The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[Morizawa]

Ryu_chan

M-and-M-kun

And you must remember that heroines are ALWAYS plagued with deep inner pain and tragic pasts.
Of course, they can't be bitter because of it, or even mean, they have to hide it with a smile! EVERYONE knows that repressing your unfavourable emotions is becoming indeed.
If you would like a variation on the heroine with a tragic past, you may also make her a rebel with a defiant gaze and black boots.
And she must always, ALWAYS, know how to ride a horse and sing.
Being age fifteen or sixteen is requisite, of course, and don't forget describing her brand name clothes down to that perfectly sewn seam.
But if you would like to portray her as even more tragic, perhaps you could desparingly describe the tatters and dirt on her clothes.

One last note: If she is angry, or sad, it always shows up as brilliantly beautiful or radiant on her face; but on the villain's it is grotesque. Unless the villain happens to be her love interest with an equally tragic past.

Don't forget the intriguing scars--everyone needs those!!!

(hehe i put scars on some of my characters, but they are ussually part of some crippling wound, ie, a missing eye, a gimp arm/hand, a brittle ribcage caused by some massive impact or some such thing, burns, injection scars(heroine addicts, stimulant addicts etc. not really crippling but eh it's more realistic if an injection user does have scars))

Your character must always be exactly like some character from a famous anime/video game...BUT, get this, with a DIFFERENT NAME and MORE POWERFUL and even... HORNIER to go screw all the girls(or guys if he is a homosexual as a result of some yaoi fetish of the writer... or if it is a girl, and if the writer is a male and the character is a girl, there must be... some hot lesbian sex that goes on between the antagonist and the protagonist hot hot women ^_^) I mean people would never mistake your main character for the guy who he looks exactly like due to the fact of a different name and makeing him/her more powerful and a slutty woman/man whore just makes the character seem like a pimp, who doesn't love a....SPIN OFF anime/rpg character emo pimp?

[Astarael--Banisher]

((What does emo mean? I've heard the term before, but my naivety in some areas knows no bounds...))
Do NOT plan out your story. When people go back and read plot-points that trail off into nothing, they are being prying and obsessive. Giving your story a definite beginning, middle, and end is a thing you learn in English 1, not Creative Writing. So do us all a favor and spew out your half-baked ideas in one long streak of vomit. It's so much more pleasant for us readers that way.

[54j4gwh57k57-3g3g]

Astarael--Banisher

((What does emo mean? I've heard the term before, but my naivety in some areas knows no bounds...))

emo for the context he's refering to go down to number 3.

[Sergeant Sargent]

Astarael--Banisher

((What does emo mean? I've heard the term before, but my naivety in some areas knows no bounds...))
Do NOT plan out your story. When people go back and read plot-points that trail off into nothing, they are being prying and obsessive. Giving your story a definite beginning, middle, and end is a thing you learn in English 1, not Creative Writing. So do us all a favor and spew out your half-baked ideas in one long streak of vomit. It's so much more pleasant for us readers that way.

Its called art, people, art! When an artist sporatically splashes paint on a canvas does he plan where each splatter will land? No! But its still art, and every one knows absract art is the bestest.
((Sad that some of these paintings sell for thousands of dollars...))

[54j4gwh57k57-3g3g]

Sargent Stupid

Astarael--Banisher

((What does emo mean? I've heard the term before, but my naivety in some areas knows no bounds...))
Do NOT plan out your story. When people go back and read plot-points that trail off into nothing, they are being prying and obsessive. Giving your story a definite beginning, middle, and end is a thing you learn in English 1, not Creative Writing. So do us all a favor and spew out your half-baked ideas in one long streak of vomit. It's so much more pleasant for us readers that way.

Its called art, people, art! When an artist sporatically splashes paint on a canvas does he plan where each splatter will land? No! But its still art, and every one knows absract art is the bestest.
((Sad that some of these paintings sell for thousands of dollars...))

((Ah, well you may be able to do it but would you have ever thought to do it? You see it is the thought that makes modern art, the theory behind it (sad how they all feel a need to become phylosophers these days). Anyways that's just the ramblings of a kid who's older sister is in an Art Institute... I really need to get out more. And for the record, I don't think it should be considered an art form either, but hey what ever sells right?))

[Rid V]

Whenever somebody is actual hurt, serious injuries that don't actually kill them outright, the are instantly bandaged, slung, or whatever else needs to be done, up to and including the magical appearance of walking sticks.

If somebody displays a slight cough, or other sign of sickness that is not immediately explained, it will turn out to be a terminal disease that kills them by the end of the story.

[Sergeant Sargent]

black-butterflies

Sargent Stupid

Astarael--Banisher

((What does emo mean? I've heard the term before, but my naivety in some areas knows no bounds...))
Do NOT plan out your story. When people go back and read plot-points that trail off into nothing, they are being prying and obsessive. Giving your story a definite beginning, middle, and end is a thing you learn in English 1, not Creative Writing. So do us all a favor and spew out your half-baked ideas in one long streak of vomit. It's so much more pleasant for us readers that way.

Its called art, people, art! When an artist sporatically splashes paint on a canvas does he plan where each splatter will land? No! But its still art, and every one knows absract art is the bestest.
((Sad that some of these paintings sell for thousands of dollars...))

((Ah, well you may be able to do it but would you have ever thought to do it? You see it is the thought that makes modern art, the theory behind it (sad how they all feel a need to become phylosophers these days). Anyways that's just the ramblings of a kid who's older sister is in an Art Institute... I really need to get out more. And for the record, I don't think it should be considered an art form either, but hey what ever sells right?))

((Hmm, well, that makes sense. I probably would have never thought of it. But then again I never thought of ripping out my eye balls and smearing their goo on a canvus either, then attempting to call it art. Maybe its like bottled water. Painters know we're idiots, so they create an unintellegable form of art and we all line up, pretending to understand it, just so we don't look stupid in the face of talented artists. xd

Edit: In place of we I meant art critcs.))

[Morizawa]

black-butterflies

Astarael--Banisher

((What does emo mean? I've heard the term before, but my naivety in some areas knows no bounds...))

emo for the context he's refering to go down to number 3.

(correct, though perhaps i should have elaborated on what i meant by emo, though perhaps you understood already.)

This one is for all you writers out there(duh). Whenever someone writes a story in a genre you don't like, you must criticize every possible thing you can find even if you have no idea how fantasy or sci fi or whatever works. Just criticize to the point in which noone actually listens to you anymore and you have lost all respect as a writer then you can go home and cry about it and write dark poetry in bloody calligraphy as a result of your depression. That my friends is how you become a great poet like the opium addict/alcoholic edgar allan poe! (though you have to marry your cousin first of course razz )

[Hekiko]

Astarael--Banisher

((What does emo mean? I've heard the term before, but my naivety in some areas knows no bounds...))
Do NOT plan out your story. When people go back and read plot-points that trail off into nothing, they are being prying and obsessive. Giving your story a definite beginning, middle, and end is a thing you learn in English 1, not Creative Writing. So do us all a favor and spew out your half-baked ideas in one long streak of vomit. It's so much more pleasant for us readers that way.

Conversely, always always always have a strict outline for your story and never ever deviate from it. If you get stuck or bored writing your story and the potential saving idea would require your plans to go awry, then it's not a saving idea. Stories should all turn out exactly as the author planned because the majority of the creative process takes place during the planning stages and heaven forbid you get a good idea after you've been working on the story awhile.

[[--Domesticated Peanut--]]

- You ALWAYS have to have the mom/aunt/ person taking care of hero/ine want the hero/ine to marry a stinky smelly b*****d who is fat and farts alot and is a complete idiot but the clean nice smart one is who the hero/ine wants to marry. But NOOO! S/He's so much more horrible than the b*****d.

((I heart the Anti-Guide.))

[Rid V]

Hekiko

Astarael--Banisher

((What does emo mean? I've heard the term before, but my naivety in some areas knows no bounds...))
Do NOT plan out your story. When people go back and read plot-points that trail off into nothing, they are being prying and obsessive. Giving your story a definite beginning, middle, and end is a thing you learn in English 1, not Creative Writing. So do us all a favor and spew out your half-baked ideas in one long streak of vomit. It's so much more pleasant for us readers that way.

Conversely, always always always have a strict outline for your story and never ever deviate from it. If you get stuck or bored writing your story and the potential saving idea would require your plans to go awry, then it's not a saving idea. Stories should all turn out exactly as the author planned because the majority of the creative process takes place during the planning stages and heaven forbid you get a good idea after you've been working on the story awhile.

(Funny you should say that, I'm about 9/10 of the way through my first novel, and no stunning upsets so far. [well, that isn't precisely true, but none of it was my idea, long story] I have thrown in several new ideas practically on the spur of the moment, but nothing that interferes with the main idea of the story, actually, they just seem to bring it together more. Then again, the story ideas I get are just so awesome, I can't possibly think of a way to change them all around that would make them better in any way. *head targeted, diameter: 4 Earth radii and expanding, you may fire when ready*)

I hate to waste a good post, so I'll just add that Good=Light and Evil=Darkness. Somebody tell you that these are just metaphors, and that if you really tried them out several hundred years ago people would have looked at you as if you were spouting chat-speek. Well, they're wrong, Light has always been equal to Good, literally, and Darkness to evil. This is why all nocturnal creatures are Evil, although it is possible for diurnal creatures to be Evil, because the daytime is so much more diverse than the night. Night is simply Evil, that's it.

[Lord_of_the_Funk]

Rid V

Hekiko

Astarael--Banisher

((What does emo mean? I've heard the term before, but my naivety in some areas knows no bounds...))
Do NOT plan out your story. When people go back and read plot-points that trail off into nothing, they are being prying and obsessive. Giving your story a definite beginning, middle, and end is a thing you learn in English 1, not Creative Writing. So do us all a favor and spew out your half-baked ideas in one long streak of vomit. It's so much more pleasant for us readers that way.

Conversely, always always always have a strict outline for your story and never ever deviate from it. If you get stuck or bored writing your story and the potential saving idea would require your plans to go awry, then it's not a saving idea. Stories should all turn out exactly as the author planned because the majority of the creative process takes place during the planning stages and heaven forbid you get a good idea after you've been working on the story awhile.

(Funny you should say that, I'm about 9/10 of the way through my first novel, and no stunning upsets so far. [well, that isn't precisely true, but none of it was my idea, long story] I have thrown in several new ideas practically on the spur of the moment, but nothing that interferes with the main idea of the story, actually, they just seem to bring it together more. Then again, the story ideas I get are just so awesome, I can't possibly think of a way to change them all around that would make them better in any way. *head targeted, diameter: 4 Earth radii and expanding, you may fire when ready*)

I hate to waste a good post, so I'll just add that Good=Light and Evil=Darkness. Somebody tell you that these are just metaphors, and that if you really tried them out several hundred years ago people would have looked at you as if you were spouting chat-speek. Well, they're wrong, Light has always been equal to Good, literally, and Darkness to evil. This is why all nocturnal creatures are Evil, although it is possible for diurnal creatures to be Evil, because the daytime is so much more diverse than the night. Night is simply Evil, that's it.

that is true except when dealing with half humans. When a human is half demon/monster/saton/toad/cow s**t they are usualy good even though they are defending the very people who hate them

[Lord_of_the_Funk]

oh and HAPPY DAY OF THE DEAD!!!!

[Ryu_chan]

Sargent Stupid

black-butterflies

Sargent Stupid

Astarael--Banisher

Its called art, people, art! When an artist sporatically splashes paint on a canvas does he plan where each splatter will land? No! But its still art, and every one knows absract art is the bestest.
((Sad that some of these paintings sell for thousands of dollars...))

((Ah, well you may be able to do it but would you have ever thought to do it? You see it is the thought that makes modern art, the theory behind it (sad how they all feel a need to become phylosophers these days). Anyways that's just the ramblings of a kid who's older sister is in an Art Institute... I really need to get out more. And for the record, I don't think it should be considered an art form either, but hey what ever sells right?))

Painters know we're idiots, so they create an unintellegable form of art and we all line up, pretending to understand it, just so we don't look stupid in the face of talented artists. xd

(They then get to create some long-winded bullshit 'explanation' of the 'symbolism' and such that their work contains:
"As you can see, this smear is a metaphor for the inevitable social decay brought on by our blatant consumerism, highlighting the desperation manifest in those splotches, cruelly counterpointing the futile fluttering hope embodied in that white streak---'etc., etc Soon they can't even fit their egos through the door. Oh, and arranged marriages are inherently evil. It doesn't matter if the hero/ine is to marry the most wonderful person in the world; it was arranged, therefore it sucks. And for more and better examples of long-winded bullshit, read The Rachel Papers; the main character is a master of such falsely intelectual drivel.)

[ArtikGato]

This thread > all others!! ^_^

Here's my contribution:

You should ALWAYS have your characters use slang, since slang is just so kewl!! Especially the dwarves, 'cause everyone knows that dwarves run around all day screaming things like "OMFG!" and "KAWAII!" and "DUDE!". mrgreen

Two characters CANNOT be in a relationship together if their hair colors clash! It just isn't RIGHT!!

Also, the beautiful princess cannot, under ANY circumstances, fall in love with the dwarf/half-giant/halfling/werewolf/blacksmith/etc. etc.

There are also NEVER any female dwarves, half-giants, halfings, werewolves, blacksmiths, etc. etc.

Men are NEVER waiters/bar wenches xd , nurses, clerics, or any other position that women would normally fill.

Similarly, women are NEVER bartenders, blacksmiths, swordsmiths, or any other position that men would normally fill.

Also, YOUNG women are never shopkeepers. Why waste a YOUNG woman running a shop when you could have an old woman take her place?

Women cannot have really short hair. Not even chin-length. Never, never, never.

Also, macho men cannot have floor-length hair, 'cause it takes away from the machoness!! Duh!

Heaven forbid if one of your main characters has dull eyes, or mottled-gray eyes, or unhealthy, puke-green eyes.

Of COURSE your albino character will be fine travelling around in the sun 24/7! In fact, their costume should cover as little as possible, I mean, they REALLY need a tan, right?

Healers NEVER EVER use anything but a staff. EVER.

Despite the fact that in REAL life it takes years and years of practice for a person to be able to weild a bow effectively, YOUR characters do not need that experience!! They can just pick up a bow off of the ground and fire it! This also applies to swords and staves, but NOT to any other weapon, because why would your characters EVER use any other weapon?

Good people DO NOT use scythes!! That's for the uber-evil bad guys!