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First of all, chastity is not elementary. Like most temptations, it only seems so when it's not right in front of you.

Don't try to make yourself feel bad about this temptation. Seriously. You do not want to make yourself feel that sexual attraction and activity is bad and to be avoided. You owe it as much to yourself as your E.C. to have a heart ready to experience and accept these joys in their proper context.

The thing about giving in to temptation is that it doesn't always make you feel guilty. If that were so then I think this world would be very different! Not to denigrate anyone's struggle but sometimes temptation is kinda like being a kid caught eating a cookie. The cookie was yummy; the kid can't feel bad about enjoying it. All the kid knows is that he broke a rule.

Go to God and tell him you're sorry for breaking His rule and ask for His help in keeping it. Then go to the Bishop and ask for his counsel. Do not worry about your reputation as the girl with the strong testimony. No one is served by that kind of concern. Get help if you need help -- having someone know your pains and helping you through them is absolutely invaluable. Also remember something someone said to me when I was struggling with my faith: "You never know when someone is watching your sputtering candle and wishing they had the strength to stand against the wind."

i say you should confront the guy and apologize. even though in his mind he believes he didn't get affected negatively (quite the opposite in fact), but YOU know that you assisted in helping him to commit sin.

thats also the time when you can "break up". dont let this issue just "go away", because unless you resolve it now, you'll wish you had resolved it when it was still in your power to do so. so just get it over with, you'll feel good you did.

just listen to the advice above (those guys sure are smart...) and you'll be fine.

dramallama

But he's one of my best friends. We've been good friends for a while now, and that's never changed, despite an earlier breakup. We've just sort of always been close, and we can understand each other differently than most ofhter people can. I'm one of his only close friends who hasn't betrayed him in some way. And while we don't 100% truly, deeply LOVE each other, we really do care deeply for each other. I really don't want to lose his friendship, because he's been such a big part of my life over the past few months, in ways that have nothing to do with physical intimacy.

We talked about it a lot at the beginning of the summer, and we both said that we knew I'd have to leave, and then it'd have to end. We both know we're going to have to end this somehow.

As stubborn about these things as I am, although I can really see the truth in all your advice, I am finding it so hard to get the desire to actually act on it, instead of just shoving it aside and letting it nag on me while I remain relatively unchanged. So I'm going to try praying for the desire/strength to choose the right, and then I'll see if I can talk to my bishop for a bit tomorrow, even though I just want to keep making excuses. UGH. I'm no good at this whole "being patient and know that all things will work out eternally" thing.

*lol* Welcome to the club. smile

BTW, when I said to make a clean break of it, I didn't mean for you to cut him out of your life and never see him again. I meant that you need to end the romantic-type relationship cleanly. If you don't, you'll come back and you'll both be wondering if really went away while you were gone or not. That's just too confusing and potentially dangerous a mix to do to yourselves.

Maybe I missed something but it sounds to me like you are doing JUST what you should at this point. Be brave and know that these consequences are, relatively, little ones... earthly ones. They are hard to face, but they aren't much compared to the big ones that are ETERNAL. Just remember that the Lord and his servants do what they do out of love. It is all steps to get you back to him. I think you are being awesome in your steps, don't be so hard on yourself.

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More updates:

I sent the boy an email explaining to him how sorry I am that I let his happen, and that as part of the repentace process I need to cut off comunications with him for now. I tried to hard to explain to him why, and told him to please, please try to understand, to ask his LDS relatives or go to the website for help. He wrote me a short, angry response back. I'm afraid he hates me. We'd been so close for the past 8 months or so, and then we ruined it all.

I stayed home today from the annual Ward Labor Day picnic. I know you said I did what I was supposed to, but this past week things did get even worse, despite all the advice given. My dad has been so helpful to me. It's so hard to have to tell your mom to leave the room so you can explain in detail to your own father how you've violated the Law of Chastity, and tell him exactly how close you were to having sex so that he can know, as your stake president, how serious the sin is. He gave me some things to read, including The Miracle of Forgiveness. I read them and I've been praying that I can be truly repentant.

As for school, I will find out tomorrow evening. I'm so scared. I can't stay in this town another year. I'll go insane. I'm supposed to be moving in 3 days, and instead of making the most of them and spending time with my friends, I'm crying almost incesantly over how stupid and horrible I feel for messing things up with a best friend, for jeapordizing my place at the school I've dreamed of attending, and most of all, for letting so many people- my parents, myself, the boy, his grandfather who trusted in me to be a god example, and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I can't believe how selfish it was of me to add so much more to His burden in the Garden of Gethsemane, that I did it willfully and repeatedly. I feel bad that although I'm still a virgin, that my future eternal companion won't have the privilege of a pure, clean, wife, because I know I wish that he would never do what I have done.

The next 24 or so hours before my talk with the bishop are going to be excruciating. I can't believe that I could feel so horrible. But I've decided to fast and pray and read my scriptures. I just want to get back to normal, to be able to go to the temple to do baptisms, to be worthy to attend the Rexburg temple dedication when it comes, to not feel horrible standing outside the temple when my sister gets married this December, even though I'm not endowed anyway.

I know you don't know me in real life, but if I would ask anyone who reads this before 5 PM tomorrow to pray for me that it will go well, please. I know it would help. Thank you so much for all your support. I believe this is possibly the biggest challenge I've faced in my life thus far, and it feels good to know that at least a couple people are responding.