● action ● "speaking" ● thinking ●
۰ ▒ She couldn't remember a day when life had been simple, where she wasn't looking over her shoulder in hopes that she hadn't been found out. Or in fear of being cursed to death for simply looking in the wrong direction. That was all she had known for all of her twenty-one years of life, fear. She had done and learned everything she knew out of precaution, in the name of self-defense. She was born in the wrong time period, in a time where evil reigned supreme and anything or anyone who tried to stand up against it were shot down. Cursed and killed on the spot, there was no mercy. There was one way or death... literally. She couldn't tell you how many times she wondered "what if...?"
What if the boy who lived succeeded?
What if someone went back in time and changed things?
That wasn't against the ministry anymore was it?
At this point was there even a Ministry anymore?
۰ ▒ She couldn't tell you how many nights she had spent by herself, in her room of the Nott mansion, completely wasted. She had long since learned that there was no way she could be herself, be the person who whispered within the confides of her mind. Who was locked up and forced to watch as everything around her burned. Hogwarts, she had known that there were certain things she would have to master like Occlumency and 'shifting' or she wasn't going to make it out of there Alive. You read correctly, Hogwarts was no longer the place it once was. It had changed ever since The Boy Who Lived...stopped living. She had to beg the bloody sorting hat to put her in her families house. She didn't belong there, they both knew it. He wasn't stupid and nor where she. If someone like her, from her bloodline were to even stand a chance in this world with her way of thinking she was going to have to blend in and pray. Carefully plan out everything she did and keep her mouth shut even when something occurred that she didn't agree with in the slightest. People like her were not needed anymore, people who believed that magic could be used for good... no! Should be. There were only the dark arts, hours of being cursed and cursing. When she finally graduated from that hell hole she apparated back home and locked herself in the confides of her room for a week, ignoring the rapping on her door by blasting the music of her headphones.
۰ ▒ She knew that if she stayed any longer in that house someone would find out, someone would notice something was up. How she had managed to lie all those years during Hogwarts was beyond her, but she was safe there. She showed promise. She accepted their ways and even offered offered insight on new crueler methods to deal with undesirables, muggles and the like. How could one forgive themselves for something like that?! How could others! She had read enough restricted muggle studies books to know what happened to people who were accomplices to acts against humanity. It caught up to you eventually....it always seemed to. It was only a matter of time before the muggles got involved, had the Wizarding World not been enough?! She couldn't understand why people would want to control others....nevertheless the entire population of the world. At the moment, luckily, or unluckily depending on who you were and how you looked at it; their all-mighty leader had yet to take control of everything. From what she understood there were still other wizards and witches on the other corners of the world standing up to him.
۰ ▒ It was during these studies when the idea came to her mind, what if she were to simply disappear? What if she were to just vanish after heading off for a shopping spree? Pure-bloods did that...right? They went off and bought things they didn't need, attended balls that were frivolous and moot. Perhaps she could have been scouting out the next hit? The next place they would go to cause terror to the muggles. Because, yeah that was a thing and hobby to most idiotic pure-blood crazed families. Muggle-hunting. It was horrible, inhumane! But it was because of this inhumane sport that she got away, that she was freed from the confides, from the prison that was the Nott Mansion. And once she was free she took no time to jump on all fours and run into a nearby muggle forest.
۰ ▒ At first it was purely about survival, she could run around and live like the animal she was if necessary. London was by far too dangerous for her to be showing her face around, even four years after her running away. She had completely retreated away from the Wizarding World as much as she could. The moment she even sensed magic in passing or nearby she was running off in the other direction. It was a pitiful life, a life as an animal. Running both from the muggles and wizards, but it was her life and it taught her many a things. What she could eat, what she couldn't. How to get in and out of places without being detected. Jack always knew that she was living on borrowed time, she knew that she was going to be brought back into the very world she ran from because it was who she was. For four years she convinced herself that self-preservation was her main priority, what good was she to the world if she were dead. When the real question was what good was she to the world if she wouldn't stand up for what she believed in. Wouldn't die for what she believed in? Didn't that make her as guilty as the party who was active in the wrong doing. Standing idly by when she knew there were people being killed for no better reason than that they were not of the pure twenty-one? Knowing she had people she would have considered friends in a differed world were dying for the very same things she believed in. .
۰ ▒ The question now was how was she going to convince not only herself but others that she was the good guy. That all of that was just an act for mere survival on her part and that she was not dead and/or missing. That she ran away from it all because it was too much. Did she even want to? At this point with the right Charms she could start a life as someone different, hell she could just forever run on all fours until the end of her days. She had to determine what it was she wanted to do with her life before anything else could be done and for this reason she would continue to lay motionless in the backyard of the current muggles who had found her starving, fed her threw a collar around her neck and taken her in as their own. Knowing she wasn't exactly their typical 'house dog.'