Delmor Unity High SchoolDUHS is home to the Green and Brown Delmor Donkeys, a noble creature that helped the early settlers farm the land and transport goods. The school houses roughly 360 students, with about 90 per grade level. There are five homerooms per grade level, divided alphabetically. Homeroom One has A-E, Two has F-J, Three has K-O, Four has P-R, and Five has U-Z. There are approximately 18 students in each homeroom and class.
DUHS staffs 28 full-time teachers, two Guidance councelors, one nurse, and one librarian. Also thrown into the mix are, of course, the Principal, Vice Principal, and Secretary.
They offer many sports and after school activities for the students enrichement. There is, of course, a football team for the boys, as well as Track and Field, Swimming, Tennis, and Soccer for both boys and girls. For extracurriculars, DUHS offers Drama Club, Choir, Chess Club, Debate Club, Knit-Wits, Hikers Anonymous, Students Against Usually Crapulent Youth (SAUCY), Spanish Club, French Club, Student Government and National Honors Society.
AdministrationMr. Bruno Wilhelm- The Principal of DUHS. He is a militaristic hard-nosed administrator who thinks the youth of today could be whipped into shape with a little boot camp. Students may opt out of a week of detention by clapping erasers, etc and performing push-ups.
Mr. Forbes- The Vice-Principal of DUHS. He's more laid back, but picks his favorite students and if you get on his bad side he will always assume you to be a bad student.
Ms. Daisy Dotts- The Secretary of DUHS. She's a friendly enough lady and is responsible for taking absence notes and answering the phones.
Mr. Don Warry- The Guidance counselor of Freshmen and Juniors. His ultimate solution to any problem is not to worry, and is more concerned with getting students out of his office than he is with really listening to their problems.
Miss Myrna- The Guidance Counselor of Sophomores and Seniors. She is sensetive and babies her students too much and has a lot of enthusiasm for her job and her students.
Mrs. Gertrude Hargrave- The Nurse at DUHS. She solves everything with ibuprofen (sugar pills), a snack, and a free condom. Don't expect to get much help from her, unless you are a girl complaining of PMS, then expect to be pampered. Otherwise, any stomach complaint by a female student means you must be pregnant.
Mrs. Rose Briar- The librarian. She keeps her long black hair pulled back into a tight bun, and her spectacles often creep down the tip of her pointed nose. A mole on the side of her nose has earned her the name of "The Witch" and she often creeps out of the shadows suddenly to reprimand noisy students.
TeachersMrs. Arietta- The music teacher, Mrs. Arietta teaches the chior, marching band, jazz band, and keayboarding classes. She runs the after school choir and is in charge of Freshman homeroom one. She used to be a bubble excited teacher, but after the reality of teaching high school students kicked in, she started to hate her job. Now she can't get excited about anything except her after school choir.
Mr. Attomos- The Chemistry teacher at DUHS, he has crazy white hair and the most of his face is usually obscured by goggles and coke bottle glasses, though he is clean shaven either because he likes it that way or because too many experiments have exploded on him and he no longer has facial hair. When not teaching he is surrounded by beakers and vials of liquid.
Mrs. Barber- Teaching English 11 and the theater class, Mrs. Barber is just one cool lady. She relates well with her students and often at the end of the semester her students begin begging her to let them actually work and not just sit around chatting. All in all a fun class to be in, and her students often return after graduation to spend time with her. She runs the after school drama program.
Mr. Carney- The father of local track star, Mr. Carney teaches computing, keyboarding, website publishing, etc. He is also the girl's track and field coach. He hates most everyone and isn't very nice to his daughter. He doesn't take any bullshit from students and will gladly send anyone to the principals office for the most insignificant behaviors.
Mr. Jimmy Chonga- The advisor to the spanish club, Jimmy Chonga teaches the honors spanish classes. He's a flamboyant little man from Argentina and very obviously loves his spanish food, as he is also a round little man. He speaks english with a thick accent, making his spanish one and two classes even more difficult.
Ms. Cobb- Engaged to Mr. Webb, Ms. Cobb is a teacher in the history department and coaches girl's tennis. She loves her job, and will happily teach US History and Civics to anyone unlucky enough to find themselves in her class. Her enthusiasm borders on ditziness.
Mrs. Crusso- The evil teacher of English 10, Mrs. Crusso barely ever passes her students. Unless you write papers exactly the way she lays them out for you and have a complimentary opinion to hers, you will not pass. It's best just to BS your way through her class and hope for the best.
Mr. Sonny Dayze- Always high, this teacher of art specializes in painting, sculpture, and photography. He's generally seen in Bob Marley teachers and has dread locks. Which coincidentally look kind of ridiculous in his blonde hair.
Mr. Dusty- This is a history teacher with a pretty severe case of Napolean Syndrome. He isn't a very nice man to be taught by, because to cover up the fact that most of his students litterally look down on him, he shouts a lot (as if his loud voice somehow makes him taller). He is the advisor to senior homeroom one and teaches the world history courses required of freshmen. Mr. Dusty is very good friends with Mr. Carney.
Mr. Faire- Advisor to junior homeroom five, Mr. Faire also teaches basic level French 1, 2, and 3. He speaks with a heavy Brittish accent and is more than a little flamboyant, leading many of his crueller students to believe he is gay. He insists that he is not, but it is far too late. For in high school, first impressions stick. For this reason, many of his students have nicknamed him "Mr. Fairy" behind his back.
Mr. Goodman- Mr. Goodman is a large, powerful looking math teachers. Generally his students don't mess with him, but secretly he's kind of a teddy bear. He is the advisor to boys swimming and Juniors homeroom one. He teaches Algebra 2 and 3, as well as pre-calculus.
Ms. Halls- There is always one teacher who everybody thinks has had innappropriate relations with students. At DUHS, this teacher is Ms. Halls. She is a gym teacher of weight training, yoga/pilates, and kickboxing, as well as advisor to "happy Hiker's" club, made up mostly of boys on the football team. It doesn't hurt that she is smokin'.
Mrs. Jackstone- This middle-aged bespectacled teacher on the verge of a mid-life crisis teaches algebra 2 and 3 and advises the debate team... Yep, that's probably all you need to know about him.
Mrs. Sharron Knives- The clumsy cooking instructor, she is usually sent to ER once per semester with a knife wound. Blonde and bubbly, and not too careful in the kitchen, she offers an easy class for students as she does not require cooking to be an exact science. Works part time on cafeteria staff with some of her senior students for credits.
Coach Manny Lapps- Yes, drill sargent! Coach is Brother in law of principal Wilhelm and is the football coach that tends to treat gym like boot camp. He teaches Freshman and Sohpore PE and a class called "Physical Fitness". Rumors abound about Coach, the least of which being that he was once in jail and joined the military to get out of the rest of his sentence. This rumor is not denied by Coach.
Mr. Mason- Down-to-earth earth science teacher who's students adore him. He isn't afraid to tell dirty jokes or play movies that aren't part of the curriculum. Mr. Mason teaches for all learning styles with lectures, movies, and activities. All around a great teacher to have. Coaches Girl's soccer.
Mr. McDoogland- This dashing young math god teaches the classes that all the girls want to be in. If only he didn't teach regular and honors calculus and trigonometry... His chiselled jaw and perfect haircut make him a stunner. Oddly enough, mostly girls stay after for extra help. Usually this is because of one of two reasons. One: The girls joined his class prematurely because he was so dayam fiiine and need extra help. Two: Girls think he is dayam fiiine. He is also the boys soccer coach and in charge of sophomore homeroom 4.
Mrs. Oakstone- Teaching biology and earth sciences, this nature nut loves taking her students on nature hikes in the middle of the day. She advises Sophomore Homeroom one and is the girls swimming coach. No matter what a student is talking about, she can find a way to bring it back to earth science. Interesting fact: Mrs. Oakstone has no belly button because of complications at birth. Also: Her heart is on the wrong side of her chest.***
Mr. Pette- The quiet, elitist, and pompous french teacher loves to belittle his students. He teaches honors french classes and is the advisor to french club. He has a pompous handlebar mustache (that he can curl!) and a pompous shiny baldspot. The unfortunate advisor to freshman homeroom two.
Mrs. Pette- Mr. Pette's english teacher wife, Mrs. Pette teachers English 9, basic and honors, and a course in journalism. She used to work for DDD and brings all her experiences to the table in that class. Yes, all of them, Mrs. Pette is a chronic story teller. She also advises a club called "knit-wits".
Mr. Quartironi- A stringy balding math teacher with coke-bottle glasses, Mr. Q teaches the regular and honors versions of precalculus, and a regular calculus class. He plays acoustic guitar music during tests and talks about his son in the coast guard almost constantly. Best remembered for handing out a copy of his resume to his students on the first day of classes.
Mr. Rosenstein- Personal Finance, Bussiness Ethics, and Microeconomics is this teacher's area of expertise. He's the advisor to the National Honors Society and senior homeroom four. He walks with a cane and usually slouches (some students think that's to keep his yarmulke on.) He speaks with a thick new york city jewish accent and likes to talk about how things were in his day.
Mr. Smitherson- He advises Sophomore homeroom two and chess club and teaches physics (basic and honors) and biology. Friends with Mr. McDoogland, both of these teachers are quite dashing and all the young ladies love their classes. Pity that they are just so hard!
Mr. Stagge- The best english/philosophy teacher in the entire world, Mr. Stagge would probably be much better off teaching at a prestigious university than at DUHS. But nevertheless, here he is. He teaches english 12 and creative writing and advises the Student Government. He's also in charge of Senior homeroom five. Very nearly an enlightened Buddhist, Mr. Stagge loves sharing his knowledge with hsi students on any subject, from what it was like to get high in the 60s because everyone was doing it, to what "good music" really is.
Mrs. Veronica Vague- A very unfortunate history teacher with an interest in world religions, she advises freshman homeroom five and SAUCY. She teaches European history, world religion, and conflict and resolution (essentially, it is a class on war). She has black hair pulled into tight curls and a very pointed face. She's one of those teachers that students either love or hate.
Mr. Webbs- Engaged to Ms. Cobb, he also teaches history DUHS. He'll gladly teach US history and civics to anyone within earshot and is a particularly enthusiastic coach to boys tennis (what a coincidence, Ms. Cobb coaches
girl's tennis...) Some people think his excitement is probably compensating for something.
Mrs. Windy- The lonely teacher os basic level spanish one, two, and three, her students make her cry at
least once a semester. Every year she claims she is quitting her job and every year she comes back. Smelling the fear and weakness in her, her students attack and feast on her soul as hyenas to a freshly dead worthog. She's chronically depressed and does not participate in advising any sort of group.
Ms. Mary Young- And finally, we come to the health teacher. Ms. Mary Young is a delicate flower of a health teacher, disussing sex and STD's frankly with her students. Except, from her own knowledge on the subject, most people suspect that she is still a virgin, thus earning her the nickname "The Virgin Mary" amongst her students. She advises Sophomore homeroom five and is the boys track and field coach. Rumors abound that she's been caught gawking stupidly at the boys as if wondering what exactly might be in their shorts. She helps out part time in the nurses office.
***Seriously guys, she's based on one of my teachers. In fact, most of them are.
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