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*blinks in the light* Wow. It's been a while since I've been back here. For those of you that don't know, it's because I bought a PS2 back in April, along with Final Fantasy's VIII, IX, X, and X-2. I started off with VIII, but got frustrated and switched over to X. I've spent almost ever spare minute of my time playing it.

And tonight, I beat it. I finally beat it. It took about six hours, but I eventually beat Braska's Final Aeon, and after that, it was easy. Then I got to watch the fantasic ending. What makes it even more fantasic is the fact that even though I knew what was going to happen, I still cried. Maybe I'm just a sap like that. I don't know, and I don't care. All I know is, it was incredible.

Next comes X-2! W00t! biggrin heart

This is...strange. Tis a very strange place I'm in at the moment. One of my friends, someone I've come to see as one of my best friends, is really mad at me. The sad part is I don't really understand why. I know that a girl at her school upset her, and I apparently said something that sounded like I was supporting the other girl. Then, when I tried to say something to make her feel better, that just made her feel worse.

Now I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, wondering what I should go about doing. Should I apologize? Should I stay quiet? I decided to try and apologize, and then had an even worse bout of nervousness afterwards. The idea that was running through my head was something like, "Oh my God no. Now I'm just bugging her! I'm making it worse!!!"

See, I've only been here once before, and I didn't even know it at the time. In the fifth grade, my best friend Corey started hating me. I didn't know why, but I assumed it was because he wanted to go hang out with his new friends. I wasn't over that even three years later. I soon found out that apparently I'd insulted him somewhere along the line and hurt his feelings, so he stopped talking to me. That blew me away when I heard that.

This time however, I know that I've dug my own grave. The problem is, I don't know how deep the hole is. Two feet? Six? Am I in China now?

The worst part of it all is when I realize my problem all over again, which is usually in Social Studies (no idea why). I suddenly start thinking about it, and I can't focus anymore. Another time when it happens when I get home and I check Yahoo to see if she's on. She never is. *sighs*

Another problem is that, like I said, this is something basically new to me. On a regular day, people usually don't get angry at me. Annoyed sure. I'm an annoying person after all. However, they never get mad at me. If they do, I usually hid behind something until they calm down. Either that, or I drop to my knees, apologize profusely, and then won't talk for several hours. Unfortunately, neither of those seems appropriate here.

I have gotten to talk to her a little though. She emailed me and told me she's still mad at me. Not too reassuring, but she's talking to me at least. That's something. Also, she commented on my last journal entry too. She still said she was mad at me, but for some reason it gave me hope she might forgive me sooner or later. *salutes* Thanks for thinking of me Em.

...Canon assigns yet another speech. crying A Health speech (passed), a Speech speech (by some miracle of God passed), and now an English speech, all in two weeks. *sighs* Well, it'll be easy, so I can't complain.

Oh, and sorry if I seemed whiny in my last journal about the whole "more B's than A's" thing. A friend pointed it out to be how silly it sounded, though in not so many words (To quote her, "...................................................go jam a squirrel up your a**." wink

*shrugs* I just expect better from myself is all. Also, from what my uncle has told me, I need straight A's to get into a good collage. Since he's the only person in my family who's gone to collage, I trust what he says. Then again, everyone else is backing him up, even people who don't know him, so I can't exactly agree with anyone else. O_o

Edit: Hooray! Nausica: Valley of the Wind is going to be in theaters this summer! Yeah!

I've been wanting to write a journal entry so bad lately, but I haven't had the time to. Stupid Homework! Not only did I have an expository speech on censorship to worry about, but also a social studies test on communist Russia, a 100-point speech for Health on basketball (which I still haven't done by the way), a Health test, and a 100-point paper for English on the Odyssey. Add that to regular homework, progress report with more B's than A's (problem, just so you know), and the fact that my prop disappeared this morning and I've never felt so slammed in my life. Plus, Murphy's law decided that on the day of my speech, I'd get my sweater caught in the belt-sander when I was working in the woodshop. Lovely right?

Well, it's Friday and most of that is over with now.

I didn't do so great on my speech, since I stuttered and paused too much. Adding to that, I went 12 seconds over the time limit and didn't get to finish. *sighs* And it was a good ending too. Still, I got a 44, which was a B+, so I guess I can't complain.

Thanks to doing the extra credit review, I actually did well on the Social Studies test, believe it or not. Not to mention I got in a good few points of extra credit.

I wasn't so sure about my Health test, which I definately wasn't prepared for. Thankfully, I can make it up later. Thank you mucho Kuka. blaugh My speech is yet to be written, but it isn't due until Wednesday. Plus, I still have to talk to my partner, so I can't do much until I can talk to him.

My Odyssey paper is sitting, lovely and completed, on my computer desktop as I speak. It's clinical, that's for sure, but that's what Canon asked for. I feel bad for him, having to read 108 clinical essay papers. sweatdrop

All my regular homework got turned in, and my folder feels decently lighter now.

I explained to my mom why I had mostly B's, and that I would be able to get them back up, so she didn't get worked-up.

My prop turned up in McMann's shop, thank God. I'm almost done, and I do not want to start over this close to Sakura-con.

And lastly, by some miracle, my woodshop teacher got my sweater out of the sander with minimal damage. I could have worn it that day if it weren't so dirty and covered in wood chips.

Also, on a sidenote, my hockey team is in the lead in our little championship tournament thingy. W00t! *waves little flag around*

Also, I get to see Nicky tommorrow, which will be mucho fun. The three day weekend will be a great break for me. sweatdrop

*sighs* So...how was your week?

*claps hands together* Well, today is The Big Update day. It was supposed to be yesterday, Saturday, but I didn't get anything updated before midnight. So, today, Sunday, became the day.

I finished three multi-chapter fics:

Layers of the Soul (Rurouni Kenshin, mystery and angst, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2133901/1/)

All Things Fade with Time (Inuyasha, mystery and romance, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1669665/1/)

Left in the Dark (Digimon, tragedy and romance, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1485290/1/)

Updated one songfic:

My Worst Fear (Inuyasha, angst and romance, written to the song "My Worst Fear" by Rascal Flatts, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2006476/1/)

And added three new songfics:

Sake Lullaby (Inuyasha, tragedy and romance, written to the song, "Whiskey Lullaby" by Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2283266/1/)

What If I Said? (Inuyasha, romance, written to the song "What If I Said" by Steve Wariner and Anita Cochran, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2283266/1/)

It's Getting Better All the Time (Fruits Basket, angst and romance, written to the song "It's Getting Better All the Time" by Brooks and Dunn, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2283256/1/)

...Yeah...I've been quite a busy bee the last few weeks. It's scary to see my documents folder so...clean. It's completely void of all the little notes to myself about my fics, and my various fics and chapters scattered about. It's almost scary.

Also, I just realized something about my three multi-chapter fics: They all have OC's in them. eek

I knew that Layers of the Soul had one, but I seriously did not take into account the OC's in my other two fics. I just randomly thought to myself, "Wait a minute...the other two have OC's too!" I think the problem was that those two-Hikyuu and Sato- played the not-seen-too-much villian, while the one from Layers-Kazue- had a much bigger part.

Oh, and finally, sorry for the shameless plugging, but like every other fanfic writer, I'm dying for some readership and reviews. sweatdrop blaugh

Oh, and P.S., I finally got that siggy finished. How do you like it?

Yes, I've found myself craving fanfics from a slightly...ignored couple to say the least. Everyone knows Saito from Rurouni Kenshin, but how many of you can recall his wife? Her name is Tokio, and for some reason, lately I've been obsessed with finding fics of the Tokio x Saito pairing.

I'm not sure what's drawing me to it...maybe it's the idea that Saito has the capacity to love. It is a very foreign theory after all. Of course, it could have been a politically baised marriage, for most of the fics I've found so far claim that Tokio is the daughter of a politician. But still, you never know. Also, since the relationship is set in stone, we know it's canon, which means that it's not just a fangirls wishful thinking (*cough*SaitoxSano*cough*).

What do you guys think? Am I just crazy, or am I on to something here?

Well, despite getting a lot of work, today was pretty good. I'm getting over my cold for one. I should be over it by tommorrow. My mom figured out how I can take my driver's ed. lessons and still go to Sakura con. That was pretty cool. Also, thanks to her, my costume is coming along great. She's done so much work on it. Thanks Mommy! I luv you! 3nodding heart Also, production on the Hiraikotsu for my costume has started again. Hopefully I can have it done soon.

Now, if you fear the emotional rantings of a fifteen-year-old girl, I suggest skipping this part (it's not about boys, I assure you. xp )
Has anyone ever seen that show "Extreme Makeover-Home Edition"? If you haven't it's a show where these builders find people who really need to have a house built for them. There was one family they did a while before that needed a special house built because their daughter was allergic to sunlight. They go around and do that sort of thing. It really is a wonderful show. It makes you really choked up. crying

Anyway, the one that was on today had this family whose house had a big problem. Whenever it rained, raw sewage would pour into their basement and they would have to get up, no matter what time it was, and dig it out.

These guys came along, completely fixed the problem and built them a bigger, nicer house and made the dad an office so he wouldn't have to leave his family to go to work and they gave the family enough money to pay for the kids' collage and they donated $50,000 to the local homeless shelter in the name of their deceased son. It was really heartwarming.

After watching that show, it made me think about what I had. I know it sounds cheesy, but that's what I did. I started feeling bad, because I went without thanking my parents for what they've given me- food on my plate, a roof over my head, a bed to sleep on, everything. On top of that, they do everything to make sure I'm happy.

This flashback even went back as far as my birth, and my adoption. If my parents and my family hadn't decided they wanted a kid, and they hadn't decided to love me and take care of me, who knows where I'd be. I might have been one of the kids on the "stop abortion" posters.

After thinking all this, I felt really bad. See, I was raised in a way that you always repaid your favors. Mom would lend me money, I'd work to pay it back. If I wanted something, I would work to make the money for it. Basically, I was raised on the idea that you always pay people back.

Knowing this, you can understand my mindset. I've been living with these people for fifteen years. They've clothed me, they've fed me, they've sent me to school, the whole shibang. Plus, they've done everything in their power to keep me happy and make me a good person. They want to make sure I succeed in life. It's not just my parents either. My whole family does everything for me and is always behind it.

All my life, especially with my parents, it's been about me.

Because I know this, I can't help but think a few things. When is it time for what you want Mom? What about you Dad? You want a Harley, right? Stop paying for stuff for me and save for it! And grandma, when is it about you? You always spoil me, and you never think of yourself. Why? All I can give you guys is a thank you. That's not nearly enough.

I feel like I owe them something more than a thank you. Like...I owe them money. That's why I don't ask for an allowance. I do stuff around the house to pay for me living here. I hate to say it, but that really makes me shallow. I can't see beyond the concept of owing my family money for taking care of me. I guess there's a lot I have to learn.

What I really have trouble understanding is why they do it. I know the simple answer already. They love me. But...why? I'm just a spoiled brat who isn't thankful for what she has. I fight with my mom all the time and I always forget to say thank you. Yet, it's always about me and my happiness and my advancement. Because you love me. But what makes you want to love someone like me? What's so great about me?

*shifty eyes* Well, sorry about that. Gotta stop typing before I get caught still on the computer. sweatdrop

Ugh. I just got sick today, and it friggen sucks! The fever was particularly bad, and I had to bend over and scrunch myself together to keep warm. This is about the time Aaron started using me as an arm rest. eek

I did eventually make it home though, and I blasted the heater in my room. Even as I sit here, it is gently humming away.

Another bit of bad news, unfortunately. I was supposed to take the lessons for my driver's permit, and they said I'm not aloud to miss any of the lessons. Unfortunately, one of them is on the same day I leave for Sakura-con. gonk I'm going to look into it, and hopefully I can fix it.

However, one good thing did come out of this day. I learned the secret of how to cure a fever, at least for a while: asprin and a hot shower.

I swear, a hot shower when you have a fever borders orgasmic. blaugh j/k, j/k. domokun