☁HIVESTUCK☁ ☾

[Melancholies]

falls into the thread

_(:3/ L)_

[GhouIs]

*cries tears of joy*

[Hivestuck]

It's a cooking competition!

Show us what you'd prepare for a lovely Harvest Moon Festival - on Alternia. Take a nice earth dish that you'd like to eat in a fancy meal with friends or family, and alternia-fy it. Give us a photo from ye old image search of choice, an Alternian name, and a description of how it would be created by trolls, then post it in this thread!

This contest will end iiiin 6 hours. (Approximately)

contest over!

[amicableAggressor]

https://picarto.tv/amicableAggressor

does a jig

[penemueIntuition]

Did someone say 'Alternian Recipies' and "Harvest Moon Jubilee"? I think its time for some...

Alternian Sopor-ly Dumplings!

Okay no really thats enough of that.

Alternian Soporly Dumplings is not a recipe for the troll faint of heart. Oh no, this is a full day's work, and is generally the sort of dish reserved for those who have enough time to dedicate to such a culinary endeavor. Chances are? They're rich in hue, in patience, or in patience. Or all three. Both helps. It helps to have a s**t ton of time to just dedicate to food

First thing's first: Delicious Meat Jello

Ingredients

• 2 quarts dihydrogen monoxide.
  
• 2 pounds of beast bones. Yeah, you heard me right. BONES OF BEASTS AND LUSII.
  
• 2 ounces of those snoutbeasts you see all over the festival, as four pieces, obviously not dirty and muddy. That's gross.
  
• 1/2 lb of FAT from said snoutbeast. You read that right.
  
• 1 inch piece of geenger, cut into five,
  
• 2 green tear-inducing veggie sticks, in 3" pieces
  
• 2 cloves of smashed Glic, known coloquially in some places as "Daywalker Repelent".
  
• 2 teaspoons sopor wine. Because you're worth it.
  
• Green food coloring. Why the ******** not?
  
  
• 1 Tablespoon of thickener of some sort. Your pick. Raga Raga, Jello-powder, go nuts.
  
  Shove everything in a pot. Heat it up. Wait till it almost boils, then strain it into another container so you don't have random bones and stuff in your meat jello. Add your thickener, and beat it for a good two minutes. Just beat that meat till the broth runs thick. BEAT IT. Pour into flat, deep containers, and shove that crap in your refrigeration cube till its all set. I assume you've made delicious meat jello before.

Whatever you do though, don't you eat that jello! Save it, it's worth it.


The Dumpling Dough

Ingredients

• 400 mgs (to start) of something powdery and flour-like... like uh... ... well, flour I guess.
  
• 3/4 cups Water 2 hot 2 handle
  
• 1/4 Water 2 cold 2 hold
  
• 1 tbsp cooking oil. Cold, not hot.
  
• Purple food coloring. Again, why the ******** not?
  
  Start by putting 360 mg of that flour in the bowl. Got that? Good. Thats easy, right? Now... start adding hot water, and get a couple of sticks. Then start to mix them together... the best way to do it is to act like you're scrambling the face of someone you hate (not that way, we mean HATE hate). Scramble the ever loving s**t out of that face for a few minutes, add the cold water. KEEP BEATING THAT ******** WITH STICKS!! Put some flour on your counter and then throw that dough on the counter like the piece of crap it is. REALLY make it feel bad about itself.
  
  At that point, just start adding more flour slowly into the mix, knead it, really squish and knead and attack. Keep repeating your abuse until it reaches a tacky, BUT not sticky, consistency and looks like a shiny purple orb on your counter. Congrats. All that abuse and hatred has really made a stronger troll-- I mean dough, for which to make tasty casings and pleats. Let it sit for 30 minutes.

You only use 1/4 of that dough though, save the rest for later. Do you feel the futility of making so much excess for nothing? GOOD. You're ready for the next step...

Filling the void in your heart... and your dumplings.

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups of your sweet, green meat jello.
  
• 1 lb ground snoutbeast (it seems none of it has gone to waste)
  
• 1/4 cup MinceyShrimp® (the snack for Seadwellers on the go!)
  
• 3 chopped up stalks of green tear-inducing Veggie Sticks.
  
• 2 tsp sugar (... what? )
  
• 2 tbsp Salty liquid
  
• 1 tsp more salt
  
• 1/4 tsp ground pale papper
  
• 1/2 tsp ground geenger
  
• 1 tsp sopor wine (You're still worth it)
  
• 1/4 tsp susumoo seed oil. Or whatever the hell its called.
  
  Mix all that s**t together. Shove it in the fridge for 15 minutes again. Yup, that easy. Make sure its mixed hyper good.

So after you've made all those different ingredients, shove the filling into the dumpling and pleat it all pretty or whatever, tuck little loops inside the dough, Do your best. By this point I'm surprised you've stuck this long with the recipe, just make sure its all pleated and pinched off at the top.

Did we mention buy a hooper thing for steaming? They're only 4444 beetles at FourFronds, and its absolutely necessary to make it JUST RIGHT. So if you haven't... you're kind of screwed. Not sorry. Put some weird leafs in there, and then put the dumplings on top. Steam over medium heat for 12 minutes.

Eat delicious sopory perfection!

For real though, Xiao Long Bao is amazing, I recommend everyone try some, and this is where the image and recipe come from!!!

[Magician Arcana]

x
x
x
x
x
Surrogia Squackbeast

Step One
PUT THE BOOK DOWN AND GO AND ORDER IT. NO? FINE. FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS BELOW.

Directions



• Take the squackbeast and put it in your meal vault overday
  
• Remove the nutrition sack and squishy inner organs. Shave off any extra celluloid tissue hanging from the wiggly-limb area.
  
• Take a stick and skewer under the squackbeast's wings, going from one side to the other. This is important so that the squackbeast can be drunked properly.
  
• In a large treated metalic cooking vessil, bring to bubbling heat water.
  
• Add in bitter yellow root (ginger), Acetic Sour Liquor (vinegar), Fermented Soy Bean (Soy Sauce), Traditional Surrogia Yellow Liquor (Xiao Xing Wine), and buzzbeasts mind boney and whip it into a frenzy until it is blended. Make a slurry of Dried yellow corn bits (cornstartch) and water, and add to the bubbling mixture.
  
• Take hung squakbeast and hang over bubbling mixture. Using a spoon, douse dead squakbeast carcass repeatedly with liquid until it is glistening and some of the celluloid tissue has cried from its meat flesh.
  
• Instantaneously place squackbeast in a moderately tepid hiveblock, and use a whirring wind contraption to dry the carcass. Ensure that the squackbeast is rotated, to ensure moisture has been completely evaporated. This process should take 5 hours. The large organ covering the body should become tight and taunt.
  
• Rub squackbeast with 5-spice ground herbs to taste.
  
• Heat hotbox to 375 levels of heat.
  
• Place squackbeast carcass onto a firecooking rack and place this on the middle of the upmost shelf of the hotbox. On the lowest shelf place a large rectangular metal receptacle with water.
  
• Cook squackbeast for about 1-1 1/2 hours, turning the carcass 2-3 times.
  
• Stab squackbeast carcass with the needle of temperature guaging. It should be at 175 levels of heat in the breast. At this point, the squackbeast carcass has been mutilated to the point that it ready for your nutrition sack.
  
• Let the carcass rest for 10 minutes, properly shaming it as it rests, and then serve it whole or chop it Surrogia style on the bone.



(Since this is a riff on Peking Duck, and Peking was the old name of Beijing, I created an "old name" for Alternia - aka Surrogia. c; )
Recipe and Picture

[amicableAggressor]

and no powers

Someone give Zeffer a bath, right now! Hoses everyone!

Kamileunaire

[GhouIs]

HE'S SUCH A BABE OMG

[seekingCylem]

What a hot mess heart

[Magician Arcana]

Zeff it time for bath, go bath rite now D<<

[amicableAggressor]

Ragged troll number two, stand in line to - oh, looks like you already got hosed down. Good initiative, Luxara!

Gl!tch~

[gracie loff]

Whoa, some hot trolls up on this page.

[Doutei]

Horn Sticks

Ingredients
1 cup yellow cornsand
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon snack mineral
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 cup white sugar
4 teaspoons thick powder
1 unborn goop
1 cup lusus milk
1 quart vegetable oil for frying
2 (16 ounce) packages groundbeast tubes
16 sharp wooden sticks

Directions
1. In a medium bowl, combine cornsand, flour, snack mineral, pepper, sugar and thick powder. Stir in unborn goops and lusus water.
2. Preheat oil in a deep saucepan over medium heat. Shape groundbeast tubes into shape of desired horn. Insert sharp wooden sticks into groundbeast tubes. Roll groundbeast tubes in batter until well coated.
3. Fry 2 or 3 horn sticks at a time until lightly browned, about 3 minutes. Drain on paper towels.

((I had other ideas but wanted to do a festival food for the festival theme!

Recipe from here. Graphic I made myself.))

[Micillia]

Punkin Polenta Cups

A creamy dish, this is sure to use up all the punkins you horded for the Harvest Moon Festival, because lets face it, these things are never going to be worth tickets. This meal is perfect for warming up troll tummies when the night gets cold, and stores well for later.

Directions
Written by Chiara Moteku

Step 1:
XXIn a large grub-cooking pot, add 6 cups of sea-dweller environment (salt water). Bring to a boil and then whisk in 2 cups corn grits. Reduce the flame weapon/cooking heat to low and cook for about 30 minutes or until the corn grits have absorbed the sea-dweller environment, turning the terrible ocean into land. Clap joyously about your small scale diorama of the land defeating the evil sea and all its dwellers.

Step 2:
XXWhile your land-corn-grits are crusading for victory over the terrible sea water its time to butcher your punkin. As you need it to be in a fine mush, the first thing to do is open it up and remove its seeds. Next remove the punkin skin and stem, and place your vegetable "meat" in a heavy duty plastic bag. Proceed to stomp on the bag until the punkin is thoroughly squashed. This is called pureeing.

Step 3:
XXAdd 1/4th cup fancy puree punkin, 1/4c milk-beast milk fat (butter) and 1/2c milk-beast cheese to the large grub-cooking pot. Take your stirring implement and proceed to vigorously beat the mixture until the milk-beast cheese has melted. Maybe beat it a bit more, just for good measure, or out of anger, up to you.

Step 4:
XXDish up the mixture and generously add 2 strips of muscle-beast bacon, 1 TBSP chopped greens (if you can stand the stuff) and a sprinkle of almonds to the top of each bowl. Serve and devour while sustenance is still hot.

[Yamashii]

Papa Pancakes



recipe

The idea for this is a standard taiyaki but in the shape of various lusii! Because of their light brown/cream color, they are somewhat white like our favorite beastparents. : ) Trolls use molds of all shapes and sizes to create very special pancakes in the likeness of their beloved lusii!

Batter:
2 c. flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
2 T. sugar
1 1/3 c. lusus hoofbeast milk
1/4 c. oil
1 squawkbeast egg

Custard Filling:
3/4 c. + 2 T. lusus hoofbeast milk
2 T. unsalted butter
2 squawkbeast egg yolks
1/4 c. sugar
2 1/2 T. flour
1 T. cornstarch
1/4 tsp. salt
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Alternate Fillings:
sweetened red bean paste
nutella
jam
mashed sweet potato
cheese
cream cheese + sugar
chocolate chips + peanut butter

1. If you are making the custard filling, do this at least 1 hour before making your pancakes. Microwave the lusus hoofbeast milk and butter in a pyrex cup for about 90 seconds. (You want to scald the lusus hoofbeast milk and melt the butter.)
2. Mix the squawkbeast egg yolk, sugar, flour, cornstarch, and salt into a paste.
3. Add a small amount of the hot lusus hoofbeast milk mixture to the paste, stirring to loosen it up.
4. Continue adding the hot lusus hoofbeast milk mixture (a little bit at a time) to the paste mixture, stirring as you go until you have a smooth liquid.
5. Put the mixture into a small sauce pan and add the vanilla.
6. Cook over medium low heat, whisking constantly, until the mixture thickens. When swirl lines appear, remove from the heat and continue to whisk another 30 seconds.
7. Remove the cooked custard to a small bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate until ready to use.
8. To make the pancakes batter, mix the flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar in a bowl (preferably one with a spout, so that the batter will be easier to pour later).
9. Add the lusus hoofbeast milk, oil, and squawkbeast egg, and mix until combined.
10. Preheat your pancakes mold over medium-low heat, and brush both surfaces (the top and bottom of the mold) with a little bit of cooking oil.
11. Place the bottom of the mold over the burner set to medium-low. Fill the bottom mold about 2/3 full with the batter.
12. Add a small scoop of your filling. (In the picture below, I’m using sweetened red bean paste because it shows up better in the pictures.) You can use pretty much any filling you like: custard, sweetened red bean paste, sweetened mashed sweet potato or taro, jam, nutella, chocolate chips + peanut butter… anything you want. Just don’t overfill – use only about 1 T. of filling.
13. Cover the filling with a little bit more batter. (You can use the back of a spoon to smooth the batter to completely cover the filling.) Close the lid down (squeezing the handle tightly), and flip over so that the top mold is now being heated by the stove.
14. Continue to cook over medium-low, flipping every 30 seconds.
15. After about a minute or two, lift up the lid slightly and check to see the color of the pancakes. If too pale, continue cooking until golden brown. (If you overfill the mold, batter will flow out, making it more likely that the mold will stick together, or that the pancakes will stick to one side of the mold. If that happens, use a plastic fork or bamboo skewer to gently pry away some of the cooked batter. Try not to overfill next time – it will make it easier to remove.) In this photo you can see the pancakes is still undercooked. I lifted the mold up a little higher than normal in order to take the picture – in reality, you will only want to lift up the lid an inch or so – just to quickly check the color. You will want the pancakes to be golden brown.
16. Remove the pancakes to a plate. Use kitchen shears to cut the excess cooked batter off the pancakes to “clean up” the edges.
17. Serve hot. (One batch of batter will make about 12 pancakes.)