------ I think its time to put this book to close, i'm beginning to transfer all these thoughts that I have ever written here into something more permanent, something that I can hold. I fear one day that gaia will collapse and all that I have ever experienced in my lives here, would dissapear. Just as I have dissapeared in many occasions, with a few exceptions who remember me from another life. Its weird, playing through the lives of others made me realize and experience things that I would never myself experience, and that itself is a wonderfull experience. Please excuse my redundancy, Its been a while since I typed here. Perhaps I'll be back, but not anytime soon. I have real world matters to face, and its all pretty heavy and yet exciting.
------ Its weird, to be honest I was just going through an identity crisis. Facing the challenges and struggles of trying to find out who are real friends and who are just there. I find myself being alone, and i partially blame myself for pushing them off, and being shut like a door. I envy my best friend because he has a group of friends whom he hangs out physically with. And he has online friends too. I think my online friends dissapeared. And physically real friends, vanished too. All I have is him, and its scary. What if I lose him? I probably will, due to me moving to philadelphia in the future.
------ I'm fine though, its not that bad. I'm in the process of moving out, I currently reside with him at his place, paying for small rent. I come back to my parents house when ever I need access to the studio for a part time job. I mostly carry a mobile recording rig with me now adays. Its unfortunate though that that I can't spend my entire life with him, because yes I do love him. But i think he only sees me as a friend. Like I mentioned I'm probably moving into philly after im done with school, because rent here in NY is expensive, and I have some contacts and connections in philly. Its weird, living off your own wallet. I probably won't have time to write here again, because I'm writing mostly at another site now. So I guess this is the last one, again.
Thanks for reading, this is Anikacy, signing off.
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