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-Desire- of the heart

PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 8:28 pm


I know there was not a place for poems so I decided I should put it here. {Sorry mods}I love doing poetry but it is a very opinion stated matter. I would love to be told how I can improve my poems and I would love to know how you felt and what came to mind and what overall you think. I do not mind you being harsh but tell me why.

Poem 1:
Quote:
Burning like fire,
In a flask,
Like a person,
Behind a mask,

Their anger swells,
Their pride crawls,
Their greed leaches,
And consumes all,

Thou knows their destructive deeds,
That form like little seeds,

The seeds consume,
Then they fall,
They then notice,
They have no heart at all.


Poem 2
Quote:
The water ripples,
The fish crawl,
The cat tails sway,
As the maple leaves fall,
The wind carries the burden,
That winter is near,

The birds now gone,
Left no sound or trail,
Unlike the preparing quail,

The dash of the season,
The know fright,
If you wish to stay warm,
You better take flight.


Poem 3
Quote:
Blood of times,
Thou hear my lines,
As you drift across my face,
Knowing what you do,
You take extreame haste,
You will take what you wish,
And give what you want,

Time of change,
Here my call,
We have the chance to fall,
To the abyass,
So do save us,
Lend us your guiding hand,

Blood of Time and Time of change,
Fill the streets with joy,
Make our sons boys,
Make our daughters girls,
Let them mature with faith,
Let them be guided by hope,
Show them the way.


Poem 4
Quote:
My heart is yours to hold,
Please be kind and not cold,
I wish to share my pleasure true,
And say the things I see in you,

Hold me softly,
But don't let go,
Let your true emotions show,

Kiss me kindly,
Show the passion,
My love is here,
And is always in fashion,

Find me,
I'm in the dark,
Turn your light on,
And look in your heart,
I'm there waiting,
So kind and true,
Just waiting to look at you.


Poem 5
Quote:
In the darkness,
There is a light,
The power there,
Is to withstand the night,
Just ask for it,
And it will come,
A friend,
Not danger,
Or loads of fun,

Don't worry,
My dear friend,
I will be there,
Till' the end,
And the last thing you will know,
Is the place you will be,
Because your loneliness is the last thing you will see.


Poem 6
Quote:
Time has withered,
Time has slowed,
Time went the way no one would go,
I guess it is hard to tell,
The days get harder,
The nights don't come,
And no one here likes to have fun,
This is what I truely detest,
But in the end it is for the best.


Poem 7
Quote:
Lets sail upon a friendship,
That will never close its doors,
And let the crew be merry,
And dance across the floors,
So join our crew,
And lets celebrate.
PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 7:12 pm


wow!!! these poems are great, keep up the good work!!! heart

petitefromage
Vice Captain


-Desire- of the heart

PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 10:23 am


Thank you~!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 6:02 pm


My opinions:

Poem 1: I like it but it seems a bit scattered somehow... I don't know how to say it exactly though... But basically I like it. Overall: nice job. smile

Poem 2: I really like the sensation of this one. I really like it and all, but in the second stanza with the first line "The birds now gone", I loved it because it felt like something big is going to come up next but you left it hanging. Try to see if you can continue that line. Overall: Love it! biggrin

Poem 3: Kinda scattered in the beginning but I liked your ending. In the beginning it was somewhat confusing but the last stanza showed a lot of meaning. Overall: neutral

Poem 4: Nothing to say other than... I love it!!! The feelings and sensations were amazing!!! I don't know what else to say other than love it... Overall: Totally and completely LOVED IT!!! heart mrgreen heart

Poem 5: I like it. The beginning was a little off with the second stanza. What I mean by that is that it seemed a bit mismatched. I really liked the ending though. Overall: smile

Poem 6: This poem is a bit... umm... How do I say this feeling? Well,...it's ok but a bit off with the last few lines. It didn't seem to really match with the beginning of the poem. Overall: neutral

Poem 7: I like it. I do think that you can continue it though... I like the meaning that you are trying to get across but I believe that you can get a lot more out of this poem if you tried. Overall: smile

I loved your work. I would love to see more in the future so when you have more poems up or if you need any suggestions/opinions then just PM me. mrgreen I love making poems too so yeah... PM me if you can. I would love to talk.

Aznanimegurl14


Atems-girl28

PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 10:00 am


i agree about poem 4 i loved it....i cant write poems if my life depended on it so.....keep going your doing great!!!
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 2:44 pm


Thank you all~!

-Desire- of the heart


empty_immortal

PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 9:53 am


i really like your poems!!! heart

i personaly like wrighting free verses and hycus.

even if i cant spell the last one right.... lol.
PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 11:42 am


Your poems are very interesting even though I am not a very good poet I can tell a good poem when I see one and these are very good poems.

Kalima Nightmore

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 7:03 pm


I like your poems. They mostly have a dark atmosphere and that's one of the qualities I'm looking for in a poem. keep up the good work! wink
PostPosted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 5:38 pm


very nice work ^^

WorIds


megan_s_1993

PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 9:23 am


They were all good, but 4 and 5 were my favorites! 3nodding
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