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 Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2009 3:00 pm
Winter
The days are like autumn leaves,
Wind howling,
Snow falling,
Ghost Whispering in the wind,
Skys as red as cherry apples,the bitter cold sipping in through the windows from the passing cars, the mysterious howl of a dog on a moonless night,
in these cold winter days animals are as restless as autumn leaves blowing in the wind,
Wolves howl at the moon like lost kits, a man pulls his hood closer to himself the wind hammering him like nails in the night,
A baby cries for its mother who never answers, these winter days are harsh and filled with terror for loved ones
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Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2009 7:31 pm
Nope.
Nnnnnnope.
This is filled with all sorts dark, angsty imagery, true, but other than that... it doesn't really have much of a point, does it? And don't be all, "poetry IS pointless!", 'cause that's not true at all. Poetry is supposed to convey some emotion, make you FEEL something. This is just a random jumble of images you thought were appropriately depressing.
I will give you this: your grammar is almost perfect, and I thank you for it. You've got all the building blocks, you just gotta learn how to stack 'em.
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Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 5:57 pm
well, i liked it. although, yes, it could use some work. maybe some more descriptive adjectives or more feeling ones. hmm...
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Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 1:32 pm
If you want to use autumn leaves don't make it winter...or vice versa. That just doesn't do.....winter is not like autumn leaves. Also, structure it a little better. You made a list. At least make the list look pretty so people want to look at it. It makes a difference.
One of the avatars above me did make a good point that your grammar is rather good and you do have a good start on something, but it is not finished.
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