PTSD Support Thread

[Kitakiy]

grinningjester

Your reactions are not stupid. They are natural responses to an unnatural amount of stress. I'm glad you're able to cope now. Has it helped, recognizing your triggers?

Oh, for the most part. I do explain things to people sometimes, and when an attack comes I can recognize it for what it is and realize what triggered it. I tend to avoid certain things, and have a serious control issue that might be similar to OCD (not entirely sure - doesn't seem to fit when I read the description for it but everything has to be a certain way down to the smallest detail and I have mini-rituals for some things)
But realizing what these things are and how I react has helped - nowadays I can see a specific white car and ignore the sensation it gives me, purposely turn my focus to something else because I realize how ridiculous it is to stress over a CAR. I also can explain certain things to my fiance to help understand better...
Like holding me down or grabbing me - he knows that this can trigger a reaction so he tries not to do it (although sometimes he still does when I'm having a serious reaction to something - but I think it's just to keep me from running away or freaking out more or hurting myself because he also knows that he can calm me down pretty easily by just talking to me)
The worst thing I've ever done as a reaction to something like this is bite my fiance - it was really terrible and embarrassing - but we were play wrestling and something in my head clicked over for a second and I freaked - when he wouldn't let go, I bit him - hard. I was so ashamed that I locked myself in the bathroom and he had to beg for me to let him in. It's been a WHILE since then and I haven't done it since...
Most times though, he helps with my anxiety rather than making it worse.
I DO worry about going into a serious anxiety attack without him one day, but I think that I have everything under control enough that I'll probably be able to handle it.

LOL so yes, realizing what these triggers are and what my potential reactions are has helped immensely.

[Lil Enslaved Kitten]

grinningjester

at frist i went to my doc and got put on sleeping meds which it turns out when you're as afraid to fall asleep as i was even the strongest they have won't work. after many trials on different kinds of meds i finally took his advice and went to the closest therapy place a hour away and got my meds worked out and started therapy but when i ended up with no insurance therapy stopped. and i'm just now getting my life straight to where i can start getting help again.

[Lil Enslaved Kitten]

Kitakiy

just saw your siggy and wanted to say congratz

[grinningjester]

Lil Enslaved Kitten

at frist i went to my doc and got put on sleeping meds which it turns out when you're as afraid to fall asleep as i was even the strongest they have won't work. after many trials on different kinds of meds i finally took his advice and went to the closest therapy place a hour away and got my meds worked out and started therapy but when i ended up with no insurance therapy stopped. and i'm just now getting my life straight to where i can start getting help again.

Huh. I'd never thought about the fact that if you're afraid to fall asleep the meds won't work as well. I keep switching meds because they don't work fast or well. Once I'm asleep they work but it's getting to sleep that is a spectacular fail. I hope you can get back on your feet.

Kitakiy

OCD and PTSD often occur together, so I'm not surprised you have OCD type behaviors. You can read a pretty good article about it here. I am so glad your fiance helps you through your attacks. He sounds very understanding. I was telling Kitten earlier about when I elbowed my wife in the face. Your biting your fiance reminds me of that. It horrifies me that I was capable of doing that, but PTSD does weird things to you.

[Kitakiy]

Lil Enslaved Kitten

Kitakiy

just saw your siggy and wanted to say congratz

Oh, thanks! I'm super excited! Three months to go!
Congrats to you too! Are you going to find out what it is? I'm having a girl ^_^ Her name is going to be Luna (It has the benefits of being unique but not unheard of or weird, means the moon, and happens to be my fav HP character lol)

[Kitakiy]

grinningjester

OCD and PTSD often occur together, so I'm not surprised you have OCD type behaviors. You can read a pretty good article about it here. I am so glad your fiance helps you through your attacks. He sounds very understanding. I was telling Kitten earlier about when I elbowed my wife in the face. Your biting your fiance reminds me of that. It horrifies me that I was capable of doing that, but PTSD does weird things to you.

I haven't been formally diagnosed with either one, but then again I don't think I've given any of my therapists enough of a chance to really diagnose me except for my BPD (That's borderline personality disorder, not bipolar) which appears to be the most obvious one, and the one that has lasted longest.
My most recent therapist did suggest the PTSD - but this was while I was talking to him about my experiences and my anxiety attcks - I didn't mention anything else.
And DAMN it was difficult having a male therapist. I think I only stuck it through for so long because I was trying to get over my issues, but he was also a lot easier to talk to than my previous therapists - unfortunately, I also did not manage to talk to him about everything because I WAS nervous during many of our meetings.

It's kind of a relief to hear that you've had a similar experience, but also kind of frightening and worrisome... it makes me wonder whether everything my ex did was simply triggered by his own ptsd (if he had it), and I often wonder if maybe I overreacted - I'd like to think I didn't, because it wasn't just random physical or emotional reactions, but I guess I downplay everything that happened because I wonder if he was sick or something.... Not that it matters at this point, and I certainly don't regret leaving, but still.

[Mfable]

grinningjester

There was one thing that was different for my sister and I. Often times my mother or I would place ourselves in between my sister and my father. I remember one time like it was yesterday. My sister's room was a complete mess, and my father was in a piss poor mood. He started to yell at my sister, threatening to beat her unless she cleaned it. She was, of course, scared to death. I placed myself between the two of them and firmly told my father, "Don't hurt my sister!" He backhanded me, knocking me to the floor. I quickly stood up and placed myself between him and her again, firmly repeating the same thing. He picked my up by the throat and slammed me into a bookcase hard enough that most of the shelves snapped in half. I got back up and once more placed myself between them again, and this time I was thrown into the bookcase, causing the entire thing to snap and break in several places. He finally gave up and left, and my sister was safe for the moment. I could barely walk at all that day, and crawled to my room crying to lay on my bed and relax for the rest of the day. So I think some of her trauma was caused by the sight of my mother and I standing up for her and getting beaten. (I cried just typing this.)

She often came to my room and slept in bed with me, even though she had her own room. It made her feel safe. To this day sometimes we even sleep in the same bed, even though she is seventeen and I am nineteen, though it is rare, usually only on holidays.

Because of what my sister and I went through, and the list of my sister's conditions, I have become much more tolerable and understanding. I have taken on a very helpful nature, and I freely offer it to anyone who needs it. I tell all my friends to call me whenever they need someone to listen to them or if they need advice. Makes me a lot of friends, when I can get through my shyness and get to know them.

[HomebrewFox]

I was in band rehearsal today, I play in a professional band, we were really into the music, the concert is tomorrow, and I didn't recognize the early symptoms like normal. I start to realize that I'm just holding my instrument there blankly, it's our entrance to play and I can't play. I just get up and walk out of the room before I freeze in place completely. I wasn't in the band room anymore. I was seeing... I rather not share. I keep Xanax in my purse, I'm not sure when I took it. I'm not sure how long it happened but I was just suddenly in the band room and I was just trying to figure out where I was. Rehearsal was over, the first person I saw afterwards was our band director, he asked me if I was okay, I guess he thought that I had a stomach problem and had to get up, the bathroom was in the direction I left. I do have stomach problems so that isn't that unreasonable a thing to happen. I told him I was okay, he probably knew I wasn't. I'm just glad it was over before people started leaving and running into me just staring there crying. I can do my best to make sure it doesn't happen tomorrow, but to be honest, I'm really scared it will happen on stage in front of a couple thousand people. School band is one thing, having that happen during a professional concert I hope never happens to me.

I dunno I just wanted to type that out. I really like this thread, anyone feel free to PM me, I would love to talk with someone going through PTSD, I don't really know anyone else that has it.

[Lil Enslaved Kitten]

grinningjester

thank you and ever sense meeting my hubby things have been doing nothing but getting better smile and yeah the storm happened at night so for the longest time the thought of going to sleep was the most horrible thing i could think of

[grinningjester]

Kitakiy

Can you change therapists to find one you are more comfortable with?

Mfable

That was an incredibly powerful story. You were very brave, standing up for her.

Wolftrot

It's so hard to find people willing to talk about PTSD. I've tried finding support groups but it's impossible. Gaia really opens up options, even if it is text. Thank you for trusting this thread enough to share and I'm glad you like it. I hope you don't have a panic attack/flashback in such a public place. I cannot even imagine.

[Mfable]

grinningjester

Well, she is my little sister. I have been protective of her ever since she was born. A little after she was born, my mother had a friend over to visit. She was holding my sister, and was joking with me. She told me she was taking her home and I replied with, "No! That's my baby!" There was another time, a little later, when my sister and I went to get shots. The nurse gave her a quick shot and she started crying. I turned to the nurse and angrily said, "You big bully!" In both of these stories I was incredibly young, of course.

I always hated seeing her cry, and I try to comfort her through everything I can. I took care of her for an entire month just recently, in fact. She broke her ankle trying to rescue a dog that was running through the streets during a small snowstorm. Slipped and fell into a ditch and was lucky that someone found her. All the people that lived near that ditch were really old folks hard of hearing. Luckily a passerby found her not long after the accident and called the ambulance.

My mother and I were sleeping very soundly, and we missed the cops at our door once, as well as the firemen at the door once. The second time the cops came my mother woke up and answered the door. Came into my room crying and told me my sister had been in an accident. Never got out of bed and dressed so quickly in my life. I had been at a friend for the majority of the night before, so I was fully asleep, and my mother works nights, so she was also fully asleep. It was one of those instances when she was out without my mother or I. She noticed the dog while walking from my grandfather's back home.

She went through some realigning, then later some surgery. I helped her through it, as she was in a wheelchair, and couldn't even get into the living room. I was up almost constantly getting her anything and everything she needed from me.

The poor girl has gone through a lot.

[grinningjester]

Mfable

It sounds like it's been difficult for her.
...

I realized today that I am more religious/spiritual than I thought. I think without it I would never have been able to make it through this. When I was in that room, I thought about my family and the pain of dying. But I knew, knew without doubt, that when I died (not if, when) I would go to a better place. It helped me stay calm and controlled when I needed to be. Afterwards, when I thought the world was out to get me, praying helped calm me.

Now, I'm not that guy, the one that preaches and is annoying and making you uncomfortable talking about the G word. That's not why I'm sharing this. I tend not to talk about my beliefs and I prefer not to share them. Why I'm bringing it up is I'm curious if anyone else was helped through their experience(s) by being religious and/or spiritual.

[grinningjester]

Rarely_an_oddity

I was told I may have PTSD which makes sense because of my horrible time in 3rd grade. There's a few reasons why that year was bad. *sigh*

Welcome to the thread. You'll find that you're not the only one who is different because of a bad experience. Are you bothered by your experience now?