Key The Thief
However, tell it to me straight - is it flaming when you call someone a hypocritical ******** when they're going on about how it's wrong to use hurtful insults and derogatory terms, and when you explain your view calmly, they turn around and call you a 'stupid b***h'?
Yes.
You never have to fight fire with fire. You may feel that it's your obligation to defend yourself, but a) there are ways to do so without flaming, and b) you can always report the violation and leave it alone. An insult is an insult, whether provoked or unprovoked.
And, in that vein, it doesn't matter how old a violation is. If it's a violation, it is our responsibility to inform (or, if you wish to use the term, warn) the user that they have violated the guidelines of this site. Yes, warnings are a form of punishment, but they also serve as a source of information. If we don't warn users that they've committed a violation, they can take it that their behavior is just fine and continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.
If you find it impossible to hit the delete key after you've typed out a response flinging insults at someone or bringing someone's parenting into question, then that is your irresponsibility.