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 Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 9:56 pm
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 9:59 pm
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 10:13 pm
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bigb00tygurl Empress_Kat Definatly like the longer chapters. Draco's character still seems off to me, especially in his little speech to George. Other then that, I liked it. The Harry-undressing scene amused me quite a bit. oh? how so? and feel free to make suggestions as to what you might like to see happen.
Hmm, yeah, just in how he seems so eager to talk about himself, and to a Weasley no less. He seems to be a lot less of a prat. I mean, I know he's breaking out of his father's control and all, but that doesn't mean his personality would totally change, or that he would trust people right away. But anyway, yeah...
I want to see Ron's reaction when he finds out Harry likes his brother (and Harry does like him, right? because unrequited love is so angsty...). |
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Posted: Sun Jul 03, 2005 7:42 am
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Posted: Sun Jul 03, 2005 5:32 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 12:57 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 5:05 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:27 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:53 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 9:42 pm
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 6:58 pm
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This is my first fanfic. Any feedback is loved heart
This is a continuing story. This is just the first chapter. It takes place in Harry Potter's 6th year.
Platform 9 3/4
It was 10:00 on September 1st, and all the Hogwarts students were starting to come through the wall onto platform 9 3/4. Many of them were parents with their soon-to-be first years, helping them to get on the train, all wearing Muggle clothing. Since they still had an hour before the Hogwarts Express left, there were very few people who weren't first years and their parents - possibly ten. Those few were already wearing their Hogwarts robes - Slytherin, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw colors on their ties, while a small patch in the top left corner of their robes bore the Hogwarts emblem. There was scattered conversation from parent to first years, such as "I'm scared" and "Who's Dumbledore?" The quiet whispers were broken when four sixth year Slytherin members burst through the platform wall: three boys, and a girl. A tall man the wizarding community knew as Lucius Malfoy followed behind. One of the boys had blond spiked hair and skt-blue eyes. He was arm in arm with the girl, who had short black hair and grey eyes. They were followed by the two other boys, looking at the couple in disgust and yelling, while throwing Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans at them.
Lucius Malfoy paused a moment and said, "Draco, Nikki, please follow me. I wish to speak to the two of you in private. You will meet up with your friends before the Hogwarts Express leaves."
Draco and Nikki, who were arm in arm, turned around to look at Lucius. "We'll meet up with you and Goyle on the train, Crabbe." Draco said in a cool voice.
Crabbe and Goyle looked at each other, shrugged, and stuffed the rest of their candy boxes into their already-full robes. They waved and got onto the train. Draco and Nikki followed Lucius to a quieter area on the platform.
"I didn't want your friends to be jealous," Lucius said quietly, almost in a whisper. "Don't open these until you arrive at the school, alright? I'll send an owl there tomorrow morning to explain everything." He handed the couple a box, which contained two smaller boxes inside. Both of the boxes inside were tied with green and silver ribbon on a black box. One had Draco Malfoy engraved neatly on the box. The other said Nikki Terra.
"Thank you kindly, Mr. Malfoy." Nikki said, still in awe at the structure of the small boxes.
"Yes, well, I'll explain later." Lucius looked at the clock on the platform: 10:30. "Well, you should probably go and find your friends on the train." he said. "Off you go, then. See you both at Christmas." Then, with a loud snap!, he disapparated from the platform.
Draco looked at Nikki and kissed her, stuffing the box into his pocket. "Come on, Nikki. We should probably go find Crabbe and Goyle, seeing as those two don't have the best attention span... probably in the food trolley again." Putting his arm around her, Draco led her towards the train. As they headed toward the first cart, he couldn't help but remember how theyhad met.
Nikki had moved into Draco's community over the summer, and he had been with her ever since, completely forgetting about Pansy Parkinson. Nikki had been helping her father move things into the house when Draco saw her. Even in the sun, she wore black. It was all she wore. Draco had watched her from a distance while she carried things into the house without magic - she wanted to prove to her father she was strong - when she dropped an extremely large cabinent in front of the house onto herself. Seeing as her parents were inside, Draco had come out of hiding and lifted it off of her. She spent the next couple of weeks in St. Mungo's so they could heal her, and Draco had come everyday, bringing something for her. One day it would be black roses - her favorite, as he had found out - and the next, a green and silver Slytherin choker he had bought customized especially for her. He had never felt like this toward anyone before.
Searching the train for Crabbe and Goyle, the couple found everyone staring out of their compartments at them. Draco's hair was not slicked back anymore, the way it used to be, and nobody had ever noticed Nikki before. Now that they had noticed, they couldn't help but feel attracted to her, and all the girls felt the same toward Draco.
They ended up in the last cart of the train, passing by Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. Of course, Nikki knew them, but they didn't know her. She looked into their compartment to look for her friends, and she saw Harry staring at her. She immediately looked at Draco, whispered something in his ear, and put her hand around his waist, to signal they should keep looking. They found them in the last compartment, stuffing themselves with candy. Draco opened the door, offering Nikki the window seat. She climbed in, and Draco closed the door behind him. By now a crowd had formed outside their compartment, comsisting of people from every house, including Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.
Nikki looked at everyone outside and smiled. "Well, if it's a show they want, a show they will get." She got up and faced Draco. Putting her legs around his and getting on his lap, she kissed him passionately. She knew everyone would be looking at them - Draco had never done this sort of thing with Pansy Parkinson. They continued through the intercom message, where a cool woman's voice said, "Hogwarts Express will leave in one minute. Please find your way back to your own compartments. Thank you." Disappointed groans could be heard on the opposite side of the door as the crowd slowly faded. The last to leave were Harry and Hermione. Crabbe and Goyle had started throwing candy at them again.
The train left the platform, which was the cue for everyone that they could start moving again. Almost as quickly as the crowd had disappeared, it had formed again. At this point, the couple had stopped and layed next to each other in the seat, content to be in the other's prescence. Still, the crowd stayed, staring, as if they were waiting for an animal to perform a trick. In front of the crowd was Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.
"Goyle, Crabbe, why don't you invite Potter and his Mudblood girlfriend in? They see very interested in us this term, don't you think?" Nikki said. Draco looked at her in shock. "Don't worry. I have a plan." She whispered in his eat, then kissed him as Harry and Hermione entered the room. Due to lack of space, Crabbe and Goyle stayed outside.
"What do you want, Malfoy?" Harry said hotly, eyes still on Nikki.
"You seem very interested in us, Potter." Malfoy said.
"Yes, and, well, why?" Nikki asked them.
"You seem different than the other Veela I've met," Harry said, now staring at Nikki.
"Yes, well, that's because of my hair. I keep it short. Other's are longer." Nikki smiled. "Say, why don't you and you little girlfriend here come and hang with us on the first Hogsmeade weekend? It'll be a shock to everyone. Halloween. Deal?"
My first chapter. Please PM me with feedback. ^_^
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 10:56 pm
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 9:32 am
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