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Wing+aeroplanes= heart
Wing+snow= heart
Wing+aeroplanes+snow=Wing stranded in Holland/Belgium unable to get home.

So it turns out that until I get a job, there will be no testing of GNAT V5 (the two person verson) anywhere other than this machine. I'd need a server of my own, or one that I can configure to my heart's content, to do it with MVC and I'm not willing to do it without MVC because anything less wouldn't be proper application designing.

RP entry:
He runs through the streets, knowing that they're closing in on him.... he can hear their footsteps on the cobbled streets and the rooftops. In a desperate last bid attempt to finish this off, he turns around a street and backs agains the corner, drawing one of his twin short swords from its sheath.

As the demondim came around the corner, he dropps to his knee and hacks its leg off from the knee down. In a single move, he unsheaths his other sword and swipes off the beast's head. Hurriedly, he dips his swords into the spilled blood and traces a circle about himself with it, he must cast one of the most dangerous spells at his disposal. He summons the Stillness Within and calls upon the last bit of magic at his disposal. Cautiously, several more demondim surround him, unable to enter the circle, biding their time until the energy he has summonned forth leaves him and the barrier breaks. A gateway opens before him as the spell finishes, he only hopes the invocation worked. The circle collapses just as he leaps throw the shining gate.

Timelessness... he cannot know how long he hangs in the aethyr, dimly aware of himself. He is torn apart and woven together again countless times as the Aethyr consumes him..... Dimly, he is aware of his mission and he pulls himself together...

He is falling, a table breaks his fall, or perhaps it is more correct to say his fall breaks a table. Unconciousness consumes him.

I have a problem admitting I'm wrong. I accept this.
I have been making a concerted effort of late to admit it when it happens.
I got in an argument about stopping light with the boyf.
He refused, point blank, to accept it had been done and said that they'd slowed it down.
I pulled a reference disagreeing with him and referencing said experiment saying, in effect, that unlike that one, they'd managed to do it absolutely (the same team now)
I asked him to provide sources for his disagreement, which he didn't.
An hour later, he provides one source which agreed with me and he still refused to concede saying that he was still right.
I pulled four references saying that light had been categorically stopped and could be held indefinately.
GAHHHH
No wonder I don't admit I'm wrong.
I have to do a ******** song and dance to get any such admission from others.

Ok, my explosions of late. Bit out of the blue. I know you people accept this as the norm for me, but I don't.

November of last year:

I was in a D&D campaign with my ex boyf, two of my closest friends and an assortment of other people. My boyfriend cracked a rape joke. I snapped. More to the point, I exploded.

He did it again the next week.

Once more with the snapping and exploding at him.

I was a moderator on some college boards, the GLB section to be precise. He did something out of line, I gave him a warning (ten and you get banned). He sent me back an abusive pm, I sent him back one saying "not happy, reported" he sent back "one more for the road: *insert rape joke*"

I broke down crying. He violated me for fulfilling my duties. I was really pissed. So I complained to the society's president (his best friend). Three months later nothing was done and I mean no official action was taken.

So I post on the admin boards complaining that this was hardly impartial behaviour.

The president was very popular so queue tirade of abuse.

The ex cracks another few rape jokes.

Still no action is taken.

I take this to the college and instant action is taken by the college. They call it a clear cut case of harrassment and are livid. The ex and his other best friend (who joined in in a huge manner) are put on permanent reprimand.

The boards at some stage get shut down because the ex's best friend (the one who joined in) essentially banned an admin (by giving him ten warnings).

A new board is set up. One to protect "the right to free speech" which came to "the right to b***h about me". The admins not only left it happen. Encouraging it and joining in from time to time, claiming they were crusading for freedom. It was the most vile and venomous thing I'd ever seen.

These weren't some anonymous boards, they were college boards.

The entire "Secret Religions" (b***h about nuri and reagun) boards reminded me so much of what had happened. I was already depressed so I fell to bits. I got very very upset/angry and lashed out.

I can take bitching to my face. I can take nastiness and venom to my face. Behind my back though. I have one thing to say. Cowardice on your behalf only proves all of my points. If you have neither the courage of your convictions nor the faith in yourselves to face me in person then you have NO right to do it behind my back.

You talk about Karma and me getting what I deserve. Your piety and self righteousness makes me luck humble. I just thought you should know that.

To the members of that guild who stood up for me, the two of you (I think) that there are, go my eternal thanks. If you're members of Wd.org pm me and I'll upgrade your memberships.

To Sivirs, you have made a friend in standing up for me in such a passionate manner. I was touched. I was worried the mods all hated me for the tremendous amount of reporting I do and the tremendous amount of reports about my posts there must be.

I have one thing to say in furtherance to the members of that guild. If the purpose of that guild was to provide a better environment to learn than a debate forum (which, let's remember, M&R is), then you have failed miserably and have only created a place to nurture your insecurities and falsehoods. You have set up an exact antithesis to Nuri's guild, where people get defluffed (one post excepted, because the person I was repsonding to had been exceptionally rude, I post in an infinitely more sedate manner).

So I say this: Mollycoddle away. Nurture your insecurities instead of shedding them. Keep calling yourself wiccans, despite the lack of lineage and how silly and childish it makes you look. Continue to call upon "friends who have degrees" but who's letters you've lost.

Wicca is a secrecy religion. Like it or not, you're wrong. Keep pretending amongst yourselves and when you're ready to grow up and bite the bullet, I hope you haven't burned yourselves out by then. I hope the Gods really liseten to you as much as you think they do because if they don't and I'm right and you're wrong, you're all ********. I won't say "I told you so". I won't, however, help you.

Go seibheann an tSolas triod, iontu 's ort bunach,
Wing

I think, in order to best discuss wether or not you're entitled to call yourself Wiccan, we need to comment on what the legitimacy of the Coven is and therefore the legitimacy of you as a Wiccan. If a Coven has lineage, it is legitimate. Lineage is a direct line back to Gardner's coven. Many argue this is irrelevant. They are wrong. This is not an opinion. It is a statement of simple fact. Once a lineaged Coven initiates you, you can call yourself Wiccan because you are Wiccan. You have been brought into Wicca by the sacred rite of initiation.

Gardner did not release all of his religion in written format. He was paranoid. He believed the eebil xians were out to get him, I believe he was a paranoid man with a need to feel self important and the secrets gave him that. Regardless, these secrets have not been revealed and are not available to outsiders. Admittedly, all you have is my word and the word of pretty much all lineaged covens. So, again, we come to legitimacy. Those who are initiated, and claim to be privvy to some secrets, say those who aren't initiated aren't privvy to these secrets.

It has been raised that all we have is the word of Initiates that there are secrets. I am no longer Wiccan. There are secrets. I was initiated. There are secrets. I left the path. There are secrets. If there were no secrets, then I was lied to before my initiation. Why would I, as a non-wiccan, help to uphold a lie I was told when lying is inherently bad?

Those who can trace a direct line of teaching to the religion's creator claim that those who cannot are missing vital information, the information which actually makes you a Wiccan. Do they lord it over the outer court practitioners, never in my experience or the experience of any I've ever met. These secrets don't make you a better person, they grant you a true understanding of what it means to be Wicca. They are, in essence, a large part of the Religion itself.

"But you're lording it over us now" you say. Doesn't matter because a) I'm not Wiccan and b) I'm just telling you that they exist not lording them over you. I'm asking "but how can you call yourself Wiccans when you don't know what Wicca is" not saying "ha, you're lesser beings. I am so much better than you because I know the secrets. You shall never know them mortals ha ha ha ha"

"But I believe in the Lord and Lady" you may say. "So ******** what", I say. Have you been to a lineaged coven meeting? If the answer is no, then how do you know the Lord and Lady you follow are the same as the Lord and Lady of Wicca. Because it's in a book? So are the Valar. Because it's in a book on Wicca? Any true author is limited in what they can tell you by the 161 Rules of Wicca and by the Initiatory Oaths. If they are claiming to reveal the secrets of Wicca then they are claiming to break an Oath. Bear that in mind when reading their material. I realise that just because they're Oathbreakers doesn't mean they're lying about the secrets of wicca, I'm just explaining the facts.

If you haven't been initiated by a lineaged coven, you don't know what Wicca is. You can argue against this til you're blue in the face but you may as well be arguing that squares are circles. Be a pagan, be an ecclectic, but neither of these will make you a Wiccan. There is no need to be a Wiccan. I'm not. Wicca was too constricting in some ways and not enough in others. It offered me none of the answers to the questions I was asking.

Stop reading into it that my telling you you're not wiccan is me telling you you're bad people, bad pagans, that you're faith is flawed or wrong. All I'm telling you is that without initiation, you can't possibly know what Wicca is.

Can you claim to be a Catholic Priest without being ordained? Can you claim to be a Hindu Brahman or a Buddhist monk without the neccessary training? Believing in the Torah does not make you a Rabbi. Why the ******** would believing in the Lord and Lady make you a Wiccan?

I love it.

I sent a request to join the "REAGUN AND NURI ARE EEBIL" guild. I was perfectly honest in it, said I was disgusted with the abuse myself and Nuri were getting for speaking the truth and that since the mods were not putting an end to it, they should let me.

The answer was a resounding no. I was cited the reason "You have to believe in ecclectic wicca".

Is that valid grounds for a denial?

Isn't that like saying "you have to believe in the almighty traffic cone" when denying someone access to a physics guild?

Ecclectic wicca in the sense he means just equates to "the religion what we made up all by ourselves to make ourselves feel special but bears no resemblance to the religion that Gerald Gardner created, but that's ok coz he was eebil and wicca is older than him!"

But if they think they're wiccan, then they are essentially sums up his argument to this.

I wonder if they know I can read their precious boards.

And, other than it being a vendetta board, it really does look like either a childish rebellion or a very very well orchestrated parody.

I think I'll just report it as harrassment. Considering the mods of the guild seem to feel it's ok to call me a p***k, like.

I suspect that qualifies as harrassment under the TOS.

Luckily I've saved the relevant pages, grabbed photo shots and had it proxie cached elsewhere for good measure.

I'm gonna sleep on reporting it.

I prefer not to act in anger.

My Boyfriend is the best.

He knows how horrendously depressed I've been lately. He's doing his postgraduate doctrate and there's a summer project going on. I've been bored and, therefore, depressed so I offered my skills to his project.

He spoke to his supervisor and they may actually pay me. So on top of saying "I contributed to a University Project", I get paid for it.

I've had a really shitty few days.

So, as you all know I'm being dishomed in the new year (finally have a date on that) and I have to find a job and a place to live.

Thursday (23rd of june) of two weeks ago I have an interview for a job. It goes really well. I get a call back interview the following monday. It goes really well. He tells me I'll hear from him by wednsday.
Thursday comes, no response so I ring. No answer. I leave a message. I get called back on friday with ten minutes of "your interview was brilliant." followed by "but you're overqualified. They're worried you won't stick with it".

So I can't get work in web design because I'm under-experienced and I can't get work anywhere else because being qualified as a web designer makes me over qualified to do anything else that would have hired me otherwise (and if I leave out my wed design qualification I have to make up what I've done for the past 18 months and I have no references and no previous experience).

My business, if it takes off at all, won't make any money for the first year so I can't live on that.

What the ******** am I going to do?

Then.

As if my real life isn't challenging enough.

I come onto Gaia and what do I find?

There's a guild who's sole purpose is to put me and Nuri down.

Oh, no, wait. They're a pagan guild too.[/sarc]

Granted it's mostly populated by fluffies but the one or two people who aren't fluffies should ******** know better. I have no problem with the forum's starter other than the fact she defends fluffies right to be fluffy, thus pissing in the pool that is wicca, and she started up a forum like that. Then she has the bare faced gall to say to nuri that she has no problem with her?!? There's a thread devoted to bashing me and Nuri. What the ********?

We devote a good deal of our Gaia time to de fluffing people.

Fine, I'm an a*****e about it. I'm the first to admit it. But I'm an a*****e about everything. If one a*****e is enough to get these people so riled up they need to set up a clique where they can coddle each other and pretend it's me and Nuri who are being eebil perzekutorz then there's somewhat seriously wrong with them.

As if that isn't enough, I've accidentally killed firefox with sloppy coding and I have to work with Explorer (blech) until firefox downloads (and I'm on dial up)