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 Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 6:44 am
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:11 am
Now we're not just playing with time, we're playing with the camera.
The use of repetition to introduce us to the communities within the community worked very well, although I'm now having to spend more time going back up to the character list to remember who everyone is.
And again, my heart goes out to Gen. He just seems to moosh about with the words 'spooky' hovering over his head like a rain cloud.
Thanks for the visual on rene. It confirmed my fanfiction plans.
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:20 am
Aw, man. Pryce's reaction to twelve-year-old assassins is priceless, particularly compared with his cold-hearted treatment of Doll seventeen years later. Kinda makes you wonder how long an immorbid individual could really live.
The dialogue between Robin, Kevin, Michael, and Matt is great. It moves so naturally. The reference to other Aberrant programs is interesting; how many other nations have similar programs? Did the Soviet Union go under in this universe and, if so, what happened to their program?
The interplay between Weston and Rene is heart . I love her power.
Amy, Liz, Cal, and Jacob form an interesting clique. I'm very interested in Cal - will his pro-Aberrant convictions solidify, or will he admit that humanity has something to offer? Or will it even matter, given the (current) absence of a pro-Aberrant militia?
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:24 am
Huh. Editing is funky. neutral
I completely neglected to comment on the transitions. They're a thread strung through every group, right down to the lone Gendou at the end. Which raises a question; does he eat? Being pure shadow, I would suspect he wouldn't burn through many calories, but his consciousness probably requires some kind of energy.
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:47 am
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:49 am
Westonian Huh. Editing is funky. neutral I completely neglected to comment on the transitions. They're a thread strung through every group, right down to the lone Gendou at the end. Which raises a question; does he eat? Being pure shadow, I would suspect he wouldn't burn through many calories, but his consciousness probably requires some kind of energy. I have a feeling he does eat, but it's one of those things that you don't really need to watch.
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:57 am
Westonian Amy, Liz, Cal, and Jacob form an interesting clique. I'm thinking the various groups, could be the start of the various combat teams the students are divded into... *distracted moment* ((EEee! I'm the girl everyone wants to ask out! heart )) *distracted moment* ...there's too many of us to all work as one whole unit. 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 8:32 am
Gendou, I love you dearly. But there's something inherently WRONG about sitting at my computer, clutching my hands together and going, "AWWWWWW!!!!!! crying " at the end of this chapter. xd Maybe it's because I love you so dearly. That said...
AWWWWWWWW!!!!! crying heart
The characterizations are strong, as usual, though I'm missing out on more physical descriptions. And the movement from one group of characters to the next with the common thread... is wonderful.
And I was starting to wonder if there wasn't another group or three elsewhere in the world. heart You're fleshing out the world just as certainly as you're fleshing out your characters and both are coming along beautifully. I can't wait to read more. heart
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 8:40 am
Wha ha ha ha. BALD. I'm a walking Improbability drive. :D I wonder if there's a squeaking noise each time I change something.
DANCE? I don't do dances, band camp! scream
( heart )
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 9:18 am
Amy RuffleFluff Westonian Amy, Liz, Cal, and Jacob form an interesting clique. I'm thinking the various groups, could be the start of the various combat teams the students are divded into... *distracted moment* ((EEee! I'm the girl everyone wants to ask out! heart )) *distracted moment* ...there's too many of us to all work as one whole unit. 3nodding If I'm not wrong, they're training to be asssasins right? And I think it'll be very hard for teams of assasins to to work out. After all, Doll and Meghan worked solo.
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 9:38 am
The further you get, and the more personality you give all of them, the more amazing this story gets. You could probably get away with never actually leaving the school, and nobody would notice. xd
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 10:38 am
Solens If I'm not wrong, they're training to be asssasins right? And I think it'll be very hard for teams of assasins to to work out. After all, Doll and Meghan worked solo. But! But! We have super-powers! Super-powered character always find a way to team up... plus, due to our relative inexpereince, we'll probably need more than a little support, when starting off. 3nodding Transcript from a very hilarious Flash movie Cyclopse: Ok, as usual, we'll divide into teams. Team A will consist of myself, wolverine, Emma, Beast, and Colossus... who's back from the dead somehow. Team B, will be Havok, Polaris, Xorn's non-evil twin brother, and Wolverine. Team C is Storm, Psylock, Jubilee will be on the team, but not say or do anything, Bishop, Nightcrawler, and Wolverine. Wolverine: No what, just one gosh darn minute here... Cyc: Team A's job is to hunt down the Phoenix, Team B will stay at the mansion to fend off the inevitable attack by the brotherhood, and Team C will... I dunno, go have adventures in Europe or something. Let's move out.
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 12:55 pm
That was an awesome chapter, Gendou. It's nice to see all of the different groups and the transitioning between them was very nicely done. 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 2:40 pm
Chapters 8-10 present us with some more great character interaction! I agree that the group dynamics are very natural. It's quite enjoyable to read. whee But yes, poor Gendou. crying
Also: MUAHAHAHA, the Shrapnel power is so cool! xd FLYING METAL DEATH! It gives me huge destructive capabilities, yet its weakness is that I'm stationary when using it, and pretty drained after using a lot of "ammo" so that it's not overpowered or anything. So neat. whee
As for the flashback-to-modern day writing style: I like it and got used to it pretty quickly. I think they give us some important exposition but don't make the story drag, either. I also liked the transitions in Chapter 10, to show each of the mini-groups and how they interact among themselves.
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 3:40 pm
Ruevian Wha ha ha ha. BALD. I'm a walking Improbability drive. : D I wonder if there's a squeaking noise each time I change something. DANCE? I don't do dances, band camp! scream ( heart ) Ooh! Ooh! Do the trick where the molecules of all the girls' undergarments leap simultaneously one meter to the left! I was thinking about the "villian" speculation earlier in the thread. Who says that it has to be some sort of outside power? Think about it. The population fears and hates the Abberants, partly because the government made them out to be complete outcasts from society. On purpose. What if something goes wrong? What if (for example) someone's power does something totally devastating that causes the people and the government to freak? They'd want to shut down the program. Unfortunately for all of us, that means total eradication. The Abberants may have to fight the government and civilians alike for the simple right to exist. Or perhaps I'm speculating a bit too far.
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