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Ryo's Travels
My life & journey through MY eyes.
NYC Pride & Pride Flag Drama
Yo, I've been meaning to write this post for quite some time and I'm just now getting to it crying

Long story short, to commemorate National Pride Month (June in the U.S.) - the city of Philadelphia adopted a new Pride Flag with an addition of a brown and black stripe at the top. These additional stripes was a visual representation that black and brown LGBT individuals were loved and appreciated despite the rampant racism that occurs in LGBT spaces.

Many of these stemmed from several incidents that happened in the city over the past year, the most notable being the owner of iCandy being caught on tape calling black people "Niggers" and then admitting that he actually said it and apologizing.

This proceeded to be picked up by news outlets nationwide and the amount of backlash was insanely disgusting...and it hurt me to my core.

And it wasn't as much of the white and light-skint latinos bashing it (that was also concerning) but it was a lot of black people also bashing it, which blew my mind.

The city of Philadelphia created a visual representation to stand in solidarity with black and latino homos and recognize their hurt, then pain and the invisibility that we feel because of the color of our skin and you have ungrateful a** fags saying, "They're doing too muchhhhh, this is stupidddd." but will also call out racism and discrimination when they get rejected entry into a club or swerved by someone who only likes white gays.

It's just sad that a simple image of inclusion gets homos in a tizzy. They act as if the Pride flag is some sacred artifact that can't be changed and is meant to include everyone. Well bixch, if that's the case then white wouldn't the standard of beauty for all things LGBT related. You wouldn't have promoters asking the designer to change the image on a flyer from a gorgeous black man to "a hot white guy". The examples are endless and I don't feel the need to get into it.

Intersectionality is the word of the day here, and it's something that many LGBT people of color struggle with on the daily...especially black folk.

Intersectionality (n.) - the interconnected nature of social categorizations such as race, class, and gender as they apply to a given individual or group, regarded as creating overlapping and interdependent systems of discrimination or disadvantage.

It's a unique conundrum. Neither here, nor there...yet always somewhat out of place everywhere. I am black. My skin is dark brown. That is something I can't escape nor hide while maneuvering through society...I can only love and embrace it. I am also gay, something that I can hide, but usually try not to...but the two identifies often clash as it's still rather taboo in the black community to be gay. Blame societal norms and the hypermasculine, oversexualized images that society plasters of black men dating back to slavery. It's often hard for me to fully get behind black issues knowing that many of the brothers and sisters I am fighting for, wouldn't even look my way.

All of the victims of police brutality...how did they feel about gay people in general? Very valid question. But in making it less about them and more about the overarching problem, police using excessive force disproportionally against people of color, that's what makes it relatable in that this can happen to someone I love, or even myself eek This is why we rally against it!

Alas, the proper response for these people should have been: "Wow, I didn't know there were people that feel this way. I don't like that black and brown people feel this way, I'll continue to be inclusive and loving to all people which is what we all should be doing. Fight on!"

Anyway...I leave this topic with the following thoughts:

1) The Pride flag has been altered over and over again (for Gay Jews, for bisexuals, for trans people, for the AIDS crisis), but rioting over the inclusion of black and brown people demonstrate that YOU'RE the problem.
2) Black people against this: Don't be fooled by the white notion that "The flag was meant for everyone and there are many people that face discrimination" bullshit. Representation matters and visibility is ******** key. We got people saying s**t like "I don't date black men" disguised as a ******** preference. That is RACISM. Even though I prefer black men, I would never say or NOT date a white man because he's white. At the end of the day, it's all about the connection and we ALL know that transcends skin color
3) ONE CITY wanted to stand in solidarity with a group of people that is often overlooked. This did NOT change the international rainbow flag symbol. The fact that people across the nation got pissed off shows that we have a legit problem.
4) Black Lives Matter has NOTHING to do with this, yet it's core message does have some crossover. There were many people saying that BLM were terroristic and problematic without knowing the true root of the movement or that one of the faces of the movement is a Gay Black Man. Idiots.

This is exactly why I can't fully get behind gay issues either knowing that LGBT rights is pushed by white people for white people. Again, intersectionality matters, which is why when Pulse happened it hurt me to my core and I was fuked up emotionally for weeks because it was almost 50 black and brown LGBT youth that were killed. crying

We clearly still have a long fight ahead.

wahmbulance NYC PRIDE wahmbulance

I had the bright idea to take my youngest sister up to NYC for the pride celebration for her birthday weekend. The idea came about when my other sister and I went to NMAAHC and she was all excited thinking we were at the Pride parade. Womp rolleyes

Bad, Bad, Bad Thoughts

When I'm with you all I get is bad thoughts...

A cheeky play-on-words inspired by the song of the summer. I've been really going through it lately, as I realize that oftentimes my thoughts are drenched in emotional negativity. So much so that I've frequently found it necessary to stop thinking and either a) play some music to occupy my mind or b) verbally tell myself that I need to stop thinking like that.

I think a lot of it is rooted in a) social media -- I spend way too much time on it still and I guess I still can't wrap my mind around the popularity of regular a** people that aren't really doing s**t that goes above and beyond. and b) being frustrated and let down over what I view as a mediocre life.

I can tell you that much of this, honestly, came up after Rob had his surgery and couldn't work. Like I have said multiple times...I do not mind him not working or changing his bandages or him or being hurt or any of that. My frustration is him not bringing in any revenue and he not having any type of career plan at 42 years old. I found myself saying to myself..."My man is 42 years old, can barely read and has no real career goals..." ....and that aches stressed

Part of me wishes he'd just get back into Transportation Logistics. The transportation field is a huge one with several different directions. I'm a fan of having a job to pay your bills and working on the side jawn with your extra hours. Him toting around this water ice idea is very lackluster to me...but I also don't want to put down any of his ideas. I mean, while Michelle was a lawyers, she met her husband, President Barack Obama, while he was an intern at that same law firm.

BUT EVEN STILL, I could totally see it if Rob was 32, could read and write well...and ideally bringing home a disability check from his job and wanted to try out entreprenuership...but my gawd...he's just so far behind and to not bring home any money...I see it being especially difficult to rebuild. I find myself trying to reiterate how important it is that he beats this dyslexia thing. White people can not know how to read or write and be successful, black people don't stand a chance. I saw him struggling to pronounce "Meddler" the other day, which made me realize that this truly needs to be a priority.

That and I'm not getting a ton of positive reinforcement or messaging my way...which is tough. I mean...when I was walking through the little tunnel that takes you from the plane to the terminal yesterday, there were ads by HSBC pretty much encouraging folks to reach for the stars and the ads really resonated with me. I want to see more of that in our bedroom and I should read more of those books on the regular, to be honest.

Anyway, I really need to take a serious hiatus from social. I really need to find a way to generate additional income, I need to get these google certifications, I need to get a new job and I really need to get these fitness goals on. The only thing is, unfortunately, the fitness goals aren't as high on the list as I feel they should be because a) working out is NOT a stress reliever for me...it's a total lifestyle shift and honestly ends up taking up most of my time between the eating, the gym and sleeping. With a 9-5 and a decent work out schedule, there really isn't time to do much else since I'd have to be in bed by a certain earlier time to get enough rest for a decent workout. I kind of put it to the side until I have enough income to hire a personal trainer xp

I just need to figure it out.

Alas, I'm in Miami for the weekend. Got here yesterday morning, flight lands back home tomorrow morning. More to come on that laters. There's still a few other things I need to work on while I'm down here.

I just gotta get rid of these bad thoughts...by any means necessary. Rob's noticing a shift in my mood and I start to feel even worse when I realize that I'm really not being a great partner. crying

Love heart


Mood: Bleh whee
Music: "Wild Thoughts" - DJ Khaled featuring Rhianna and Bryson Tiller from Grateful
Music (2): "Interlude: Dad Was Mad" - Solage from A Seat at the Table


So....not much has changed from the last post 3nodding

Except that my credit score has plummetted 60 points from last month. So stressful. And with that comes the realization that I haven't gotten closer to completing a single goal of mine which I believe revolved around fitness, credit and making additional income.

Well, I almost have my Google Analytics Certification, I just have to take the exam, which I feel ready for. And I have a call tomorrow with GlobalDreamBuilders. That webinar that was introduced to me by Mike Vestil to see what they have to say. I finally got a chance to watch and take notes on the webinar, but it seemed like it was mostly a gateway to sell their services so of course I'm mad skeptical. talk2hand

Alas, Rob has his surgery and has been home for the past week or two. Since his job barely offered health insurance and definitely didn't offer disability, he's not bringing in any income - which is a bit stressful for me because the whole reason why I moved in was to get my financial life together rather expediently (pay off credit card, catch up on student loans and have a least $1,000 in savings) which I was definitely on track to do by the end of the summer. But now I'm sitting here...by next week i'll be back up to 2K on my credit card with no real plan on how to get it down to zero any time soon. I

I realized that the weekend with my sisters actually set me back quite a bit, I spend a few hundred dollars combined with a few other purchases that I didn't really need to make. So after this Miami trip, I despearately need to HIBERNATE. No trips, no big spends, no nothing. Small. s**t. Only. House functions ONLY. Etc Etc.

I have to get back on track with my bills. I also need to really put in the research to figure out ways to build my skills and generate more income.

I swear I'm not mad that Rob can't work, I just want him to be okay. I am a little put off by his plan though. Talking about opening a water ice shop in Florida. That idea...although feasible...just sounds dumb. It's one thing if he has friends and partners that are very successful in building businesses that are kind of walking him through the process, but I'm just not sure that's the case. I'd rather him learn to read and write properly first and go from there.

I was feeling rather sunken yesterday while I was taking the matress and Lena's stuff to Tara's house. I couldn't stop feeling so disappointed in myself for how my life had turned out up to that point. I think I'm most frustrated that I feel entirely too young to be dealing with this. Too young to have to support a grown a** man that can't read or write or have the sense to get a job with decent benefits. Too young to be stressing about finding and financing long-term care for an old man with dementia. Too young to not be thriving and focusing exclusively on me. Which then led me to think that mayble relationships truly weren't for me at this point, especially understanding how much effort that I really need to put into myself to live the life that EYE want to live.

I had a really random though this morning on my uber ride into work.

I really miss friendship...

That genuine happy feeling that you get when you're with your friends. That feeling that you can be completely open and honest about anything you're going through and they will care and surround you with a ton of love. All that s**t. I feel like I'm severely lacking that....but that's just a side note.

My thoughts are getting more random but I think I covered the gist of it. I really need to carve out a good hour to make calls about getting daddy in a home. I need to take this GAIQ exam and get it over with. I need to check out Mike V's emails to see what he's talking about. I need to apply for jobs and follow up with UO on Wednesday...and above all I need to get in bed at a decent hour. neutral

Oh...and I still need to write about our Pride trip to NYC and the Philly pride flag.

And before I leave work today, I need to complete social, send these photos off and clear some of these emails out.

More to come.

Love heart


Mood: I'm Okay sweatdrop
Music: "Be Okay" - Chrisette Michele from I Am

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