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Ryo's Travels
My life & journey through MY eyes.
Mental Exhaustion

Lately, I've been feeling extreme mental exhaustion and it lowkey didn't hit me until just now.

For the past month+ I've been going through something or another. To be honest, most of 2016 I was going through this "something or another" while each time just trying to bounce back. I was actually in the process of bouncing back until I got my little procedure done in early December where the healing process has been more drawn out than I expected it to be.

Alas, after some in-depth thought earlier, I realized that it's not really physical exhaustion because I'm not really doing anything...it's not emotional exhaustion because Rob and I are fine now (although I wouldn't be surprised if remnants of it still linger...I think that's why I'm somewhat unbothered by us not having sex in almost two months because he has repeatedly told me how he wasn't attracted to me or didn't want sex from me....which is another kind of stress smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif ).

Lately, I've been a little stressed about what my next professional step will be and how I really don't want to ******** this up. I've been mentally preparing for moving into Rob's house and how we're going to not only get this house to where it needs to be for me to feel comfortable but also trying to assemble a financial plan that will allow us to be in a position to buy a house sometime in 2018. I've been a little melancholy since Forbes' released their annual 30 Under 30 list, as I tend to be, simply because these young people are phenomenal and I know I have it in me to be just as great but it's frustrating not knowing how to access it. Not only that, but two people that I know from college were on the list.....Quinta and Jamira. Both of whom I have met and partied with and are close with people who are close with them.

It's a little surprising how I still have to fight my mind to not compare myself to other people. None of these people have been through what I have been through, which has undoubtedly and unabashedly changed my life trajectory so I must do the absolutely best with what I have.

I'm also thinking about how I need to start working out again, how I no longer want to work at any hotel and also about these 2017 goals that I set for myself and how will I encourage and motivate myself to start and meet these goals. It's a little bit of a lot.

Also, I'm growing out my hair because I want a new look, but without constant maintenance, it's quick to get out of control. I'm wondering if there is some kind of detangling moisturizing that I can use daily to keep my scalp clear and moisturized.

Anyway, it's a lot of ish. And it doesn't help reading about Omar and Marlon bixching about their boyfriends being fat like people aren't dealing with real issues smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif And how they deal with it also drives me up a wall, but I won't get into that part.

To be honest, self-discipline is going to play a big role in really moving towards learning what I want to learn about marketing, applying for these jobs and going to the gym. It's just tough, working a 9-5 is cool, but draining AF a lot of times.

I read today that if you're trying to learn something new, you truly have to become a geek about it, absorbing any and all knowledge that you can about said subject. Something that I knew but as you know, sometimes someone else has to say it before it really clicks.

Alas, Jess and I have a one on one tomorrow at 11am I believe and before then I need to update my spreadsheet and try to have my s**t together.

It's a little bit of a rough start to 2017, but I've been through much worst. smilies/icon_arrow.gif

Be Blessed. smilies/icon_heart.gif


Mood: Justtttt Peachy smilies/icon_whee.gif (my new way of saying 'bleh' and/or 'f** off' smilies/icon_rofl.gif )
Music: "Believe in Myself" by EDGE OF LIFE from Fairy Tail OP21

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