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I am not convinced that the site has missed me as much as I have missed it. I can't believe I am reading more codes and computer bits and command prompts than appreciating art! Well, I'm starting to think that coding is an art as well. x)

I am here to discuss matters that might or might not matter to you.

The only things I could post in the site are words. I have no upload pics nor scanned arts yet but I'm hoping I will be able soon. Words can create a thousand pictures and a picture can speak of thousand words.

I have to read more books! I don't care anymore if it's physics or chemistry or programming. Why? Because I need to gain knowledge as much as possible while I'm paying for such high tuitions. I will spend my free time warming the seats of the library as I absorb ideas from random books. Of course I would take a break from time to time. I don't wanna die with brain malfunction because it was overridden by too much data.

Enjoy the saddest scenarios of my life. Okay. How would I do that? That's the challenge. I mean, I have always placed myself in a state of depression and everytime I would be able to create a doodle or an art (as I consider it). There must be beauty in the tears that fall from my red swollen eyes or the dragged muscles of my face as I frown. I dunno. I need to find out what exactly that would be.

The Rene Descartes Challenge. Yes, I shall take the dare of someone 6 feet underground. talk2hand


Well, guess that's all. I wanna write more but I need to do some reading. SHEEEEK!


I have to drink ice tea too. I crave!

I have never really known you quite well until I tried to reach out for you.
You were always there and I assure you, your presence was never left ignored.
As a matter of fact, you always catch my attention.
Don't take this the wrong way but what I mean is..
It is quite annoying how you are weak in others' orders.
Yes. That's your life. But it's like watching someone die and just stare at her.
I've known you as a fake person who tells her friends that every thing is fine. Well, let me tell you. It isn't. I'm sure of that.
You are never wrong about the things you tell to yourself.
Yes. You're stupid.
Yes. You're not good enough to make the people around you happy.
Yes. You're selfish.
Yes. You're ungrateful.
Yes. You have too much pride.

But then I have one thing that nullifies all of these..

Self-acceptance.

For not so long ago, I could remember myself walking in a dangerous path full of thorns. I would always end up wounded and in so much pain. I have walked that path ages ago and now, I am walking a different one. This path is much safer than the other one. Instead of thorns, I see rose bushes beside the cemented path. It was like walking in the pavement of a park. But walking far and long, I have wondered where was the path I was taking..

I looked back and saw nothing but the empty, safe path.. I somehow missed the path I was taking. Not because I wanted pain but because this path I am taking was safe but unsure. The path I was taking was of a purpose and has meaning.

Where are you Path?

You were supposed to teach me how to stand when life gives me troubles.
You were supposed to make me realize that nothing is ever worth it unless you're willing to sacrifice.
You were supposed to show me what reality is and how I should appreciate it despite its painful truth.

You were supposed to be the Path I should be taking forever.

So where are you?

neutral

Now I am certain that my life is in so much doubt and uneasiness.