You're a lucky goose, going off to travel! (*Still saving up to go to England w/ best friend* sweatdrop ) I bet you'll have insane fun. So also for fun, Sabar The Tragic! 3nodding A man who does rather inordinate amounts of travelling. whee
(If I accidentally broke a rule, tell me and I'll fix it right away! crying )
---
Travelling - Theme 3
Sabar the Tragic
---
Mother Nature has always been of the rather fickle and occasionally cruel sort. One moment she is perfect blue skies and rainbows, and the next she is blowing your bloody house away. Now this particular incident is of some importance due to that fact that this house, a charming two-story Tudor that had been doing nothing to deserve it's fate, other than sitting perched quietly on a hill minding it's own business and being very house-like... belonged to Sabar and his lovely fiancée' Nertosa.
At the very moment Sabar's house was blown away, he had been happily mending the roof, humming softly to himself. (Now I should mention he was not the greatest of hummers, which invariably led to this and many other catastrophes.) It should be mentioned that a roof is a rather nasty place to be when one's house happens to get blown to bits. Sabar, realizing this, was whisked through the air to the mountain nearby and landed in a large, quiet pond. The pond, who rather enjoyed silence, was greatly annoyed at the sudden arrival of Sabar, and further disliked the splashing and gurgling which Sabar's abrupt presence brought about. For you see, poor Sabar could not swim- lucky for him, however, this pond, who was rather tired of his thrashing about like a gangly fish, thrust him out with a single toss. Gasping on the shore, Sabar thoughts instantly turned to those of Nertosa, whom had been promised to him since the age of three. Trying desperately to think of where she had been at the time of the incident, Sabar scrambles to his feet and looks about. He soon realizes that he is on the nearby mountain of Sarpedon. Sarpedon is a rather unhappy mountain. As a young mountain he was always picked on by the other neighboring hills and mountains. (This might not seem so bad for a person, but we must remember that this has been going on for thousands of years for Sarpedon.) So as you can imagine Sarpedon is emotionally unstable.
Sabar knowing none of this of course, began making his way up the mountain. Finally, after all the troubles he had gone through, all he could think about was that his beautiful Nertosa would be dead before he reached her.
And being a great Arabian prince it was his rightful duty to save the fair lady (who was not so true to her word as he was to his, for at this very moment she was having great fun with his nemesis San Francisco, rolling amongst the bed sheets). At this moment, our brave prince was boldly climbing the rocky cliffs, pausing occasionally to face the dramatically blowing wind, and humming to himself, thinking about how wonderfully grand it would be to tell his beloved all about his journey to save her. Meanwhile, Sarpedon was calmly debating on sending a monstrous avalanche of stone on the prince's stupid head, for the humming noise was far too an obnoxious sound for him to handle, after everything else he had gone through. Instead of wasting the effort, he simply decided suicide was a far better choice and promptly blew off his head.
Seeing the lava oozing swiftly down the cliff side directly for him, the prince knew he could not die, for he must save his love. Seeing no other choice, he pulled a magic shoe from his hat, which was really a magic boat (the prince was a bit daft and really not all there... pity). The prince then took the "shoe" and placed it snuggly on his bottom, and without thinking twice, flew off the mountain side in a way that will never be understood by holy men or scientists, and landed in a small, soft 'thud' safely in the next village. (The only misfortune of the whole event was besides the suicidal mountain, a small squirrel was killed in the prince's landing. He will be missed.)
Standing up and pulling the shoe from his bottom after many a tug and twist the prince was now very tired from his hard day of thinking of the princess and killing innocent squirrels, and he decided that he would find a place to rest his head. Wandering through the village for a moment, he came upon a Motel 6. After checking a room for himself, the prince slept, completely oblivious to the mob of angry squirrels outside his window... waiting for revenge. Just as they were about to cut the glass with a massive diamond as stolen from the mayor, a giant nuclear bomb destroyed a giant asteroid plummeting to earth, sending thousands of tiny fragments of shrapnel into our atmosphere; and while most of it burned up harmlessly in out delicious atmosphere, a rather large piece landed on the poor mob of squirrels, killing them instantly.
After sending their corpses twenty kilometres into the air and into the neighboring village, Sabar hearing the noise, swiftly turned over on his side and pulled the pillow over his head. The pillow, who enjoyed being a nuisance whenever possible, usually having to be content by making himself as lumpy and uncomfortable as can be, found this to be a most opportune moment, and by allowing in every sound possible- even the termites eating at the building were not left undetected- succeeded in being a great, terrible nuisance. Shortly thereafter, the pillow experienced a repugnagasm, and slept contentedly through the night.
Squealing in frustration, the prince shot out of bed, throwing the pillow (unaware of its unconsciousness) out of the window and proceeded to get dressed. Opening his window for fresh air, he found a small squirrel fist, clutching a 'pretty rock.' Thinking his day oughtn't be ruined by an unruly pillow, he walked out of his room, sliding the gem into his pocket, and paying the last remaining squirrel tumble haplessly to the ground, its fall cushioned by a very expensive Mustang GT.
Walking out into the bright sunshine, Sabar decided that since he didn't know the fastest way to his beloved (who was at this moment being proposed to by the handsome San Francisco), decided that the quickest route would be to take the river down stream and then fly over to Also the Surreal Kingdom.
Realizing his hunger, the prince decided to stop in for a bite to eat at one of the local inns. Taking a seat next to a woman who the prince noticed smelled deliciously of pickled herring, he settled in, asking after her name while waiting for service. Turning to him, he realized the woman was quite beautiful despite the immense amount of hair protruding from her nasal passages.
"Labia... why?" she asked accusingly. She had nothing to accuse him of, but was quite fond of police and detective television.
"Oh, no particular reason. Just thought to make conversation; you smell good, by the way. I want to lick you." The prince responded rather as though he were actually restraining himself from launching his tongue at her face at that very moment.
"Oh, go ahead,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders and holding up a delicate arm, "everybody else does."
So there was our prince, licking a strange girl, with an even stranger name. Odd? Imagine how the barman felt when he came to take the Sabar's order. He was furious! Strange men licking his daughter! Why? At least twice a day this happened. Bad for business, unless he started charging by the minute. "But, oooooh, no, can't be selling our herring-smelly daughter like that," says the wife. Ah, what does she know?
Once again out prince was left out on the street, back on his journey, now with a sore bum, and no food to show for it. He was still very, very hungry. And everyone knows, you can't eat diamonds. Especially, if you've forgotten about them.
It was a long way to the Surreal Kingdom of Also, but that thought daunted him not in the least- not when he had the everlasting love of his beautiful Nertosa to sustain him! (Nertosa, who was currently telling all her girlfriends about the engagement and the approximate size of the groom's assets.) Dusting himself off, the prince trudged down the road, still, as I am sure I have mentioned, very, very hungry.
About half a kilometre in the air a bird was simply minding its own business, flying quite bird-like, when of a sudden, its innards turned into a delicious combination of bread, veggies, and gravy. While he lost all of his feathers and became a nicely roasted piece of poultry. And since we all know roasted poultry cannot fly, it came plummeting down to earth, and- conveniently enough!- landed right on the prince's head, knocking him out cold.
Not believing his luck, the bum hiding behind a tree getting ready to attack and eat the prince, ran over to the delectable bird, ripped off a leg and stuffed it in his mouth; then, humming much more nicely than Sabar, walked off.
With the sun beating down on the prince's shoulders, he really had no choice but to awaken. Sitting up and looking at the part of the sky which would provide him no view of the delicious cooked poultry, he wondered how on earth he had happened to have passed out. Pulling himself up out of the dirt, the prince trudged onward, thirsty, hungry, and very, very confused.
Sabar had been passed out for nearly a whole day and by this point and he was feeling very depressed, wondering how his beloved Nertosa felt... did she think he had forgotten her beautiful features? He adorable little was of screaming, "No, you monster, let me go"?
How he wished to let her know how his heart yearned for her. (Meanwhile, she was planning her wedding to the handsome San Francisco; it was to be with the week. Aren't young couples cute?)
Deciding (for as you know, princes must make many decisions) that it was far too late to travel far, the Sabar wandered back into the village from whence he had destroyed the lives of hundreds of tiny animalfolk. There he met the beautiful, hair-filled nostrils, of Labia... again. She apologized for her father's behavior (he had wanted to marry the town llama, anyway), and asked if there was any way in which she could repay him.
"FOOD!" screamed the prince, ""I am quite ravished."
Labia left him, rather put out that her suggestive nostril-hair twirling had not gotten the point she was trying to make across, and about ten minutes later, appeared with a platter of meats, cheese, and fruits, all of which having been produced from can she had found lying about.
Stuffing himself, he prince was once again exhausted, and there he slept, right with his head in the gravy. If he hadn't had the drumstick to prop him up, he could very well have drowned.
Waking up the next morning, the prince was invigorated. Merrily, he ravaged the remains of the platter (and not, Labia was again disappointed, her) and was again off. Catching the next boat downstream to Also, the Surreal Kingdom, our prince began to feel better, though it was a feeling which was not to last...
The day was nice and sunny, perfect for reading a lovely tale about a troll who married a 'beautiful' troll princess, and then as they found true love, a handsome prince with a strong chin and beautiful, flowing moustache hair, came by and slew them both! We all love a good murder.
Just as the prince was finishing his romantic tale, a crate, across the boat did not move. So, Sabar, being highly susceptible to gravity and boats which are being tipped to the side, went flying into it headfirst. Being the brave man that he was, he charged up the side of the wildly gyrating boat to see what was going on. Clamoring about, the prince prepare to shout dramatically.
"What on earth is going on?!" he dramatically shouted.
"We are being attacked by Phrixus, a deer lamp, smelling of Bandon Cheese, a spiked garden hose... delicious!" replied random screaming passerby.
"Great Scott!" Sabar actually did not know anyone name Scott, but if he did, he was sure they'd be great. And so, terrified that he would never see Nertosa again, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and wailed miserably, inconsolable even when his fifteen-inch conscious Abarus began to call him nasty names. Of a sudden, he discovered the diamond which he had stolen from the squirrelfolk and withdrew it in awe. "A shiny rock!" he proclaimed, eyes lit up with a childlike excitement that cause Abarus to gently puke in Sabar's collar.
Phrixus, the greatly confused sea creature, turned to glance at the tiny man he was about to destroy. As it happened, the deer lamp, smelling of Bandon Cheese, a spike garden hose... delicious! would not have been there to destroy the little ferry boat, had he not been on his way to visit relatives in Also. It was in fact quite unfortunate that the recent eruption of a local mountain had caused a land slide which trapped him in the river between home and Also, the Surreal Kingdom.
Snarling with all the ferocity of a young girl telling her parents to get her a doll, a cake, some candy, a new dress and a pony, Phrixus lunged for Sabar.
Abarus, screaming like a little girl, was surprised to find that they were not on a boat being attacked by a giant sea creature with no manners. Instead, he and Sabar, still cooing at the diamond, who was quite used to it, and insulted in the least, were flying safely across the sunset sky. Or at least, there were flying as safely as a 140-pound man and his fifteen-inch tall conscience can when being suspended by a remarkably large eight-pronged fork.
"Sabar! Sabar you great big pansy!" Abarus shrieked, kicking him in the ear, "We're a thousand feet in the air, put down the diamond!"
Sabar, being as daft as he was, instead ignored Abarus, who was really just a child anyway, and proceeded to gently gnaw the diamond's flawless surface.
"Ohoho!" said the giant eight-pronged fork, "I see you were about to be eaten by a deer lamp, smelling of Bandon Cheese, a spike garden hose... delicious!"
"Not with my wonderful love for my beautiful Nertosa keeping me safe!" Sabar said handsomely, striking a pose.
"Ohoho!" the giant eight-pronged fork laughed, revealing itself to be nothing more than a thirty-year-old man, "I am Honey Dijon Mustard! Welcome to my fork!"
Sabar, quite enamored with the man's impressive mane of chocolate yellow hair, flipped up on top of the fork, sitting beside Honey Dijon Mustard comfortably. As they flew over the Surreal Kingdom of Also, Abarus noticed a rather large parade of people moving about, and at the center was a beautiful dark-haired woman. "Nertosa!" he shrieked, kicking Sabar in the head and pointing; but alas, Sabar was much too busy sharing turns at gnawing on the mayor's diamond and petting the older gentleman's delicious mane of hair.
Sighing, Abarus settled back down on Sabar's shoulder, discontented at having such a small role in such a ridiculous story.
---
surprised heart
