Emotional Abuse - A Support Thread

Why'd you click here?

I've been emotionally abused	62.7%	[ 594 ]
I know someone who's been emotionally abused	5.7%	[ 54 ]
Just curious	18.6%	[ 176 ]
How should I know, god	3.8%	[ 36 ]
GOLD, NOW	9.2%	[ 87 ]
Total Votes:			[ 947 ]

[King Bradford]

»What is emotional abuse?
" Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of 'guidance,' 'teaching', or 'advice,' the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. . . . " - eqi.org

" What makes emotional abuse so devastating is the greater likelihood that victims will blame themselves. If someone hits you, it's easier to see that he or she is the problem, but if the abuse is subtle - saying or implying that you're ugly, a bad parent, stupid, incompetent, not worth attention, or that no one could love you - you are more likely to think it's your problem. Emotional abuse seems more personal than physical abuse, more about you as a person, more about your spirit. It makes love hurt. " - pt.com

List of Emotional Abuse Types

»What are we about?
We've created this thread as a place for others to learn more about emotional abuse and to discuss thoughts, experiences and troubles in a safe environment. Although we're not certified counselors, we'd like to do everything in our power to lighten the load on the shoulders of those who endured the debilitating effects of this abuse, and who may still be struggling with it on a near day to day basis. Even those who haven't experienced emotional abuse can educate themselves here in order to aid loved ones and to build healthier relationships.

We encourage everyone who posts to support and offer one another help, for a good way to help yourself is through helping others.

[King Bradford]

»Recognizing Emotional Abuse
With a willingness to learn, one has already taken a large step in coping with and recovering from emotional abuse. Knowledge and self awareness help one understand the cause of negative emotions and the ability to handle them accordingly instead of blaming oneself and further strengthening the abuse.

»Unhealthy Relationships
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and trust, yet some ignore these basic human needs. When these needs are repeatedly denied, there are long term, negative effects on the psyche.

Here are some warning signs of an unhealthy relationship in general:
- power imbalance
- constantly being criticized for the way you dress or act
- often feeling pressured to change who you are
- frequent yelling and physical violence during arguments
- feeling controlled and manipulated through guilt, fear, shame, threats of abandonment, etc.
- having to justify many of your actions
- having your privacy continually invaded
- comparing yourself to others to show faults
- frequent invalidation of your feelings as if they don't matter

Signs of an unhealthy relationship between parent and child:
- Signs of Abusive Fathers
- parent frequently neglects/ignores child
- lack of structure & guidance in child's life
- parent treats siblings unequally
- seems unconcerned about child's problems
- child made to feel responsible for the parents' feelings
- witnessing domestic violence
- parent frequently threatens with abandonment
- isolates child from friends
- parent ignores child's emotional needs

»Self Awareness
Being in an emotionally abusive environment for long periods of time eventually makes it feel as if everything is normal--that the negative emotions and treatment are something to expect and bear. Becoming more aware of one's feelings and where they're coming allows one to mentally break away from that cycle of abuse and begin to heal.

- Characteristics of Emotionally Abused People
- may feel suicidal
- prone to psychiatric disorders such as depression
- inability to trust
- frequent crying/emotional instability
- sleep disturbances
- overly passive
- physical pains with no medical basis
- severe anxiety
- low self-esteem
- constantly putting yourself down
- self-injury--cutting, substance abuse, etc.

»Helping Yourself & Others
Now that you've got all this newfound knowledge, what do you do?

For those who are suffering with emotional abuse:
- know that you are not alone and that no one deserves to be abused, no exceptions
- educate yourself about emotional abuse--all of this info. can be overwhelming at first, so reading over this thread would be good to start
- talk to someone you trust about what you're going through
- if possible, remove yourself from the abusive environment
- if you cannot leave the abusive environment, depending on the severity of the abuse it may not be wise to confront your abusers because this might escalate the abuse

For those who are recovering:
- continue to educate yourself about emotional abuse--the sources at the bottom of the page are a good place to start
- know that recovery is a long process, so you must have patience & determination
- try not to feel discouraged--just the fact that you are making an effort to overcome the abuse is commendable
- seek support from others you trust
- keeping a journal may help alleviate your mind--you're going to be dealing with a lot of conflicting feelings
- exercise is a very effective way to improve your mood & boost your self-esteem
- cognitive therapy would be extremely beneficial

For those who know someone that needs help:
- listen and empathize with them
- tell them about any support services you know of
- continue to check back with them on their progress and offer any help; those who have depression have low energy and may quickly lose motivation when left on their own, especially when living in an abusive environment

For emotional abusers who want to change:
- if you have been abusing a significant other, tell them that you are aware of your behavior and you're working to make a change
- know that being emotionally abusive does not make you a bad person--it means you're making bad choices
- spend some time alone and try to find the source of your behavior: were your parents abusive when you were younger?
- temporarily separating yourself from your SO may be necessary if you are afraid you would continue harming them


»Sources Used
Child Abuse Effects
EQI.org
This Is A War
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships
It Hurts When I Love
Child Abuse

»More Great Resources
MyShrink.com
Finding A Counselor
How To Pay for Mental Health Services
Learning to Love Yourself
Clinical Depression Info.


National Domestic Violence Hotline
1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
1.800.787.3224 (TTY)

[King Bradford]

PM me if you'd like your experience posted here or want to introduce yourself as a regular/mod/contributor of the thread.


»Stories/Contributors/Regulars/Etc.

a storybook
Hi I'm Hani. I guess you could say I was emotionally abused by my grandmother between the ages of 11-15. It's a really hard thing to go through. After awhile you start to believe the abuser and you start to blame yourself. BUT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!! This 'experience' has drastically lowered my self esteem and I've contemplated suicide many times. I've found that talking about your feelings and your anger really help. And I would like to be there and listen to anyone who needs to talk. Feel free to PM me anytime. heart



deletory
Hi, my name is Bryant. I won't say my age, just so people don't underestimate me. I'm going to be blunt and give you the cold hard truth, so if you can't take it, you're not going to get any better. It's difficult to help with emotional abuse, it takes time but, I'm stubborn. If I don't get it right the first time, I'll keep on helping you. There's a possibility of change when I do succeed. I've already seen that with the one I've given my world to. I've emotionally abused, but unlike many others, I stopped. I can help with people abusing you, I can give advice on how to also stop to abusing. I'm also here, to learn about other ways of emotional abuse, and how I can apply the ways to stop those kinds to my life and to the people around me. Basically, I'm here to help, and don't be a little v****a about asking for my help.



devising

Hello, I'm Bre, and I'm the support for the emotional abusers who want to change. If there are any, besides myself out there. Well, I was chosen for this role, because I myself am an emotional abuser who wishes to change, for the sake of love. Corny, I know, I know. At the ripe age of 16, I met a boy who managed to change me, in a good way.. He makes me glad to be alive every single day of my life, but I feel like, I mistreat him... Strike that, I know I mistreat him, and it's only so much longer before I lose him, for good. So I'm here to learn myself, as I help others learn. I believe that this thread will be my safe haven on gaia, because it attacks topics, that even I myself am struggling with, so I hope to learn and progress with all of you. I have limitations though, so please, do not be afraid to approach me. When I say limitations, I mean, that I'm not going to attack anyone, so I'm praying that you're not scared of me... because that hurts more than you'd think. This paragraph was supposed to be short, but I can't get all that I wish to talk about on here. The main part is: Emotional Abusers who wish to change, Don't be afraid of me, and I'm learning with you.



Domina Demes
Name: Nemo
Age: 20
Experience: Since I was 8 there have been many different forms of abuse in my life; from parents and classmates targeting me to witnessing my mother and father abuse each other even to abusing myself. Not only have I been through the emotional, but also the physical and the sexual sides of abuse. I wish I could say it has all left me unaffected, even to this day, but that simply is not true. Whether you experienced your abuse yesterday or 5 years ago, it still stays with you and sometimes you still need to talk about it because the emotional and mental scars are the ones that take the longest to heal. To give a brief idea of where I am now, my father has not been in my life for over 7 years and all of that time has been spent with my mother. For all of my teenage years she was extremely abusive and literally depleted all my self-esteem and any feelings of self-worth. What I mainly struggle with now is self-abuse, a result of the years of the emotional. What this means is I constantly put myself down, consider myself worthless, deprive myself of things such as food or sleep or praises of any sort simply because I do not believe I deserve it. I am also an avid self-mutilator.

Why I am Here: This thread is to help support those who have experienced or are experiencing emotional abuse. As I mentioned before, I've been there so I can understand what you've gone through and are going through. I have also seen first hand the results of emotional abuse and what it can do to someone and how hard it can be to recover from it. When I was being abused, there wasn't really anywhere for me to go to. My friends would all brush it off and when I tried seeking out relatives for help it made my situation worse. My hope is that by being here, in this support thread, we all will be able to help lessen the pain for anyone suffering, even if it's only a little bit. I am slowly taking steps to rebuild myself and would love nothing more than to be able to help others to do the same.

Contact: Feel free to PM me



Jailbait Queen
Hello! I am Angelica. I was raised in the Detroit area and moved to Georgia where I met an older guy (I was 15, he was 18-19). Things were good, but I didn't notice all the red flags, after all it was my first love. Things with him were controlling, emotionally draining and I felt like what I had to say never mattered. I moved to South Dakota, where his abuse still reached me, and he still tries to this day. I have had another emotionally abusive relationship with a man here, and it ended very quickly after the warning signs popped up. Damage was still done of course. I am working on healing myself, but would like to help others too. It is nice to know you are not alone. Things I do in my spare time are blog, knit, sew, draw, paint, photography, listen to awesome music, and maintain sanity with a pack of 4 dogs and 2 rats in my house! <3 :]



lightened
Brittany, age 19

i wont go into depth but i was in an emotional abusive relationship for years. it didn't hit me until... well some things were clear and every time i'd try to talk it out he would deny it and call me crazy etc. i loved him. he was someone i loved dearly, and i do care for him but i won't let him control me anymore. i think for awhile he did love me, but.. he's not stable.

thing about it is, everyone asks 'why would you date someone this psychotic and unstable?' i wondered as well. but just like sociopaths, abusers are charming. they don't seem like people you should fear. . . . things were great for the first couple of months, until i picked up on certain stories. he was a liar, he lied about everything. but he tried to turn it around and make it seem like he was the victim. . . . he would convince me that my friends wanted sex and nothing more. i believed him. i was under his spell, under his control. i was devoted to him completely, and looking back it makes me sick to my stomach. . . . there were several occasions when he forced me to choose different career paths. he always wanted to know where i was . . . every time something went wrong, i was to blame.

but out of all of my experience dating this monster, what stays vivid in my mind is his constant words ' no one will ever love you. i realized to get where i wanted to be, i had to let him go and cut him off. it was very hard, . . . i thought 'there is no way i can do this' and i was wrong. i did it, and i stuck to my decision. he was upset, angry, pissed off. . . . after memorizing his tactics and how he plays his games, he is trying to manipulate me, with his childish antics. he realizes that i am better than him and that i will not stand for it anymore. so i did what most people can't do, i left. and i'm very very very happy i did.

Full Post



Mairante
Hello everybody I'm Mairante and I had my first Abusive relationship at 15 years old.
A few things happened;
I wasn't allowed to wear dresses or skirts, because other men would look at me.
When I made a remark on something I was 'stupid' or 'dumb', while I'm actually very intelligent.
I was fed a lot of food because my boyfriend thought I was too skinny, I didn't wanted to eat but I was bullied into eating/snacking alot by him and his family. I'm currently fighting my problems with food because of this twisted thinking.
I also had to watch my words alot, because he'd twist it in a way it would benefit him, it made me very insecure.
The relationship only lasted 9 months, but it made me a complete and mental wreck after it was over. I'm here to help people get out of situations like these and give support in general <3



mynameiserika - banner creator
Hey guys, im erika, and if you have any problems I can probably relate to them. when I was 8 I had to go live with my grand-parents because my mom and dad made our kitchen into a meth lab. I live with them now, everything is normal, though my family is headquarters for emotional abuse. thanks for reading : D.



Slinkay - page design/layout & banner creator
So I'm Amanda, and I stumbled upon the EA support thread by random. I thought it was going to be a joke, another troll experience bashing on those who actually are victims to emotional abuse. Well, I'm one of those stinges who doesn't like to give out personal stories about the deal, but know I am very experienced in helping with problems, so please feel free to come to me with them. I might seem like a b***h at times, I suppose that's the whole tone-through-text issue, but I'm really not, I promise hah. I like talking about random things, I can definitely get someones mind off of something if you have a problem.
I'm also artsy so, feel free to talk to me about art. : D
<3



Scured
Basically, I created this thread because I wanted to feel like I'm not completely wasting my time on Gaia. I chose emotional abuse because I noticed that it was a problem which kept reappearing on this forum that wasn't specifically addressed by other support threads, and I wanted those people who were seeking help to find it in a place that offers advice and solace without random assholes being typical random assholes, and I was tired of fighting off the desire to tell every a*****e to stop being an a*****e because you know how that ends.

I've been putting this off for a long time, but here's the details of what I went through. My parents fought a lot, and frequently took their anger out on my siblings and I, but for some reason I was the major target. My mom, with my dad's help, would tie me to chairs as punishment and leave me for hours in my room with the lights off, and check on me every now and then to tell me how useless I am and other messed up s**t. She stopped doing that to me when I was 10 or 11, but their abuse lasted into my teens, until I tried to kill myself. I was diagnosed with clinical depression afterwards and received meds and counseling, and now things are a lot better, especially since my parents divorced. I still struggle with depression and anxiety, but I now know how to cope.

Even if you're too lazy to read the entire first page, I hope the message is clear that if you are dealing with emotional abuse right now, you are not alone, and you're definitely not doomed.

Also, I hope it's become apparent that one person's experience does not make another's irrelevant in comparison, because there is none.



thieving devil - helped brainstorm page content
sorry, but I can't remember the emotional abuse, I was a kid a teacher did it that’s all I know. I didn’t know how to deal with it I was only six so, I did what any ordinary kid did I forgot. Now I can’t remember most of my childhood I guess it happen for most of it teachers, and kids can be cruel after all... That’s why I want to help with this thread I don’t want someone else to forget most of their past because they can’t deal with the emotional abuse.



x-Dark Aura-x
Yo~

Hey everyone!! I am x-Dark Aura-x though many gaians prefer to call me Kura because it's a lot less typing so you can call me either or "that girl" xD. I was following my friends in forums and came across this. I was all "FINALLY SOMEONE CARES". We all go through problems. and some of them we can't handle on our own and we need to talk to someone about it. even if its just ranting on i will hear you out. sometimes just telling someone your problem makes you feel better~
I will try my best to help you with all your problems so feel free to pm me~ I'm new to the Lifestyle Discussion thingy so wish me luck!! <3

Love,

Kura ;D

[King Bradford]

You're more than free to contact me if you want anything added or changed here.


»More Reading Material
Learn how to build self esteem
How to Build Your Self Esteem (vid)
Why Feeling Bad is Good
My Psychic Therapist and Other Myths


»Insightful Posts

Handling insecurity & relationships:

Ning-Shu

Sounds like you need to reinvent who you are. You need to become a more confident, self assured and comfortable you. If that means losing or subtly letting the negative influences in your life go, then do so.

Every story has two sides. Consider the other person's side, but think of the fact you deserve honesty and care. If the other person can't provide that, count them as a friendly acquaintance and nothing more.

Try to be realistic about your faults and the faults of others. Remember, you are not perfect, but neither are you the whipping boy of anyone else. Try and face the reality of who you are and who the people you care about are. Then try to be forgiving of faults, both of yourself and others. You will be impressed by the results. Don't forget that someone may let you down; simply know that they are not reliable and enjoy them for what they are good for.

Relationships are complicated things. Be realistic, be forgiving, but also be resolute. Don't let people push you around when it crosses a serious line. Similarly, don't immediately write someone off because they do something differently than you would. Be mindful of differences in perception. Not everyone sees things the way you do.

Best of luck!

freelance lover

Maybe you need to rethink your friends too then. Friends and significant others should support you, encourage you, and make you want to be the best person you can be. It's fine to care about others, but sometimes you have to put your happiness first, especially when you're suffering at other's expenses. You deserve a lot more than to be a doormat. You deserve relationships that benefit BOTH parties, where no one is taking advantage of the other. I thought for a long time I didn't deserve that, or even that I didn't WANT that, but I was wrong. Relationships are much easier, happier, and make BOTH parties happier when everyone is supportive and loving.

The Zodikosis

If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten.

Mistress Svetlana Putina

yea, I've made a topic about this subject actually. I've mellowed out a lot in the past couple months, largely because I've been making a conscious effort to just stop caring about stupid s**t and go crazy. Life is so much better when you aren't all tangled up in insecurities, anxieties & other worries. When you truly let loose & forget about what everyone around you is thinking, it's one of the most powerful things you can experience. Unfortunately a lot of the time when you let go of your inhibitions you do stupid s**t too, but I'm proud of that stupid s**t rather than ashamed because it shows I'm not scared of who I truly am.

I feel really bad for the people who try & come off a certain way and act like they're something they're not. It gets exhausting to portray a facade like that for so much time - I should know because I used to try and pretend like I was this perfect girl with perfect grades, and the fact is I'm just not. I can't fit in with the cheerleaders and whatnot, it's just not my scene, although I definitely still look like one. Idk where I'm going with this, so I'm just gonna stop here, but in closing I used to be a perfectionistic weirdo and now I'm one of the chillest, happiest people I know.

On passion:

Cerij87

I've been wondering why people become miserable in their lives at one point. Why they've grown up filled with hopes and dreams, filled with the abundance of joy from childhood.

It's amazing to realize that they let their minds become corrupted by the negativity of society, which we call reality. Because we see it in our daily lives. We become accostumed to limitations and we lose our desires that was given to us at birth. The desire for true happiness.

It is our purpose in life to be truly happy. To do what we have been sent here on earth to do with our passion at high bloom. It is our birthright. To do what we love to do. Not by ambition, but by pure love of what we want to do. Each of us has this passion in us. What I've been sent here to do is to help people be inspired to be the highest they can be. I'm here to show you that living the way you are living now is not to your advantage.

Would you rather live life as mundane as possible, losing subtle miraculous opportunities that beholds your eyes because you have not "found" yourself. Being stuck in the past, filled with regret and sorrow, is definetly a sad way to live. Live up to your highest potential, do what you "know" you have to do. Not from the mind, but from deep down... deeper than the heart, it is who you are, your soul yearning for the passion to be fulfilled.

The deepest part of the heart is bottomless, you are endless, you are unconditional love, God resides there. Where infinity resides and you are one. You become blessed because you are meant to be -

Do yourself the favor to know your purpose in life, what your passion in life is. Wouldn't it feel great to have opportunities presenting themselves to you? Whatever hardship befalls you, you will face with with your head held high because you know what you're here to do is and nothing will get you down? To be truly happy, you have to love yourself, you have to love your life. And by doing so, you have to accomplish what you are here for...

So take away that limitation you've been accostumed to telling yourself. Let go of regrets and move on, let go of the pain, embrace the present and be in awe by the future!

Are people who commit suicide pitiful or cowardly?

For The Overmind

Neither. People who commit suicide do so for a variety of reasons. You should be able to function with the basic empathy and compassion as a human being, and regret their fate, empathize with their family. Calling them cowards is pretty stupid, just because I think that when it comes down to it, suicide would not be an easy decision to make. In a twisted sense, it's a brave but misguided thing to do.

To pity them is to do them a disservice, since it implies an inferiority on their part. People are multidimensional, I'll say this over and over again. And a person's actions are all subject to how circumstance interacts with what's a fairly complex personality. Don't judge them. It's tragic, it's something that shouldn't happen. But you can't categorically call them all cowards, or think they're all lowly enough to be subject to pity without really oversimplifying the situation. The fact that it came to that doesn't mean they have any less merit as a human being.

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[UID12631612]

The thread! It's alive 4laugh *applause*

[Domina Demes]

I was here when the world began to turn
Kissed the sun as it started to burn
The whispering and the reckoning said
The circle starts again.

Maybe we should have a poll?
Those tend to draw people in
Even if just for the appeal of 10 gold
Until they get reading. ^^

Now the question falls to you
No beginning has no end
Will we ever learn, will the world still turn?
Will the circle start again?

[De Kelley]

My mom invalidates me at every turn. I tried to tell her this (because that's what I was advised to do) and she just turned around and invalidated that, too!

My step dad has a history of rage. He has screamed at me at the top of his lungs, with his face pressed against the back of my neck. He screams the most hateful, disgusting things when he is angry. He physically intimidates and threatens, but has never stricken me out of anger. He has shoved me though, and one time when I tried to leave the house, he grabbed me by the waist, and when I twisted to get out of his grip, his nails dug into my skin and drew blood. That's the worst he's ever done besides punching holes in the wall and breaking a few inexpensive objects.

I was sexually abused, which is a physical thing, but it was combined with deep psychological abuse. I kept it a secret for many years. Then when I came out to my mom as transsexual, she asked if I was molested by her father, and I said yes. Despite telling her this, she says "she doesn't know who to believe." She is in denial about it even though he molested her as a child (but only a couple times; he molested me for years). Now it was deep psychological abuse because he'd threaten me and that's what kept me coming back. It reached a point where I would just step into his room and take my clothes off. I didn't know what to do. He said I'd lose my family. I wanted to protect them. My mother laughed at me when I told her he threatened me. She obviously did not believe me.

My father has outright rejected me and considers me scum. I lived with him for a year and was in college... then I got a D in my math class. I dropped it so that would not show up on my transcript, so then he told me to drop the rest of my classes while I was at it, and kicked me out. I was homeless for a week, but couch surfing. That Thursday my friend who co-owns a company offered me a job. I worked there for two months before I was laid off and homeless again. I had to return to my mother. My dad is not as angry with me as he was, but I know he still sees me as a failure.

My entire family sees me as mentally ill and helpless. They do not take anything I do in life seriously. They say it is all obsession and delusion. I have people invalidating me at every turn. I can't even believe I am as strong as I am. I have depression, but it is mild. My anxiety used to be severe, but now it is mild. I'm hanging in there... but my depression is bad enough that I hardly move, eat, or sleep. I don't cry or feel sad. I just have no motivation.

Edit: More.

When I left where I worked before (I lived where I worked) to return to my mother's, I went to my dad's to pack some things I left there so we could ship it to my mother's. Well, while I was there, his wife (my step mom) was very nasty towards me. A lot of yelling and bickering. Back then, I was too hurt to argue, and I just sucked it up. However, I've gradually built up anger. If she spoke to me like that today, I would have stormed out of the house and slept on a park bench that night. I almost wish I did that because if I had I'd still be in that town and not stuck here with my mother, who won't allow me to leave until I've got a job and can "be on my own." I almost want to be homeless than deal with this. I'm 20 years old. Technically the cops can pull me out of here. However, then I would probably lose most of my possessions, because she's an emotional wreck and I could see her throwing everything out. I don't have many possessions that I would mind parting with, but there are things I need.

Everyone I know outside of 2 or 3 friends thinks I'm completely incapable of taking care of myself. I mean my step dad actually said to me that he thinks if they left me alone in the house for a week I'd starve to death, kill myself, or go live with someone else. He actually said that to me, and then made sure that I knew he was serious and not exaggerating. I can't stand these people sometimes, and how they treat me.

[King Bradford]

Oh yeah a poll's a good idea, didn't think of that. What should the poll be?
I know this is bad for the thread creator saying this, but HOLY s**t writing about emotional abuse for so long seriously drained me, lol
so pardon me if I curl into a fetal position somewhere ok

[Domina Demes]

De Kelley

My mom invalidates me at every turn. I tried to tell her this (because that's what I was advised to do) and she just turned around and invalidated that, too!

My step dad has a history of rage. He has screamed at me at the top of his lungs, with his face pressed against the back of my neck. He screams the most hateful, disgusting things when he is angry. He physically intimidates and threatens, but has never stricken me out of anger. He has shoved me though, and one time when I tried to leave the house, he grabbed me by the waist, and when I twisted to get out of his grip, his nails dug into my skin and drew blood. That's the worst he's ever done besides punching holes in the wall and breaking a few inexpensive objects.

I was sexually abused, which is a physical thing, but it was combined with deep psychological abuse. I kept it a secret for many years. Then when I came out to my mom as transsexual, she asked if I was molested by her father, and I said yes. Despite telling her this, she says "she doesn't know who to believe." She is in denial about it even though he molested her as a child (but only a couple times; he molested me for years). Now it was deep psychological abuse because he'd threaten me and that's what kept me coming back. It reached a point where I would just step into his room and take my clothes off. I didn't know what to do. He said I'd lose my family. I wanted to protect them. My mother laughed at me when I told her he threatened me.

My father has outright rejected me and considers me scum. I lived with him for a year and was in college. I got a D in my math class. I dropped it so that would not show up on my transcript. He told me to drop the rest of my classes while I was at it, and kicked me out. I was homeless for a week, but couch surfing. That Thursday my friend who co-owns a company offered me a job. I worked there for two months before I was laid off and homeless again. I had to return to my mother. My dad is not as angry with me as he was, but I know he still sees me as a failure.

My entire family sees me as mentally ill and helpless. They do not take anything I do in life seriously. They say it is all obsession and delusion. I have people invalidating me at every turn. I can't even believe I am as strong as I am. I have depression, but it is mild. My anxiety used to be severe, but now it is mild. I'm hanging in there... but my depression is bad enough that I hardly move, eat, or sleep. I don't cry or feel sad. I just have no motivation.

I was here when the world began to turn
Kissed the sun as it started to burn
The whispering and the reckoning said
The circle starts again.

It's absolutely baffling how awful some family members will treat others
When they're supposed to be the one's who will love and care for you.
It can be one of the worst feelings when you try to turn to someone for help and they won't even believe you
Unfortunately denial can be an instinctual reaction to something the mind cannot handle
As unfair as it is.

To have made it through so much
You really are strong
Likely much more so than you give yourself credit for.
Human beings are incredibly resilient
And you are no exception.
As long as you don't give up on life you will not be a failure
Regardless of what anyone tells you.

Now the question falls to you
No beginning has no end
Will we ever learn, will the world still turn?
Will the circle start again?

[UID12631612]

Stelle Scure

Oh yeah a poll's a good idea, didn't think of that. What should the poll be?
I know this is bad for the thread creator saying this, but HOLY s**t writing about emotional abuse for so long seriously drained me, lol
so pardon me if I curl into a fetal position somewhere ok

Maybe something like;
Did you ever had to experience emotional abuse? And from who?
No
My family
My partner
Etc

[De Kelley]

Domina Demes

De Kelley

My mom invalidates me at every turn. I tried to tell her this (because that's what I was advised to do) and she just turned around and invalidated that, too!

My step dad has a history of rage. He has screamed at me at the top of his lungs, with his face pressed against the back of my neck. He screams the most hateful, disgusting things when he is angry. He physically intimidates and threatens, but has never stricken me out of anger. He has shoved me though, and one time when I tried to leave the house, he grabbed me by the waist, and when I twisted to get out of his grip, his nails dug into my skin and drew blood. That's the worst he's ever done besides punching holes in the wall and breaking a few inexpensive objects.

I was sexually abused, which is a physical thing, but it was combined with deep psychological abuse. I kept it a secret for many years. Then when I came out to my mom as transsexual, she asked if I was molested by her father, and I said yes. Despite telling her this, she says "she doesn't know who to believe." She is in denial about it even though he molested her as a child (but only a couple times; he molested me for years). Now it was deep psychological abuse because he'd threaten me and that's what kept me coming back. It reached a point where I would just step into his room and take my clothes off. I didn't know what to do. He said I'd lose my family. I wanted to protect them. My mother laughed at me when I told her he threatened me.

My father has outright rejected me and considers me scum. I lived with him for a year and was in college. I got a D in my math class. I dropped it so that would not show up on my transcript. He told me to drop the rest of my classes while I was at it, and kicked me out. I was homeless for a week, but couch surfing. That Thursday my friend who co-owns a company offered me a job. I worked there for two months before I was laid off and homeless again. I had to return to my mother. My dad is not as angry with me as he was, but I know he still sees me as a failure.

My entire family sees me as mentally ill and helpless. They do not take anything I do in life seriously. They say it is all obsession and delusion. I have people invalidating me at every turn. I can't even believe I am as strong as I am. I have depression, but it is mild. My anxiety used to be severe, but now it is mild. I'm hanging in there... but my depression is bad enough that I hardly move, eat, or sleep. I don't cry or feel sad. I just have no motivation.

I was here when the world began to turn
Kissed the sun as it started to burn
The whispering and the reckoning said
The circle starts again.

It's absolutely baffling how awful some family members will treat others
When they're supposed to be the one's who will love and care for you.
It can be one of the worst feelings when you try to turn to someone for help and they won't even believe you
Unfortunately denial can be an instinctual reaction to something the mind cannot handle
As unfair as it is.

To have made it through so much
You really are strong
Likely much more so than you give yourself credit for.
Human beings are incredibly resilient
And you are no exception.
As long as you don't give up on life you will not be a failure
Regardless of what anyone tells you.

Now the question falls to you
No beginning has no end
Will we ever learn, will the world still turn?
Will the circle start again?

I got over excited and added more to my post. xd

On top of it, it is difficult because my family says my story of abuse is a lie. I have them at every corner contradicting just about everything I say. It's a wonder it don't drive me crazy. I am the black sheep and the scapegoat of the family. I am the only one in the family who has faced this much abuse. I mean yes, my step dad screamed at my brother too, one time to the point where my brother fainted. But I have been through so much more. I was the baby of the family. All the blame was put on me. I was always "the problem."

I feel okay, and like I don't need a whole lot of support. But maybe I do. Maybe sharing my stories in this thread can help me open up and reach my full potential. I can turn around and say these experiences have made me better, smarter, and more aware. But I also know how incredibly damaging they are.

[proustitute]

My ex boyfriend was emotionally abusive. We were in a relationship for 7-8 months. Every time I'd try to get out of the relationship he'd say how much he can't live without me and threaten suicide. He always pulled guilt trips, he lied about everything. He told me so many things that just scared me. We'd argue all the time, he'd yell at me then apologize and say he didn't mean it and he loved me. He made me feel like everything was my fault, and like I had to be sorry for the s**t I did, and I had to be sorry if I said something somewhat harsh, even though he was more of an a*****e towards me.

He got me in dangerous situations often and distanced me from my mother and grampa, even friends. He almost got me stabbed, hit by a car, attacked by a dog, and arrested because I was at his house when him and his family were being drunk shits. He took advantage of me. He refused to get help for himself, and he'd yell often. Him and his brother would argue everytime I was around them, and I'd be stuck in the middle of it. I got called a whore and a slut by his brother constantly, and a b***h. His mother believes I'm the one who played with his heart and toyed with his emotions because after a while, I got tired of his s**t and broke up with him.

We were arguing over msn (it was the only way we could talk, he was 20+ hours away) because I just got my cat and I was "upset", when I wasn't. I had a rough day and was tired. He said "It's fine, you can go. You don't even want to talk to me anyways." He always pulled guilt trips, it was draining. He would always get mad at me when I told him I didn't want to sleep over at his house, I didn't want him to take advantage of me again. He said it was because I didn't love him or something. rolleyes He yelled at me because I didn't want to finish watching a movie at his house, and wanted to go home 10 minutes before it was done. We walked out of his house with him yelling, punching things and having him yell at me accusing me of loving his brother. He said "I see the way you look at him." (That was ******** stupid, I hate his brother and all me and his brother ever did was argue with the occasional short conversation.) Everything was just hell, to make matters worse he still finds ways to contact me.

I guess you could say most of my family is emotionally abusive too, but I refuse to speak with them. They all think I'm a brat because of my anxiety.

But it was just too much drama, and now I feel like a different person because of it. neutral My self esteem is a lot lower and I apologize quite often (not as much as I used to, it's gotten better recently). But the one good thing is I refuse to let someone treat me like that again and I'm starting to stick up for myself a lot more.

I'm glad there's a thread for this though, I was actually really glad when I saw it and read through the posts. I feel a bit better at the moment, honestly.

[Domina Demes]

De Kelley

I got over excited and added more to my post. xd

On top of it, it is difficult because my family says my story of abuse is a lie. I have them at every corner contradicting just about everything I say. It's a wonder it don't drive me crazy. I am the black sheep and the scapegoat of the family. I am the only one in the family who has faced this much abuse. I mean yes, my step dad screamed at my brother too, one time to the point where my brother fainted. But I have been through so much more. I was the baby of the family. All the blame was put on me. I was always "the problem."

I feel okay, and like I don't need a whole lot of support. But maybe I do. Maybe sharing my stories in this thread can help me open up and reach my full potential. I can turn around and say these experiences have made me better, smarter, and more aware. But I also know how incredibly damaging they are.

I was here when the world began to turn
Kissed the sun as it started to burn
The whispering and the reckoning said
The circle starts again.

(:
So I see.
People have very warped perceptions of things and others that they don't fully understand
It seems like that's what is happening with those around you in terms of their opions of your ability to care for yourself.
That does not in any way make it correct
And often times the best way to combat this is, when you are able,
To show them that you are perfectly able.
It's also really good you have those couple of close friends who seem to be supportive
Things can be more bearable when you are not isolated.

As hard as it is
Perhaps it would be best if you didn't try to talk to your family about your abuse?
Although it's terrible that they won't believe you
You make it worse for yourself by placing yourself in that situation.
I've been there so I understand the frustration and the anger.

The fact that you feel okay is definitely very positive
But at the same time, just because you're okay
Doesn't mean you don't still could benefit from support.
Talking about these painful and hard topics with others who will listen
Can make a huge difference, for the better.
Most of us keep our experiences bottled up where the pain cannot escape
But it's important to let it.
As long as you want to talk and share and whatever else you feel is right
There will be someone here to listen.

Now the question falls to you
No beginning has no end
Will we ever learn, will the world still turn?
Will the circle start again?

[De Kelley]

Domina Demes

De Kelley

I got over excited and added more to my post. xd

On top of it, it is difficult because my family says my story of abuse is a lie. I have them at every corner contradicting just about everything I say. It's a wonder it don't drive me crazy. I am the black sheep and the scapegoat of the family. I am the only one in the family who has faced this much abuse. I mean yes, my step dad screamed at my brother too, one time to the point where my brother fainted. But I have been through so much more. I was the baby of the family. All the blame was put on me. I was always "the problem."

I feel okay, and like I don't need a whole lot of support. But maybe I do. Maybe sharing my stories in this thread can help me open up and reach my full potential. I can turn around and say these experiences have made me better, smarter, and more aware. But I also know how incredibly damaging they are.

I was here when the world began to turn
Kissed the sun as it started to burn
The whispering and the reckoning said
The circle starts again.

(:
So I see.
People have very warped perceptions of things and others that they don't fully understand
It seems like that's what is happening with those around you in terms of their opions of your ability to care for yourself.
That does not in any way make it correct
And often times the best way to combat this is, when you are able,
To show them that you are perfectly able.
It's also really good you have those couple of close friends who seem to be supportive
Things can be more bearable when you are not isolated.

As hard as it is
Perhaps it would be best if you didn't try to talk to your family about your abuse?
Although it's terrible that they won't believe you
You make it worse for yourself by placing yourself in that situation.
I've been there so I understand the frustration and the anger.

The fact that you feel okay is definitely very positive
But at the same time, just because you're okay
Doesn't mean you don't still could benefit from support.
Talking about these painful and hard topics with others who will listen
Can make a huge difference, for the better.
Most of us keep our experiences bottled up where the pain cannot escape
But it's important to let it.
As long as you want to talk and share and whatever else you feel is right
There will be someone here to listen.

Now the question falls to you
No beginning has no end
Will we ever learn, will the world still turn?
Will the circle start again?

Yeah.
The problem is that I am able, but not in this scenario. I am depressed because of the consistent emotional abuse. They refuse to admit that they're doing this. I could just pick up and leave but that will have lifelong consequences. I have been stagnant for 11 months. Almost a year. I have been unemployed for 11 months. Depressed for 11 months. It's been brutal. The depression is mild, but it completely drains me of motivation. All I do is sit here, wishing something would change. I know that I have to get up and change it... but I feel like it's hopeless. I've failed before. I feel like it will happen again. I feel like the odds are against me sometimes.

I never speak to my family about the abuse. I tried that one time to tell my mom, "Hey, I feel like you don't ever really hear me out, and that turn into her screaming at me for like an hour. So... I've given up on that. I know I will never be heard.

I think you're right about the being heard part. And my friends listen but they do not understand abuse. They have not been abused like this. So to talk to other people who do understand could really change things for me.