JOKE JOKE (new jokes added post #10)

[Pink Fregia]

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, 'Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?' He hadn't and said so.

Then she said, 'Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing.'

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.. The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

'Well, is she selling drugs?' she asked excitedly.
'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more
than he should have.

'Well, what is it then? What does she do ?' his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery salesperson.'

'Batteries?' cried the wife.

'Yes!' he replied.

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN

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OOOOH! You're gonna dislike me for this -
but it will make your day!

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'She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!'
 

[Lilith Amaranth]

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, all I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires!  

[Shalli-Bear]

A man's wife had been nagging him about painting their porch for months. One day his blonde neighbor came and she asked him "Is there anything I could do around here to make a few bucks?" The husband thought, here's a way I can get out of painting the porch. So he offered, "I'll pay you $20 to paint my porch." The blonde thought for a minute but then agreed.
He went over and opened his garage and showed her the paint and brushes and said "Let me know when your done".
An hour later she was back knocking on his door. When he opened it she said "I'm done! I even put on two coats! Oh and by the way it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."  

[Lilith Amaranth]

Little Jokes for Dirty Minds


It was very long, kind of thin.
I slid it between my fingers
until I got to the end of it.
I was turning it on.
It became firm in my hands,
and the end was wet.
Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip.

Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.
 

[Pink Fregia]

A distant cousin did this. Thank goodness I don't get snow.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJ-syLh4JV0


What type of snowmen do you build?  

[Pink Fregia]

Sometimes when you cry ... no one sees your tears...
Sometimes... when you are in pain... no one sees your hurt...
Sometimes... when you are worried.... no one sees your stress...
Sometimes ... when you are happy ... no one sees your smile ......
But try masturbating in Walmart's parking lot just one freakin' time & see how much attention you get.
Can you pick me up from the police station???  

[Penny Parker]

How Do You Define Handsome?

In an English Speech Class test at East High School in Cleveland Ohio,
The students were required to use the word "handsome" in a sentence.

A girl named Mary said , "Sometimes when I be suckin' John's
d**k, my jaw gets tired and I hafta use my handsome."

*Names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.*  

[killafrog]

added some fun stuff XD  

[killafrog]

Does anyone have a new joke to share?
besides what i been sharing on the first page.  

[flash_75]

A penguin is driving his car down the road when suddenly it starts having a stuttering sound, the penguin not wanting to have any car trouble takes the car to the nearest mechanic, the bear mechanic said to the penguin it will take some time for the diagnostics results.

The penguin sees a seven eleven across the street and decides to buy a vanilla ice cream cone from the seal vendor, but since its a penguin it has flippers instead of hands and he smears ice cream all over himself.

After eating his ice cream he returns to the bear and the bear gives the diagnose for the car " Well..., looks like you blew a seal." The penguin respondes "NO NO NO NO!!! This is only vanilla ice cream!!!

its the only joke i can remember in english sweatdrop  

[killafrog]

pretty good joke there  

[Pixilated]

flash_75

A penguin is driving his car down the road when suddenly it starts having a stuttering sound, the penguin not wanting to have any car trouble takes the car to the nearest mechanic, the bear mechanic said to the penguin it will take some time for the diagnostics results.

The penguin sees a seven eleven across the street and decides to buy a vanilla ice cream cone from the seal vendor, but since its a penguin it has flippers instead of hands and he smears ice cream all over himself.

After eating his ice cream he returns to the bear and the bear gives the diagnose for the car " Well..., looks like you blew a seal." The penguin respondes "NO NO NO NO!!! This is only vanilla ice cream!!!

its the only joke i can remember in english sweatdrop

For some reason that's the only joke I can remember when the family is sitting around the campfire and telling jokes...


Anyway... Did you hear the one about the blind man who picked up a hammer and saw?  

[Pink Fregia]

A wealthy old man was lying on his
deathbed, when it occured to him he had
never made a will, so he called his lawyer
to help him make his will. The following
day his laywer came, and the wealthy man
said "I want 25% of my money to go to
charity, after all I've taken I should give
something back"
"How generous of you" the lawyer
responded "I'll make sure it happens right
away"
"I also want 25% of it to go to my son, he's
been counting the days till he could get my
money" the old man said
"Ok I'll make sure he recieves 25% of it"
the lawyer said.
"I want the rest to go to my wife, on the
one condition that she remarries after I
die" the old man said.
"Ok I'll ensure that that happens, but may
I ask why you want her to remarry? It's a
quite obscure request" The lawyer asked
"I want to make sure at least one man
regrets my death" th