JOKE JOKE (new jokes added post #10)

[Keisaku Hakurei]

Where do bosses send employees they don't like?

The World Trade Center on September 11, 2001! rofl  

[Pink Fregia]

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ??  

[Pink Fregia]

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'  

[Keisaku Hakurei]

A redhead goes to the doctor and says "It hurts when I do this. OUCH! And it hurts when I do this. OUCH!".

The Doctor asked "Is red your natural hair color?" and she said "No, it's blond."

The doctor said "There's the problem. Your finger is broken.".  

[Pink Fregia]

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly
gentleman and an elderly lady
struck up a conversation and discovered that
they both loved to fish.
Since both of them were widowed,
they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they
headed to the river to his fishing boat and
started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a
fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,

'Do you want to go up or down?'

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt
and pants and made mad passionate love to the man
right there in the boat !

When they finished, the man couldn't believe
what had just happened, but he had just experienced
the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the
river, when soon they came upon another fork in the
river.

He again asked the lady , 'Up or down ?'

There she went again, stripped off her clothes,
and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so
he asked her to go fishing again the next day..

She said yes and there they were the next day,
riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in
river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down ?'

The woman replied, 'Down.'

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman
guided the boat down the river when he came upon
another fork in the river and he asked the
lady,'Up or down ?'

She replied, 'Up.'

This really confused the gentleman so he asked,

'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked
you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad
passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!'

She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing
my hearing aid and I thought the choices were
fvck or drown  

[Pink Fregia]

NEVER CHEAT ON A COUNTRY WOMAN!

A country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.
With super-human strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay,
she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn.

She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly and removed the handle.
Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw..

The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, "Stop ! Stop !
You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said . . . . . .

"Nope....You are! I'm gonna burn down the Barn!!!"  

[Faerie KatrinaZ]

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it?

'Heavens no, we bought it.'

'Then why don't you drive it away.'

'We can't drive.'

'Then why did you buy it?'

'We were told that if we bought a used car here we'd get screwed ... so we're just waiting.'

xd

 

[Chimaria]

NEVER CHEAT ON A COUNTRY WOMAN!

that is a first i heard that one...holy cow...you killed me!!!!

thanks! heart blaugh  

[killafrog]

rofl Thanks for them jokes my awesome Geezers and wipes a tear from the eye for laughing so hard rofl  

[Lilith Amaranth]

what did the hurricane say to the palm tree??
hold on to ur nuts this ain't gonna be no ordinary blow job  

[Lilith Amaranth]

Why Sentence Structure is so Important

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said:
'Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.'
'Could you jack off?' she says. 'I have a headache.'  

[Lilith Amaranth]

Buying a Car

A husband and wife were debating on buying a new car. She wanted a fast sports car. He wanted a pickup. As time passed on, her birthday came up and she thought it a great time to fulfill her wish.

She told her husband, "Look, I want something that can go from 0 to 200. and, I want it to do it in just a few seconds!"

The husband bought her a bathroom scale.

(The funeral is at 3:00pm Wednesday)  

[Lilith Amaranth]

 

[Lilith Amaranth]

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court
Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honour,' the husband said. 'And every now and
Then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'  

[Lilith Amaranth]

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
Family values.

Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'