-Stay-
By:
Lady Pearl l. Yu
By:
Lady Pearl l. Yu
I received a letter form Duo this
afternoon. He wanted to see me and that he had something important to tell me.
I didn’t know whether to go or not…I wanted to tell Lothor about Duo’s
letter.
Would it be betrayal? Or would it
be alright? Would Lothor get mad at me or would he trust me enough to let me
talk to Duo?
It was almost time for our
clandestine meeting…
It was a moon was full that
night…I decided not to tell Lothor because I was afraid of his reply… I
didn’t want to anger him…but I should have known better.
Duo was already waiting in the
Garden Balcony. He had the usual on. His black suede pants, the black silk
shirt that I always loved. His hair braided. A studded silver earring on his
left ear… that always looked sexy on him.
I was by the entryway, just
standing there…thinking whether to go in or not. ”Pearl…” he said as he
motioned towards me “You came. I’m glad…” ”Uhmm…well I wasn’t really sure
if this was such a good…” I said hesitantly, eyes moving from side to side “So
what was it that you wanted to tell me?” He grew silent. His silence was kind
of romantic…yet deafening.
“Pearl listen…” he started “I
know that you have someone else right now…” He paused for a moment.
“I wonder where she went…” Lothor
said passing by the Garden Balcony when he saw me there. He quietly hid himself
behind the pillars and did nothing but watch.
“But…I want you back. Please. I
still love you Pearl.
My feelings never changed…” the moment he said those words he held me in his
arms “I’ve been so miserable…I’ll do everything and anything…so please…”
Duo was down on his knees.
I didn’t want to see him like that
but I…I knew deep inside that I still loved him.
“Duo…please…” I whispered “I
know how you feel. I still love you…” ”Then be with me!” he told me, his
embrace growing tense” But I can’t. I must be honest with you…it would be the
right thing to do…” I wanted to get away from his embrace. I couldn’t even
look at him because I couldn’t stand to see him cry like this.
Lothor suddenly flashed into my
mind and that gave me the courage to push Duo away as I shouted “Don’t come
near me! Please…” I wanted to leave, run straight into Lothor’s
arms’…Lothor…Lothor…’ I kept repeating in my mind and finally I ran away
telling him” I can’t be with you… I just can’t. I’m sorry.”
I ran away as fast as my feet could
go.
The hallway felt like it would
never end and that I was running forever…never coming to a stop.
I was finally caught up in the whirlwind
of the past that I was so desperately trying to forget, but in the end I could
never forget him, not ever.
Duo was the first man I loved. He
had engraved his love deep within me.
…Lothor…Lothor…Lothor….
I just kept running. Then finally I
saw the light coming from our bed chamber.
…Lothor…Lothor…
Lothor will be there…waiting for
me…Lothor…
I rushed through the doors and
start in to Lothor’s arms. I buried my face into his chest… so deep that I
couldn’t breath and he just let me cry without saying a word.
Forever… I cried in his arms
until I couldn’t cry anymore…
“Forgetting…It’s an almost
impossible thing, especially if the one you wish to forget once held a special
place in your heart…” Lothor began “I know that you still love him and its
okay. You don’t have to suppress what you fell, that will only make things much
more difficult.” ”Lothor… I’m sorry” I struggled to say “I should have…”
but before I could finish he quieted me “Don’t apologize…you don’t have to apologize…not
to anyone… you’ve been apologizing to everyone all your life and nobody has
apologized to you for what they did and what they had and is still putting you
through. So don’t. Don’t apologize to anyone…”
Then for a moment he gazed into my
eyes, lifted me and carried me to our bed and continued “Even though this
decision greatly pains me…” he stopped and I saw a faint glint forming in his
eyes. They were tears.
For the first time in my life I saw
his tears. And at that very moment I knew.
He was trembling. He was trying so
hard to restrain himself but it did him no good. His heart was beating
maddeningly…loud…so loud.
His eyes were no longer the color
of old ice in winter…gradually turning into the color of the desolate
moonless night sky on a winter’s day. But still he smiled at me as if he felt
nothing of what I saw in his eyes.
For a while he stopped, just
staring at nothing and yet when I looked at him I felt pain…so much pain.
His soul was wailing violently. He
was breaking… he was shattering into a million pieces and I was the holding
the iron clad mace, and yet he said nothing.
I could hear his soul crying to
me…begging me to never leave him…to always stay by his side… to love him
and love only him…
Lothor is Royal, he is half-elven,
he is enchanter and a healer of sorts…and yet he is still a man.
He is a man that can feel pain.
That can get hurt. I often forget that because he always puts on an unwavering
facade.
And with all my heart I tried to
embrace his soul saying “Forgive me….”
A hint of color flashed back into
his eyes, as if he heard and felt my touch. Slowly he continued to our
bed…trembling body because of the pain…forcing himself to walk.
“As much as this decision pains me,
I’m going to give you your freedom” he told me. His voice like a soft sad
whisper and a smile he forced to make on his face “I can leave you now and you
can return to Duo. But I won’t give you up that easily. If you do decide to
return to him…I will win you back. I will make you fall in love with me all
over again…”
I embraced him without
thinking…trying my best to somehow stop his body from trembling. Holding him
as tight as I could as I was trying to form the words that I wanted to say” No!
Please don’t leave me. I don’t want you to leave me…Please. I love you…” it
came out a low voice…weak and barely audible.
He returned my embrace “I’m glad to
hear you say that…” he paused and gently laid me down”…and tonight I’ll
make you completely forget….”
-Fin-
