------I will walk the path of self destruction once again, and hopefully I will gain enough courage again. To end myself, as I have before.
This, which I have hounded for and chased my entire life, Is the reason of my existence. As much as I hate to admit it, I believe this to be true. After all no one has ever loved me better than you. I will chase away the fears, and grow colder each day. If you really want to die without dying, what better way is there but to love someone who doesn't love you back. I will be the end of me that I know. Each more of these failed attempts will I deduct to the conclusion, that the only one who will ever love me as who I really am; is the silent and swift cold embrace of her non existent heart.
------On the other hand the thought of taking sleeping pills to cure my insomnia isn't so bad. Perhaps I'll fall asleep and doze of while I'm on the wheel or something, if I survive then that itself would be very costly so I hope that I do not. Perhaps one day, if I'm feeling courageous enough, I can take multiples in hopes of never waking up from this god awful place ever again. That itself doesn't sound like such a bad idea. Perhaps I should take them with alcohol, maybe it will help with the dreams.
Great... Now I'm on reddit trying to figure out what the best way to end myself is...
Oh well, Until next time!, Anikacy out
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