Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

How do you know when the times right?
When will these feelings start to calm . . .
When will I feel completely calm and reserved in my emotions?
Do these fears ever go away?
I just want to jump in the water and listen to the sound of emptiness
Think of how beautiful the blue water is.
Think of this amazing sky I look at as I fall deeper into the darkness.
Darkness doesn’t always mean evil
It also means calmness, serenity, peaceful, quiet and still
In darkness nothing is seen
Nothing is heard
Nothing can harm you
It’s not all that bad
To jump into the water and feel only yourself slipping into the depth
It’s amazing
How could anyone not love this amazing feeling?
Once your calm you rush up for that first breath of fresh air and realize how relaxing
How calm your mind and body feel
The sand between your fingers and feet.
Hear the sounds of the waves clashing against the rocks
Smell the salty ocean breeze and clean air
But each time I come up for air the tears start rolling in.
No matter how much I wipe the first trickle of tears
They always come back in the millions.
Just when will I ever be free from these unwanted tears?
I don’t want tears of sadness.
But more tears of happiness.
When will my happy ending come?
Do I even get to have one?
Or will my ending be one of tragedy.
Only time will tell this tale
Light years of Tears.
The never-ending river of tears.

gaia_crown So lately I've been under and enormous amount of stress.
Yes, I have been feeling a little . . .OK ALOT emotional.
To the point where I really just want to take the plunge and end my life's overwhelming stress blockades.
I deal with as this story speaks of, MILLIONS of tears and it bugs me that I can go to the store with my mother and sister and find myself crying for absolutely no reason at all.
Every little comment, said to me may it be positive or negative i literally drop in tears and back in high school I had no problem at all dealing with my stress, i was able to deal with criticism and such without breaking into tears.

I absolutely fear I may crack one day under pressure and just go for the kill.
But i refuse to think that way, I have to many people i care for and that also care for me. Even so , , ,I don't know if i can control that urge to end my life . . .

But to everyday I will do my best to force back my inner demons that tell me I'm worthless, I'm just a nobody, etc.

:::...From the heart Yuhei...:::