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okay this is mori being lazy to get off the mule 8D;;

since its not parallel world travel, I'd suggest you replace dimension with space because dimension kinda gives off the idea of parallel universes o uob

and this three portals thing, she can reroute them as she pleases amirite? So she can direct if A goes to B or C just by willing it?
or is it more like A-B, B-C, C-A? so stepping into one portal only lets you travel to one destination?

also, this is just my suggestion, but I think perhaps you can start off with two portals at this stage, and then maybe when she advances to the next stage, she can open three * v*

eee pretty art * U*

also, I've looked through everything and I can't find anything else to crit on 8Db

both! * v*b

Okay, I have a few comments, and once you've looked at this, you should probably be ready to go.

Basics
¤ Age: Well, I'm afraid that seeing as Basia hasn't been approved yet, she still falls under the new age-limit rule. Meaning, she should be kept at 16 the very oldest. In fact, we're more likely to accept a rookie that is 10 than a rookie that is 16. Besides, It wouldn't make a lot of sense for her to go to the academy if she was eighteen - nothing would be keeping her there~!

¤ Mysterious Father, Men in Black and Private Tutors: Well, I'm having a hard time trying to type out what it really is that bothers me about this, but the main part is that if she received all that training as a kid, she would have no reason to come to the academy. Added to the fact that you need to make her younger, I think you need to rework all of this a bit. I love the general idea. It will be good to have a character that was born with it, and the whole MIB + father on the run is really interesting... But if she's had a tutor for several years, she wouldn't have a reason to go to the academy! It is a not a place where children get sent simply for safekeeping, they're there to learn.

¤ Abilities: I think the abilities themselves are good, but you need to remember that she should still be a rookie, which means that she should have room to grow, and at present she is a bit overpowered. I think what would be a good rookie power would be that she can make very short-distance portals that aren't big enough for a person to go through, kinda like it is shown in her rookie picture. Perhaps something like she can make a portal just far enough away that she can open a door from the other side of the door, or get a book from the top shelf (like you said). If you see what I mean? It is definitely okay to start thinking about future powers that she might end up having, but you really need to keep it simple as a rookie, otherwise there is no room for development ^^ Something as advanced as space portals is... a hero power, really xD;

Personality
Well, firsts of all... it seems like she has no positive traits! While she does have some useful traits, there is absolutely nothing that makes her endearing. What I'm trying to say is that nobody will want to interact with her, because she has no saving grace! I totally understand the want to make a bitchy character, and we embrace all types of personalities, and could definitely do with the "blonde b***h" type (no offence!), but you must give people a reason to interact with her! If she acts like that towards her teacher, for example, she'll be dealing with Black Blood the entire stay at the Academy, rather than taking actual classes. So what I'm trying to say is that she probably needs a little bit more depth. You say she's fiercely loyal to the friends that she does get, but to me it seems like no-one would ever want to befriend her.

I hope I haven't disheartened you too much, you definitely have the base idea down, and her backstory is really interesting and creates a lot of potential for great rp ^w^

Yes! Sorry about that tutor thing, I thought you meant that her father had a tutor sent over to train her in the portal stuff ^w^ If it's academic, then that is more than fine!!

About the powers... Well, I'm not entirely sure which ones you're referring to because I have been terrible at reading through quests, but I think it's mostly because your power is so strong, having one ability at the first stage is fine... Think of her intelligence as a secondary power, because it actually is ^w^

For the personality, I think it's a lot better now. People wouldn't be put off by her overthinking, but her being a snob would put them off. You can make it a personality quirk that she has a tendency to think herself better than those not born with powers, because that's perfectly fine too, in moderation, of course =)

And I'm sorry you feel that way about the age thing .__. I think the only thing I can say is that think about how mature most of the sidekicks of the superheroes are - even though they're only 12-15. It is mainly to create a better teacher-student relation, and more space for character development. I'll just read over it once more, and then I think I can approve you~

ONE LAST QUESTION and then I swear you're good to go xD;

How does she deal with teachers? I'm just thinking whether she'll be "bitchy" to them too, or if she has just SOME authoritative respect to them?

Okay, that sounds good, and well balanced ^w^

I think that was the word I was looking for before, balanced xD I felt she needed some balance, and I feel that she's there now. I'll wait till you've changed the curious part, and then I'll give you that stamp I think Sei runs around with xD

That sounds perfect!! I think she would have a lot more reason to interact with people now, and it works well with her intelligence, too. Gives her a good reason to want to learn more, and gives her a good reason to bother going to classes and such.

So I give you:



<3