Mending Men: Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse - Candid first-person accounts illustrate issues commonly faced by males trying to deal with their early victimization - withdrawal, isolation, denial, the loss of security and self-esteem - and how society's traditional view of masculinity acts as a barrier to their recovery. Stephen Grubman-Black offers hope and encouragement to victims as well useful insights for parents, teachers and mental health professionals who want to know more about the effects and treatment of childhood sexual abuse.

Help
Teen Help - Their website is a network made up of teen mentors that have the desire to reach out and connect with one another. The members of their staff have not been chosen for their spot-free record, but for the real life experience that may come in useful in the resolution of fellow teens problems. They are there to help guide the misguided and help as much as possible through advice based on their life experiences.

Kids Help Phone - A site that provides a place to get counselling, information, and to express yourself.

Metanoia - Talk to therapists online.

------------------------------------

Some international numbers and some phone numbers for people in other places around the world... since Gaia reaches everywhere.

Childhelp USA: 1-800-4-A-CHILD
National child abuse hotline for victims, offenders, and parents.

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE
The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) operates the free and confidential National Sexual Assault Hotline and is the nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization. RAINN also educates the public about sexual assault and leads national efforts to improve services to victims and ensure that rapists are brought to justice.

CHILDLINE South Africa: 0800 55555
Toll-free hotline and associated treatment center offers free counseling by phone or in person, for children and youth dealing with physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, and to adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The hotline is answered 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Muslim Women's Help Line: 0181 904 8193
Hotline for Muslim women and girls in the U.K. dealing with domestic violence, sexual abuse, and other problems.

END Abuse: 1-800-END-ABUSE
Domestic Assault line in Canada that is opened 24 hours a day for anyone in need.

Domestic Abuse/Assault: 1-800-333-SAFE
An American hotline for anyone in a domestic problem. It's open 24 hours a day

Family Violence Help: 1-800-222-2000
This hotline is in the USA and is opened 24 hours a day.

National Run Away Hot Line: 1-800-HIT-HOME
Opened 24 hours a day to run aways, thoughs contemplating it, and thoughs who have friends or family who are in that position.

Suicide Help Line: 1-800-SUICIDE
Located in America, this hotline is opened 24 hours a day for help with suicide.

Youth Crisis Line: 1-800-448-4663
American Hotline that helps youth in crisis.

General Crisis Counselling: 1-800-785-8111
American Hotline for crisis counselling

Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868
Talk to someone about anything and they'll listen.

Kids Help Line: 1-800-55-1800
24-hour toll-free hotline for children and youth throughout Australia.


Added August 19th, 2010:
Treating Abusive Controlling Relationships
http://www.homestudycredit.com/courses/contentCR/secCR16.html

A Place To Report Rape, Abuse, and Other Sexual Offences


If you or someone you know has been abused, raped, sexually offended in anyway, and hasn't reported it, but is ready to or needs to whether they want to except it or not, the link below is a place online that they, or you, can report it at:

http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=169

How it works:
You fill out the form on the page and submit it. It gets sent to a department that reads it and will contact you wanting some more information. Then, when you respond to their e-mail and they review your response they forward their information to the local department of whoever it is that has been reported for. Please, help someone. They may be mad at you at first, but it the end, if they care about themselves, they will realize that it needed to be done.

Is Someone You Know Abusing His Partner? [pamphlet]
Here's how to talk to him about his behaviour.

[The government parts of this brochure applies to anyone who lives in BC, Canada, but the concepts can apply to people living outside of Canada too.]


Is Someone You Know Abusing His Partner?
You may suspect abuse is happening to a neighbour, friend, or family member, but don't know what to do or how to talk about it. You may worry about making the situation worse for the woman. Understanding the warning signs is the first time.


Warning Signs of Abuse
If you recognize some of these warning signs, it may be time to take action:

He:
- puts her down
- does all the talking and dominates the conversation
- checks up on her all the time, even at work
- tries to suggest he is the victim and acts depressed
- tries to keep her away from you
- acts as if he owns her
- lies to make himself look good or exaggerates his good qualities
- acts like he is superior and of more value than others in his home

She:
- is apologetic, makes excuses for his behaviour, or becomes aggressive and angry
- is nervous talking when he's nearby
- seems to be sick more often and misses work
- tries to cover her bruises
- makes excuses at the last minute about why she can't meet you or she tries to avoid you on the street
- seems sad, lonely, withdrawn, and is afraid
- uses more drugs or alcohol to cope

While most abuse occurs in intiamte heterosexual relationships, it can occur in gay and lesbian relationships as well. The suggestions in this brochure are equally applicable.


The Danger May Be Greater If:

He:
- has access to her and her children
- has access to weapons
- has a history of abuse with her or others
- has threatened to harm or kill her if she leaves him
- says "if I can't have you, no one will"
- threatens to harm her children, her pets or her property
- has threatened to kill himself
- has hit or choked her
- is going through major life changes (ex: job, seperation, depression)
- is convinced she is seeing someone else
- blames her for his problems
- doesn't seek support
- watches her actions, listens to her telephone conversations, reads her e-mails and follows her
- has trouble keeping a job
- misuses drugs or alcohol
- has no respect for the law

She:
- has just seperated or is planning to leave
- fears for her life and for her children's safety
- is in a custody battle, or has children from a previous relationship
- is involved in another relationship
- is pregnant
- denies or minimizes the risk
- has unexplained nijuries
- has no access to a phone
- faces other obstacles (ex: she doesn't speak English, is not yet a legal resident of Canada or lives in a remote area)
- has no friends or family

Statistics indicate that women who are under 25 years of age, women with a disability, Aboriginal women and women living in a common-law arrangement are at a higher risk of abuse. (Stats Canada, 2005)

Always keep yourself safe. Don't get in the middle of an assault. In an emergency, call the police, or 911 if available in your area.


How to Talk to Men Who Are Abusive
Sometimes people who know an abusive man overlook his behaviuor and focus on supporting the woman. At other times, people may sympathize with the abusive man, which may inadvertently escalate his abuse. Talking to an abusive man is an important part of preventing violence against women, but it needs to be done carefully. Abusive behaviour won't go away on its own.


Here is What You Can Do When You Think It's Time to Talk to Him

- Choose the right time and place to have a full discussion.
- Approach him when he is calm.
- Be direct and clear about what you have seen.
- Tell him that his behaviour is his responsibility. Avoid making judgemental comments about him as a person. Don't validate his attempt to blame others for his behaviour.
- Inform him that his behaviour needs to stop.
- Don't try to force him to change or seek help.
- Tell him that you are concerned for the safety of his partner and children.
- Never argue with him about his abusive actions. Recognize that confrontational, argumentative approaches may make the situation worse and put her at higher risk.
- If the woman's safety is in jeopardy, call the police or 911 if available in your area.


If He Denies the Abuse

- Men who are abusive will often minimize the impact and deny that they have done anything wrong. They may state that it isn't that bad or blame the victim for their actions. This type of behaviour deflects his own responsibility for his actions.
- Keep your conversation focused on your concerns for his family's safety and well-being and reiterate that abuse is never an answer.
- Keep the lines of communication open and look for opportunities to help him find support.


Why Does He Do It?

- Violence against women is a learned behaviour. The abuser learns to use violence as a way of expressing anger or frustration long before entering an intimate relationship.
- He chooses to do it: He doesn't assault his boss when he gets angry, but he assaults his wife.
- He gets away with it - if he is not arrested and charges are not filed.


Why Does She Stay?

- She loves him and hopes he will change.
- She believes her children need their father.
- She has no means of supporting herself and her children.
- She is isolated and has no support from family or friends.
- She feels ashamed.
- She may not be aware of services that are available.
- She may not have transportation.
- She believes he will kill her if she leaves.
- She is an immigrant, sponsored by her husband, and is unaware of her rights. She may believe she will be deported if she reports the abuse or leaves him.


Here Are Some Concerns You May Have About Whether You Should Help

Points of Concern: You feel it's none of your business.
Points to Consider: It could be a matter of life and death. Violence is everyone's business.

Points of Concern: You don't know what to say.
Points to Consider: Saying you care and are concerned is a good start.

Points of Concern: You might make things worse.
Points to Consider: Doing nothing could make things worse.

Points of Concern: It's not serious enough to involve the police.
Points to Consider: Police are trained to respond and can refer to other services.

Points of Concern: You are afraid his violence will turn to you or your family.
Points to Consider: Speak to him alone. Let the police know if you receive threats.

Points of Concern: You think she doesn't really want to leave because she keeps going back to him.
Points to Consider: She may not have had the support she needed.

Points of Concern: You are afraid he will become angry with you.
Points to Consider: Maybe, but it gives you the chance to offer your help.

Points of Concern: You feel both partners are your friends.
Points to Consider: One is being abusive and the other lives in fear.

Points of Concern: You believe that if he wanted help or wanted to change his behaviour, he would ask for help.
Points to Consider: He may be too ashamed to ask for help.

Points of Concern: You think it is a private matter.
Points to Consider: It isn't when someone is being hurt.


Who Can Help?

Call VictimLink at 1-800-563-0808, a 24 hour crisis line for BC in up to 130 languages.

In an emergency, call your local police or 911 if available in your community.


Stopping Violence Against Women is Everyone's Responsibility

Ministry of Community Services: www.gov.bc.ca/cserv

Kelowna (BC) Women's Shelter


Healthy relationships start with:

- respect
- trust & support
- connection with others
- honesty & accountability
- responsible parenting
- negotiation & fairness
- non-threatening behaviour
- financial & economic independence
- understanding & being understood
- feeling of belonging
- balancing I & We
- safe emotional climate
- dealing with conflict
- problem solving
- shared value system
- shared power
- sexual safety


Types of Abuse

- Verbal and emotional: yelling, raging, put downs, sarcasm, blame, threats, silent treatment, forced to do degrading acts, controlling, isolation from family and friends, belittlement, threats of killing self/partner/children.

- Physical: pushing, shoving, slapping. punching, choking, pinching, biting, spitting, striking or threatening with weapons, cutting, restraining, burning, pulling hair, withholding medical treatment, depriving of sleep or food.

- Sexual: forcing or coercing sex (rape), insists on sexual acts, accuses partner of unfaithfulness, assaults to breasts or genitalia.

- Financial: allows no access to money, runs-up bills, withholds financial information, takes &/or belittles your financial contribution, theatens no financial support if you leave.


Characteristics of Abusers

- Uses many types of abuse to maintain power and control.
- Personality has extreme shifts between being loving, caring, warm, funny, giving (includes excessive gifts & gestures), to cold, hurtful, vindictive, cruel, and demanding.
- Constantly jealous, accusing you of unfaithfulness.
- Tries to isolate you by preventing contact with others.
- Has an explosive temper, flying into rages without warning.
- Puts his own needs or wants before anyone else's.
- Blames others or accepts no responsibility for actions.
- Changes the rules of your relationship.
- Comes from an unhealthy or unhappy family.
- Denies or minimizes abusive behaviours.
- Promises to change his behaviours by going to counselling or stopping drinking/using, but usually little or no follow through.