I'm in the middle of downloading Visual Basic. I don't know if that's a good or bad place to start with writing code, but Microsoft provides a pretty thorough step by step from what I can tell so far. I actually bought a textbook called Programming Languages: Concepts and Constructions awhile ago. It's old, but still capable. I get so confused looking through it though; I think you need at least a little prior knowledge before handling the thing, so hopefully this is a good start.
Coffee: ON
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This Foul Year of Our Lord, 2013