คɾeɳ
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.
It is the little shadow which runs across
the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
-Crowfoot, Blackfoot warrior and orator 1830 - 1890
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ʘɱϵgą - On vacation
His heart was sore for her, with how firm she was on the subject. That she didn't want to use alternative methods? Aren understood completely – even as a man who wanted kids, he'd appreciate the pregnancy more, if he could go to bed, holding his love in his arms, feeling the baby kick underneath his gentle hands. It was an experience, he wanted to have... along with talking to the baby through the womb... going through all the classes, midnight cravings for things that were impossible to get. Truly, the native looked forward to it all.
But unlike Cissa, he would be skip those experiences if he had to – if the woman he ended up with was infertile. He dreamed of a family, desired it so. There were so many things he wanted to teach his children; and Aren was one of the few men at his age, that would take on the responsibility fully. He'd be the father that his father hadn't been. The father he'd wished he'd had.
And while Ciss thought about how a child would effect her ability to work with the X-men... Aren did not. The X-men were never a part of Aren's dream; they were simply where he'd gone to school, the people who had taught him to control his mutation. They weren't a way of life. The reservation was.
Aren's mouth moved over the word 'Pocahontas' in an amused silence, not the least abashed from the slightly racist slur. Naki might have been, had she overheard... But it seemed that the sense of humor the native girl had once had suffered a treatment from a shop vac – completely sucked from her core upon his arrival with another woman. “Pocahontas stopped a war you know...” He said, grinning at the irony when Cissa seemed intent on one between the two women.
Not that she needed it; there was no competition between the two of them, on which one had Aren's interest. (More like, Cissa had his soul, but that thought hadn't yet occurred to the size shifter...) Though, the jealousy that ran thick in Cissa's heart was enough to placate him... motivate him to talk to Naki at his next chance.
He grinned when she spoke of her perception of him, shaking his head with a roll of soft, deep chuckles. “Even then I'd not have been handing out promise rings, o'ksiko'ko.” His grin widened as he continued. “But then again, you just didn't want to admit that I was a man... that you were attracted to, when I was right under your nose.” And something she shouldn't have taken.
Not that he was complaining though.
The gentle peck on his lips did wonders to prove to him that she liked the change, and he returned it back with all that she'd given him, but keeping it light enough... that they'd not be sorely tempted for more.
**
He could breathe again when the meeting ended – not out of nervousness from all the people piled into such a small enclosure... but because for now, they could drop the talk about an attack against his home – the wounds to that still entirely too sore... still gaping from the amount of destruction it'd wreaked.
The words that Na'a had left Cissa with before the meeting had started, had been enough that her thoughts had lingered on them... and whether or not the bond had made his own do the same, Aren wouldn't have known... but the satisfaction he got from hearing that Narcissa was “with” him hadn't faded. The wave of possession coursed through him at that. Not dominating, but soft... gentle while still being demanding. She was his, as much as he was hers. And the two way street, was more heavenly than anything he'd ever felt.
“No story time.” Aren said firmly as he walked out the door – knowing that stories would be the first thing Na'a brought up if she got Narcissa alone. Na'a's smile only grew wider, intent on telling the British woman many things about Aren, that he didn't think anyone really needed to know.
He didn't truly want to leave her... even with his mother... Aren didn't like the thought of not seeing Narcissa's face... didn't like the thought of not having her close enough that he could touch her when he needed to, as if she were the only thing keeping him grounded to Earth.
As the sun kissed Narcissa's skin, a spread of warmth went through him, relaxing all the tension that had built up in his muscles during the meeting. Being in the sun with her in his arms was akin to coming home from a long, dreary journey. She purred, and his lips twitched with a grin. “There is a greenhouse at the Academy... with solar panels to intensify the effects of the sun...” He started, figuring she'd catch his drift.... that they should visit there, just the two of them when they returned. “It's usually empty too..”
The conversation didn't get much further than that, when Cissa interjected that she'd done something he'd not like. “Ki'somma...” He responded slowly when she confessed to what it was that she'd done. He'd wanted it... he'd wanted Elixir to come out here and fix them, but he'd thought it was an impossibility. Josh was busy on campus, and Montana was a long way away. “It's too much.” He whispered, lips brushing her temple, gratitude sweeping through him despite the words.
“Too much for you to pay for, on my people's behalf.” He said, cutting straight through the fact that she'd not mentioned the money it'd require to do so. Obviously, Josh didn't have it... and Narcissa would be footing the bill to do so. “I'll make it up to you.” He said solemnly, never one to take charity well. Even if it was for his friends. Even if it wouldn't do a damn thing to the amount of figures in her bank account. His words were firm enough, that she'd know better than to argue. The question was... exactly how he'd make up the difference. Several thousand dollars of things to make up.
And while he was away, he'd start concocting ways to do just that. Narcissa mentioned that Na'a wanted time together, and Aren gave one nod as confirmation. “That she does.” In a way, he was relieved that his mother so adored the blond... in another he was apprehensive. Simply because, he was afraid with how fast the intensity of their... relationship for a lack of a better word had come about, it'd burn out... and Na'a would be hurt.
“She'll take good care of you.” Aren said with a nod. “You won't even notice that I'm gone.” Not that he'd be able to say the same. He needed her. Christ, he needed to be able to just reach out, and hold her hand – a dependency he'd never felt for anyone else. Leaving her, even for a little while would be the hardest thing he'd had to do all vacation.
He kissed her, thanking her for all she'd given him. And her response made his heart stop. Of course, he shouldn't have read into the four letter word – and he forced himself to swallow that furrowing reaction, a bit too late for Narcissa not to feel a part of it – a sudden warmth reaching all the way down to his toes when she'd called him love. But it was just a word, a simple word that she tossed around with many people... calling someone “love” was often just something that many British people did, with no actual connection behind the term.
“I can't completely...” Aren responded honestly. Not when she'd given him so much, trusted him so explicitly. It was something close to a miracle for the sun goddess, and she deserved to know that he appreciated it. That it wasn't something he'd ever take for granted.
He'd been taking her towards the thicket of trees, when Naki's hurt voice sounded in the air. Displeasure boiled through Narcissa, and she turned to glare at Aren's former flame. Silently, and quickly... Aren sent up a prayer that this encounter wouldn't end with fireworks, when Cissa finally broke the silence with brutal honesty. Her voice had been hard, even when she rounded on Aren's face – carefully expressing nothing as Narcissa and Naki had a small stand off. She ordered him to put her down – and chocolate eyes gauged her features before doing so, making sure that Naki wouldn't feel the brunt of Narcissa's jealousy through an energy blast.
He grimaced at the use of his last name, bidding him to not disobey her in this request order. When she separated herself completely from him, his skin immediately felt cold, and he was sorely tempted to pick her back up to fix it. Had he not known that it would piss her off to do so, he would have, selfishly.
Through their link, he could feel her weakness, and her determination not to allow it to show as she walked away, leaving him to Naki's attentions for now. Chocolate eyes rounded on the native girl, full of an apology that he couldn't express. After all, he'd told her when he left... not to wait on him, that it'd be unfair to do so... and would make her miserable while she waited, for Napi only knew how long before he could come home. The agreement had been, that when he returned, if they both were single... if they both still felt the same way, they could pick up where they left off.
But it was a big if.
Naki was a pretty girl; shy, sweet... smart. Funny when one got to know her. And Aren hadn't been the only man on the reservation who'd taken a notice of her. He'd just been the only successful one. And somehow, she'd fallen for him... in a way that wasn't acceptable for their age. In a way, that was conducive to dreams and fairy tales. But those stories weren't meant for Aren... and it wasn't until now that Naki truly realized that.
And had he stayed, he might have felt a small iota of what she did. Eventually. He'd liked her, had been staunchly attracted to all that she was... but at the end of the day, Aren was one to remain unattached. Always cavalier.
“You love her.” She said quietly, tears stinging her eyes when she was sure that Narcissa wouldn't hear their conversation. And he had no answer to that. Could he truly say, that his newfound obsession for Narcissa Lucania was the same thing as love?
“I'm fond of her.” He qualified. “She's been a constant in my life since I was promoted to the teams.” A constant tease, up until vacation. “When I brought her home... we were just friends... friends with a mutual attraction for one another... but both of us had the sense to know that dating teammates tends to get messy.” He explained carefully. “When I came home, it'd not been my intention for this to happen.”
Naki listened as he started, shaking her head, wringing her hands in and out. He'd not denied her accusation. “Why did you bring her?” She asked, wishing that he'd left the girl far behind in New York. Wishing, that he had, because otherwise, she could still be counting down the days until he came home. When he would be hers again, the way she'd wanted since giving in to his pursuit.
And as she looked up at him, all she could think about was how delectable he'd looked under the moonlight, when they'd snuck out together for a private interlude. Even with him going to another woman... it left her mouth dry. She still wanted him, despite knowing that he wasn't hers anymore.
Aren shrugged at the question, not thinking about how important it was. “We're put through hell on the teams, Naki... You know that, from all the phone calls you get. And while it may look like she has everything... Narcissa has no family outside of the team. Her family... is all dead. I wanted her to experience mine, share what I could with her, after all she's done for me on campus.”
Granted, when he'd offered... he'd been half joking, never expecting her to take him up on going home with him.
A slow tear trailed down Naki's cheek. “But now I'll never have you. And I know it's selfish of me... forgive me of that. But after all that I shared with you...” Because she'd given him everything before he'd left. “I couldn't help but want some portion of it back. And I was willing to wait until you came home...” But now that wasn't an option... even if he didn't see it presently. Naki had a stark feeling that his plans for the reservation life would be gone with the changing of the winds. The X-men... that British girl would take him far away from Montana. “Because you're a good man, Peta. You are everything that your mother could have hoped to be... and I know, as duty bound as you tend to be... you'd have given it back tenfold.” It was why, when she'd started to fall for him... she had finally let her inhibitions go.
Loving him had been like feeling a summer rain on her skin. Refreshing.
But the storm was brewing now. “She's not right for you.” Naki said honestly. “Even if I'm not right for you either... she'll never understand your love for your home. And she'd never follow you here. Never would she be satisfied living in the meager conditions this place offers.” Reservation people lived in squalor. “With all of her fancy threads, and carefully applied make up... she's not natural enough to be here permanently Peta. Surely you know that.”
The words stung more than what the girl could know, because it'd been one of his fears, as he realized how thoroughly attached he'd become to Narcissa.
“She'll leave you. Just as your father left your mother.” Just as easily as you left me. She added silently. “She wouldn't survive here. And this is where you belong. So what are you going to do, when that time comes?” Would he be willing to let go? Because the two things he loved... were like oil and water... never really to be mixed.
The amount of pain that followed that statement simply hurt, felt like a knife being twisted in his gut. “I don't know.” he answered honestly, shutting off his chocolate eyes from the world. “But what I feel for her, has spiraled beyond my control.” And one day it might bring him misery. But for now, it felt right to be with her, to kiss her when he pleased, to hold her, covet her. “So I'll figure it out, if it ever comes to that.”
But their relationship was so new... it was much, much to early to think about the proverbial end.
“For what it's worth Naki... I still care for you. But as I said when I left... there was too much that we couldn't predict to try and make it work. You deserve someone who is here, who can pay attention to you when I couldn't. Someone who will treasure you.” His hand brushed a lock of raven colored hair out of her face. “I can't be that person for you, even without Narcissa being in the picture.” That said, Narcissa was in the picture... and if Aren had his way... she'd not be leaving that frame.
“I can for her... and as much as you need it... she needs it more. And I feel her, in a way that I've never experienced with anyone else. She's everywhere for me.” Everything. “I need her, as much as she needs me.” Scary for him to admit it so openly.
Naki shook her head. “You don't get it yet, do you?” Without warning, she kissed his cheek, pulling back with her heart in her throat. “One day you will.” Hopefully, one day soon. “Peta... I love you. I've given you everything.. and I hope one day, that I'll get it all back so that I can move on.” Because it'd be terribly difficult to do at this point. “There's not been a day since you left, that you've not been the first thing on my mind when I wake up, the last thing on my conscience when I drift to sleep.”
“There's not been one day, where you couldn't call.. that I didn't worry needlessly over your safety, wondering what sort of danger that damned team put you in.” There hadn't been a night that she hadn't cried when he couldn't call, when she'd been so sick with worry. “I promise, that I'll do my best to get over this. To get over what we could have been. And I hope you make her as happy as she's seemed to have made you.” She said sincerely. “I can't say I'll ever like her either, when she stole what I've wanted most for the longest time. But I'll try. Because I love you, even if you don't love me back.” The last part made her choke, and Aren's heart fell to the pit of his stomach, because she couldn't have said anything truer than that.
He was guilty... because he couldn't give her what she wanted. Especially when he was bound to Narcissa... who had a permanent lease on his heart. And what she'd do with that when they got back to campus was beyond him... a scary concept to face.
“Tell her I said I'm sorry.” Because all she'd done was get in the way. “And that I hope you'll both be happy.” She loved him enough, to let go... if it'd give him all he wanted. If Narcissa could make him smile. Hopefully, the outsider would appreciate him, because she'd snagged one of the better men that the world had to offer. Peta was everything a girl could ask for, and more...
He didn't give her any words... but nodded silently, sadness heavily laden in his heart for her... because he'd broken hers. Naki turned around and left, her head not hung... even if the proverbial cloud was suspended over her head, drenching her with dejection. If only he'd not been gifted...
* *
Aren watched as Naki walked out of sight, waiting until she couldn't see him to turn around and seek out the girl he'd missed the entire time. Using the new link between them, he found her easily, a frown marring his otherwise beautiful mouth as he looked at her... so peaceful that he didn't say anything for a long time. She looked so hurt still.. and a part of him wanted to go about, kissing away all the hurts the way a devoted lover would. Unfortunately, he knew he'd not be able to stop there... and she'd hurt worse for his efforts.
“Ki'somma.” He whispered after a long while, bending down next to her. “It's over.” He said, speaking of Naki, before holding out a hand to her. “She says she sorry.” Not that the apology would hold much credence. His lips brushed over hers, and he reveled in the soft, rose petal texture of them. “And that she won't try and interfere any more.”
Just seeing her, as he did now made a part of his world start spinning in the right direction. Though, he couldn't forget what Naki had said – the truth of her words still ringing in his ears. One day, Narcissa would leave him. And with the way he felt about the woman, a part of him could rightly consider that an Armageddon.
But he forced the sadness to the back of his mind, deciding that... he'd figure out how to deal with that when the time was closer. For now, he wanted nothing but for her to wrap him with her aura, hold him like she needed him to survive. He should have picked her up, and taken her back to the house so that he could get things done, but her beauty was still so staggering... that he had trouble breathing for a moment. And he wanted to stay with her for just a while longer before he gave up her company to his mother.
The good news was... Elixir would be coming to the reservation... so not only Charles and Sskoo would be healed... and he'd be able to do exactly what had been in the back of his mind since she'd asked him to stay with him for the night, two nights ago. And with her so close... he couldn't wait to show her, just how grateful he was to have her in his life.
* *
Na'a had promised to take good care of her, and Aren had trouble saying goodbye... giving Narcissa several final goodbye kisses with the thought of Just one more... and I'll be able to go. before his mother finally pulled him by the collar and towards the door. “She'll still be here when you get home, Romeo. And the longer you stall.. the longer it'll be until you can spend some time with her.”
Aren glanced at Narcissa then, his chocolate orbs telling her that he already missed her as he ducked out the door, the sound of the beat up Beetle firing up a few minutes later. It'd be too long before he could see her again... and already he missed her.
His two brothers had piled in, and the joking banter had been enough to lift his spirits, distract him enough to function without Narcissa in sight. At least, he'd have the company.. and some well deserved brother bonding time to make up for the fact that Narcissa wasn't here.
* *
Na'a turned to Cissa then, a warm smile on her face because Jean and Rachel still hadn't left, but they weren't in sight; the council had taken them away, and the pair was working with Charles on ways to improve his ability. “That boy... I didn't think he'd ever actually be able to leave your side with the way he's been acting.” She said with a chuckle, slightly teasing. “You've got him hooked better than a fish that tried to swallow an entire worm.” It was a few moments later, that she poured some more hot tea into a cup for the blond guest. “So, other than me spilling the beans on embarrassing stories about my son... what would you like to do for our mother/daughter time?” She asked, grinning like a child on Christmas morning.
“Also... is this Joshua spending the night?” Because if Rachel, Jean and Joshua were staying... Aren was going to get what he wanted in the way of spending the night with this British princess. Not that she thought that he'd willingly sleep in another room anyway... And even still... they'd be pushed for room. A part of her was embarrassed for the first time in that regard, because she couldn't house all of them comfortably. But what with government funding... having a house at all was a miracle in and of itself.
But as the mother, she felt it was her responsibility to try and instill that sort of moral code on her son... even if it was far too late for it to sink in. The trials of a mother...
“The boys won't be home for a couple of hours at least.. so we can do whatever you'd like.” She added, unsure of what exactly Narcissa would have in mind. But Aren had explained before Cissa had got here... that she had no family to speak of.. and what with the recent developments between the young couple... she was going to make Cissa feel welcomed in her home... like one of them, so that she'd never feel like she had no where to go. Just like Shandra... only a little more so.
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Certain things catch your eye,
But pursue only those
that capture your heart.