The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[Tavreynya]

radioactive alchemist

Lebki

In your story, have only one character of a minority ethnicity and kill him before long. All your main characters must be white. rolleyes

Unless, of course, you have the obligatory kick-a** warrior-type black woman.

...Or your main character is a minority (going back to the point that everyone is prejudiced against your hero. EVERYONE).

As for biraciality: there are half-elves, sure, but there is no such thing as a mulatto. I mean that. They don't exist.

On names: consonants, with the exception of l, n, and possibly r, are evil. Literally. All your heroes should have names like Auiliia or Euaion. Villains should be named Grskflzgixvoth.

[ChocolatePandora]

Oxxidation.2

Quote:

...where are the black elves?))

Yar, those be the drow.

Pity that their species houses quite possibly one of the biggest Gary Stus of all time.

i didn't mean 'black' as in 'evil' so much as i meant 'brown-skinned'. and don't drow have actual black skin? the straight white hair kinda goes against the whole 'blackness' thing, too. but eh, what can you do. sad

[Alybrylla]

((I love this thread... heart ))

[ChocolatePandora]

radioactive alchemist

Lebki

In your story, have only one character of a minority ethnicity and kill him before long. All your main characters must be white. rolleyes

Unless, of course, you have the obligatory kick-a** warrior-type black woman.

...with completely irrational phobias, and a bizarre and maudlin love for the clueless young male main character. or she hates his guts and is comong along to protect the princess from the romantic advances of the said clueless young male main character.

[Charmcat]

'Z's make the villain's name badass. Especially in anime.

[Minion Ripley]

On the topic of inter-species breeding, there are no awful mutations (ex.: sterility, a retarded intelligence, ) found in the offspring, even though the DNA of involved species are probably vastly different. The worst that ever happens is that the child has very pronounced features, although this actually only enhances the character's beauty (unless the character's evil, then it could make him ugly). Another has already mentioned the anatomical parts of said pairings, so I won't get into that.

Upon meeting people that your characters have never met before, the strangers should be able to recognize all of your characters in an instant and have a radical opinion of them formed within milliseconds. They should also know of all the town happenings and everyone else and important landmarks within twenty miles of where they are standing. C'mon, we all know that complete strangers are really just walking libraries of knowledge and wisdom, not actual people.

Any important, ancient item that your character needs is never buried under tons of earth. They must either be easily dug out by hand, behind a few things on a shelf in a mystical shop, a gift from an old man/woman, or a heirloom of the character's family. Said item should also never be in poor condition; it should always look practically brand-new except for a bit of grime that can be easily wiped away.

If you ever find your story lacking excitement, just add five tons of completely random, shocking things. For example, the raping of a child, the spewing of guts onto the floor, and the pointless, graphic murders committed by your main bad guy. Realism need not be added.

Great weaknesses need not be explained. The same applies to phobias. Yes, both can suddenly pop up out of nowhere in your character's life. Heck, you can leave the background of the character's problems at the point of when you mention it.

The good characters never make bad decisions. They are always right or else will be shortly.

[GunnerySgt]

NARF! xp

[Raincrow]

the-lil-general

NARF! xp

*slaps* Spammer.

[Nana_Banana]

Always, ALWAYS refer to your character by their eye or hair color. After all, that's the most important thing, isn't it? And don't, under any circumstances, ever give them plain brown eyes like most everybody has. Use jewel tones, and take every opportunity to emphasize your main guy's beautiful ruby-colored eyes. And if they MUST be brown then they MUST be chocolate brown. No other shades of brown exist.

Oh, and always refer to your teenage character as 'the teen.' We can't remember for two seconds at a time that your character, sitting in their high school math class, is a teenager. The best thing to do is refer to your character as 'the ruby-eyed teen' at all times. NEVER let your readers forget these details, because they are much more important then oh, I dunno, personality?

[Synne Ran]

Always make sure that if you have a romance, the couple kisses--in public view, where everyone can clap. Because really, those two characters were going to end up together in the first place, and no one's really going to know that they're in love if you don't make them kiss.

[LEMadison]

Tavreynya

On names: consonants, with the exception of l, n, and possibly r, are evil. Literally. All your heroes should have names like Auiliia or Euaion. Villains should be named Grskflzgixvoth.

It's scary how true that is.

[x_haphazard_x]

LEMadison

Tavreynya

On names: consonants, with the exception of l, n, and possibly r, are evil. Literally. All your heroes should have names like Auiliia or Euaion. Villains should be named Grskflzgixvoth.

It's scary how true that is.

I second that. Very scary... *shudders.* Of course, right now I'm writing *mostly* real-fi, so my main character's names are "Austyn" (feminine "Austin" wink , Isy (Ivy+Isis...don't ask, her dad is obsessed with mythology.) and Tiffany. Hmm, then there's a guy named Cavano- maybe everybody in the city is kind of eccentric, even though the point is them not being so.

[Sergeant Sargent]

Tavreynya

On names: consonants, with the exception of l, n, and possibly r, are evil. Literally. All your heroes should have names like Auiliia or Euaion. Villains should be named Grskflzgixvoth.

How do you pronounce that? xd

[Buddha Sanger]

Characters can never have ordinary names, even in a realistic setting. A name like Jack will ruin your character. Never let the main character get hurt, they're invincible. Everyone has a sword with them... always. Everyone likes elves. Whenever your character has a weird tatoo, it can glow and make them fly. Scars sense evil.

[mourning dove]

Khalista

All animals that appear in your story must be aligned with good or evil. There are no neutral animals.

Even the ones that get shot and killed for dinner. Trust me, this was an evil rabbit.