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Ryo's Travels
My life & journey through MY eyes.
Worthy.

I so wanted to write about my duty weekend but it really wasn't much worth noting...I may mention it in passing.

So Rob and I had an interesting conversation yesterday on my way to work. Of course every morning I call him and we talk on my bike ride from his house to my hotel downtown. The night before he commented on a remark that Thorn made regarding family coming into town to visit a family member in the hospital. Apparently, the question rose about where they would stay and Thorn said, "They can stay at Mann house, he ain't got no wife...I have to go home to my wife." and it really bothered Rob.

After talking about it more, he said that one of the main reasons why it bothered him so much was because he's tired of feeling alone in isolation. That he would love to have a partner, someone that, i suppose, is his right hand so that when people can't reach him...they call his partner...and he said that he hasn't found anyone worthy enough to take that roll.

Like...wow...slap in the face smilies/icon_sad.gif

I can't say that I'm surprised, but I'm still very disappointed. Earlier in the conversation I brought up that it was interesting how media embraced white queerness and it'd be interesting to see how media and fans react seeing a black gay couple on this coming season of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood. Rob said that he didn't really identify with the whole gay thing so a lot of that doesn't really phase him as much. Recalling that remark I later asked.

"Once you find a partner that you deem worthy to live your life with, would you be okay introducing him to your family?"

...and I was sure to leave myself out of it and highlight "worthy" since he made it painstakingly clear that I wasn't worthy of being his partner.

Long story short, his answer was that he would have to ease his family into it because they're very "masculine" and rough around the edges. I said he's equating masculinity with aggression when the two aren't always the same but I didn't want to get into another conversation about gender roles.

So yep, I felt like s**t. It didn't help earlier this wek Rob blew up on me about coming home late (around midnight) and not calling him (although I texted him that I was at Meredith's at 8:22pm and if he wanted me to come home then he should've said so). He was kind of upset when I got in and yelled at me the next morning on the phone about me being a smut and nasty and having trains ran on me and whatever. He also commented that he Facetimes Demario four times a day and doesn't do it with me because apparently I'm hiding something.

Well....1) I'm not really into Facetime like that. My sister loves it, I semi-attack for always Facetiming me because I'm always ugly and 2) I see and experience your face everyday...what do I need to Facetime you for.

That and Facetime takes so much more energy and awareness that just speaking on the phone. smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif

I was pissed that 1) Demario is still a thing, especially when he said the other day when I raised the issue that he was just a friend that was calling him about his car but apparently 2) they're communicating everyday....which is annoying. Side note...Demario texted Marlon while he was in town...apparently they used to mess a few years ago. Womp.

If you want to be with Demario, go be with him. But it also pisses me off that you're lining someone up on the side so that when you finally are done with me you have a rebound, but I don't have the same because I'm distancing myself from people like that for you. A lot of double standards...a lot of fuked up s**t.

Anywayyyyyyy...yeah. Long story short...My self-esteem is kind of low and I'm starting to feel like I'm not worthy, which was never a predicament that I wanted to be in. I might be able to elaborate on that a little later.

Yeah...I'm kind of at a loss for words because...soo many things are going through my head about all this. But I'm sure it's not over. He's on his way here right now, which leads me to think....

Should we talk about this most recent blowup? I really want to...or...I want to iron out this London trip.

Btw, I bought a plane ticket to London yesterday for $700 from Philadelphia. I bought direct from Delta so I have until 11pm tonight to cancel it with a full refund. I'm trying to get Rob to go with me for his 41st birthday. smilies/icon_3nodding.gif Not exactly sure how he'll feel since he's more of a sunny, beachy kind of guy and I'm more of a let's fly to Europe and experience the city...kind of guy smilies/icon_sweatdrop.gif

We'll see. He's on his way over here now so hopefully we can iron it out.

More to come later...maybe I'll talk about my MOD weekend. smilies/icon_whee.gif

Love smilies/icon_heart.gif

Ryo

Mood: Blech smilies/icon_xp.gif
Music: "Worth It" - Fifth Harmony featuring Kid Ink from Reflection


Mr. & Mrs. Davis - Kayla's Wedding!

Side note: I'm not sure how much of a "Random Act of Kindness" fixing my bike was. I know that he has been using it for someone else. I almost would prefer that he just ask, "Hey, is that your bike downstairs? Would you mind if I fix the tire and use it on occasion for my friend?" But whatever smilies/icon_sweatdrop.gif

Anyway, my good friend Kayla got married last weekend....and I'm just writing about it smilies/icon_sweatdrop.gif

At first, I was thinking about writing elaborately about it because quite a few thoughts and emotions were running through my mind, but I figured that it wasn't really worth it.

I woke up a little later, and lagged leaving the house so I missed the ceremony. Ryan missed most of it too but caught more of it than I did. We were texting back and forth that morning to see who would arrive first. The Wedding happened at a location in Mitchellville, MD outside of Bowie. When I arrived at 11:45am (the wedding started at 11am...on time) and caught the tail end I saw that everyone was sitting outside. No shade, but it was a good 85 degrees and the sun was beaming. That mixed with everyone in their good Sunday clothes equaled a lot of heat and sweat...and for that...I'm rather glad that I missed the ceremony. I caught Kayla as the ceremony finished and everyone went back into the mansion then caught up with Ryan and went on a field trip to Target to get Kayla a card. Between us, we got her two cards and $110 in cash.

The reception was cute, pretty standard wedding reception stuff. We took group photos of the Temple Crew, John's ECU crew, the WHS crew, etc. The food was pretty good. Kayla's mother remains a bundle of love. I admit I was feeling rather anxious because I hadn't seen or spoke to many of these folks in ages, but everything was kept fairly cute and we all had a great time. Apparently, Antoine texted Marlon that he saw me...Marlon hit me on the FB chat (which I was conversing with all of my friends on) that Antoine texted him and after that I decided that I was just going to go over and say hi smilies/icon_sweatdrop.gif

There was no open bar.....actually no bar at all smilies/icon_gonk.gif ...which I find weird because now that I think about it...the invitation said that an "adult" reception was to follow. By "adult" I assumed there would be drinks, but there were just mimosas smilies/icon_xp.gif

After the send off (Kayla and John left the wedding to go straight to their honeymoon), we all departed and Ryan made me go straight to the bar. We were going to go to Nellies but it was dead so we went to another Mexican bar around the corner for Happy Hour where Marlon, Dion, and others met us. Marlon was being very anti and "I hate everyone" so he went across the street to a juice bar and we reconvened afterward. I had three or four drinks for happy hour and Ryan and I caught up and Dion and I raved about Queen Mariah. As it turns out, Ryan has been traveling all summer because he had no job or rent. Not sure how he was traveling without a job...but that's none of my business....Ryan actually is pretty good with money so I will give him that.

After the bar, I dropped Ryan off at his car (which was a few blocks away) and Marlon and I went to Omar's to see him and Leo. We went to Chickfila and pretty much just hung out and chatted. Terry and Antoine (whom I saw and conversed with at the reception) stopped by and added their element to our gathering and we had a pretty lengthy conversation about religion. I really got to experience Antoine and delve into him as a person throughout the day. I really didn't know how gay he was, especially after that one time seeing him a few years ago earlier in their relationship, but it was refreshing to see his growth and him coming out of his apparent shell from back then.

It was getting late and I was getting tired as hell. I had plans on going to see my dad, brother, and sister but I was just exhausted. I slept over Omar's and left his house around 7am-ish to go see them. I hung out with them for a bit and talked to Dad before I left. I always feel bad giving such a small amount of time to my family but I justified it by determining that around my friends I feel like I can be more of myself without any real pushback...around my family it isn't really the same feeling...and I'm a little too old to be feeling uncomfortable in my skin for any reason.

Some of that anxiety might have been present at the wedding too. High school didn't completely suck but I'm just glad it's over. A lot of pain, insecurity, and heartache happened then and it was hard not to relive some of that in that setting.

I got back home to PHL around 3 or 4pm and that was my weekend. I still...to this day...have not attended a wedding in my adult life. It reminded me of last year when we went to Rob's cousin's wedding and missed the ceremony but caught the reception and open bar smilies/icon_blaugh.gif That was a fun one...that was actually a fun weekend.

#flashback - Rob and I had been having a dispute that fourth of July in 2014...but he randomly called me the next day and asked if I wanted to go to see Bey and Jay on their #OTR tour. We went on his motorcycle to Citizens Bank Park and saw a great show. The next day we decided last minute to head to New York for the wedding. One of our better memories if I do say so myself smilies/icon_3nodding.gif

Welp...until the next wedding lol Met Kyara and her now husband...The Cheeks'...and met married Terry and Antoine for the first time after not being invited to their wedding. I didn't bring any of that up and just said Congrats. Terry greeted me with a poke on my head saying that he didn't know I was going to be here and I'm "incognito". Tuh...You don't care smilies/icon_talk2hand.gif smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif

Tbh, I was pleasantly, but happily surprised that I was invited to Kayla's wedding. I was at a table with half Temple folk, including Faye <3 (which whom I caught up with, she's having a great time working for Amtrak), and half of John's ECU folk. Ryan and I felt that she gave us a bad table, but whatevs...again. smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif

All-in-all, all is good. Just a had a busy week that I shall write about soon. I was MOD this weekend. And Rob's trying to kick me out of his house, presumably because he feels some kind of way that I complained about the house and how he lives. Moreso on how he lives is what my complaint was about...but he's been trying to get me out since then. More heavily after Marlon came and stayed with me...so I'm working through that.

But that's all.

Love.

Ryo smilies/icon_heart.gif

Mood: Decent
Music: "Fourth of July" - Mariah Carey from Butterfly
Music(2): "Reflections (Care Enough)" - Mariah Carey from Glitter


Ryonosuke
Community Member
Ryonosuke
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