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 Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 8:33 am
...Or am I the only active person in the clan again? sad
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Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2011 6:59 am
Hmm, looks like I am. sad
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Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:16 pm
im at times doing things tht takes my attention away and cant get close in the comp bu every time in in the comp i come to the clan, so we might be the only 2
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Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:21 pm
Oh dear! sad
*finds a sharp stick to give everyone else a poke in the bum*
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Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:23 pm
*looks a you and just gives a gentle nod to what you're doing*
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Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 2:11 pm
Sorry. I've been having this epic flu. crying
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Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 3:42 pm
That's ok, being ill is acceptable. 3nodding
But everybody apart from me and Muguno can't all be epicly ill all at the same time! gonk
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Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 4:06 pm
ninja Careful... ninja ninja Tabby's got a stick... ninja ninja And she's not afraid to use it! ninja 
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Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 9:01 am
Emma will be around more now, she found Gaia Labs and the Power User Menus. Clans listed beside Guilds again, yay.
My epic flu from hell is starting to turn into pneumonia. Again. I have bad lungs, and that is not a genetic trait, it is due to being a passive chainsmoker nearly from my birth until age six.
No cancer so far, but some special precautions were taken at age 12. Sort of like surgery. I was anaesthesed completely, so it didn't hurt. I can't remember anything about hospital food, but everyone brought me chocolate and ice cream. I don't think I ate much actual food... just chocolate and ice cream. I wasn't allowed hard or sticky candies, because I wore braces. xp
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Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 3:19 pm
W Murray Emma will be around more now, she found Gaia Labs and the Power User Menus. Clans listed beside Guilds again, yay. Good good! 3nodding I've always had the clan book marked - I can never find it otherwise! sweatdrop W Murray My epic flu from hell is starting to turn into pneumonia. Again. I have bad lungs, and that is not a genetic trait, it is due to being a passive chainsmoker nearly from my birth until age six. No cancer so far, but some special precautions were taken at age 12. Sort of like surgery. I was anaesthesed completely, so it didn't hurt. I can't remember anything about hospital food, but everyone brought me chocolate and ice cream. I don't think I ate much actual food... just chocolate and ice cream. I wasn't allowed hard or sticky candies, because I wore braces. xp *gives you squeezy hugs until you get better*
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Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:21 am
Bluetabbycat W Murray Emma will be around more now, she found Gaia Labs and the Power User Menus. Clans listed beside Guilds again, yay. Good good! 3nodding I've always had the clan book marked - I can never find it otherwise! sweatdrop W Murray My epic flu from hell is starting to turn into pneumonia. Again. I have bad lungs, and that is not a genetic trait, it is due to being a passive chainsmoker nearly from my birth until age six. No cancer so far, but some special precautions were taken at age 12. Sort of like surgery. I was anaesthesed completely, so it didn't hurt. I can't remember anything about hospital food, but everyone brought me chocolate and ice cream. I don't think I ate much actual food... just chocolate and ice cream. I wasn't allowed hard or sticky candies, because I wore braces. xp *gives you squeezy hugs until you get better* I remember my first full cup of coffee in a lifetime. It was hospital coin-operated coffee machine coffee. I drank it all and declared it delicious. That's when my family found out I'm insane. I hadn't been allowed a full cup of coffee until then. And it was a huge mug of coffee, made of cardboard! I held it in my tiny hands and it was warm and smelled of Heaven! It was Paradise. It was God. Everything in the room became God by the power of the Holy Spirit of the Coffee. Kahvi. My Chieftess. I didn't know her then, but that is when she Possessed me. Kahvi is the name of an ElfQuest character. Kahvi is also the Finnish word for Coffee. After that people brought me gas station takeaway coffee and Mc Donalds takeaway coffee and Carroll's takeaway coffee and any takeaway coffee they could find. And I told me I didn't care what brand it was, and that the stuff from the lobby machine was fine. And on the day this Army Sergeant and his Corporal came to visit the children in the Lastenklinikka, I was Possessed by the Spirit of Corporal Maladict. I didn't know the Monstrous Regiment character then. I would only meet the Gaia user by that name on the internet in 2008. When we met, never in real life yet, but on the internet, it was Soul Siblings at First Sight. He is my Polar Opposite, and the Other Side of the Coin. We are Identical Twins Separated at Birth - in All But Blood. He is a vampire. Instead of blood, he is addicted to coffee. He is a Corporal. The Gaia user is a Corporal of the Finnish Army and an Unsung Afghanistan Hero. I gave him a Purple Heart Bottom Tattoo yesterday. He's wearing it now. Where eveyone can see it. On his avatar.
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Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:43 am
Oh, and the Sergeant said:
"What is your name, little Hero?"
And I grinned and I jumped out of bed and stood to attention and saluted him. I'd practiced it since I heard they were coming. I'd walked along the hallways, marching, and saluting everybody. One of the male nurses had taught me. He called me Private. The word in Finnish is Sotamies - war-man.
And I said: "Private Insert-real-name-here, reporting for duty, sir!"
He laughed, but he was laughing with me. The Corporal laughed at me, but not unkindly, more like, 'here's a little girl in the most unfortunate pageboy haircut I have ever seen, with a pink headband, and she is calling herself Sotamies. What have we found? We have to get her to enlist... when she grows up. See how she jumped out of that bed, Sarge? We were told this is the cancer ward! Her hair hasn't fallen off, but it will, and she'll be proud of her bald head, and she will call herself a Sotamies. She has found a fantasy that fits her.'
I could read all that in his face. He looked at me, at the Sergeant, at me again.
And the Sergeant spoke again:
'Nice to meet you, Private I-shall-say-Laura-Vandemar-from-now-on-to-make-this-simpler! Your Doctor says you should be in bed, and you know, everyone at the army obeys Doctors! Even the Generals and the Commander-in-Chief!'
And I went back into my bed and sat up on top of the covers, leaning on a multitude of pillows. I was wearing stupid hospital clothes, the kind that are designed to make it easy to change patients' nappies. I didn't need nappies.
Change that to, when I was awake, I didn't need nappies. I was on Oxepam every night.
And I said: "Sergeant, I drew a picture of the Army. Wanna see it?"
And I showed him all my war pictures. He liked the one of the Army best. It was a pyramid diagram. He pointed out to me that Commanders weren't at the top and that Majors outranked Captains, and other mistakes of that order. I think I'd put Corporals above Sergeants, too. can't remember for sure, but they found something in it they thought was hilarious.
The Corporal, a young man of 18, with bad acne, and 5-o-clock shadow at noon, and what he probably thought was a mustache, was looking at all the pictures, and he made comments about how well I could draw fighter planes and warships and soldiers and uniforms and battles and guns and bombs. He asked if I played video games.
I told him, not any soldier ones, only Mario and the space invaders game. And I liked the drawing game (Ms Paint) better. And that my favorite TV show was the News.
The sergeant asked if I knew that the News was real, it really happened.
I told him that yes, that was why I liked it. Real life is always better than made up stories. At least, if it's the life of Private Laura Vandemar. And I told him things about myself I had never told anyone, and will never tell anyone again. The Corporal blushed and asked if he could get me something from the lobby machines, a coke perhaps?
I told him I hated both coke and pepsi. I still do. I found Dr Pepper in 2002, and Root Beer in Arizona, 2009. I also like Ginger Ale, Ginger Beer, and Diet versions of all of the aforementioned except coke and pepsi.
I asked him to get me three cups of coffee. I wanted to see how he solved the problem of carrying all three... continued in next post.
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Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:49 am
The Corporal looked at the Sergeant.
"Can we give this girl that much coffee? She will be bouncing off the walls! The doctors will never let us come here again!"
The Sergeant grinned: "I never liked that head doctor's face. He looks like a nazi with a camp full of lab rats. And the way she talks about Patient Vandemar! He's writing a second Doctorate on her case. She is a feather in his cap, and if she falls off, he won't even notice, because she has fought for him and died for him and won him that wonderful cap! He will go to her funeral, and buy a huge wreath, all in purple, and write some touching Bible s**t on the ribbon. But he will not shed a tear for her, not today or any other day, and he knows he is a whoreson and a b*****d!"
And so I got coffee... brb, to be cont.
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Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:57 am
I stared at the Sergeant with big round eyes, and tears began to flow down my cheeks, and I made no move to blink or wipe them off. He was talking about my death, my funeral.
I was so happy.
I was going to get to go to Heaven and shake hands with Jesus and salute the Holy Ghost and curtsey to the Virgin Mary and answer St Peter's questions and ask God and all the Bible people all the questions I had in my mind!
Finally, I would learn the truth about Judith and Deborah and Ruth and Rachel and Leah and Rebeccah and Sarah and Eve and Lilith and the Unnamed One and Virgin Mary and Magdalan Mary and the other Maries! And Elizabeth and Anna and all of Jesus' family! I was going to ask Abraham some really tough questions about polygamy. And I was going to ask St Paul about why he said young widows shouldn't get church help? My grandma had to raise five children alone! Her husband was a famous preacherman! He died in a car accident that wasn't his fault. And grandma still doesn't like seat belts!
Being suicidal is in my blood. My father tried it, when I was 5. I haven't forgiven him, because he hasn't said he's sorry. He doesn't know I remember everything.
He overdosed on sleeping pills. Tenox, I think.
I take 20mg of Tenox every evening.
Tenox is Thanatos for me.
So some nights I skip it.
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Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 1:16 am
The Sergeant saw me crying, with this goofy grin on my face. He said:
"Sorry, Private Vandemar. You're not going to die. But your Doctor is more sick than you are, sick in the head. He is like Hitler. This is a Concentration Camp. You are a Jew. You have been chosen to be a Test Subject. A Lab Rat. You have been put into a maze. You can choose your path. One end contains cheese. Another end contains a trap. If you are within sight of the trap, you are still safe. It is a normal mousetrap, the kind you have at your summer cottage. How do you find your way through the Maze, Private Vandemar?"
The Corporal had already got up to get the coffee, but stood beside the door, waiting for my answer.
I didn't have to think even one second. I'd seen the answer in a dream. "I take a ball of string, and fasten it to where I begin. And then I touch my left hand to the wall, and I walk along the left wall, my hand always touching the wall. It is a long walk, and I roll the string open behind me. And I have charcoal in my pocket, and I mark every corner I walk around with an arrow, pointing the way I went. And I come to the mousetrap first, and I walk past it, not touching the wall where the trap is if it's on my left side, and I tie a knot in the string there, so I can find that place in the dark. I'm good at making knots that no one can open. Mom hates it. I do it to my brother's shoelaces. That's why everyone thinks my brother is retarded. Sometimes I tie his shoes together. Once he was wearing them, and he fell down! But about the labyrinth, I walk ahead and finally I come to the cheese. And I tie another knot, a different one, one shaped like a bowtie. And I smell the cheese, but I do not eat it, because the Doctor is Hitler and the cheese is poisoned. I take a piece of cheese and put it in my pocket for evidence. And I walk past the cheese, and into Paradise, which is Freedom and Truth and Justice and Eden. There's a Spa called Eden in Nokia. I was there once. It was Paradise. There was a swimming pool with waves in it! And three jacuzzis! And an ice cold pool and a dead sea pool! And five Saunas but I was only in three of them. The Roman steam sauna had only mist between the women and the men! I sat alone naked in the mist and a man sat five meters to my left! It was awesome!"
And I drew a deep breath, and started coughing. The sergeant offered me extra strong cough drops, and I ate one. I chewed it to bits and grinned, teeth full of blue shards.
And he said: "Corporal, the Private has earned five cups of coffee, and if she drinks them all, she can have the whole box of Mynthos, and my army pen, and my army knife, and your army notebook with all your notes taken out, and a shiny 5-mark coin I have in my pocket for a good Private, and it is my lucky coin, but she has earned it, if she drinks five cups of hospital coffee. And don't say anything to the doctors and nurses, and if they ask, four of the cups are for you and me!"
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