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 Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 10:44 pm
I write poems as a hobby, as a passion. I love it, so if you don't then oh well. These are some of my random poems. Read and give your opinions on them.
The Truth Within My Eyes
As I look into your eyes, I want to tell you everything
I don't know how to say it but I want you to know
You can find the answers in the lines I'm writing
Your eyes are so beautiful and they seem so true
So each and every day, I come and see
As I look deeply into them, I wonder can I trust them, can I trust you
But can you look as deep into mine with ease
Can you see past my cheerful exterior
Could you dry the tears no one else sees
Love's A Wild Ride
You look into my emotionless eyes
And think that my soul is within reach
You think you can see through this disguise
You think the soul of my heart is what you have breached
You tell me to not run, to not hide
You tell me to come out into the beaming light
But you don’t even know what’s inside
You tell me to step out of the deep, dark night
I have played this scene many times before
I have witnessed this outcome one too many times
It’s not the first time, just once more
This situation should be counted as a crime
I know how it starts and how it will end
The ups and the downs of this roller coaster
And I don’t want to got through it all again
So just leave and spare me the terrifying torture These are posted in my journal and some others. A lot of people really like these two the best though, so I can tell you the ones in my journal are horrible.
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Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:51 pm
These are cool. One tip- use punctuation-, commas, periods and semi-colons are great for directing when you reader pauses, stops, etc...
Keep up the good work! heart
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Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 10:05 am
OOXenaOWarriorOPrincessOO These are cool. One tip- use punctuation-, commas, periods and semi-colons are great for directing when you reader pauses, stops, etc... Keep up the good work! heart Thank you. I tried but I'm not good at punctuation. I really stink at it so can you try and help me fix it? Can you point out what I should put in and where? It would really help.
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Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 8:13 am
Your poems are awesome!! I can't write poetry at ALL, so yours are really sweet, please keeping posting your poems, I'd love to read more!!
And OOXenaOWarriorOPrincessOO's advice about the punctuation is good, I'd pay attention to it.
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petitefromage Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 12:31 pm
alexandra927 Your poems are awesome!! I can't write poetry at ALL, so yours are really sweet, please keeping posting your poems, I'd love to read more!! And OOXenaOWarriorOPrincessOO's advice about the punctuation is good, I'd pay attention to it. Thank you. ^^ I'll try. I know it's good but I stink at punctuation. So I don't really know how to fix it... sweatdrop Can you help me, please?
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Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:40 pm
Here goes nothing...please don't hate me. sweatdrop this will be more creative than proper.
I put in punctuation. If it is in CAPS I re-worded it (just a suggestion) if it is [in parenthesis] I SUGGEST taking out the word.
The Truth Within My Eyes
As I look into your eyes,
I want to tell you everything
I don't know how to say it...
But I want you to know
You can find the answers in the lines I'm writing.
Your eyes are so beautiful
and they seem so true
So each and every day, I come TO YOU.
As I look deeply into them,
I wonder can I trust them,
can I trust you?
But can you look as deep into mine with ease?
Can you see past my cheerful exterior?
Could you dry the tears no one else sees?
Love's A Wild Ride
You look into my emotionless eyes,
And think that my soul is within reach.
You think you can see through this disguise,
You think the soul of my heart is what you have breached.
You tell me to not run, NOT TO hide.
You tell me to come out into the beaming light.
But you don’t even know what’s inside.
You tell me to step out of the deep, dark night.
I have played this scene many times before.
I have witnessed this outcome [one] too many times.
It’s not the first time, just once more,
This situation should be counted as a crime.
I know how it starts and how it will end.
The ups and the downs of this roller coaster.
And, I don’t want to got through it all again.
So just leave and spare me the terrifying torture
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Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:57 pm
I'm grateful for your help. However in The Truth Within My Eyes the line format gets messed up if you break it up like that. Also with your suggestion of "TO YOU" it would mess up the rhyming format. I'm sorry if I sound mean...
Your suggestion/help on Love's A Wild Ride was the one I really needed. When I created the poem I didn't know if I should choose "to not" or "not to". So I kind of picked randomly. But your help has fixed my problem and so I thank you. ^^
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 8:21 pm
wow..... it's been far too long since i've seen peotry THAT good for a while.........
heart heart IT IS AMAZING!!! heart heart
for your style, i'm not sure if you really need punctuation. the words that you write sorta do that for you. it's how you word it. but, it's always good to learn a new style.
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Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:21 pm
Rheianna prophet wow..... it's been far too long since i've seen peotry THAT good for a while......... heart heart IT IS AMAZING!!! heart heart for your style, i'm not sure if you really need punctuation. the words that you write sorta do that for you. it's how you word it. but, it's always good to learn a new style.
Lol. xD
Thank you, thank you, thank you. ^^ I'm glad that you like it and also that you think it's amazing. ^^
I've never been good with punctuation for when I write, I just write. Only after would I try to use the correct punctuations.
Do you really think it's THAT good?
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Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:19 pm
I must admit that your stuff is good but I'm just not the poetry type. You are very good at it and I like your material.
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Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 11:44 pm
i think ur poetry is very good out of most that i have read on the internet so far good job
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