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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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 Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 9:40 am
He was quiet a moment before walking over to her and patting her shoulder in that comforting Erik way as she started to get upset. He hated to see girls cry. Something about it always made him angry and he had to be Mr. Comfort and if need be Justice. A slight sigh. "A basic outline pales in comparisson to what really happened. And the outline is horrible enough."
"Believe it or not she used to be worse off. After getting pulled up to Fleet early she was pretty much fogged over with anti depressants and nausuea medications to conteract the effects of her anti depressents. Used to be sick all the time regardless though. Things didn't get better till her first Echo success."
Rubbing her shoulder lightly he gave a pat then pulled over a chair. sinking down into it and facing Lilia. "It was indeed awful...and she is a heartbreaking sight...people really can be the cruel and that's the frightening part. It was just so...I couldn't even fathom it at the time. Thought it was some hoax...till miliarty woke me up about it. I was staying on base."
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 10:27 am
Lillia was quiet for a moment and then she dropped her head into her hands though Erik patting her shoulder did make her feel much better. "You've been with her since the very beginning, haven't you? All this time you two have been friends, that's got to be hard on you as well. Forcing yourself to let her have her space when she needed it even though you just wanted to pet and cuddle her to make her feel better."
Her hands dropped and twisted in her lap and those deep blue eyes, wet now with her tears came up to look at Erik for a moment. "She didn't tell me the whole story...would you?"
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Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 10:41 am
"Hey, I can find decent tasting edible food in the bottom of a septic tank if I had to, I can get you an outfit."
then to scrounging around her room, and finding one shirt, one pair of pant that were realtively clean. probably worn maybe once in the past week or so. a little deoderizer, ten seconds in the microwave. Ding. warm clean...or cleaner, outfit. then to teh bathroom, after putting the outfit on a hanger, and just sticking his arm in to put the hanger on the door.
"There, no problem at all Jellybean."
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 11:06 am
"We've been friends since we were eight in grade school. Ourparents knew each other and we were fast bonders...we liked to take things apart and put them back together a lot, much to dismay of our parents." A slight smile at remembering. "My family ended up moving across town but we stayed close. Not to mention we both went to the same private school for our other educational years. And then we got into college together. That was purly coincidence though."
Erik sighed. "It is hard...but she can't find any other way to deal with her. Being the varitable laughing stock of the scientific community at age nineteen kind of shut her down to wanting comfort though. Loosing her family just reinforced that thought."
For a moment he thought deeply on her request. WEl...Jelena has already opening the door for Lilia...it was in his right to tell her. Not every gruesome detail because he didn't know that but it was good enough. "Well...I only have second hand information and medical reports. But I can tell you at least some."
Another sigh, it was a hard story. "Jelena and I had just been told we were accepted to Fleet with permission given to a project she called Echo...the echoing of myths long past and making them into a reality. We were twenty one. Of course with that in mind we were give a set of orders. It would take one year to outfit the cruiser to her specifications, and we would be shipping out then. Till then they wanted us to stay on the towns military base, seeing as we had just been turned into Fleet personel."
"I packed up and said my goodbyes to my family. But Jelena's instisted that she stay home with them until it was time for her to go. They were a close knit family. She was the oldest of five children, had two sisters and two brothers, all down teh age line. The youngest was a brother who was only eight at the time. All lived at home with mom and dad."
"According to reports...about three weeks after the word got out...a lot of issues came up. Little prank like things at first...then it got worse and worse. Threats, bombs in mail boxes, you know mini terrorist things. Then one night it was like everyone snapped. While the Trevales slept soundly in thier home a group took things to far. Malotov cocktails were the weapon of choice to start with. Guns were second."
He paused a moment, trying to best way to be subtle about this. "The smoke and fire killed the three youngest. The fourth died from blunt force trauma. Daniel and Collen, her parents, they were shot at point blank. Jelena almost found her end at a bullet to the back as well." He frowned some as his tone was slightly detached. "They were cowards though...did thier dirty work and ran. Of course by the time fire and rescue showed up it was too late."
Another pause as if trying to compose himself. "She spent three days in a Fleet issue military hosital in ICU with nano drips. The moment she was stable though they pretty much yanked her out of bed and put her to work on the homicide of her family. Identifying bodies and what not. In a week they settled everything, so inpersonal and sterile and then shipped us up to Fleet. Haven't been back to Earth since."
She was pretty mucj just standing in the shower for the past fifteen minutes doign noithing...soaking the ick off of her she would call it. Though a look over to the door as James had indeed found some clothes that could be counted as clean and what not. She really needed to clean that hell hole of a room of her.
Comapred to her other showers it was long, drawn out, and the water was cold before she got all cleaned up. Oblivious to her own shivering from it as she dried off, dressing in what James had scrounged up. A long long look at herself in the mirror though as she watched herself. Head still hurt and she was starting to get the shakes again. Fun.
She stepped out of the bathroom, brushing her still wet hair as she took a seat at her desk. Her pictures were all turned face down on it's top.
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 11:35 am
Lillia listened in horror as Erik related his grisly story. In the beginning it had sounded so nice, Erik and Jelly growing up together and knowing each other for so long. And then the events of that night, Lillia could hardly believe her ears.
"She saw the whole thing, didn't she...?" God how awful. Tears came again unbidden at the pain Jelly had suffered. "She told me they died in a fire..." And Lillia could understand why she had said that. An involuntary shiver at the thought of waking up to that. And the youngest only eight years old at the time, awful.
She was quiet for a moment, only laying her hand on Erik's knee when he seemed to need it and digesting the macabre tale he'd told when she looked up and said softly, "She blames herself. That's what this is all about. She's rationalized it down to a science in her mind. If I hadn't tried to do this, if I hadn't reached too far this never would have happened. My family would still be alive. She lives with that guilt every day of her life, doesn't she? Even though it's not her fault."
Lillia knew how Jelly worked. She hadn't been up on Fleet for a very long time but she'd gotten to know her boss pretty well in the time she'd actually been working for her. Jelly liked to keep things hidden, personal life seperate from work. She didn't talk about herself much, turned hte conversation to other things. She had secrets, but then everybody did. Lillia herself did. But this was a secret she had to bear alone. Granted now that Lillia and Erik and James knew, well she had a support system but she'd never get rid of the guilt. Even though it wasn't her fault.
"That's terrible." What else could she say? A horror like that and there really was nothing left to say. She thought about what Jelly's life must have been growing up. Four brothers and sisters, LIllia's only child mind rejoiced at the thought of playmates. But then Jelly would have been as out of place in Lillia's house as Lillia herself was. Five children, the thought of her mother willingly bearing that many was laughable.
"Just terrible."
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 12:23 pm
A look at the hand on his knee. "Of coures she blames herself. Because she didn't go to base with my but stayed with her family. And they all knew the danger of that, they'd been warned. Jelenaa told them she should go but when they insisted she just couldn't say no."
He sighed lightly. "Indeed terrible. But things got better...well as better as can be. It's just...every year she can't help but think back to that night. Doesn't help her birthday is so close to it either." Erik shook his head. "Sometimes I think she'll never get over it...or she'll have Fein burn it out of her memory."
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 12:37 pm
Her hand clenched slightly when he looked at it but she forced herself to relax. It was just good old dependable Erik after all. Nothing to worry about and he wasnt' looking at her in any particular way.
"She shouldn't blame herself, it's not her fault." A shake of her head, "I highly doubt she'll ever get over it completely. She'll be dealing with this for the rest of her life. What a sad thing, and she was so young when it happened to." That probably sounded funny coming from someone who had just turned 23 but she really didnt' care.
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 12:46 pm
"Well...not to be a b*****d but it partially is. It's her fault for the project, it's Fleet's fault for accepting, her parent's fault for asking her to stay, the people who did it it's their fault too. Blame can be spread far and thick in this kind of this. Which is why she just prefers no talk of it at all."
"It's understandable though...and I let her deal with it how she needs to. It's survivor's guilt that has hold of her. And I'm sure you learned about those pariculars in your classes."
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 12:48 pm
"You know...I've seen what you've been through, and worse. It comes with the job. doesn't make it any easier to bear, but there is something to learn. You can't bear the burden alone. and the pills aren't going to hold it at bay forever, keep taking them like you have and you will overdose. it's only a matter of time."
His voice was calm, and rather soft.
"Before you yell, I'm not saying I know what your going through or patronizing you. I'm just saying I've seen friends and people I care about die in so many ways that you'd think I'd be traumatized alot more. But I had people to support me when things got bad. and that's what we want to do for you."
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 1:00 pm
This was why she didn't like talking about it. She would much rather have Fein burn it out of her memory but the doctor had refused to do it. She said five years wasn't a long enough span to start considering that option. And Jelena functioned just fine any other time.
"But was it always you're fault? No it wasn't. And I told you I don't want to talk about it." She idly swivled her chair so it faced the window as she continued brushing her hair out of self occupation. Why did someone have to take a keen interest in her now?
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 1:14 pm
"actually..technically, all of it is my fault. the fault lies with the commanding officer. the faults being I didn't do my job good enough, or train them good enough to do thiers correctly. the only deaths I have witness that burden me that are not directly my fault are the early Meta deaths, and I still blame myself for not stepping in before that lunatic pushed into them what he did."
A glance at her.
"I've seen children younger than five blown to peices. and woman younger than you with arms, legs blow and torn off or burned half to death with scars that will never go away. men with the same..or blow open and apart in ways you wouldn't think it was a person you were talking to not ten minutes ago from teh remains. mistakes in coordinates, orders that got misinterpeted, soldiers paniced calling in for way more support than needed. all of this rests with me. they should have been trained better for teh stress, had it drilled into their heads exactly the procedures to do thier jobs. one mistake, one hesitation, can cost a hundred people thier lives. military and civilian. they are supposed to be trained to not make mistakes, to not panic. That's my job as thier CO, to make sure of that."
A small smirk.
"So yes, I'm a mass murderer by that standard. hundred of dead men and women and children becuase I didn't do my job 'properly'."
hmm. perhaps a reason why he didn't want to go near the 'innocent loving' unicorn?
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 1:19 pm
"Survivor's guilt or the blame that it is all her fault, both hurt and both are long time healers." She moved her hand off his knee and clasped her fingers for a moment. "The blame may be able to be spread around but that doesn't mean she's spreading it. I think she's taken teh whole thing onto her shoulders. Anywya she does it, it's traumatizing but maybe she feels like she is paying a penance or something."
Shrugging and tapping her feet for something to do she said, "But I'm not a psychologist. I studied what's inside the body not why people do what they do. So that's my amateur psychoanalysis of Jelena Trevale. That will be $300. Credit or cash please." A little lightheartedness never hurt any moment.
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Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 1:34 pm
Brush got slammed down on the desk. Oh look, she demon was back for another round. "I.Do Not. Want. To. Talk. About. It." How dare he try to compare, how dare he try to say 'oh well it was your fault, but it was may fault to in my own doings'. He was military...it was completely different. Orders governed the military, and choice governed the civilians.. Of course she'd never say that to his face.
Of course she demon never knew when to shut up either. "Is that supposed to make me feel better or something James? Is this the part where I have and epiphany and realize I've been beating myself up for years for nothing? Not to mention screwing my body up with medication after medication."
"That's how Trevy is...wants to take what she's responsible for and take care of it herself. yet doesn't realize that teh weight is crushing her and refuses to believe it when others tell her it's happening."
Though a laugh at her joke. "We don't do money on Fleet, remember dear? You're in the wrong business."
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 1:41 pm
She blushed, "Oops I forgot, they're still using cash down on Earth. Well Cash and credit but the main currency is cash. Of course you simply swipe your ID and your account is automatically billed. It's rather simple and quite easy to spend a lot."
But a shake of her head and she leaned back in her chair. "I've just been so stressed out lately Erik. It's not easy taking over for her even though I love this job more than life itself. I think I need to calm down." She shook her head and remembered telling Jelly the truth.
"I think we all need to do something fun after Board."
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Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 1:48 pm
"We all get stressed out...adn addicted to coffee and some kind of breakfast pastry or something. That's just how it works with Fleet." He relaxed back into his chair, staring up at the ceiling a moment before he looked back to Lilia. "Fun? What do you suggest?"
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